Funniest Bumper Stickers! : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread

My friends send me ALL of their mail fwds, annoying as it is. But once in a great while, they are worth reading. =)

TOP BUMPER STICKERS SEEN AROUND THE WORLD 1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point. 7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.

10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

11. If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

26. Illiterate? Write For Help

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off

28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit

30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]

40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge [Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]

42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut? 41. Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One. 44. Ax Me About Ebonics 45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

46. Boldly Going Nowhere

47. (edited because it pissed me off) The Other White Meat

48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

49. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

50. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

53.If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

55. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.


58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious. 64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad? 65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

-- cin (cin@cin.cin), June 15, 2000


Thanks cin. Here's one that made me laugh.

Keep the Old West alive. Ball a cowboy.

-- gilda (, June 15, 2000.

Some really funny stuff. Thanks, cin.

How about this bumpersticker I saw...

"Honk if you're Jesus"

-- eve (, June 15, 2000.

I liked,

"I'm schizophrenic, and so am I"


-- Someone (, June 15, 2000.

Here are some of my favorites:

"If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat,"

"I found it! I have Jesus in the trunk!"

"Cthulhu for President: Why vote for a lesser evil?"

"(drawing of a fist) Safe AFFFORDABLE sex"

-- Tarzan the Ape Man (, June 15, 2000.

some local humor: South Austin We're all here because we're not all there..

-- george (, June 15, 2000.

Jesus saves.... And Gretzky scores on the rebound...

Seen on a beat up pickup truck in Texas: JFK got shot in Dallas, Billy come on down...

-- STFrancis (, June 15, 2000.

DOG is my co-pilot.

-- Gia (, June 15, 2000.

60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious

64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Guess that just explains it all... :-)

-- Netghost (ng@no.yr), June 15, 2000.

now explain it to us why dontcha

-- cin (cin@cin.cin), June 15, 2000.

Why what?... do you want refrences?.... god could I give you those... from all of my Ladies :-)-

-- Netghost (ng@no.yr), June 15, 2000.

What's the probelm Cin?.....Are you being too much of a Bitch on other threads?... work on your "Tude" why be a bitch if you really don't have to... really !!!,,, Try being human for a change :-)

-- Netghost (ng@no.yr), June 15, 2000.

"You've just been passed by a girl."

-- helen (b@t.s), June 15, 2000.

..... And she ran right into the back of the truck... she looked good... her hair was perfect, but she is still being a bitch?

-- Netghost (ng@no.yr), June 15, 2000.

Helen...... Like I care?......LMAO :-)

-- Netghost (ng@no.yr), June 15, 2000.

No, that was a bumper sticker we saw today.

-- helen (b@t.s), June 15, 2000.

I always wanted to make a bumper sticker that said,

"Jesus saves, at Bank of America!"

But figured my car would get trashed or people wouldn't get it.


-- Someone (, June 15, 2000.

LOL........ Kinda like an old truck with a bummper sticker... "my other car is a Porsche"... oops.... funny how that works :-)

-- Netghost (ng@no.yr), June 16, 2000.

DARE to keep cops off donuts

-- Uncle Deedah (, June 16, 2000.

"My other car is a piece of shit too"

-- Uncle Deedah (, June 16, 2000.

"Delusions of grandeur make me feel better"

-- Debbie (, June 16, 2000.

Just seen:

Netghost sucks green donkey dicks.

-- Friendly Ghost (, June 16, 2000.

My Other Car is a Broom

Metermaids Eat Their Young

-- flora (***@__._), June 16, 2000.

Unk... you couldn't do that at gun point :-)

-- Netghost (ng@no.yr), June 16, 2000.

K... my 3rd car is too Unk, but everyone should have a 'thing"

FG... Naa... you're not worth it :-)

-- Netghost (ng@no.yr), June 16, 2000.

This one from a tavern in Roslyn, Wash. " We don't have a town drunk, we all take turns!

-- Dory (, June 16, 2000.


What are you doing posting on this thread? Can't find anybody's personal life to pry into and make fun of tonight. You pathetic little twit. Time to let your jealousies go my frustrated friend. Get a life, you have to have more to say than all this snide sniping all the time. Or do you?

-- Friendly Ghost (, June 16, 2000.


Feeling corrective? Perhapes harmonal?

Or do you simply miss L.L.?

