A lovely sunny day - perfect for a trip to the Riverside. Unfortunately I had forgotten that we are now into the cricket season so the usual car park was out of bounds - despite being > empty. Meanwhile the police were busy ticketing everybody who had parked on the roadside at the end of the road leading nowhere - don't they have any criminals to catch?

Anyway, I finally got parked and headed over to the training ground. As usual the keepers were first out and a dreadful sight met my eyes - the only 2 that we have fit are Shay Given and L****l P***z!! aaaarrgghh no!! even I'm better than him!! The rest of the team arrived and jogged around for a while before splitting into groups to practise fast, one-touch passing. Domi was jogging up and down the pitch on his own, presumably he is carrying an injury and won't be playing tomorrow. Also no sign of big Dunc but good to see wee Kevin Gallacher back.

They divided into teams for a practise match. The resorves were training on another pitch so it was mostly the first team (atho' Jamie McClen was included) which meant there were only 8 in each team. There was a bit of an end-of-term feel with a lot of shouting and laughing. Unfortunately I wasn't close enough to hear much of what they were saying, but Al was calling Kets "slaphead" - do the words pot and kettle come to mind?? Bobby was calling LKD "Kevin", much to the amusement of the crowd. Pistone went off with some kind of strain halfway through the game so you can probably cross him off your team picks as well! ;-)

The players then formed two lines facing each other across the pitch. The front two dribbled a ball across then, on the whistle, switched to the other ball, turned and shot at goal. Some cracking shots and equally good saves from Shay, but I'm sure I wasn't the only one praying that he wouldn't take any kind of a knock. The Mackem reject was the far side of the pitch so I couldn't see how he was doing but probably not too well judging by Bobby's exasperated "come on Lionel, even I can do that!" They finished and Shearer went over to the far corner to practise penalties. Bobby obviously thinks he needs to even if KK doesn't! The rest of the team went through the warm-down and stretching routine then went off after a shorter session than usual. None of the players splitting into small groups to work together as they usually do. With so many injuries, Bobby probably doesn't want to wear them out!

We then made our way to the gate to see the players leaving. The jobsworths there informed us that nobody would be stopping because of the cricket. They made sure of this by waving the players through as they left, thus disappointing the bairns who were waiting patiently. However, our hero Warren Barton ignored them and stopped to chat, sign stuff etc. A true star. The only other one who stopped was Keiron Dyer in his nice new personalised silver Porsche. The jobsworths then informed us that there was no point waiting any longer as the rest of the players had left through the top gate where we had been waiting in the first place! B****rds! Oh yes, and when I left Durham were losing the cricket!

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2000

Answers

Good one Steph.....brilliant read.

Shame about Sandro......did he push it too much to get back into the team before the end of the season or is it a different problem.

They never did really explain the quick substituion at Derby althoughb I heard he hurt his leg in the warm up but that the team sheet was already in....hence the reason he started, but they never did expand as far as I know.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2000

He seemed to be playing a full part in the game, then went over to the touchline and spoke to Bobby. That was the last we saw of him.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2000

Great report, Steph! Wonder if Bobby made Shearer practice penalties due to his comments in the press(probably taken out of context anyway!) about not feeling he needed to? >;-)

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2000

No wonder they were losing!!

From Football365,

Judging from this cricket report from the Daily Telegraph, Alan Shearer has added a new hobby to his fascinating pastime of creosoting the garden fence. The second most charismatic member of Newcastle's strike pairing, it would seem, is a big fan of polishing the car of a sunny afternoon.

Newcastle United train on an adjoining ground to Durham's cricket venue at Chester-Le-Street. During the recent County Championship game against Lancashire, Durham's Simon Katich was given out caught behind off the bowling of Peter 'Digger' Martin, and departed the crease in high dudgeon, "having words with umpire John Hampshire" on the way. His irritation may or may not have been partly the result of the glare coming from a shiny silver Jaguar in the players' car park, whose glint had been dazzling the batsmen.

And who was the inconsiderate owner of the shiny, batsman-worrying Jag? Step forward one balding sheet metal worker's son.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2000