Those of us old enough to remember, hold David Coleman in high esteem for his Colemanballs remarks uttered in the heat of commentary. Who can fail to smirk at the "Guantarena (sp?) opens his legs and shows us what he's made of".

Over the next 3 weeks, we must surely have some more..........especially with Big Ron , Ruud Boy and our own YBR on the list of pundits.

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2000

Answers

Euro 200? There's the first one :-)

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2000

tom,
Screach IS getting on a bit, and has a very long memory!

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2000

Oh shut up you tarts. I was "tired and emotional" last night and thought I did well to type with so few spooling mistooks. Anyway - I'm not the only one. I see Jacko also remembers Euro 200.

Right - here's one for starters from Clive Tyldesley talking about upsets in the Euros: "I can remember Belgium beating Argentina". Hmmm, either Clive was thinking about a different competition or my geography is worse than I thought.

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

I was stunned at the daring way in which Italian keeper Toldo kept swapping jerseys with Francesco Totti and racing up the other end to attack the Turkish goal....

It's not as if one of them being 6'5" in a different colour shirt and the other one having a game which makes English people go "Wahey!" should have in any way be considered an aide de memoire in telling them apart, is it?

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

Motson: Collina is one of the best referees in the World.

So not the same Pierluigi Collina who has been forbidden from overseeing key games in Copa Italia and Seie A due to bribery allegations then? Obviously has all the credentials as far as FIFA and UEFA are concerned...

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

Softie,

I noticed that Toldo/Totti mix-up as well. Italy also seemed to have 12 men on the pitch as there were references to a player called Toe-tee! ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

John Motson on Dennis Lacking Menace tonight: "Bergkamp is swinging in these corners with his right foot. Well actually they're outswingers!"

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

Not a Colemanballs, but I did a double take when I saw the Italian Number 18 (Was it Tofti, Tufti or something?) - he was a dead ringer for Pistone!

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

A quick check and the no 18 was Fiore! Should have done that before I posted - Sorry ;o))

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2000

A bit unpalatable in the opening match when one of them squealed with delight, "De Wilde is bewildered!" How long had he been saving that one up? About 49 minutes by my reckoning...

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000

David Pleat in France v Denmark: "Both keepers are really helping this game by quickly getting the ball back into play." Obviously news of the 6 second rule has yet to filter through to 'Kerb-Crawlers Daily'.

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000

From the Mirror's player ratings:
Tony ADAMS 6
CAUGHT ball-watching for Nuno Gomes' goal and unlucky to see Figo's goal go through his legs. Up until then England's skipper had had a good game and forged a decent understanding with Campbell.

Same old Shearer, always...errr, covering for everyone else! ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000

Clie Tildesley, 20 minutes into yesterday's match as camera cut to Keegan: 'Even in his wildest dreams, Kevin Keegan wouldn't believe that tournament football could go so well...'

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2000

>>>>Who can fail to smirk at the "Guantarena (sp?) opens his legs and shows us what he's made of".

The remark, as I recall Screach was :-

Juantorena opens his legs and shows his class.

The old Colemanballs column in Private Eye was always very good. Someone wrote in about Coleman to say that he had only 3 expressions in his lexicon. They were :-

"Yes"

"1-0"

and, in moments of rare coherence :-

"Yes 1-0!"

One of my all time favourites :- "And with the very last kick of the match, McDonald has scored with a header".

There'll be dancing in the streets of Raith tonight.

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2000

.....and from tonight's Bizarre Balkan Bonanza:

John "Anorak" Motson: (describing Yugoslavia's 2nd) And .....ovic drilled it in. Mark "Two Creases" Lawrenson: Drilled.....that's the adjective.

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2000

Screacher: Doh

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2000

Not to mention Motson's tentative grasp on the nature of time: "Slovenia is a new country made from part of the old Yugoslavia, but that's not to say there is necessarily bad blood between them, the Slovenian coach used to play for Yugoslavia..." Well Motty, hate to break it to you, but that might have had more to do with Slovenia not existing than it did with the great frienship between their coach and Yugoslavia...think about mate, it might come to you in the end.

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2000