First 4 games have been pretty good, excluding first half of Netherlands v Czech Republic. Thing that comes screaming out at you is that every one of the 8 teams we've seen would have given their eye teeth to have Alan Shearer playing for them.

How many times did Zetterberg get the wrong side of defenders? Can Strupar actually kick a football? Has Jon Dahl Tomasson got a position to be played out of? Was Hakan Suker playing today? Should they not get a barometer set up pitch-side before risking Inzaghi in a light breeze? Anelka and Henry are blindingly quick, but what would they have given for a striker to make the right choice each time? How many legs would Shearer have to have amputated to be as slow as Koller? Bergkamp is good with his feet, Kluivert is good in the air, they can both allegedly put the ball in the back of the net - we have one man that does all three.

Every Portugese representative interviewed hopes that Shearer won't play tomorrow. Everyone who slags him off has to start their bullshit with: "Despite scoring 34 goals this season at every level..." before claiming that he no longer has the necessary attributes to do the very thing they started off by dismissing i.e. score goals. What else is a striker there for? Oh, yes, perhaps providing scoring chances for teamates....hmmm, Shearer was credited with all the assists in the warm up games. O.k, what about helping out with defensive duties? Oh yes, happens that he cleared 3 corners by himself, didn't he? Ah, but wait a minute...he's lost a yard of pace! That's why we play Owen alongside him you dumb sh*ts....it's a team sport, just because he can do everything doesn't mean he necessarily should.

God knows they'll miss him when he's gone - they won't realise it of course, they'll just go on about how we need a big physical presence up front to hold the ball up since Owen and Heskey keep falling over and how nice it would be to have a reliable finisher since Foweler is always injured and they could never repeat that regrettable trial period with Phillips. Al will be settling back with a glass of beer resting up ready to score another hattrick for the Toon the next week, pissing himself laughing. Pearls before swine.

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

Answers

You are so correct, Softie.
It was so good of JDT to vindicate every memory I have of him.
AS for Kluivert and Bergkamp - Kluivert plays like a big soft bairn, and Dennis just doesn't like playing up front. Kluivert needs to be shouted at by someone like Joe Harvey or Arthur Cox in their prime, and then dropped. Dennis Lacking Menace needs to be told to either play CF with aggression, or to simply bog off. Tossers.

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

Kluivert is too full of himself. Can't stand the arrogant b*st*rd. Holland were so lucky. It makes me angry - really angry. Poor oppressed Czech Republic. It simply ain't fair.......

Thought France were pretty good. The ZZ's a Top man. He was terrific. Do you think he'd consider a move to Toonside? Nah, thought not.

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

Bang on as usual Softie!

That's exactly what I said to Mrs Pilgrim when we watched the matches (all of them) to date. The other teams are sorely missing what we (and especially our beloved press) take for granted - a world class striker! Some of the stuff I read today made me want to take an axe to some journos.

You're right about JDT Clarky. I creased up every time he got a chance. He hasn't improved one jot since he left on that showing. I think the Danes are in for a tough (and short)tournament. Imagine replacing the Laudrups with JDT - Aaaargh. I actually felt truly sorry for Schmeichel! He'll probably announce his international retirement in a couple of weeks. It can't be fun playing behind that team.

The Dutch were very, very lucky to get three point from that match. I think the French will find their next two games a bit tougher!

Good to see Srnicek have a good game. Shame about the penalty, but the Czechs needed a Shearer to put away the chances they created.

I'm staying up for the highlights programme 'cos I believe Robson and Gullit are both on it. Should be interesting. Gullit managed to write a half page article on Englands chances and key players in todays paper without once mentioning Shearers name!

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

The Scottish Editions of the tabloids really overstep the mark and I am sure Macbeth will agree, Bill Leckkie(Sun) who I thought had been moved from the sports pages and was attemting to do a serious column has returned to regale his impressionable readers with all the old cliches regarding "knuckle scraping supporters", arrogant English (his wife is English by the way!!, the usual crap. Its a good job Ricky Brown can get his oar in twice a week. Mind you they have a point when the matches are live, Fat Ron and his mates never stop harping on about England during a game where it does not involve them I find that and constant references to 66 Ott. No punches pulled with Gerry McNee in the NOW today, half page spread of KK with the bold headlines, NO BOTTLE, NO CLASS,NO CHANCE, KEEGAN WILL BLOW IT AS HE DID AT NEWCASTLE (spit), come the day and just say we did win the bloody thing who takes these guys to task, I can not just bury my head and ignore as has been advocated on here in the past, thank heaven we still get the odd gem like Bill McLaren, wrong shape ball though, got to be a way these hicks are acountable,

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

To quote an old cliche, the Scottish are a well balanced nation - chips on both shoulders - especially where there's anything to do with England. So, the cr@p in the Scottish tabs, based largely on envy, will be manna for a receptive readership and not terribly surprising Buff.

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000

PS: It's similar cr@p in the Egnlish Press that really mystifies me - just who is their target audience?

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000

Thought for the day:

JDT is keeping that Lovenkranz (or whatever) out of the Danish side is he not? :-)))

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000

Ha di ha ha! Football 365 now lead with a headline 'Come on England!'

That's a bit of a departure from the last 3 weeks isn't it? They are even reporting that Fowler, Heskey and Phillips are all saying privately that they are happy Shearer is going to play.....hmmm, could it be that people in danger of stepping into the firing line are fully aware of how tough it is at this level and recognize a world class striker when they train alongside him?

Detestable scumbags like Gavin Willacy will not be allowed to calmly change camps half way through this battle: we have a duty to nail these f***ers when this competition finishes. I don't know anyone who is happy about the way the press have behaved throughout this campaign and hopefully there will be some serious arse-kicking once it's all over.

I don't want an insipid series of official announcements, but I do expect the truth to have some bearing on reports. When Shearer has a perfectly standard anti-inflammatory injection, I don't want any lieing b*stard claiming it's a cortizone jab. (check out Niall and Biffa's take on the injection story in nufc.com, bliddy hilarious) The problem is that opinion now forms 99% of the sports sections of the papers, with only a smidgeon given over to reporting on things that have actually happened. Maybe it's just me, but I thought that news was stuff that has come to pass, not guessing what is going to happen. Surely with 4 fascinating matches to report on they could demonstrate some interest in the game by reporting them fully and possibly even drawing comparisons with the other teams in the same group, but no, we'd much rather have pages and pages waffling about KK's lack of tactical nous and how donkey Shearer only scored 34 goals last season, and our EXCLUSIVE poll of one-legged Peruvian cheese makers have sensationally not named the Newcastle man in their England 11, having opted for Nobby Stiles instead blah blah blah.

I hate those b*stards! The way they lie if you let them have access and lie if you don't makes me more and more certain that they should be barred from the England camp altogether. At least then we all know everything is unsubstantiated bollocks instead of just being pretty sure it is. Send them out into the wilderness for a couple of seasons and see who suffers most - strikes me that the sale of papers will go down far more than the interest in the National Game. When/if they earn the right to be allowed back by behaving with a bit of resytaint and integrity, so be it.

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000

Would you like some vitriol with your bile, Softie? :-)

I was quite concerned that so far neither of our ex-players have been on a winning team. Pav certainly was MOTM for the Czechs, and some of his stops were 1st class. Makes it all the more bizarre that when he left the Toon he found it so difficult to get a PL club to sign him.

And after all of our comments that JDT needed to 'beef up a bit' and then he'd be good looks to have half come true. Looked a bit podgy to me...and he's still hopeless! Kenny, were you watching???

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000