Every one of us have places we'd go to again and again, but how about places you have absolutely no wish to visit ?

Put me down for India.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Answers

My girlfriend would say my toilet but put me down for Bulgaira. God, I can still feel the bowels move!

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

I'll go for the Stadium of Shite

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Birmingham Train Station and the most god awful place Fuerteventura. The suns comes out at 11am and goes again at 1pm. The only half built and then abondoned place I have ever seen

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Bethlehem, Republic of South Africa.

Stuck in the heart of the Karoo Desert this one-horse town (or Dorp, to be exact) is famous notably for the humourous souls who named the donga (drainage gully) which runs passed the place 'River Jordan'. It was so funny on the map that we took a detour to have a closer look.

Driving through a desert isn't an awful lot of fun. You either try to belt through overnight with all the dangers of hitting horses (which a motorcyclist once did to great artistic effect along 200 yards of highway - if you like your art to involve plenty of intestines) and driving off the road on one of its 3 bends or fall asleep through boredom, or you go for the full horror of a daytime crossing.

As a kid in the back of the station wagon you learn to curl up inside a sleeping bag as it's actually marginally less unpleasant than letting the sun hit you direct. This was the situation on that day - midday and, unsurprisingly, a scorcher.

We followed the dirt track from the highway and continued for a few miles along another stretch of identical desert. Hundreds of square miles of empty country studded with little koppies (hills) and sprinkled with thorn trees. Very ocasionally you'd pass a sheep, with puffed up lips from eating the thorn bushes, absurdly enough, these poor critters produce fabulous wool in these conditions - tell that to the next vegan hippy you see in his homespun sweater!

Everywhere is the same shade of reddish brown from the dust, and everyone feels the heat like a crushing weight. We arrived in Bethlehem, some 40 clap-board houses with corrugated iron roofs. Not a soul in sight. Just dust and heat and an extraordinary smell of wine. Investigation revealed that a lantern in the trailer had broken and the glass had punctured a 5 litre 'happy box'. Since nobody quite fancied 40c degree wine we took it out and dumped it.

At this point we became aware of sounds other than the pinging metalwork of the car and the roofs, and recognized it as the rythmic scraping of metal on iron-hard dirt. We noticed that there was a tiny Dutch-Reformed chapel with a grave yard and that a lone black man was scratching out another final resting place for someone in this God- forsaken hole.

Realising that that was probably as exciting as Bethlehem ever gets, and appreciating that the donga was probably named ironically by some poor bugger from the Ordnance Survey Office whilst passing through, we reckoned it was time to depart.

Looking back as we drove away, however, we saw the gravedigger leave his task and scuttle over to the Happy Box. My family often talk about this incident, as it was decided that the man almost certainly expired in the heat after drinking the wine and ended up buried in the hole he was digging. Maybe he survived though, do they still remember the mad English people who drove hundreds of miles out of their way to leave a box of wine by a cemetery and drove away again? Who knows, but I ain't ever going back there again!

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Years ago when I was a lad I worked for Cunard (Courtesy of the South Shields MercanTile Marine Pool) . Got to lots of nice and wonderous exotic places, as well as some not so exotic. Places I never went, and still have no wish to go to - India, The Far East (don't know why, it just doesn't appeal to me), Hawaii, Watford and Birmingham.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Sorry Jay......have to disagree with you on Fuerteventura.....in the words of the inimitable KK......I love it, just love it.......I have long said, if I win the lottery I am going to buy a bar at Caletta de Fuste on Fuerteventura turn it into an NUFC shrine showing all their televisied games and inbetween the live TV Games play wall to wall Toon video's

It's a great place.........I love it....the only thing missing is a decent golf course........have to ferry over to Tenerife or Lanzagrotty of fly to Malaga on the mainland for a game.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

One place I would never go to again is a place called Sandwhich Illinois (about 2 hours west of Chicago) I went there on a recommendation that there might be some worthwhile antique shops, I got there only to find no antique shops and the town to be filled with people from a local asylum. I mean these people were walking around in slippers, bathrobes all sorts of garb. They all had this vacant look on thier faces too, very scary. Couldn't leave quick enough. A bit like a vist to slumberland

