or is this just me?

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Answers

It's just you. I mean, what, are you afraid they're gonna attack you with a machete or something?

Or did you mean the idea of babies? I don't see babies too often, actually, I see pre-babies a lot more often (pregnant women), and I always have to fight cringing whenever I do....

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Nope, it's not just you. Actually there are two versions of baby- fear: fear of all babies, and fear of your *own* babies.

All babies are scary when they're very little, because they can't hold their heads up, and when the parental units hand them over to you (and they *always* do), they say things like, "Now be sure to hold his head so his neck DOESN'T SNAP!" Shear terror.

Older babies, however, when they've learned to manage their own heads, aren't quite as scary and I will gladly hold them. They go back to the parental units as soon as they start to shriek or leak, however.

As for fear of one's own babies: well, I wouldn't describe my own attitude towards having one of my own as "fear." More like "no way, no how, not ever."

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I think you guys responded before you read the entry. Yeah, the fear comes from the head snapping and all, but do any of you feel like the babies watch you?

If you have a baby, has he or she mentioned me as some sort of leader or something?

Should I be fighting for baby justice or something?

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I have no interest whatsoever in making a baby, I am too immature to be a daddy to start with, plus I move about every 18 months, some times I think I can barely take care of myself. But.... Babies love me as do animals. They stare at me and smile and play games across resteraunts, on public transportation at house parties, even those that play shy will come and climb all over me. I like kids and I like to play so we get along, how they know I will play with them, listen to their stories laugh,tickle, be tickled, watch ants or birds, blow bubbles in my milk and sing little songs with them I will never know. But they seem to look at me and know I will play. I don't go to parks by myself cause kids will come and play with me. I think that it looks like I am a pedophile or something if my GF is not with me to talk with kids parents while I flop about in the sand box. Many of my friends have kids and they always see me with theirs and ask why I don't want to have any? I answer that I am not responsable enough to have kids full time. This has not stopped a few of them from asking if I would raise their kids should anything ever happen to them. I am afraid that while I can play and teach kids fun stuff that I am to much of a child inside to be able to raise them start to finish.

I am afraid of babies cause they are little bundles of concentrated love.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

When I was 18, I had seriously long hair. Down past my waist long. And babies loved it. My friend had a son who was just learning to walk, and he ran squealing across the room to tangle his little fists up into my hair. I can safely say that I taught that kid how to run. I think it would be really cool if he became a hairdresser.

Wow, that kid's seven now.

Anyway, babies love me. I don't know why, but they love looking at me and staring into my soul. I can almost hear an internal monologue, a la Look Who's Talking. But, the thing is, I love babies, too. I love holding and cuddling them, and I love it when they get a little older and you can play with them. I have spent hours goofing off with babies and being totally silly. I miss the fact tht none of my friends have one right now.

But would I have one of my own? Yeah, but not right now. I have enough with the cat. Trust me, it's enough.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I'm always unnerved my babies -- and small children in general. They stare at me, I don't know what to do with them, and they're unpredictable. Little babies are okay -- if they stare, it's easy enough to make them laugh. Little kids, though, freak me out. You never know what they're going to say, or when they're going to pitch a fit. i always have the vague impression that they're thinking I'm a big loser.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I like little babies. They stop being cute after about a yaer, though. Babies do NOT like me. They cry, scream, throw things, or puke whenever I get near them. It's mutual fear.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I had to babysit a lot as a teen and was always incredibly nervous about it. I thought they were going to choke or have a breakdown or something. So, the kids weren't that drawn to me. I was sort of a satelite. Now that I don't care, kids think I'm some sort of playmate. But, I'm not. Kid talk stresses me out. I think kids are great, I just don't want to be around them. At all, really. But they can't get enough of me now. People will be like,"Look at how much he likes you!" But really, I just want their respect. The respect of babies.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Oh man. I love babies.

I refuse to have children, but the little blighters don't make it easy. I think growing up as the eldest of five children and fifteen cousins pretty much meant that I was designated babysitter from the age of five. My first memory of holding a baby was when I was three and my newborn cousin fell off the couch and landed in my lap when the adults were in the other room. My mother returned to find me very carefully cradling her, with my eyes like saucers. "She fell off the couch, Mommy, I didn't pick her up." I don't think my mom believed me, but I remember it very clearly.

