I received my reminder for the phone bill this morning and I was just about to write out a cheque when I noticed the address at the top.

You see when you get your first bill it comes all fully itemised in harmless blue colouring, with information on how they can help you and nice offers. this all comes from a place in Newcastle, nothing strange there you say.

Now, when you get your horrible red bill through, there are no itemised pages, no offers and the wording is a bit cruder. Where does the red bill come from.......SUNDERLAND.

Ahhhh the irony of it all.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Answers

Also on the mackem berating front...this comes from Optasoccer.I

T is being reported that Leeds United have made a stunning #20 million bid for Sunderland striker Kevin Phillips - but despite the mammoth sum, it is likely to fall on deaf ears.

The Sun are claiming that Elland Road boss David OLeary is so desperate to acquire the services of the Premierships number one marksman that he will shatter the clubs transfer record to do so.

However, Black Cats manager Peter Reid will be loathe to part with his prize asset, even if the clubs coffers would be swelled by such a huge amount.

Reid is in the prime position because he is under no pressure to sell, as the 26-year-old hot-shot put pen-to-paper on an improved five-year deal in March  earning him an estimated #25,000 a week.

If the Wearsiders were to part with Phillips, it would be an amazing profit, as Reid only paid #625,000 when he bought the England international from Watford in 1997.

Whites boss OLeary knows that despite his young side showing up so well in the league, they desperately missed the firepower of Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, whom they sold to Atletico Madrid at the start of last term.

With a Champions League challenge looming, the Irishman is aware that to compete with the best in Europe he will need a striker of genuine quality.

The one ray of light that OLeary may look to is that Phillips recently stated that he would consider a move away from The Stadium of Light if it would boost his chances of winning trophies.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I just hope to hell you're correct. If Leeds really were to offer #20mm for the munchkin it could split the cosy atmosphere at La Stade de Merde asunder.
I can't see 'Ruby' Murray wanting to turn down a really serious wedge - equivalent to what it cost him to build the entire Monkwearmouth Stadium. On the other hand Mr. Heed would be apoplectic if he had to sell him. Sitting in the middle would be the munchkin, dreaming of CL glory with a legitimate contender.
This has all the hallmarks of potential MAKEM MAYHEM - yippeeeee!!

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

The makums are already on the Chimp's back, despite him bringing them within a whisker of European qualification in their 1st season back up.

Loyalty? That's something other teams have...

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Could we use the munchkin, assuming they would dare to sell him to us ?

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Yup, he could provide pre-match 'favours' in the Trevor Bennett Suite - at #28k per season you must get something 'special'.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

While we're on the subject, in their efforts to win over the community, the makkems(ptuh) have some fancy deal to entice people to sign up for some web site or summat, by offering free phone calls.

The problem is that in trying to keep undesirables out, it's been set up to monitor language and lo and behold anybody who mentions Arsenal or Scunthorp, is immediately booted off.

Don't you just love it when a makkem(ptuh) plan comes together ?

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000