Please note that with the arrival of the new "Drive-thru" cash point machines customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

MALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to the cash machine.

2 Wind down your car window.

3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN

4 Enter amount of cash required

5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt

6 Wind up window

7 Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to cash machine

2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine

3 Re-start the stalled engine

4 Wind down the window

5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card

6 Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror

7 Attempt to insert card into machine

8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car

9 Insert card

10 Re-insert card the right way up

11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page

12 Enter PIN

13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN

14 Enter amount of cash required

15 Retrieve cash and receipt

16 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside

17 Place receipt in back of cheque book

18 Drive forwards 2 metres

19 Reverse back to cash machine

20 Retrieve card

21 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card in it

22 Restart stalled engine and drive off

23 Drive for 3 to 4 miles

24 Release hand brake

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Answers

How many cash machines can you drive up to and use while sitting in your car? Oh I get it your confusing cash machines with a Burger King Drive thru !! ;o)

You asked for that mate :o)

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Through, the word is through! I realise that we are no longer a World power, and that our stock is at quite a low with our peers, but the English language is ours, and I don't give a flying f**k if it's easier to spell things phonetically or Yankee Doodle Dandy decides that 3 of the letters in that English word are superfluous....it is our word and we will spell it however the Hell we like!

Bliddy foreigners, mutter grumble, be telling us to drive on the right next...:-)

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

I think I can class that as a bite from Softie....even if it was on a different subject. :o)

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Wash thaht? Hard to speaksh with thish bloody hook in my mouf...;-)

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Softie?

"Our" word? Most of the English language originated in France, a little bit came from Germany and the rest India, Japan and America and so forth. How many words did we invent for ourselves I wonder?

If "through" is one of the only words of which we can be truely proud, then it doesn't say much....

Another thing; this is cyberspace. Abbs. and acronyms are the standard.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Hey Jay........

bliddy typical woman's answer that was........if you hadn't been so preoccupied in doing your make-up in the mirror next to the PC and had actually read the posting then all would have been revealed.

The opening sentance of a joke normally outlines the track for the rest of the humourous aside, ergo, the give away line in this particular instance was the sector:

>>>>with the arrival of the new "Drive-thru" cash point machines<<<

.....and in that example, the words 'arrival' and 'new' are specific give aways to the rest of the story.

Mind you. I must agree with Softie, and had I read the joke instead of just cutting and pasting then I may have added the 'ogh' to the offensive word.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

OMG!

That joke had twenty-four punchlines, most of which were sexist might I point out.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

.....and your point is Gibbo?

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Gibbo writes:-

>>>>Most of the English language originated in France

Au contraire n'est-ce pas? (-;

Rowan Atkinson points out in his song "That's why I hate the French" that :-

"They even steal from us the words they lack Le weekend, le camping and cul-de-sac."

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

This would never happen in our well ordered household - I don't let Mr Jacko anywhere near the cash card or the car.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000