I've worked as a nanny, and kids on buses and in public just seem to gravitate towards me. I rarely get frustrated with kids - they just make sense to me. I can tolerate quite a lot coming from a child.

But I refuse to have one. I know how much time and energy they take, and man, I don't want it. I like other people's kids. My mother is going to have to find someone else to give her grandbabies.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I used to be afraid of babies. I once went to the house of my then boyfriends friends who had just had a baby and it was there and all red and small and so unprotected ( vulnerable ) and i just freaked out. Perhaps it also had to do with the fact that my then boyfriend was giving me kind of " why don't we have a baby" looks and/but i knew what a jerk he was and if i was to have a baby with him i would be chained to the kitchen sink forever and always crying and loveless...

It just struck me that time how helpless and dependent a baby is on you for everything! It actually looked like a big worm or maggot or something that would just suck the life out of you! In retrospect, this was probably a reflection of how i was feeling about life and my relationship at the time.

I have since moved on to being more open to babies and have had lots of really positive experiences with children working in my (other) ex- boyfriends kindergarden. I now know that i will have babies one day and will get fully used to the idea one day...

I believe it will be challenging but joyful.

For now i have my cat Petros. He is a lot easier to take care of for the moment.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Have no fear, Pamie, you are definitely not the only one afraid of babies. They are actually one of few things that consistently freak me out. For me its their parasitical nature that does it. I mean, there's this growing thing inside that slurps nutrients and ominously extends your belly for nine months, only to force itself through an absurdly small opening. Ewwww. Pregnant women make me all squirky inside.

And you know how everyone thinks babies are so cute? I'm convinced that is a purely instinctual mechanism, put in place to keep us from abandoning our poopy crying spawn. I read somewhere that things with heads that are proportionately larger than their bodies set off a instinctively protective response in us. That explains the popularity of both Mickey Mouse AND babies. Well, I refuse to submit to instinct. Babies are ugly, damnit!

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Uh, Pamie, I don't want to scare you or anything, but when I worked at a day care center, sometimes all the toddlers would wander off into the corner alone, and we'd have to go break that shit up (because you can't have toddlers plotting, you know), and sometimes I'd hear them talking about someone or something they called "the squishy one." They kept talking about the "coming of She Whose Science is Too Tight," shit like that. We figured it was just gibberish, so we'd double their Ritalin dosages and make them watch Mary Poppins all afternoon.

I'm just sayin'.

As for baby fear, no, I'm not really afraid of babies or little kids. Normal ones, anyway. I'm a little weird about holding newborns just because I haven't done it very often and I do have a tendency to drop things, but I'm not afraid of babies after about six months.

I'm afraid of Evil Children, though. I'm not afraid of having one -- I can't think of any Evil Children in my extended family, and I don't think Jeremy or his sister were Evil Children in the sense that I mean. I don't think I'd have one, but you never know.

If you don't know what I mean by Evil Children, ask someone who has ever worked in a daycare center, taught preschool, or done a lot of babysitting. I won't say there's one in every crowd, but there's one in at least every other crowd: the horrible little boy who pushes the girls down to make them cry, and when you tell him to go stand in the corner, he kicks you and tells you you're ugly. The wretched little girl who starts screaming, "She hit me! Miss Beth hit me!" when you tell her to stop talking or she won't get a cookie after naptime. The Evil Children. I'm scared of them.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Yeah, pamie, I posted to the forum before your entry was up.

Babies *do* watch me. Then I make faces at them, and they smile. Most of the time.

The babies I know haven't *mentioned* that you're any kind of leader or god to them or anything, but, then, I haven't asked (they'd probably have to kill me if they told me, anyway). :-)

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

i speak from experience...i have a baby. my very own wonderful little 7 week old poop machine. and im terrified of him..that im going to drop him, that im not feeding him enough, or too much, that hes too cold, too hot, that i wouldnt be able to tell if he was sick or not. i shouldnt make it sound all bad, parenting is rewarding, but probably not for the paranoid....

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Well, not to drag out a dead horse here, but I guess they're thinking, "my god... check out the forehead on that one..."

Don't worry. They stare at me, too. If I've got a beard, they're all, "what's with the hair on the bottom of your head? Is it on upside down, or are you just weird?" If I don't have a beard, it's like they're thinking, "when did he shave his beard off?"

