1. Become outraged and tell somebody off. It's the principle that counts, and yours are not compromised by some anonymous troll scum who lives 2000 miles away. If you can cast a wide net and tell-off the whole forum, this is even more satisfying.

2. Wipe away your tears, and sum up how much it all meant to you. Name the special people who meant the most to you and why, and thank them and promise to stay in touch by email.

3. Beg forum members to quit responding to you, otherwise you CAN'T leave.

4. Say, "I'm leaving now. If I've offended anyone, I'm very sorry. And although I can't really see what I could have done that's so terrible, please accept this as a blanket apology. If you wish to reply to me about this, please do so by email as I don't check the forum very often and can't be bothered checking back here for responses."

5. Just drop off the key Lee, slip out the back Jack.

6. Put up a post that says "Unsubscribe".

7. Do a capsule summary. Describe the forum to itself. Tell them what a great experience it's been - they have been amusing and educational, and you are thankful to have had the opportunity. But emphasize that this shouldn't go to anyone's head, because after all, the forum is, in the grand scheme of things, but a speck of dust flying in the vastness of space. Especially, let them know that you have a life outside the forum, and that none of them (except for one or two of exceptional intellectual caliber, they know who they are) ever meant all that much to you. Also add that you'll probably not be leaving entirely, because to make an actual "event" out of it would be to confer too much flattery on the group.

8. Announce that you have found God, AND your soul-mate, all in the same week and that you finally know what it is to be truly happy, so you don't need the forum any more. You'll keep posting up until the wedding date, and you'll let everyone know what "Mr/Ms. Right" really looks like when you finally meet him/her in person.

9. Announce that it's June 2000, you're leaving, and that you've always preferred EZBoard anyway, since no one here understands what "moving on" means.

10. Begin to post more and more messages which reveal your inner character, especially the weaknesses. Start letting your hidden emotional complexes leak out around the edges. Soon you'll begin to notice people replying to you on threads where you didn't post anything, making covert references to threads where you DID post, but to which there was no response. Remind yourself that "silence speaks volumes." Compose a long reply to some particularly insinuatory poster about the situation. Sleep on it, and read it over the next day. Decide that you must have been having a bad day and forget it, you won't post it this time.....
    Repeat the above sequence, once every few days. Soon you'll decide that you really MUST be losing it, and that you'd be better off not going near the forum any more. Post a message saying goodbye. Read the message after posting it. Now, you really ARE more embarrassed than you ever thought possible...should you leave now? Before you decide, get some therapy, and an anonymous handle.

11. Say, "I have better things to do than sitting around watching as others engage in mutual masturbation, and that is why I am leaving."

12. You're here to have fun, as long as it lasts. One day (only you can say when) you will notice "Oh! I haven't fired up the forum for a whole two weeks! I guess this is what they mean by "moving on"!"

13. Let circumstances take care of it for you. You haven't had a job in almost a year, and your computer is being repossessed.
14. ...
15. ...

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), June 08, 2000

Answers

Can't live with the spamming.

Can't live with LL's drunken rampages.

Lack of substance and intelligence shown in posts.

-- goner (goner@gonerrr.xcom), June 08, 2000.

I like #12: "You're here to have fun, as long as it lasts. One day (only you can say when) you will notice "Oh! I haven't fired up the forum for a whole two weeks! I guess this is what they mean by "moving on"!"

I suspect that when I "move on" it will not be a deliberate decision, but merely a loss of interest, and I'll figure it out after the fact when I realize I just haven't been here recently. I agree with Ken Decker's most recent post.

-- E.H. Porter (Just Wondering@About.it), June 08, 2000.

...was thinking of leaving just the other day, but now I have too much material to post...

Vindicated Regards,
Andy Ray

-- Andy Ray (andyman633@hotmail.com), June 08, 2000.

I've got a hundred bucks that says this place ends up being the "Quotably Quoted" forum, and Andy Ray ends up talking to himself.

Any takers?

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), June 08, 2000.

Debbie: GOOD ONE

Unc: put me down for $50.00 (havent got paid yet)

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), June 08, 2000.

Unk,

He's got 300k posts to choose from, and is probably younger than me. Don't think I could take that bet, as I'd probably lose.

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), June 08, 2000.

God?

Is that you, God?

Oh, thank you Lord, for these 15, ... umm... pause... CRASH... pause...

13 commandments...

Please, oh great Lord, tell us where we may find the other 35... err... cough... ahemmm...

37...

<:)=

-- Sysman (y2kboard@yahoo.com), June 08, 2000.

Sysman:

Thing is, it was unfinished. That bit of ah, humor was me making MY exit. Uh, oooooops.....

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), June 09, 2000.

Consumer: thanks. EH: I like #12, too. Really I expect this is most people. #10 is also me. I have a serious case of awe for verbally expressive people. (except for the therapy/anon handle bit. This is not my real name, but I believe in being a recognizable presence by keeping the same name and email. The forum can get to be enough of a psycho ward some days without adding to the daily parade of anonymous masks passing through. (Whew!) I did use a handle twice to take a dig at someone, and once to post a very charged rant about animal abuse.)

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), June 09, 2000.

green crayon still makes me want to puke

regergatated Regards,

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), June 11, 2000.

Uncle Bob:

eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

passing uncle bob a barf bag....a yellow one :-)

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), June 14, 2000.

Consumer:

wuuuu.. on its way up again, Hurry

bilious Regards,

-- Debbie (dbspence@usa.net), June 14, 2000.

DEB: LMAO.......now THAT color is enuf to make ya barf for real....

----sumer who is moving quickly outta da way :-)

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), June 14, 2000.