-- -- -- (, June 16, 2000.

"Cyber with a writer...they screw with words."

-- Normally (, June 16, 2000.

recently spotted:

Wife and dog missing. Reward for dog.

WARNING: I drive as bad as you do.

WARNING: I brake in front of cell-phone users.

-- Buddy (, June 16, 2000.

Cin: COOL thread


Yep that one is for me....

Also loved the one about keeping in touch w/children #54, fits my children perfectly.

-- consumer (, June 16, 2000.

Consumer, I want one of those! LOLOL =oD

-- cin (cin@cin.cin), June 16, 2000.

An old friend {& terrible driver} had this plastered on the back of her 'rhino chaser':

Yes as a matter of fact

I do own the whole damn road

-- flora (***@__._), June 16, 2000.

I had a bumper sticker I got in Southern Florida, but used here in Seattle, they didn't seem to understand it here like they did there....

I got the crabs at Dirty Nellies".

Of course I still have my


bumpersticker I got a few years ago.

-- Cherri (, June 16, 2000.

Crabs at Dirty Nellies! LOL!

Used to be a bar in Bethesda, MD called Durty Nellie's. Many jokes about that!

There's a place in Nags Head, NC that has a similar sticker:

I got my crabs at Dirty Dick's

-- Buddy (, June 16, 2000.

Cin, I WANT one too!!!! IF i ever find one I'm gonna buy it, as I have no bumper stickers on my car right now, but that one would be worth it.

Another one I snuck and put on x sis in laws car read:

Dont bother talking about yourself while here, we'll do that for you when you leave!!!

Boy did that piss her off :-) Truth hurts...LOL.

-- consumer (, June 16, 2000.

How about

99. Free or drug-free: We can't be both

-- (@ .), June 16, 2000.


We can't????? Why not??????????

How bout 100% drug induced and 100% FREE??? Guess that's the Libertarian in me : )

-- capnfun (, June 16, 2000.

In Wisconsin---


-- Lars (, June 16, 2000.

My favorite one is "I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you!"

And yes, I had an early-vintage Volkswagen Beetle (1954, 32hp, 1 tail pipe)

-- Observer (lots@to.observe), June 16, 2000.

I always wanted to make one that said:

"Brighten my day, run over a RAP Punk." Of course you can guess what would have happened to my windows and paint job if I had done so.

-- Lurker2 (lots@to.lurk.for), June 16, 2000.

I always liked:

"Keep honking, I'm reloading as fast as I can"


-- Greybeard7 (, June 16, 2000.

LOL greybeard!

-- cin (cin@cin.cin), June 16, 2000.



Fathers Against Radical teenagers

-- flora (***@__._), June 16, 2000.



Fathers Against Radical Teenagers

-- flora (***@__._), June 16, 2000.

"so many pedestrians, so little time..."

-- (ok_i'll_pl@y.too), June 16, 2000.

PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals

-- Greybeard7 (, June 16, 2000.

Greybeard nooooooooooo!

-- cin (cin@cin.cin), June 17, 2000.

Best bumber sticker? "Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!"


-- TECH32 (TECH32@NOMAIL.CON), June 17, 2000.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now. I'm busy. You're ugly.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by... I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day... Tomorrow's not looking good either.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier...

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through Peanut Butter!

Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with brie.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

And your point is...

Have a nice day. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.

Never argue with a pig. You'll both get dirty and the pig will love it.

In politics, scum tends to rise to the top.

-- Dilbert (, June 17, 2000.

Two favorites:

"Youth and skill are no match for age and treachery!"

"I wanna' be Barbie...that Bitch has EVERYTHING!"

-- LunaC (, June 17, 2000.

"Visualize whirled peas"

-- (, June 17, 2000.



I Found God Now My Finger Stinks - bumper sticker seen in Lake Tahoe

-- Bill Cue (, June 27, 2001.


-- (me@myself.i), June 30, 2001.

Children in the backseat cause accidents; accidents in the backseat cause children...

-- samantha T. (, October 26, 2002.

MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENtal Anxiety... Have u ever noticed how all our problems begin with men?

-- cindy samay (, January 16, 2003.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case... coicindence? I THINK NOT!

-- xxxxxxxx (, January 16, 2003.

I love cats.....they taste like chicken.

-- Gaile Gray (, February 10, 2003.

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