Here's another important little social dynamic to remember: people who have babies tend to hang around with people who like babies, or else they don't have any friends, but that's not important right now. Anyway, if you're around babies, and there are a bunch of people there, if you express, in any way, possible opinions that perhaps babies aren't necessarily the coolest thing ever, you get lots and lots of hostile glares from all these people who used to be your friends.

Not that that's happened to me. I'm just sayin'.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I've always inspired staring in babies. I just attribute it to wearing glasses (babies are fascinated by glasses), but now that I've started wearing contacts I'll have to see if I'm still as interesting to the wee ones.

I used to be afraid of newborns (the whole floppy head thing), but no more. Part of it is being surrounded by babies these days. (Not literally. That would be too creepy.) My baby sister has got a 9 month old son, my younger brother has a 2 1/2 year old son and a 9 month old son (plus two preteen daughters), my other sister gave birth to her second daughter 2 weeks ago and my best friend is seven months pregnant. With so many babies in my life, it would be difficult to function with acute babyphobia.

Another reason I don't fear babies anymore: my biological clock has seriously gone off. I've been hitting the snooze button for the last three years, but I know it's only a matter of time before that damn alarm refuses to shut up. I'm not ready to have a child by any stretch of the imagination (not enough money and lack of a SO being the primary reasons), but that knowledge doesn't stop me from wanting one.

Just don't tell my family. I'll never hear the end of it.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Oh ditto on that biological clock finally waking up.

For the longest time I did not want a baby, or children whatsoever.

No baby for Mar, she hates kids. No! Get it away from me! I hate kids! They smell! They cost money! They're loud! Ew! Ick!

But in the past six months or so the desire to have one eventually has become rather overwhelming. With two good friends having babies in close sucession to each other I'm experiencing baby overload. And when Karen posted her US last night and I saw that perfect little being I lost it.

I want one.

But not for at least another 7 years.

I'm still a baby myself.

- Mar -

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

No rush, Mar. I think your biological clock is already kicking in earlier than mine did. For the longest time I didn't want children either. Like, for my whole life up until very recently. I share a little of that Pamie-fear of babies... they're so *small* and I don't know what to do with them! I still fail to see the appeal of OPB (Other People's Babies), with rare exceptions. The exceptions are something amazing, though. When you connect with someone that little and they like you, it feels really good.

Once my baby's born, if I've got it on my lap while I'm at the computer, I'll make sure it doesn't make eye contact with any of the photos while I'm reading Squishy. I wouldn't want to make Pamie nervous knowing there's some strange tot out there staring her in the face. That's a tough crowd. Especially for a text medium. I'm just trying to be a considerate reader, here.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I've only ever held one baby. He was six months old and when he started crying, so did I. He went back to his daddy quickly. This was, oh, a little over a year ago. I'm 28. This in itself is scary.

So, yeah. I'm afraid of babies. I'm afraid of anything that still has a soft spot on its skull.

Anybody over 2 years old is cool by me. Unless, of course, it's mine.

Then I fear being that responsible for another living creature's life. No thanks.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

P, give it up. They've found you. You are like the Dali Lama to the babies. Or the Vampire Slayer. "Once...in every generation..."

They've been waiting. You are The One.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I do not fear babies. The babies, they fear me.

I just have that effect on little kids. They freak out if I am in close proximity to them. I never quite know how to react to it. It makes me feel like I'm somehow an Evil Entity and their little pure souls can't help but react to it. I didn't form this opinion until about the zillionth baby started shrieking when handed to me. My father, on the other hand, is like a Baby/Pet Mecca. Babies and animals just loooove the man and he honestly couldn't care less. I think that's what it is--they go for the nonchalant sort.

Now, once the child gets out of babyhood (say, about two years and up) that's when the little kids and I have fun. Apparently they are no longer able to sense my evilness and the kids that age really like me. I am also high up on the Totem Pole of Coolness for Toddlers because I have bright red hair.

Little kids are really, really amazed that my hair is orange. They just cannot get over it. I overheard (well, it was hard to overhear when the child was practically screaming) a three or four year old in the airport last week as I sat down a few aisles away:

kid: "LOOK AT HER HEAD!!" mom: "What's wrong with her head, dear?" kid: "Her head is ORANGE." mom: "Yes, her hair is orange, honey. She has red hair." kid: "But IT'S ORANGE!! What did she do to her head?"

