Well, what promised so much and delivered so little? Greenspun Farm appeared on our screens this week for the first time. The storyline was developing strongly, the new characters were given just enough to make us want more.

The novel idea of not crediting some members of the cast to leave us wondering whom these people was added to the overall excitement.

What started out as a Pride and Prejudice epic, if set in a different time frame as with Richard Loncraines adaptation of Richard III from 1996, soon deteriorated into a Hollywood Wives bodice ripping lust filled soap opera.

A change for the better perhaps.

Let us look at the Cast and what a line up it is. Never before has such an ensemble been assembled, except perhaps by Julian Clary.

Windy played by Windy

Galaxy played by Galaxy

Yelli played by Yelli

Gav played by Gav

Jay played by Jay

Robby Bobson played by Robby Bobson

Sting played by Sting

Mrs Southerner played by Mrs Southerner

Mr Southerner played by Sofie Southerner

Peter played by Tre

William Pit played by Pit Bill

Queue Jumping Puff played by Pit Bill

Cry in the distance played by Screacher

Mrs Jones played by Unknown

Nurse Deakins played by Unknown

Sgt. Perkins played by Possibly Cyber Cop Jonno

The new fashion, it seems, is for the new performers to be known by one name. I think this is because it will be harder to track them down!! Lets face it other directors will hardly be beating a path to their doors over these performances.

What was not overstated was understated, with all of them more interested in furthering their own careers than working as a team. They carried on like eastern European footballers in the World Cup, trying to get individual contracts from Spanish and Italian clubs.

Why so harsh one asks? The answer is also found in the credits. Of the 16 and I use this word in a descriptive sense not a professional one, Actors, 9 of them have written all or part of an episode.

Can you guess which of these writers used the opportunity to beef up their own role and denigrate anyone whom they saw as a danger to prevent the golden contract being landed. They were behaving like 20-year Old Danish strikers more than the professionals they purport to be.

This leaves the question of why did the non-performing writers and there are 2 of them bother? Could we see 2 more cast members being added or were Loony and Geordie only fulfilling contractual obligations.

It is certainly worth looking at, guaranteed to bring tears to your eyes, either through the sublime comic characters and situations, or the quality of writing and acting.

Greenspun Farm now leaves two interesting questions now. 1.Have they done enough to attract a wide enough audience to ensure the commissioning of further episodes? 2. Will there be an Omnibus? This leads to the further question, will each writer produce a version highlighting his or her own involvement. These questions I am sure will be answered.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2000

Answers

The rain kept up its pounding beat on the pavement. The street lights, spread at quite a distance, illuminated only small patches of the drenched sidewalk. Still it was possible to pick up movement in the doorway opposite Dr. Greers semi-detached house. MI5 opperant Gilbert Trask shifted again, trying to find a position that afforded atleast some minimal respite from the rain. Water fountained off his hat, and rivults continual found there way into his dry-as-a-bone trench coat.

Trask was far from happy at this point in time. He had been watching Dr. Greer for some 3 weeks now and had made little headway in this case. Intelligence, and he snorted at the thought of such a department possesing such a name, had reported that Dr. Greer appeared to be the common link between the seven missing college students. The disappearences had only begun at the beginning of this university year, which coincided with the arrival of Dr. Greer.

The only person to have visited Dr. Greer over the last 3 weeks was a delivery boy. He had been thoroughly checked out and discounted from the investigations. However what he was delivering was of interest to inspector Trask. Building and house renorvation materials, quite a lot and not within keeping of the style of house Dr. Greer lived in.

Trask shifted again, disturbing a pool of water that had collected at the back of his neck as he pulled the coats collar a little higher. He cursed again as the rivulet of water made its way down his back, eventually to collect in his already soden shoes.

(happy Gus) ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Greenspun Place has been keeping me amused all week! I`m dying to jump in and contribute, but by the time I`ve thought of a follow on, it`s already been followed on! I shall wait for a lull in the proceedings on the BBs, and hope that it corresponds with a rare moment of relaxation at home! (:o)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Go for it gal, I mean, what did the first 'debonaire William Pit' episode have to do with any of 'the story so far' when it appeared ? It was just a tarted up version of a new year scenario I went through a couple of years ago - the first time in my life I've been fahlly doon drunk, and that thread was the ideal opportunity to regurgitate it.

Apologies to the Communicatas who'd already had the gist a couple of years ago, when the main action took place walking from the Central station home via Sheriff Hill. Drunk as I was, I could still see the funny side. What a dork !

