Here's something a friend and I were debating the other night.

Hypothesis: Assuming that desire is expressed, the more a man desires a woman the more attractive the man becomes to her. The more a woman desires a man the less attractive the woman is to him.

Agree or disagree and state your reasoning.

-- Jackie (jackie@jackie.nu), May 29, 2000

Answers

Well, i tend to disagree, but i suppose that could have something to do with the fact that it's personal experience speaking. George showed it for me and i showed it for him, but neither desire made either of us less attractive.

Man. That whole sentence just came out... weird. Maybe i should get myself another cup of coffee. Or perhaps i should just try to actually fulfill my sleep quota.

-- Sherry (sherina@masc.ca), May 29, 2000.

Well, from my own experience, I think relationships are much more complicated than formulaic generalizations, as fun and seemingly valid as they can be. Just my opinion, though...

-- Rob Rummel-Hudson (rhudson@digitalism.com), May 29, 2000.

I think we tend to look for patterns in our lives. We want to bring theory to our chaos, so to speak.

The above hypothesis has proved true for me from time to time, but the reverse has also seemed to come into play, though not nearly as often.

Generally, I believe every relationship works upon its own set of rules (or lack of them) insomuch as people do.

-- Jackie (jackie@jackie.nu), May 29, 2000.

Familiar topic, Jackie.

"By nature man loves change. He is attracted by beauty, attracted by novelty. To this, the Yoga Vasishtha gives a philosophical reply: 'From the moment one has obtained something desired, it is no longer desirable. The desire to obtain something disappears at the moment it is obtained." ~ The Kama Sutra

Okay, not exactly a great source, but I think that statement is pretty true of both men and women. Once we have what we want, we either want more or want something different. Being in the dating scene now, I find this particularly true of my friends and partners. I'm not saying that it is all encompassing, but I think it's at least fairly common.

I really hope that I don't come off sounding like a term paper, but I studied this stuff in grad school. Two years and this is pretty much all I learned. A study by Paul Mongeau and Colleen M. Carey attempted to study how date initiation influences evaluation of the characteristics of the initiator. They found that regardless of whether the initiator is male or female, date initiators are perceived as less physically attractive as well as casual daters, sexually active, and more intelligent.

-- Michelle (michelle@obscurity.com), May 29, 2000.

Maybe it's becuase I have hardly (re:never to my knowledge) ever been desired by a woman, but I would think that if a woman was to express an interest in me, I'd be definitly more attracted to her. (Is that the first sign of being desperate?? Gah I hope not.. lol) On the other hand, I know of one friend who gets turned right off becuase a woman may be checking him out, he does enjoy the hunt and it's not that much fun for him to catch someone that is willing to walk into his trap.

So I think though it depends on the person.. If you contantly are being desired - no matter if your male or female - your not going to find people who wan't you that appealing. But if you don't get that kind of attention that often, then you'll probably welcome and hint of being desired.

Art

-- Arthur (art_m@telusplanet.net), June 06, 2000.

I'm am definitely not more attracted to men who I know desire me. Having been stalked, it can easily be a turn-off!

-- Christine (cdaae@darkgoddess.com), July 12, 2000.