Scientific fact or fraternity fiction? : LUSENET : TB2K spinoff uncensored : One Thread

[Was emailed, and I hold no claim for authenticity!]

The following is an actual excerpt from this month's Forbes Magazine:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a University and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we must not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Share that handle. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be.

-- Hiccup! (whose@round.isit?), May 16, 2000


Of course, of course. After 20 years of excessive alsohol consumption (5 years sober, now) I was an absolute genius-Homeless, jobless, unemployable, 135 pounds, and $2.20 in my pocket. Yep-I was real smart!

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), May 16, 2000.


When I was a drunk I had a terrible time coming up with excuses, er, reasons for drinking excessively. If only I could have told my wife, supervisors, teachers, guidance counselors, principals, coaches, friends, relatives, neighbors that I was doing us all a favor by drinking booze.

It's a tonic!

I'm slim-lining my thought processes!

Less (brain cells) really is more!

Salud! Lachaim! One step closer to Einstein!

Oy Vey!

-- Bingo1 (, May 16, 2000.

Maybe now Budweiser will now lose the frogs,lizards and weasels and start some commercials with buffalos...opens a whole new vein of dialog..imagine buffalos looking over their shoulders talking about the 'cull'being brought down by that person with the gun..

-- justa, (pondering @ the, May 16, 2000.


-- (, May 16, 2000.

Most Excellent!!!

This is the best news sinse sliced bread,gotsa killer bottle of Cab for tonight and ice cold beer waitin' for moi tommorrow(day off),think I'll study this tech manual while imbibing.

I wonder if smokin' weed nullifies this effect?

-- capnfun (, May 16, 2000.

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