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

There are quite a few, but I'll start with Jay's selection - Fuertaventura.
I can only assume ITK spend two weeks there in solitary confinement with Elle McPherson and a full bottle of Viagra for him to have a positive opinion of this particular hell-hole.
I was initally fairly suspicious of the Holiday Brochure saying this place was for those "who prefer the quieter holiday". We went at Easter a few years ago, staying in ITK's version of Shangri-La, Calete de Fuste, aka Colditz. The capital city incidentally is affectionately, but appropriately nicknamed "Beirut".
I'll never forget as the plane approached the airport, looking down at the vegetation-free moonscape and the lead-grey sky, my heart sinking as I thought "God, we're marooned here for two full weeks!" Getting of the plane confirmed the temperature at about 50 degrees with a stiff breeze that never let up for one second in 14 days.
The s/c 'dormitories' in Caleta de Fuste were largely deserted, maybe 25% occupied, the pool-water freezing cold, the countryside barren, volcanic, and utterly ugly and cheerless.
The daytime temperatures peaked at maybe 63 degrees but the constant wind made it feel much cooler, and we spent many hours cowered behind walls, much as you would in the Shetlands.
My other main recollection was the middle weekend, feeling grotesquely jealous as people where leaving to go home, and utterly miserable at the thought of having to stay another week.
We did hire a jeep and found a nice national park consisting of extensive sand-dunes, populated largely by Germans nudists. The German blokes wearing t-shirts and no pants 'giggling' along the beach amused my wife, and caused her to go on an highly unusual number of solo beach walks!
A truly ghastly place that I was utterly thrilled to leave, and would commend to absolutely no one. It's right up there Jay.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Spain - but more specifically, a family villa holiday in Spain! Grandparents, surly young teenage daughter, alchoholic surly young teenage friend of daughter, sister and brother-in-law and their two angelic, accademically and artistically gifted young children. Scorpions, 40 degrees of heat, powercuts, no water supply for the last three days - it`s too depressing to go on.....just let your imaginations rip!!!! (:o)

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Oh yes - and the Bay of Biscay! `Scuse me, I`m feeling a bit green just thinking about it!!!!! {:o{

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Great story, Softie! The picture it left in my mind was more like The God's Must Be Crazy. I just have a picture of this little guy trekking across Africa to toss the happy box off the end of the earth. ;-)

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

This is actually a very hard question for me as, under the right circumstances, there's really no place I wouldn't at least be interested to see..even if only for 5min. I suppose the places I'm least interested in would be places rocked by civil war. I'm curious, not completely insane! ;-)

Down near the bottom of my list would also be most of Asia and Africa, but mainly due to my being one of the least culinarily adventurous people in the world(in other words if i can't identify it, I probably won't eat it ;-) ), and also the heat. Anything over 80F is HOT to me, and causes my brain to become entirely focused on finding the nearest air conditioned environment in which to hide. ;-)))

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Any city (except Newcastle). I hate cities. I'm not over fond of big towns. Wild open spaces will do for me. Hills/mountains/isolation.... perfect!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

I was more after places people haven't yet been and still have no wish to visit. If you've been and it was the pits that's a good enough reason for never going back.

Going with the flow though, Bodrum is high on my list of places never to be seen again. At the same time though, the other bits I've seen of Turkey aren't bad.

With you all the way on the Bay of Biscay, Galaxy. Only been sea sick once in my life, and I'd just about rather die than suffer it again.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Can I join in the Fuerteventura discussions? I think whether you like the place or not depends on what you expect of it. Half built, desolate, unsophisticated, yes. But get away from the resorts, hire a jeep, and there is the most amazing almost lunar landscapes, with what must be some of the best beaches in Europe (if you can claim it's in Europe). Great windsurfing destination as well.

I think I would go just about anywhere for free, if I hadn't been there before and had enough time. Just generally inquisitive I suppose. Plenty of places that would be fairly low down on my list of places to revisit - Luxembourg for instance. Bangkok even, for any length of time anyway, especially since the rest of Thailand is so beautiful.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Pit Bill - the Bay of Biscay was the end of another awful holiday in Spain! Stayed in San Sebastian for the second week of a two week holiday (first week in Quiberon in France was lovely). San Sebastian was the pits - unfriendly, very straight-laced, miserable hotel staff. We couldn`t wait to leave. After a white knuckly drive along the coast road to Santander we breathed a sigh of relief to be aboard the ferry and on our way home! Ordered a couple of large drinks and settled ourselves at a window seat in the lounge. Beautiful sunny day, sea like a millpond as I watched the Spanish coast recede. I then made the mistake of turning and looking out to sea! Pete said I turned white as a sheet! I swear to God, it was like looking at a mountain range coming up! I am a very poor sailor anyway, but this was bad, and I was truly afraid. By the time we had suffered it for an hour, virtually everyone was ill. Even the ships crew! There was one purser left behind the desk, sliding from one end of the counter to the other on a typist chair, and he said he had never, in ten years on that route, known it so bad!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Galaxy
I once was in Santander for sea trials on a titchy cargo ship. For each of about four days I walked from the town to the shipyard, for the last quarter of a mile seeing these huge waves crashing on the sea wall, and being told that the trials had been put off till tomorrow,

The fifth day looked exactly the same, so I fully expected to have another day taking it easy in Santander. No such luck. They'd decided to have the sea trials anyway. Picture this. Tiny little ship with normally no more than about ten crew, but for the trials, maybe a hundred blokes looking after various bits and pieces, none of the plumbing hooked up yet and the sea mountainous.

