Dear Dr. Lauragreenspun.com : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread
Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this? I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify? I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
-- Whoody Who (email@example.com), May 31, 2000
I can't help you on most of this stuff. But, you seem "net literate"; with regard to your question "I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her" -- might I suggest Ebay? Their action style format allows you to determine the answer to this question using good old American market forces.
Hope this helps. Hope you get a good price.
-- E.H. Porter (Just Wondering@About.it), May 31, 2000.
rofl EL! Whoody, please put photo on ebay and name starting bid price ;)
-- FactFinder (FactFinder@bzn.com), May 31, 2000.
...and please specify if oxen will be considered an appropriate bid, and if so, how many?
-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), May 31, 2000.
E.H., LMAO! Whoody, I am certainly no expert, but I do remember reading the bible was translated by those who might have had a slanted point of view. BTW, I just checked out Lev. 20/20 in my Bible, mentions nothing about poor eyesight, it speaks of poor judgement in having sex with your Uncle's Wife. My version of Lev. 10/10 is not about shellfish. What translation are you reading?
-- Verifier (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 31, 2000.
And while you're at it, ask her about those X-rated nudie shots her ex-boyfriend spammed the Net with last year.
-- What a hypocrite (@ .), May 31, 2000.
Listen up! This is serious. I've got a rotten nephew I would like to sell. Will this be the same as a daughter? Don't want to sell the daughter. Any suggestions?
-- Richard (Astral-Acres@webtv.net), May 31, 2000.
Verifier: Should have done just that. It is just a e-mail joke that was sent to me. Thought I'd share
-- Whoody Who (email@example.com), May 31, 2000.
Verifier, perhaps "having sex with your Uncle's Wife" can also be construed as "having poor eyesight."
-- David L (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 31, 2000.
Whoody, it was funny, but real people, who do not drive SUV's, or live in physical montetary mansions (The minimum (sp)wage people), the people you give a side glance on the street, and then forget, their lives still continue at minimum(sp) wage. They deserve more honest hope than a cut at their one hope for a life unbeligered by monetary strife. Their belief of an all power-full who will lift them up, drives them (me) on. Please, find it in your heart, to offer those less fortunate, in this monetary life, a hope, a reprieve, that some fellow passenger, will give them kindness and hope. Amen...
-- Verifier (email@example.com), May 31, 2000.
Dr. Laura still cares about kids.
-- -- -- (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 01, 2000.
There is no hope 4 the future.
Theres only now, so Njoy it now, my friend...
-- (who s@id .that?), June 01, 2000.
I would caution those looking to unload daughters and nephews on e- bay to keep the specimens whole. The auctioning of body parts is not allowed.
-- Brooks (email@example.com), June 01, 2000.
Of course you can buy Canadian slaves, but give some thought to the Canadian vs. Mexican slave purchase. Is it cheaper to keep large quantities of Molsens on hand than it is to keep a bottle of Tequila. Ask yourself, would you prefer to hear "Si, Master?" or "Master, eh?" Canadian's speak english, but they mispronounce some vowel sounds. It can get very annoying.
As for the burnt offering..I suggest marinating the bull at least two days in a nice Red Wine/Soy Sauce mixture, with several cloves of crushed garlic and some minced onion. Add just a touch of brown sugar. When you BBQ the bull on the "alter"...be sure to invite the neighbors for a taste!!
-- kritter (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 01, 2000.
For the open minded only... In Defense of Dr. Laura
-- Closed Mouth (Gathers No Feet@shhh!.com), June 01, 2000.
There's a T.V. show that airs daily weekdays at the 6:30pm CST timeslot called Family Feud. It's a game show wherein two families compete to determine how the majority of folks answered somewhat stupid questions. The host is Louie Anderson. He always begins the question with, "We surveyed 100 people...". The time-slot coincides with finishing up the cooking segment of dinner, so we tune in, as the T.V. can both be heard and seen from the kitchen.
Yesterday evening, one of the questions revolved around who folks would call/write for advise [phrased so as to indicate that they were referencing folks like Ann Landers.] The show was down to one family and 2 members attempting to obtain maximum points by guessing what the majority of folks surveyed said. When asked this question, the first family member said "Dr. Laura." I thought,"Oh yeah...EVERYONE listens to her." She got 2 for that response, indicating that 2 out of 100 folks had answered with Dr. Laura. They moved on to the other questions, and it was time for the 2nd family member to respond to the same question. She ALSO said "Dr. Laura." Since responses may not be duplicated, she heard a buzzer sound and guessed again. Her second response was Rush Limbaugh. Her score for that one was 0.
-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), June 01, 2000.
Anita, after they finish with the second person's choices, tey give the top answers.
Do you recall who was the number one answer?
-- Ann or Abby probably (email@example.com), June 01, 2000.
Top choice was something like Ann Landers or Dear Abby. I forgot which. I pay more attention to the answers folks give. For instance, one of yesterday's questions asked, "What do men worry about more than women?" Obvious answers would be "Hair Loss", or "Sexual Performance/size of ...", but one guy answered "Clothes." DUH! Why not hemline? [grin]
-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), June 01, 2000.
I would like to volunteer for the position of Canadian slave. My master should preferably be female, under 25, rich, unarmed and live near a decent winery.
Applications should be forwarded by first-class dog sled to J Canuck, Toronto (3rd sod hut on the left)
-- Johnny Canuck (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 01, 2000.
Thought you might enjoy these, downloaded from email.
Actual answers given by contestants in the game show Family Feud.
Name something a blind person might use - A sword
Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon
Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar
Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde
Name a dangerous race - The Arabs
Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse
Name something that floats in the bath - Water
Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair
Name something Red - My cardigan
Name a famous cowboy - Buck Rogers
Name a famous royal - Mail
A number you have to memorize - 7
Something you do before going to bed - Sleep
Something you put on walls - Roofs
Something in the garden that's green - Shed
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings
Something you might be allergic to - Skiing
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
Something a cat does - Goes to the toilet
Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog
Something associated with the police - Pigs
A sign of the zodiac - April
Something slippery - A conman
A kind of ache - Fillet 'O' Fish
A food that can be brown or white - Potato
A jacket potato topping - Jam
A famous Scotsman - Jock
Another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones
Something with a hole in it - Window
A non living object with legs - Plant
A domestic animal - Leopard
A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
A way of cooking fish - Cod
Something you open other than a door - Your Bowels
-- Beerman (email@example.com), June 02, 2000.
LOL, Beerman. But this one has me baffled: "Name a famous royal - Mail."
-- David L (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 02, 2000.
David L - Royal Mail, it's the potal service in the UK.....
Which makes me think those answers were at least in part from Family Fortunes. Which is reknown for having incredibly stupid contestants.
Any news on whether the female first born reached the reserve price ?
-- Jez (email@example.com), February 20, 2003.