> Nicky's family move from Sunderland to Newcastle. On the first day of > Primary School, the Primary School teacher asks each student to count as > high as they can. Some students get to 20 but most get to about 10 But > Nicky gets all the way to 50 with no mistakes. That night Nicky tells his > dad how well he did. His dad says "That's because you're from Sunderland > son." The next day the teacher asks each student to recite the alphabet. > Most can only manage about half way, yet Nicky goes all the way to the > end. > That night he brags to dad how good he did. Dad explains again 'That's > because you're from Sunderland son.' The next day the students have a game > of > footie. Nicky doesn't do too well against the Newcastle kids, and he gets > knocked around a bit, but he is not that worried. In the shower later he > can't help but notice that he is a little better endowed than anyone else. > That night he boasts, 'Dad, mine is the biggest of anyone in my class. Is > that because I'm from Sunderland too dad?' asks Nicky. Dad shakes his head, > 'No son,' explains his dad, 'That's because you're 23'

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2000

Answers

A PROBLEM FOR JERRY SPRINGER TO SOLVE

Dear Jerry

I am a man aged 35 and come from a large family. My name may be familiar to you as my youngest brother plays football for Sunderland F.C. My oldest brother is unfortunately serving life in Broadmoor for multiple rape and driving whilst disqualified. My two sisters had their own business, The Erotic Visiting Massage Service, but give it up when they realised that they had lesbian tendencies towards each other.

My mother is a mentally retarded alcoholic and refuses to have anything to do with my father since she discovered he is a practising homosexual who has recently contracted AIDS. She is now pregnant by the Pakistan who owns the off-licence and the doctor says her heroin addiction may effect my unborn half-brother.

While inside, I have been writing to a nice girl my own age, an ex- prostitute with six children, two of which are half-caste and we plan to marry when I get out and her syphilis clears up.

Mr problem is, how can I bring myself to tell her about my brother playing for Sunderland?

Please help!

Yours Sincerely

S. M. B. Gray

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000