I went straight down into the engine control room and hung on while this thing battled it's way out into the Bay of Biscay. Hanging on didn't work so I decided to go up onto the bridge so I could watch the horizon. What a dork. In about three seconds, I was a horrible shade of green and looking for somewhere to throw up. It was downhill all the way for the next ten hours or whatever, and picture about a hundred landlubbers trying to get to suitable containers, and no running water.

The proper sailors kept coming round with trays of sarnies and bottles San Miguel. Nee chance. Talk about organised chaos. The bliddy ship could have sunk for all I cared. I eventually sneaked into a vacant cabin, locked the door, lay down on a bare bunk, and waited for death.

Eventually they'd had enough and headed back for Santander, and I saw the light of day again just as they were tying up. The funny thing was, as soon as the deck stood still, it dawned on me that I was starving hungry, and I really went to town on what was left of the fancy grub they'd laid on for the nobs.

Never again. I'll stay where I am if the only way out is on a boat.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Bay of Biscay ? I didn't even reach it. When I was 17 it was my ambition to join the navy and so I was fortunate enough to be selected for work experience with them.

I took the train from Durham down to London and stayed with them in Kensington, then flew to Amsterdam *first class) and then to Bremn (Business class), which was rather nice. Then spent two nights on the tikes with the officers. The second night was the worst as it was the first time I'd drunk cocktails and got absolutely plastered.

Then we set sail for Gibralta.

No problems there apart from the fact we set sail in gale force 8 conditions. No sooner had we set off as yours truly was in the toilet. If yopuve seen the ad to join the navy and the ship is going through rough seas, I'm sure you can see me if you llok closely enough. I'm holding onto the handrail saying hello to God on the big white telephone and the sea is about 30 ft below me, 3 seconds later it's about 20 feet above me. I managed to stagger in side before passing out. Only to be awakened by the sound of the propeelor coming off ( I told you it as roughU

We didn't make the bay of Biscay but we limped back to Plymouth, and I for one was very happy about it, and no, I didn't join the Navy!

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Pit Bill - who were you working for when you went on sea trials? My father worked for Pamatrada and then Wallsend Slipway, he was a marine engineer - he`s in his seventies now and retired. Left Wallsend Slipway round about 1968 when a section of the workforce moved to Hamworthy Hydraulics and Engineering in Poole. George Gray is his name - ring any bells, or is it too far before your time? (:o)

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Galaxy,
It was Decca Radar, 20 or so years ago, commissioning data logging equipment. We were always only involved with the ships on odd visits while the stuff was being installed, and sea-trials, so your dad's name doesn't ring any bells.

Was he involved with those Esso ships, the Northumbria, and the Hibernia ? We put in a fair amount of time on those monstrosities, although it was quite impressive sailing out of the Tyne on the Northumbria.

Mind, getting off after the trials just off North Shields was nerve racking - shinning down this rope ladder thing into a pilot boat that was going up and down about 15 feet in the waves, and there was no messing, it was 'get off or end up in Lisbon' - with no luggage.

It was 'recommended' that false teeth be removed as soon as you were on the pilot boat cos if your stomach made it's presence felt, Jaws would quite likely end up with an extra set. Luckily, the Northumbria was big enough to cope with the waves, and the trip on the pilot boat wasn't long enough for the mal de mer to have it's evil way. But only just.

Happy memories - not.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Bay of Biscay...urgh, amazing how so many of us remember it with so little fondness. When we emigrates to RSA we went on the final voyage of the Pendennis Castle. I remember this boat through the eyes of a 7 year old, so to me it's a sprawling ocean liner surging through the waves. However, my Dad assures me that it was in fact a good deal smaller than many of the cross-chanel ferries we've travelled on to Normandy and used to corkscrew like a b*stard when the sea got rough.

As soon as we got near the bay of Biscay they took the revolving door off its hinges between the dining room (tourist class) and kitchens. They also started checking all the lifeboats and toilets...not great confidence builders. Anyway, you all seem to have been through it so there's no need to remind you what it's like to constantly feel that you are about to retch up your entire stomach only for all that effort to produce some pathetic gob of bile with several hundred more where that came from. I won't need to describe the abject misery of being kept awake for 3 days by the terrible shaking when the screws lifted clear of the water and found themselves beating fresh air. How everywhere you went either smelled of disinfectant or fresh vomit - which just set you off again. I'm glad I don't need to go over all that again, as it might have made you feel queasy ;-)

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000