From today's fiver: absolutely priceless.

ENGLAND'S SOCCER SCUM SHAME

The first English arrests of Euro 2000 have been made. Three men carrying hunting knives and a crossbow have been apprehended by Belgian police after they were spotted in a Brussels park taking photographs of each other as they posed with their weapons. Who are these sick, twisted, maniacal individuals? Are they part of a sinister organisation hell-bent on causing trouble wherever they go?

"Our journalists were investigating the widespread availability of lethal weapons on the eve of Euro 2000," explained a spokeswoman for the News Of The World, the employers of the men in question. "The three men were engaged in an entirely legitimate journalistic exercise in the public interest," she continued as a nation belly-laughed as one. The Belgian police weren't as amused, however. "Nobody can carry weapons without a valid reason or authorisation," a spokesman said earlier today. "They were carrying hunting knives - and they were not hunting so they were breaking the law."

As ever, the News Of The World demanded instant justice. "We are extremely concerned at their detention and have taken immediate steps with the authorities to secure their prompt release," whined their spokesperson. And sure enough, the hacks were quickly freed without charge. The Fiver, however, holds no truck with this sort of wishy-washy liberal posturing. Our message is simple, and our message is clear: take their passports away, put 'em in jail and throw away the key. That's the only language these scum understand!

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Answers

The mind boggles!!!(:o)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Is this the same N.O.W that finances the SOS campaign? now why doesn't that surprise me? Lets hope that Kevin Miles the so called fans spokeman is next. Then we really could lock him up and throw away the key Martym

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000