It is without a doubt the longest film I have ever sat through. About an hour in to film I turned to one of my mates and said. "Is it just me or do you want to give the entire cast a good slapping too?" My mate responded with the imortal phrase "Janet you have no romance in your soul" as she sniffled in to her hanky.

I didn't cry at the Titanic either, while the rest of my mates (including the fellas) cried buckets. Tell me does this make me heartless. All through the film I kept saying lord just get to the sinking please and leave all the mushy stuff!!!

What is the worst film you have ever seen?

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Answers

Can't think at the mo what would be the worst film I have seen but one of my favourites that many people class as one of the worst is Bad Taste. A very cheaply made film from New Zealand about aliens that come to earth to get meat for an intergalactic burger chain. I will always remember the immortal line "I'm born again" when the hero passes all the way from head to arse through the alien with the help of a chainsaw.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Yeah I have seen it. I have a friend with a very obscure video collection that is in it. Lots of blood and guts in my memory serves me correctly

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Yeah, plenty of the red stuff, quite a bad film I remember recently is Galaxy Quest it was very hyped up but never seemed to take off.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Yep. I saw Joe Black (last year I think). Thankfully, we landed before it finished. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was me. Or maybe it was just a cr@p film.

As for "worst ever movie", that has to be Dumb and Dumber. I enjoyed Jim Carey's first (?) movie (The Mask) so went to see this on the back of it. God, I was bored. If it hadn't been for the fact I'd have snored, I'd have willingly fallen asleep. Sadly, my thoughts for the other cinema goers were considerably higher than those for the movie.

I njoyed Titanic, but was somewhat taken aback when I looked out te window (get the impression I watch many of the few fils I watch in planes?) to see an iceberg floating by a few thousand feet below. Brought me back to reality that did.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Sorry Jay - that`s one of the few gorgeous Bradley ones that I`ve missed. However, I am infamous for crying buckets in films, it`s very embarrasing, and I think I have passed that particular gene on to my offspring too! I am so bad, that I had to switch the Lion King off when they got to the bit where his Dad was killed! I can think of dozens of examples of films where I have been a wreck. Made the mistake of watchin `StepMom` the other night. I was expecting really sharp, cutting humour, great for the first half hour, then you find out.......well I won`t tell you, in case you haven`t seen it yet. Suffice it to say, I used a full box of kleenex and had a headache for two days!

Does it mean you are heartless. No, I don`t think so. Sounds to me that you`re more of a realist. Do you find yourself saying, `it`s only a film`? I get totally drawn in to films, and find that I can suspend belief very easily, and relate to characters in an instant.

Worst film? Well `Boxing Hellena` must rate as one of the worst - but I`m sure I`ll come up with some more by tomorrow!

Night all!(:o)

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Screacher!!!!! How can u say that about Dumb+Dumber ;-(

Loved every second of it +its the only film ive ever bought+watched several times. I usually hate 'silly' comedies- thought Carreys performance was as good as in the Truman Show.

The 'lets leave the cinema after 30 mins' award goes to the Mummy from me ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Spud,

Well, I just wonder which one of us is Dumb and which one is Dumber. I suppose it takes all sorts......

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Screacher.....you leave youself so wide open pal!

Worst film......Titanic....it didn't live up to over seventy years of pre-pubicity

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Actually ITK, I was thinking about you...............but not in that sort of way before you get too excited. I thought Titanic was a bit wet. But it went down pretty well.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

I'm not gonna bite on that one!

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Ha ha! Got you. Hook, line and s(t)inker.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Hmm...I tend to block the very worst films out of my consciousness ;-) I did find the English Patient decidedly underwhelming. Perhaps I'd have been more impressed if I'd seen it before the hype got out of control. never saw Titanic because the hype became too much,

I actually liked Dumb and Dumber. Though I wouldn't go out of my way to see it a second time. It was just one of those so-stupid-it's-funny movies. And I saw it on my first kinda date with my now ex-boyfriend. Come to think of it with that being the first kinda date, perhaps it should have tipped me off to where things were heading! ;-)

One really bad movie, made more fun by a group of friends and lots of beer, was Great Balls of Fire. Bad movie, but as we were at home and watching on video we spent the whole time taking the piss out of it. :-D

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

Didn't think Joe Black was that bad....I've seen a lot worse!

One of the worst ones I've seen at the cinema recently was Dogma (Matt Damon and Ben Affleck).....pile of poo to put it politely ;)

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

It has to be a tie between 'Roller Blade' and 'A Chorus Line'.

