There is this woman in my life who literally zaps me of my energy. I work with her. She is my peer, but I have been there for three years, she less than one. She was supposed to come with all of this "experience" and save the world, but it seems like all I ever do is save her ass. It was ok in the beginning, I had no problem helping her learn the ropes. But now she is getting very authoritative and demanding. And she isn't doing that great of a job.

On top of that, she is always in the the middle of a personal crisis. Usually more than one. And she is always dumping her issues all over my desk. She spends the day emailing her friends and chatting to co-workers then has to stay late getting her work done. Then whines "I'm so busy...I have to work so late."

I am so sick of this. I don't care about her personal life, and I have been documenting the work issues and discussing them with my boss. He is aware that things aren't great and wants to work them out, but he is slow and non-confontational about these things. In the meantime, she is draining the life out of me.

I know I have to start looking for another job. It is the only thing that will allow me to keep my sanity. But I like this job, and the other people I work with. I feel like she is driving me away from a place I like.

Anyone else out there having the same life sucking experience?

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2000

Answers

There was a similar thread over on Hissyfit, I believe. Another person was having all this trouble with a co-worker plus she was constantly being asked to take up that lazy person's slack. The most salient advice seemed to be, if your boss won't correct the problem, then you probably should think about leaving. No, it's not fair, but life rarely is.

I had a friend, a managerial person, who was getting a whole pile of grief from the co-owner of a company he worked for. He got this advice from a wise person: in the end, there are only three options. You can try to change the situation, you can learn to live with it, or you can leave. Really, that's all there is.

I mostly work alone so I don't have these issues in my workday. Sometimes it comes up in my personal life, though. I had a friend who was a dear soul, but who never recovered from his wife leaving him. He seemed to go around with a little black raincloud almost visible over his head. To see him, one had to be in a very strong mood, very bouyant and cheerful, because quite without meaning to he would suck all the energy out of you and the entire room he was in. But I cared about him, so I made the effort.

I recently noticed that another person I know socially- sort of a hangover from my former life with my ex- is just that way, minus the black cloud. I don't know her well enough anymore to want to tell her anything personal at lunch, for instance. So why do I even meet her, knowing that an hour in her presence will drag on forever and leave me feeling limp and annoyed?

Good question. Next time she calls, I believe I'll be... busy.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Argh, yes. In my office. She's either incredibly chipper or so much a black hole she sucks the light out of the fluorescents. I share office space with two co-workers, the ray of sunshine being one. It's gotten to the point where I put on my headphones and tune out. It's the only way I can cope.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

There are two women right here in my room that I would like to just reach over the top of my computer monitors and rip their heads off.

That would fix their ignorant, blood-pressure raising, energy sucking, wasting-air on idiots, bitching.

I can't STAND it.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

I have a VERY talkative co-worker. She's often late for work, complains about the traffic, her hour-plus commute, her workload which is lighter than mine. It's always something - someone's ex-spouse, calls from the school to retrieve her sick kid, the upcoming prom (save me) the vacation, the sunburn, the car trouble, her husband's band

I bring in my CD player and turn the volume up.

-- Anonymous, May 25, 2000

Vampires, eh? Don't get me started again. I just posted a huge entry on the subject about two weeks ago, right here on this forum, which I'm not going to repeat here.

-- Anonymous, May 31, 2000