And it went on a little while longer, while everyone else in the terminal was staring at my freakishly orange head. The kid was coloring through it all and I felt quite pleased when she announced that every person in the book was going to be colored with a big orange head. And orange shoes. And orange clothes. Apparently, I have opened up an entire new world of orange for this child.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Babies freak me out. Totally. I have absolutely no idea how to look after them so I avoid them at all costs. But the strange thing is they ALWAYS start a gigglathon when ever I happen to catch their gaze in supermarkets - without fail. I'm starting to believe that they can read my thoughts and discover that I'm just a big kid too. Or maybe they are just laughing AT me... whatever.

And toddlers can be scarey too. I had a friend with a 2yr old come round to my house the other day and I felt like she had put it in danger just for entering the place. Stupidly I offered lego for it to play with and the mum's like "oh... I don't think so... he'd probably swallow the pieces". I just sat there feeling like the worlds biggest child-fool.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Apologies ... I haven't read through all the other postings, so maybe someone has brought this up, but ... I, too, have known terror in the presence of babies, and children generally. And here's the thing ...

Most of the time what I am really afraid of are the parents. Babies, quite normally, pee and poop and drool and generally evacuate from every orifice and I really don't think it's a sign of anti-infant bias to respond with a, "Ugh!" But if you do you're seen as one of those poor souls who was born without an innate parenting instinct. But until you get to know the baby, who is simply a new person struggling with the outrage of life in the big whomping world, how else are you going to react? I mean, I say "Ugh!!!" when I pee and poop and and drool and evacuate from every orifice.

Or what about as they grow older and become children and set the cat on fire or put hamsters in the microwave? I want to take all the memory out of their computers and put my foot through the tube of their TV's and say, "From now on, you play with playing cards! And only playing cards! And it's boiled cauliflower with melted cheese on it for the next five weeks!" But you turn to Mom and Dad and they're chuckling and saying, "Well ain't she just the high-spirited little dickens." Meanwhile, grandma's in the trunk of the car, the garage door is closed, and the family sedan that came fully loaded is running.

Anyway. My terror is less of babies than of parents. And grandparents too, I suppose. (And has anyone notice how so many books for children are made so parents can put them attractively on the coffee table and not be embarrassed by big words they don't know? I mean, kids have growing brains. They can learn!!! It's the parents who can't!)

Sorry ... I seem to have touch some sort of nerve. I'll be quiet now.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I have to admit it. I love babies. I've always loved babies. My parents were pretty much AWOL when my siblings were little, so I got to take care of them all the time. I then went on to an illustrious career of babysitting and taking in other people's children. ((And small animals, but that's not really the point.))

In the last year or two, however, I've been struck with a total longing for one of my own. All my friends ((none of whom are over 23, I might add - I think that y'all are slow starters...)) are either pregnant or have kids. I feel so left out. Borrowing theirs all the time just isn't working for anyone. Now if I could just find a suitable father...

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

YES! i am terrified of children and even more frightened to have any of my own. i just spent two days at a suburban mall in the houston area ... coordinating an event for my PR firm ... and the majority of people populating a mall mid-day during the week are little babies being pushed in carriages of all shapes and sizes. when let out of said carriages, they run around terrorizing everyone and everything. it's amazing how some people expect shopkeepers and others to make sure their baby doesn't go head first into a fountain or vomit all over store merchandise. serious rude awakening!

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Terrified. But only of my own. I'm not one of those militants who goes around referring to anyone with a kid as a "breeder", but I'm 31 and I haven't had even one little teensy twinge of baby lust yet. Christ, I practically went nuts taking care of my cat for 3 months when he got sick. The gurgling. The fluids. The spills. The yakk. It was horrible. I would totally go crazy if I had a kid hanging off of me.

Other people's kids are just fine, although you won't see me begging to hold babies. I like 'em once they can walk and talk.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Afraid of babies? No.

Afraid of how much I want babies? Oh yeah.

Really afraid that I'll never be at a point in my life that is deemed -- by self and fiance -- "good" to have babies? Very definitely yes.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

I share my father's theory on breedlings : No real reataurants until they're 12. No public outings or real social functions.