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Galaxy, with so many parallel existences going on, you have complete freedom to continue with any of them. How's about spin-off series? The emasculated Gav, shorn of his wedding tackle by your vengeful daughter, moves to Whitley Bay to become beachcombing Gav, putting his fluting, castrati voice to good effect as the Punch and Judy man. Surely this is the only explanation for his silence when watching Marine Biologist, Jay Greer? Love lorn and desperate, he leaves a flower on her windscreen, as the only thing with a stem that long he has easy access to anymore. But who knows? Perhaps Dr Gavin Herron, pioneering surgeon, can sew back his own wedding tackle, and the recuperating Gav can try out his newly restored appendage on Jay Greer, Community Practitioner as she visits his sick mother. Maybe the new Frankenpenis will develop depraved tendancies and go riding his filly, 'Dawn', in an entirely new, though hardly unexpected, manner every morning. Will the change alter him more subtley? Would Peter be well advised to gnaw through his own leg to slip that chain before Gav gets to him? All will be revealed in the continuing load of old bollocks they call "Greenspun Farm".....;-)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Ah, but who knows who will be the villian in my piece! There may yet be a cruel twist in the plot! I shall have to put my thinking cap on! (:o) But it won`t be this morning, `cos I`m off to a wedding.

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

A wedding? Don't tell us...I've seen nothing from Gav or Jay this morning....can it possibly be?! :-)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Offamee ! Offamee ! They've all got it offamee.

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Not bloody likely I don't do weddings !! ;o)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

How's about 'wedding entertainments'? ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Only if I am drunk enough then I tend to dance on the table ! ;o)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

That's my girl!

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Oh yes I never fail to amuse at parties :o)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

The debonaire Mr William (Queue Jumping Puff to his creditors) Pit all day had had an uncanny feeling that someone was watching him. This sensation of menace had persisted since the middle of the previous afternoon, when he'd managed finally to remove the safety harness that had kept him safe from harm for the last three days.

He was able at last, to leave the confines of his miniature mobile home and was determined to seek out his friends to reassure them that the rumours of his recent demise were ill founded.

But he still was unable to shake off this feeling that someone was just out of range of his peripheral vision. There were also the disjointed impressions of a voice - 'off' and 'jump...' were two words he thought he could detect, but the sense of the complete phrase escaped him.

This was beginning to prey on his mind. He'd decided that he would also try to locate the three spouses he'd acquired as a result of an enquiry he'd made on an obscure web site - Green-something dot something or something. At the time it had occurred to him that the transaction hadn't rung true, but he also had been pre-occupied in trying to locate Gavthesexist Herron, a very good friend from his days as an incinerator attendant. Consequently, he had taken at face value the transaction which had resulted in most of his earthly possessions disappearing down a cybertoilet.

He had a vague recollection that legislation may have been introduced at some time that made illegal the posession of more than one wife, but being unsure of his whereabouts at the time, he'd assumed he was in a location where polygamy was legal.

Still, he was a mite puzzled as to why his three new spouses had not reciprocated, but put this down to the fact that the marriages had not yet been consumed. Still the sense of being watched persisted. And the voice. What was the speaker trying to tell him ?

The violent twitch that had developed in Mr. Pit's facial features as a result of trying to bring into visual and aural focus, the vague personage who seemed so desperate for some sort of intercourse, had now spread to his legs and arms. As a result of being unable to control the direction of his perambulations, Mr. Pit inadvertently stumbled into a group of mature ladies leaving the local bingo emporium. The roaring in his head was such that he was able to hear only two or three of the words of sympathy being uttered in unison by the ladies, 'off' and 'jump...' being two that seemed to register on his conciousness. And maybe, just maybe, it wasn't sympathy he could detect- there was definitely a distinct hint of anger in the tones of sympathy.

As a precaution, he instantly brought into play his monumental instinct for self preservation, honed to Samurai blade keenness over years of sedentary dissipation, and Mr. Pit swooned.

Regaining conciousness after an unknown period of time, Mr. Pit felt paralysed, and was aware of three female figures carrying him at breakneck speed. He then relaxed as he realised that the feeling of paralysis was because he was once more wearing his safety harness. Dwelling on the thoughtfulness and concern of his fellow creatures quickly brought Mr. Pit to a pitch of religious ecstacy, bordering on beatitude, with the result that he now had the problem of making his expensive Oxfemme suit again presentable while wearing the safety harness. Luckily on this occasion, it was the inside of the suit that had been soiled.

Meanwhile, the three ladies had obviously arrived at their destination, the headlong dash having come to a stop in front of Mr. Pit's mobile home. It was then that he noticed a fourth figure, who as luck would have it, turned out to be his very good friend Gav who began to address the ladies.

'If that queuejumping puff doesn't stop followin' me, I'll swing for 'im. I'm pi**ed off dodgin' in shop doorways and stuff tryin' tuh avoid the useless pr*ck. Purrim back where ee belongs.' And with that, the four of them unceremoniously pushed Mr. Pit through the open doorway of his miniature mobile home, then retired to a local hostelry to celebrate, or whatever.

To this day, Mr. Pit cannot accept that the vague figure and voice were not Gav crying out for help from some parallel universe to which he'd been transported by aliens. The medical bulletins are again available on the usual web site. Mr. Pit's Harley Street specialist now leaves the bulletins on permanent display because he himself is now being treated for repetetive stress injuries to his wrists and fingers caused by the number of medical bulletins he was having to type onto the web page on Mr. Pit's behalf.

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000