Q : How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A : ONE!!! And do you want to know WHY it only takes one???? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out and they wouldn't be able to *find* the light bulb despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they stood on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID ^@#$*# LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?!? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!! IT'S A WONDER THAT WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE HOUSE!!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE... I'm sorry, what did you ASK ME???

(Yes, guys, this *is* funny :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 30, 2000

Answers

Rats, Tricia, I was meaning to post that...

-- Brooks (brooksbie@hotmail.com), May 31, 2000.

The Funeral A Woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind her were 200 Women walking single file.

The Woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the Woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

The Woman replied, "Well that first hearse is for my husband."

"What happened to him?"

The Woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The Woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), May 31, 2000.

OOPS, sorry.

I just read the thread title, and thought someone had posted my picture.

:)

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), May 31, 2000.

You WERE spying on me!

-- helen (par@noid.maniac), May 31, 2000.

You are all SICK. SICK! SICK !!!

BBL gotta go feed the dog.

-- gene (ekbaker@essex1.com), May 31, 2000.

Wow! I thought I was the only one who always had to change light bulbs and toilet paper rolls! You mean this happens in other houses too? :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), June 01, 2000.

Tricia, your joke reminds me of the best idea Rush Limbaugh ever had. It was based on the apparent fact that women working together for some reason have their cycles come into alignment.

So what you do is have a number of all-women units, where at any one time there will be some units where every single one of the soldiers has PMS.

He made the suggestion specifically with respect to getting our hands on Noriega, (at the time, as I recall, and I am not making this up, we were trying to get him to give himself up by playing awful music near his villa). What Rush said was "Imagine him sitting there and suddenly over the hill comes a band of screaming women, every single one of them with PMS." Old pineapple face would know that the game was up.

-- Peter Errington (petere@ricochet.net), June 06, 2000.

Tricia, I have been known to remark about Sweetie that he's an absolute genius when it comes to highly technical stuff but in simple practical matters, he's the typical absent-minded professor. And if he had to change a light bulb, he would want to know what happened to the instruction leaflet. If I die first, Sweetie will live in the dark after a while. Maybe he'll turn to mushroom farming as a hobby.

You can add smoke and carbon monoxide detectors to the list too. When they start beeping due to low batteries, Sweetie just takes them off the ceiling instead of inserting a fresh battery.

BTW, I'm gradually changing, where feasible, to "natural light" compact fluorescents. They last SUCH a long time.

In the mid-80s, I worked for an, um, eccentric lawyer who sent around a memo saying there was no such thing as PMS. Therefore, he decreed, nobody would be given any sick leave for cramps or other allegedly PMS-related ailments. As is the case in such idiocy, the migraines and cramps magically turned into allergies, food poisonings or viruses--all eligible for sick leave status. One had to resort to guerrilla warfare with this fellah. It was true--the cycles of the half dozen or so women in the office did coincide. Luckily for the lawyer, the memo in question was sent around when the hormones weren't in raging and seething mode. . .

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), June 06, 2000.

Peter, that PMS squad would be one mean and vicious bunch. Angry and ruthless, they would be ready for special missions such as these. I don't think they'd be in the mood to "take prisoners".

-- (Sis@home.zzz), June 06, 2000.