These always tend to stir up some activity on slow days.

My father is a coarse man. We were in the garden and I was admiring the veg he was growing including some mammoth aubergines in the greenhouse. He lovingly caressed one and referred to them as his "widow's comforters". This led onto general ribaldry including pet names for penises. Since it was my Dad and 2 brothers with my Mother stood aside shaking her head in disaproval, we did quite well.

My Dad is famously well endowered, so much so that my sister was scared to go near a fella for years, and he christened his own appendage KW, which is an acronym for Kidney Wiper. Nobody could top this, although the old classics like 'baby's arm holding an apple' were trotted out, and 'pink, pliant, plesiosaurus' and 'the hot fellow'.

I'm sure as widely travelled and experienced a group of people as yourselves could add some pretty choice ones, so go on, meat and two veg - what should it be called? C==3

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Answers

Purple headed womb broom

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Obviously I couldn`t possibly contribute to this thread - apart from voicing my concern over your sister! You simply have to qualify that statement, or else everyone will assume the worst!(:o)

Yours sincerely, Mrs. AwmyGodhowawful for and on behalf of Childline.

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Turgid rib tickler

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Giblet garotter Choked turkey

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Is it not normal to have sex with your parents to keep warm in the winter then?

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Not down here in South!!!!(:o)

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Of course it wasn't anything like that. My Dad always went to and from the bathroom bollock naked: it was hot, it was his house and he liked to 'run free'. He stopped when my sister began to grow up, but the psychological damage had already been done! :-)

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

And did you grow up with an inferiority complex? ;))

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

I'm not bending mine in half for anyone ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

I went to get some costume for a fancy dress party last year. I was going as Adam so needed a fig leaf. The assistant gave me a fig leaf to try but I came back to tell her it was too small. She then gave me a fern to try but I returned again saying it was too small. She then gave me a palm leaf which I duly tried and returned to the counter saying it was too small. " Look here" she said, "Why don't you just sling it over your shoulder and go as a petrol pump?"

The old ones are the best (and you can interpret that any way you want (-;)

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

"I wish I had a p***k like a donkey...I'm fed up of this big f****r"

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Now that reminds me ...

During the Cold War, the Russians faxed an order to an American company for some condoms. The Americans, sensing the opportunity for a propaganda coup, made up a special batch and shipped over a supply of 2 foot long jobs.

A week later, a fax was received from the Russians in reply. "Very pleased with latest consignment - please send medium and large sizes"

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2000

Red hot throbbin cobra.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

Good lord, I thought it was a mith but you all have names for you todgers???? Now how sad is that, I mean women don't name their boobies!

You can tell I am bored I am even reading the smutty thread, oh well nearly lunch time!

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

Jay, you don't need to; we've already done it for you :-)

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

Now why dosen't that surprise me! Tell me what else do you have names for??

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

Hmmm. I suppose euphimisms for sexual intercourse are still the League Leaders.

A particulalrly nice one makes great use of assonance: 'So, did you slip-'er-a-crippler?'

Always makes me smile that one. 'Giving someone a length of the Hot Fellow' is another. There are thousands....as Gav will now demonstrate ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000