I may be wrong, but I'm sure my versions were a lot funnier than this >>THE SECRET DIARY OF PHIL NEVILLE Football 365
15 June 2000 - Charleroi

by 365 staff
GAWD help us. Not only is he looking set to play every England game for the next decade, you'll never guess what he's gone and done now. Only written a bleedin' Secret Diary. Busy fella, eh?

Well, obviously I was disappointed with the performance against Portugal, but the support I've been receiving has meant a great deal to me personally. Alex Ferguson was really kind to say I was the best left-back available - and I suppose in the absence of Roberto Carlos, he's got a point.

Obviously, we are not allowed to read the papers, watch the television or listen to the radio throughout the tournament - and my modem hasn't sufficient bandwith to receive the optimum downloads from the Information Superhighway. (Ha! Gareth Southgate told me to write that. Something to do with the new PlayStation, I think.)

Basically, we have been sheltered from the press a bit, although dad did manage to sneak through a report from the Bury Times that said I played a key part in the goals. He'd blacked out the rest, so there must have been nasty things written about Scholsey who, to be honest, didn't have his best game.

The gaffer and the gaffer have also both spoken to me in depth, pointing out that whatever the press say, I should stick to my natural game. I mean, what do they take me for? Some Big Time Charlie who's going to let continually world-class performances go to his head?!!? Never. Although I a little concerned that the more senior players have been acting funny around me since Monday I think they feel a bit threatened.

Must go now. Mr Keegan says he has something important to tell me about Saturday's game against Germany. I reckon I'll be asked to play sweeper and counter the threat of Jancker and Kirsten. I know I'm ready, whatever he asks me.<<

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2000

Answers

You're right Bobby, yours are MUCH funnier. What about a few.......

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2000

...beers? Stories? Rude jokes?

So obviously not written by PN. Had some big words in it (like optimun, threatened and Germany).

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2000

Bobby, I just got round to reading your June 16 version, surely we're due a June 20 version?

;-)

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000