When was the last time someone insulted you? What did they say, and did it make you laugh, cry or just think that they're stupid? Also, share your best and favourite insults, because I could really use them.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

Answers

The last person who insulted me was my husband; last night he called me a philistine for the five thousandth time, so it didn't exactly sting as much as I think he intended. But he's dead now, so I can't be sure about that.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

A few months ago a temp in my office asked me about our clothing policy for Fridays. I told her that you have to dress up every day in our office, and I thought it was unfair because we are located in a building and do business with people where EVERY day is business casual. She looked at what I was wearing (brown slacks and a green short sleeved sweater)and said "Well, you're not dressed very well today, and it is Thursday." I gave her the stink eye and said "Not everyone can get their wardrobe from Talbot's. I happen to think I am dressed just fine. I could just imagine what you think business casual is." and then ignored her for the rest of the time she worked with me. She didn't get the hint that I hated her and talked to me all day long and would get mad that I didn't acknowledge her. I also told a hiring manager that she was a bad employee and should not be given any more assignments.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

I guess the last was from my landlady. (Well, she's not really my landlady... she's one of the people from whom we're buying our land. Get it? "Land", "lady".)

So, um... she used to always try to rank on me. I think the last one was, "You should join us on our walks. You look like you could use it." And it was so lame because even if she wasn't my landlady, I wouldn't have said anything because she's elderly. And I think she knew that I wouldn't say anything. Either that or she thought I was really dumb and the insults were flying over my head.

She's been in and out of the hospital lately.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

I had to take my Grams to the hospital last weekend. It was a very long and trying day and i was so concerned about her health. When the doctor came to discuss how she was doing my Grandmother said to him - "I wish my other Grandaughter was here - she's older". Firstly I'm 31 for gods sake AND took care of my ailing mother by myself for four years.

It hurt - but I have to keep reminding myself that people lose their social graces when they age. (Sort of like BB on Survivor).

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

One guy I see daily at school (career change time), is always trying to be funny. But mosty he's just insulting. He often makes sexist remarks racial slurs ect. SO the other day he makes one of his NOT Funny remarks and while he chuckling quietly to himself I say "Hey R, leave the humour to the funny people" HAR HAR HAR. I thought it was hilarious, as did everyone else. K, maybe you had to be there eh?

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

The other day the phone guy came to hook us up, and when he came to the door I was just nursing my baby to sleep. He wasn't happy about the interruption. When I got to the door he was crying a little bit, and the first thing out of the phone guy's mouth was, "looks like you've got a whiner on your hands." I wish I'd said, "looks like you know absolutely nothing about children, so you might want to keep your appalling ignorance to yourself; and exactly how do you figure that it's your business anyway?" But I just stared at him stupidly. I was pissed the rest of the day about that.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

I love my sister-in-law, completely and absolutely, so I know this wasn't an intentional insult. But:

She is a very large woman. Very overweight. And she was describing an aunt of hers whom I hadn't met, and saying what a great figure this woman has, and what a crazy, out-there clothes sense, for a seventy year-old. So then my sister-in-law says, "you and I would KILL to look like she does in a pair of leather pants."

I went down to the bathroom and stared at my butt in the mirror quietly for five minutes, before assuring myself that things weren't hopeless, and went outside had five or so beers with everybody.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

Hmm, I know I spew insults all the time, in a Louie-the-Budweiser-Lizard over the top kinda way, almost entirely to make my wife laugh. But most of them I just kinda blurt out and then forget them.

I love the "Karen" character on "Will & Grace". I swear to God, that's who I'd be if I was a woman. She's got this maid, Rosario, from El Salvador, with whom she has a love-hate relationship. One of her all-time classic screaming argument put-downs to Rosario went like this: "If I had a dime for every dollar I've spent on you, I'd be able to afford a REAL servant, and not some Mayan gravedigger who doesn't know a Gucci loafer from a tacquito." Another time, she threatened to fly Rosario back to "Cucaracha on Air Guacamole".

:-) Priceless.

-- Anonymous, June 14, 2000

okay, this is a BAD one...so get ready....and if you are of a sensitive nature, you may just want to skip on down.

i have only one arch-nemesis, and she did something really really mean to me, just for the hell of it, resulting in the breakup of a 9- year-old friendship. being of a kinder, gentler nature myself, i can never think of a good put down, and this girl's got such thick skin that it would have to be a really good insult to even make a dent. so i actually went online and did a search on "insults" and here's what i came up with:

"it was a sad day for the world when you climbed out of the abortion bucket"

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2000

Here's one. It was the most insulting thing because he wasn't being malicious or mean at all, just completely clueless. My husband: "You know what I like about you, Sask? How you don't mind being fat."

That was a good forty pounds ago so I'd love to know what he's thinking now.

To be fair though he did much back-peddling after that statement fell out of his mouth. The look of horror that crossed his face in the five seconds after he said it was priceless.

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2000

Oh my GOD Saskatchewan!! That is classic. WHAT was he THINKING??

I'm laughing because that's the kind of thing my husband would say, and he, too, would be horrified and spend the next several months trying to make up for it.

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2000

Paul - I couldn't agree more with your pick - I have to say I enjoy that character very much - "Honey, what's with those...pants, hmm?"

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2000

Right on, Lulu.

Or when Grace spills her guts to Karen about some problem that's eating away at her. Karen rises to give her some advice....

"First, *brown* is over, 'nkay?"

God, she slays me.

-- Anonymous, June 16, 2000

Okay...I'm still rolling over Kitty Pop's comment!!

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

nicole, RE read your post. think about it. how would you like someone to ruin your chances for a perm. postion? oh i 4got you have a perm position on your back.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

Hmmm, a permanent position on my back? Like, you mean I'm getting laid all the time? Is that a bad thing? My husband seems to enjoy having a lot of sex with me, and vice versa.

Oh, I guess you wouldn't know about frequent sex since it has been quite some time since you have been able to get your baby penis up, huh?

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

nicole are you a blonde? READ girl read. since you ran the temp off and lost your job, you lay on your back? oh that is right, its ok, you get paid/laid both, no?

fwiw, you couldnt handle this penis babe but then again, maybe you could after all, you old man's aint that big noway.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001

I'll tell my husband you like to stare at his penis, you saucy flirt.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2001