A poem by a guy because he is a guy.

Because I'm a guy, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a beer.

Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue. Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger-how the heck could HE know where we're going?

Because I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports. Since I have to make up something else when you ask, please don't. Because I'm a guy whatever you got your mother for mother's day is OK, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too? Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. And no, nothing you own or wear or are trying on in a store ever makes you look "big". Can we go now?

Its rings true to me!

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

Answers

Nahh not the millenium man Jay .. i love watching lasses dress up and get the right combo .. its a direct reflection on you after all ( yer knaa a bit like a trophy ) . Doon the shops i always do the shopping and like to knaa whats in the pan . Mothers day nah , i love me Mam and tell her meself .. oh aye and the car thing , i tek it to the garage cos i havent got a fing clue ... i sound a bit like a lass dont i ? Hmmmm : - )

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

Only parts of it apply to me....

Getting specific groceries from a shop (no hope), having a remote control in my hand whenever i'm watching TV, mothers/birth days cos I'm hopeless at them...

I don't mind watching chick flicks, helping a woman to dress, buying feminine hygiene products, asking for help or taking things into a shop to get em fixed....

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

A poem by a girl because she is a girl.

Because I'm a girl, when the car isn't running very well, I will not pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at, because I dont know how to pop the hood.

If another girl shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I dont know what Im doing, why dont I have a wonderful man who can fix cars for me, then take it down the garage and get conned by the mechanic, the Ill have some biscuits.

Because I'm a girl, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

Because I'm a girl, when I catch a cold I trudge on regardless playing the martyr running myself into the ground then complain that you should have had some time off and be grumpy for the next two weeks as I try to regain the absurd amounts of sleep I claim to need.

Because I'm a girl, I can be relied upon to make a list for the shopping which is adhered to for at least 15 minutes of the 2 hours I spend in the supermarket. I will wander around the aisles aimlessly and will often return to the same aisle after only a few minutes. I never remember to buy decent lager if I buy it at all and cheap razors will always do because they are okay for my legs when I shave them once a week. I wouldnt know a decent Pizza if it bit me on the bum and Scotch Eggs are just fattening.

Because I'm a girl, when one of our appliances stops working I will throw it away and spend over the odds for a new one bought in compliance with the supermarket bonus points scheme which always charge more for goods anyway. The main reason for it breaking in the first place is it has probably had flowers water poured down the back of it when attempting to do the dusting..

Because I'm a girl, I don't ever know if Im lost and I would ask anyone the directions to something round the corner but get directed to the other side of town. Because I'm a girl, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about because it will only open up a can of worms you cant shut. The answer is always either love or money. Because I'm a girl whatever you got your mother for mother's day is better than what you got for my last birthday. Why didnt you buy anything for my mum too?

Because I'm a girl, please don't ask me if I liked the movie as I probably didnt understand it anyway. Chances are, if you're smiling at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a girl, I dont think about what you're wearing. I thought that you were wearing the same thing yesterday and the day before, and if it makes you look better than me then change it. Either pair of shoes is fine as you only have two pairs anyway. Your hair is fine as it is always in the same style.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

I bought you two ties, is there something wrong with the one you're not wearing ? :-))

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

Why do you want to spend Sunday lunchtime in the Pub with your father and mates? what a waste of a day.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000