I guess it's that time of the season when the pressures are off and everybody is in party mood. And so it was last night at Anfield. At the last minute, I was offered a guest ticket at the Ronnie Moran Testimonial game between Liverpool and Celtic. With the prospect of seeing Newcastle's favourite manager ever once more strutting his stuff sadly not on the cards due to him jetting off to Trinidad and/or Tobago, I accepted the offer and headed for Anfield.

The city was awash with green and white. Never have I seen so many green and whites since my youth when Blyth Spartans won the Northumberland Senior Cup - or was it the time Celtic invaded SJP? Jonno, remind me (Happy Borthday, BTW). The atmosphere was party-like and I saw no trouble, tho I did see a lot (and I mean a lot) of drunken Scotsmen.

The "celebrity" match had already started by the time I'd climbed to the top of the Centenary Stand, although I suspect the players had just been leaving the coach when I started my climb. A lesson to bear in mind for next season for any of us lucky (?) enough to get a seat at SJP in the new extension. Set your alarm clocks an hour ahead if you want to make it before kickoff. It was 1-0 to the reds as I made my way to my seat, scorer unknown. Elton Welsby (recently sacked from Granada??) was doing a fine job keeping the crowd informed but I was somewhat perplexed to hear that Vialli was playing for the reds. I'd have thought all players would have had strong connections with either Liverpool or Celtic, but yet again, I heard "..and it's Vialli on the ball". However, closer inspection revealed that it was none other than the star of the night Ronnie Moran with a "natural" Vialli haircut waddling around on the pitch.

The Bhoys number 7 was receiving more cheers than you might expect for a Celtic player and got even more after halftime when he changed his strip and came out playing for Liverpool. Perhaps that's why Toon were so sh*te - he had us playing the same direction in both halves of our games?? Anyway, after more exhibitions of "mind over body", the game drew to a close with the score 3-0 (I think). TSM had failed to score for either side, despite facing Bruce "oops I missed it" Grobbelaar for half the game.

The entertainment between the games was mixed, with the usual celebrities being wheeled out and an impressive display of silverware - five European Cups. I think I turned a subtle shade of green at this stage and it wasn't because I was supporting the Bhoys. By this time, the crowd had swelled to near capacity, with hardly an empty seat in the Anfield Road stand. For those of us at Anfield earlier this season, that's the end we were in. But this time both the lower and upper tiers were allocated exclusively to away supporters, not that this stopped a fair number more in other parts of the ground as well. I have to say, apart from the Toon Army at Wembley, this was the most impressive disiplay of away support I have ever witnessed - and all for a "friendly" match. There were over 12,000 of the b*gg*rs and I swear every one of them was wearing a replica shirt, a flag or scarf, and some had all three. And the noise was phenomenal, putting the Kop to shame. Their rendering of "Hey Jimmy, you'll ne'er waalk again" (I think that's what it was) was tremendous. Tears started welling in the eyes especially when Gerry Marsden was dusted down to lead the singing. Ah, the memories!

The main game started with both teams having a smattering of first teamers along with fringe players. You could liken the Liverpool side to @rse last Sunday - they'd all played in the Premiership, but some not as regulars. Not being an avid follower of Scottich football, more of their names were unrecognisable (and unpronounceable - they must have more Johnies than Chewsea). The game was livened up when Robbie F***er, out to impress KK fired in a cross-come-shot which glanced of Erik Meijer into the net. With the events of the evening yet to rool out, in retrospect Mr F might have claimed it himself as it was the closest he was going to get to scoring all night. Had it not been for the plaster on his nose (just how long is that cut going to take to heal?) and perhaps the colour of his skin, you could have been excused for thinking that Andy Cole had been drafted in to the Liverpool side. I lost count of the number of chances he missed, be they clear runs on goal, unmarked headers or turn-and-shhot-wide efforts. Hmmm - methinks KK was not impressed.

Liverpool extended their lead right on halftime with a thunderous shot from David Thompson. I've not seen a ball hit as hard as that since, er lets see - yes, last Sunday against @rse. Halftime 2-0 and TSM had his work cut out. At least the Scots in the team might stand a chance of understanding his halftime peptalk so at least Paul Lambert and Mark Burchill might play a bit better in the second half. The scoreline started to become embarrassing soon into the second period with Liverpool extending their lead to 3-0 and then 4-0. It's not that Liverpool played particularly well - Celtic were clueless and it was only a miss-hit shot finding an unmarked G&W shirt that saved them total embarrassment.

YMO came on to replace somebody and immediately showed eveybody how to get caught offside, not once, not twice, not three times - I lost count after that. No sign of Emile but we did have two of England's brightest prospects for Euro2000 on show. God help us. Owen was as bad as F***er. On this display, it will be either Cole or Munchkin partnering Big Al up front. KK must have left less than impressed. However, I have to mention titty. Well, with all the other threads on this topic recently, I can't let the chance go by. Camera was, hmmm, what's the word? Tinoesque. That's it. Tinoesque. At times, outstanding, at times causing despair both on and off the pitch. But he's exciting. Give him chance to think and he'll lose the ball. But in a moment he can turn the game. A fabulous one-two saw him receive the ball on the edge of the box and he fired in a tremendous shot. I'd never seen the ball hit so hard since - the first half when Thompson scored. A true star, right out of the same mould as Tino.

So finally, back to the crowd. To be honest, I was disappointed with the Kop, there to laud it for someone who served Liverpool FC for 50 years. Yes - FIFTY years. That is some kind of a record, never to be beaten (unless YBR finds that magic elixir). But I was impressed with the Bhoys' support tho not their team. Too many parallels with Toon a couple or so years ago. Fabulous support, poor team and a manager who couldn't get them going. But the support. This bit is hard to say, but I suspect they'd have made the Toon Army look second best. Remember, this was a testimonial for somebody with no connection to Celtic. It was away and it was a Tuesday night. Yet over 12,000 of them turned up. They never stopped singing yet they had little to sing about. They were fantastic. I can only imagine what it's like at Celtic Park (or even Ibrox) on a Derby day. One thing's for certain, You'll never walk alone.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Answers

Screach......the Jocks only need the slightest of excuses to get pissed and turn up in their thousands. I've seen what you described once.....Lou Macari's testi. in the mid 80's at OT....on a Sunday!!!. There were 20 - 25,000 of the swine....ALL pissed...even the kids....and the loudest and best song of the day...sung by the Celts was "who the fuck are Liverpool". Amazing how fickle Irn Bru can make ya :-)

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

LR - the best chant last night was "Fowler for England". It came from the Anfield Road stand!

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Good to know that TSM hasn't lost his Midas touch then - everything he touches turns to sh*te.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

What would posess a club to use a song as it's anthem that contains the line 'Walk on, walk on, with soap in you arse' ?

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Bill (Pit) - you're not referring to West Ham are you??

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Screach,
No.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000