Oh there is no hope for the future of mankind...Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?

Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University. In-class Assignment for Wednesday "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pairoff with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now,at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychicallybrutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why mustone lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no I'm such a air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."

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Asshole.

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Bitch

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Wanker

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Slut

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Get fucked.

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Eat shit. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

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Go drink some tea - whore..

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Answers

Sorry for the bad language !!

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Excellent Jay! Just the thing to perk up my rainy, houseworking, boring afternoon! (:o)

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

So they knew each other pretty well then :))

Now Jay, who's team are you on? ;)

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

I'm off no anyway, so I will just collect me coat on the way out!!

Have a good weekend folks

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

What team is that Gav?

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Jay,

Hilarious. What a way to start the weekend.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Rotflmao! Utterly priceless! Thanks Jay.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Cup of tea anyone?

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Yes please...

Computer...Tea, Earl Grey, Hot....

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Captain, there seems to be a time-space anomaly in Beta sector...

Fennel twig tea on stand-by

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

I'll have fookin' PG Tips!

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Classic Jay.
I'll put that posting on a par with the Y2K and Sun'lun are completely shite posting.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

God, I love this bbs !!

As Pit Bill says, what a way to start the weekend.

Brilliant. Thanks, Jay.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Are you sure it was Rebecca and Gary? Very reminiscent of Galaxy and Gav on their better days.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Brilliant!! I've nearly fallen off my chair from laughing so hard! :-)

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000

Alas I can't take the credit it for it. It was e-mailed to me by one of the Strawberry regulars. But even reading it again had me crying!! ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2000