Or, The Loneliness of a Lone-Posting Mother. I feel my days are numbered
On this BBs my friends.
Another nail in my coffin
each time I press the `send`!
I write it, then I read it,
Then I check it one more time.
No spelling mistakes, the grammar`s good,
I think it looks just fine.
So I press the little button
and it zips off to Greenspun
And I drink my morning coffee
Thinking `Internet is fun`!
But within a nano-second
A cyber `nudge, nudge` and `wink, wink`
I`m inundated with replies
That make me turn quite pink!
That wasn`t what I meant al all
And I get a funny feeling
That that carefully worded posting
May have had a double meaning.
So now I`m in a pickle.
My back`s against the wall.
I know just what I want to say
But I haven`t got the gall.
I`m not a straigt-laced harriden.
I`m really not a prude.
But I can`t reply sponteneously
In case it`s just too rude!
My hubbie wouldn`t like it
He might think that I`m flirtin`
He wouldn`t laugh, then we`d fall out
I think, no, no - I`m certain.
I can`t use personal anecdotes.
That really wouldn`t do.
Just too much information
When my daughter posts here too.
So I can`t reply with `been there`,
And I dare not say `done that`,
And I keep the `teeshirt` hidden
When I wear my `Mummy` hat.
But I`ve thought of a solution.
The answer is quite plain.
I`ll simply re-invent myself -
Thoough I`ll have to change my name.
I might come back as `minnietheminge
@cyberspank.com`,
Or if I change my gender
I may just sign off `Dong`!
No they won`t do, don`t fit the bill.
I nead a bit more slack
If I`m going to have the bottle to launch
A full frontal attack!
By George I think I`ve got it!
A name to call my own!
I`ll just be `thedogsbollocks
@thetesterostozone`!

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Answers

RATS! I made a mess of the beginning. `The Loneliness of a Lone Posting Mother` is it`s alternative title. `I feel my days are numbered` is the first line. Still, not bad for a first attempt!(:o)

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Excellent Gal.

Any more hidden talents? Oh cr@p, there goes that innuendo again!

:o))

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Roz,

You already are the 'dogs bollox' to your friends on here - metaphorically speaking of course, and I wouldn't have even have dared to use such a lude phrase to you if you hadn't used it first. So there - and you can take your skipping rope home if you want!

You not allowed to even contemplate deserting us - Just try disconnecting your keyboard when you get into dodgy debates with certain characters.

Impressive poem BTW - you could well prove to be the BBS Cyber-Bard.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Why thank you Pilgrim and Clarky! You don`t think that I actually would leave do you? Not letting those scallyways off that easily! (:o)

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Brilliant, Galaxy !!

I empathise with everything you say about posting ! It takes me AGES to write a reply, checking and re-checking etc. I am lost in admiration for the speed and wit others use, and that includes YOU, without a shadow of doubt :-))

And, IMHO, the lads never go too far with their 'innuendos' and they always make me smile. WHO says Lads and Lasses can't have some 'innocent' fun on the Internet. I reckon we all understand where we're all coming from. (Although, come to think of it, I did have a few raised eyebrows from Fifties Fan before he became one of us himself !! ).

I remember on one of my very first hesitant postings to the old Communicata, I stuck a few xxxxx at the end, as you do. Screacher promptly replied with another message, this time with the title "Kisses on the Bottom" !! Ooooooooooh, Cheeky (!) I thought....

I got the drift then and it's never really changed :-))

val.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Ack.....

I've just found a guilty conscience that I never knew that I had!!!

I don't know what to say (a first I know!)....I'm embarrassed that I might have been causing you some embarrassment but any apology I would make would sound weak :( I'm afraid that I can't really help the smut and innuendo but I really will try to tone it down in front of you and yours to try and save anymore embarrassment because I would hate to scare you off this home of ours......

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Ah wuv you mammy.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

I agree with you Val - to be absolutely fair to the folks on here, no- one has truly offended me - sometimes there are occasions when I feel it would be inappropriate for me to join in - but usually it all a bit of a `hoot`!(:o)

Gav - it is only a joke you know! Triggered by your comment about how difficult it must be being a female on here! I think the lasses on here give as good as they get! And I think you are all quite restrained in your comments to me (very laudible I might add)!

This is an excellent BBS, I love it! (:o)

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Excellent Galaxy....the resident cyberbard indeed. I still, fairly frequently, scrub a thread before releasing it as I don't have time to ....in fact I'm starting to consider it already with this, because I've realised I don't really know what I'm trying to say anyway. What's new.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Well I`m pleased somebody does Pit Bill! (:o)

Windy - Wow - so it`s not just a `girlie` thing then! (:o)

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Oy. Are you accusing me of being a girlie? Watch what your saying, you. ;-)))

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Not at all Windy! I just thought all the blokes had a `post and be damned` attitude! (:o)

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000

Tee hee! But hey Gal, will you leave my innuendo alone please. It ain't what it used to be.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2000