Roller Blade thought that by taking a bit of the title from Rollerball and a bit from Bladerunner they would hook the Science Fiction audience. Working out that the whole thing was only being filmed on video and they hadn't come up with a script, they decided to include loads of topless women on rollerskates. Before you rush out to hire this turkey fellas, let me assure you that the naked rollerskating in no way makes up for quite the most inept piece of film-making I've ever seen...

...unless we go to the other extreme with a huge budget and an appalling idea. Let's take a musical (God, how I detest musicals!), and a sh*te one at that, and film it just like the stage show. Yes, that's right, why bother with the amazing options offered by cinematography? Let's keep it wooden, full of terrible overacting like you need in a theatre so that the audience can see what's going on, come up with quite possibly the least sympathetic bunch of characters in film history, and then lavishly blast this bollocks at the unfortunate filmgoer for hours. The only vagueley amusing moment was when Afdan from Dallas sang a song about her 'tits and ass', but this was immediately followed by yet another of the male dancers confessing that he was gay and had beem interfered with by his agent or somesuch. The only time I have been forced to heckle a film. Of the 30 people who watched it, only us 4 were left at the end, and that was just an endurance test. Simply appalling.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I rolled with laughter at the Mummy and loved every minute of it. I also cried with laughter at Dusk Till Dawn and Desperado but hated Pulp Fiction. Best film's for me is Memphis Belle and Renaissance Man both army films and both of them make me cry at the end no matter how meny times I watch them. Memphis Belle is all the sweeter as it was filmed at the Imperial War Museum, Duxford.

One film I was horrified at but still enjoyed was Saving Private Ryan, I could never watch it again.

Tantic over hyped pap!

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Worst film ? A pile of kak called 'Bartleby'. Without a doubt.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Nice choice of films Jay. If you were ever going to give 'Saving Private Ryan' another go then today would be a good one - 56 years ago today and all that.

I had a friend at college whose summer job was dressing up as B17 crew-member and being driven backwards and forwards from the briefing room to the bombers at Duxford all day. He loved it, the great tart! Not that I was jealous of being able to dress up like a conquering hero and dream a while...

I love my war films, with 'Platoon' being the one that moves me most, but I also love the Boy's Own war films like 'Where Eagles Dare', which always fills in a wet Sunday brilliantly, and 'Kelly's Heroes' which I must have seen a hundred times but will never grow bored of. Obviously if you can get hold of 'Das Boot' in its entirety (all 8 hours in German with subtitles) then your life is complete. Superb, nothing comes close to it for atmosphere.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Worst film of recent times is Blair Witch Project. I did a small review on Ye Olde Communicata BBS (RIP) and still think I wasted me fiver on it.

Any film where you have to look at your watch after 15 mins can't be much kop.

Actually, I don't think I mentioned that the most exciting incident during the whole film was when my watch decided to give up the ghost and die on me - curiously indicating a dead battery by illuminating the backlight for 4 hours. Perhaps the most intersting part of the film experience.

Worst film of all time: "Xanadu" anyone? Robocop II?

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Right again Barb - er - Softie, Das Boote is brilliant. One of my favourites as well. And taking the sycophancy as far as I can, you're also right about where Eagles Dare.

Footnote - Sycophancy - Yiddish for ar*e licking.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Softie did you eversee Stalingrad? (Sp) lord now that was a gritty war film, mostly filmed in Russian.

I have seen Das Boot, very good as was Platoon.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I so looked forward to 'Stalingrad' (same director as Das Boot) but when I went to see it they had dubbed these awful cod-German accents over it which completely spoiled it for me.

'Cross of Iron' is a nice reworking of Willi Heinrich's seminal WWII story, 'Das Geduldige Fleisch' which has been published here as both 'The Willing Flesh' and 'Cross of Iron'. The special side to this film is that Sam Peckinpah directed it so it's full of slow motion sequences of men being caught by artillery fire and hurled into stands of barbed wire and the like. He also used the Polish (I think) army and bona fide T34 tanks so the authenticity of some of the sequences is incredible. Great stuff for military historians who want to see what they've been reading about.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Favorite movies. Natural Born Killers, Reservoir Dogs, Eat The Rich, Apocalypse Now

Worst Movie:- Anything with that tw@t Eddie Murphy in it.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Nomination for worst film. TV Film Stalag Luft, in which I was an extra but my mate got a full five seconds on the camera as it panned along the line up of PoW's. Nicholas Lyndhurst and Stephen Fry, filmed on a camp site just outside Bellingham!

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000