Jolly Jape

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Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain and Freddy Mercury are summoned back to the Pearly Gates by St. Peter and told they will receive one last chance to revisit Earth if they can justify a living being worth emulating.

Elvis goes first: "Well, Pete, after so many years of being a successful entertainer and giving so much to so many I'd still like to go back as a star. Only I wouldn't want to end up a drugged up piece of blubber who dies in the bog. I'd probably go back as Michael Chang, the tennis star. He's a true believer, a clean American professional I really admire and look up to."

"Not bad, not bad," replies St. Peter, "And what about you Kurt?"

Kurt scratches his nuts and says, "I agree with the King. Kinda wasted my life on booze and drugs as well. Look at the trog I married for Christ sake, begging your pardon, Sir. I'd probably like to go back as a clean living sports star too. Someone like Jonathon Edwards, the world record breaking triple jumper. He's also keen on the good book and a real success at what he does."

"Very good, Kurt," says the Saint, "And finally Freddy, what about you?"

"Mmm, tough one," says Mr. Mercury, picking a peanut from his foreskin. "Actually I'd like to go back as Taibi, United's new keeper." St. Peter is a bit puzzled at this. "That man's a Manc based Italian git.

Why would you want to be resurrected as one such as he?" "Well just imagine," replies Freddy, "He's got ten arseholes in front of him, fifty thousand pricks around him and no chance of catching anything."

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000


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