What drives your cats crazy? Do you really own them, or do they own you? Do you call them silly names? Are they smarter than you?

-- Leonora (bigcatgirls@wildmail.com), May 12, 2000

Answers

My cat chases after giant chickens!

-- lurker steve (gaimanfan@aol.com), May 12, 2000.

My cat Mandy is shamelessly named after the song. Once she was hit by a car and was in a quasi coma for two days. The vet encouraged me to spend as much time as I could talking to her when she was out, much like folks do for people in comas. One day I went in and in my pathetic, sobbing singing voice went in and started singing "Mandy" to her. There wasn't a dry eye within 50 yards. She came out of her coma and was fine but it took about 6 months for full recovery.

My cats and I respect each other. I buy the food and pay the mortgage, so I guess I own them. It is a very symbiotic relationship, howev

-- Vox of a Fox (Voxofafox@aol.com), May 12, 2000.

1. Anything string-like drives my cat, Rascal, crazy. Also - my eyeglasses. He pretends to settle in on my lap like a nice cat but then reaches up and yanks them off my face.

2 & 3. Of course my FunnyBunny owns me.

4. A speck of dirt is smarter than he is. He is a boy cat, after all.

-- giner (giner@interaccess.com), May 15, 2000.

I don't think my Siamese owns me so much as she condescends to live where I do. She is only two years old, and has not grasped the idea that there are those things we bipeds consider more important than scratching and loving her.

Also, can anyone out there tell me definitively if the cat attacks I've come to term "freakfits" ever stop? Why must I put on shin guards each time I see my normally sleek Siamese with a fuffed-out tail?

-- Kayleigh (Kayleigh19@aol.com), May 25, 2000.

I was given a 3-4 week old ferral kitten, which I nursed with a bottle and named Cosmo. The name came from the business location where he was found, and over the past 9 months I have found it to be most fitting(< : He daily, manifests those freakfits and my ankles are surely destined for cat scratch fever. Further, any movement triggers him into a feline frenzy, but then he kisses and nuzzles me as if I were Mom. As a life long cat lover I must say there's no finer house mate.~Meow

-- Judy (Jleospride@cs.com), June 25, 2000.

I OWN Crystal and Isabel...I'm the BOSS.. Just ask me!

-- Amy (FarawayEyz@aol.com), August 28, 2000.

Though he is not the epitome of the great cat, Garfield said it best: "He feeds me, strokes me, changes my litter and caters to my whims. What does he get out of it? He gets to call himself 'Master'."

-- Lavenna (WailinBeansidhe@aol.com), December 11, 2000.