When I was a kid, I was only allowed at McDonald's, because that's where people brought thier screamy, smelly, snotty creatures. Even though I was perfect in my father's eyes, he knew that I may not be perfect in the eyes of the woman at the grocery store who's fur coat I was petting with my sticky, boogery fingers. To me, it's a way of showing respect to the people around you. Go ahead and have babies, but don't inflict them on innocent bystanders.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

After raising all four of my little brothers starting from the time i was about 5 years old....I threw my biological clock against the wall and broke it. Babies and their easily breakable selves scaaaaaaaare me! And so do parents! 0_o <----look of fear

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Afraid of babies? No. Always loved babies and little kids. And they have always returned the feelings. I'm the geek in the corner with the kids at functions and parties having a ball. Oh, wait, I'm now the geek in the corner corraling my twins. Eeek.

I was terrified of my own children when they were brand new. I think the hormones had something to do with it. My husband and I joked that when the kidlets were born we would do our best "Raising Arizona" impression. You know what I'm talking about?

ED: (sobbing hysterically) I love him soooo much!! HI: (in a resigned tone) I know you do, honey. I know you do.

When the girls were a few days old, I was dripping tears on them and my husband asked what was wrong. The above came pouring out with just a change of personal pronoun. *That* is what is so terrifying about your own children. You do love them so much and so intensely and you are terrified that you will wreck them in some bizarre and unique way and then have to explain yourself on "Dateline" in fifteen years.

Oh, and the guy who said he fears babies' bodily functions? It's only natural that you would, having no children of your own. If you ever have a kid, you'll get over it quickly. Or go insane from the amount of poop that can come out of a 6 week old butt.

And pamie, be careful who you talk to if you ever do decide to have a wee one. When I was first pregnant, I was talking to a seven year old and mentioned that I was pregnant. She told me that she had twin baby brothers and I silently thanked my lucky stars that I wouldn't have to deal with twins. Found out the next week that I would indeed be dealing with two bundles of bodily functions. Steer clear of discussing unborn children with other children!

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

I'm like the Court Jester of Babyland or something. Babies love me. At all my nieces' christenings I was the only one who could make the babies smile. I crack them up no end and I don't even know why.

My older sister has four daughters and my younger sister is currently pregnant, so babies are a big feature of our family, but as I'm on the other side of the world from them all, I'm immune.

I love watching babies, but I don't often feel driven to actually hold them. So I place my baby-having moment at somewhere near the end of 2002. Maybe.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Babies love me. Well, especially toddlers, actually.

I don't really know what it is. The goatee, (sometimes) sideburns, the basic "take me to your leader" look? Anyway, I grow on them all. Even the cautious ones talk about me when I'm gone. That's Mr. Uncle Jonny to you, little buddy.

I haven't heard any of them talk about you, Pamie, but I'll get the secret outta their tight-lipped mouths!

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000

Babies....yes...well. Having been ambushed into motherhood by my husband.."Don't worry babe, I'm infertile". I was thrown into utter trepidation at the thought of having offspring. I still have nightmares about my first foray into babysitting where I looked after the 6-month old baby of our next-door-neighbours. Got there at 8pm, waved proud parents off at 8.05pm, called my mother at 8.15pm.."She won't stop crying....HELP ME!". Result? My mother went home at 10.30pm, neighbours arrived back at 10.35pm to find a screaming baby in my shaking arms. Needless to say I kept my distance until she hit the talking stage. But I digress, babies are sneaky and manipulative and they know the precise decibel range that oscillates your ear- drums at the maximum pain point without actually making them bleed. They change your life forever, some ways good and some ways bad, but they also show you all that is good in life and they make you happy. Or is that just the hormones? P.S. You know when they look at you in that calm, measuring way? They really are plotting the downfall of all those above 5ft tall, they just haven't worked out how to work the pureeing machine yet...Be afraid, be very afraid...

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

babies are scary. and no, i don't think they will suck my brain out of my nose or anything weird. anything that is breakable is scary, kittens, bunnies, delicate china, antiques, it could all be crushed in one swift movement. and babies know too much, they look at me and cry, proving that they can see that i am not parental material. i am fine with that, i am just afraid of breaking one.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

Y'all all crack me up.

Babies like to watch me too. And I like watching them back. I've wondered why they like to watch me. According to this forum, it may be due to two reasons: (1) I have glasses, (2) I have (fairly) red hair.

I'm not really eager to have any of my own any time soon.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2000

I am DEATHLY afraid of my four-year old... But that could be because he's out to kill me...

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2000