Younger men, older women: a good thing?greenspun.com : LUSENET : like sands : One Thread
So, it seems that lately I have a predilection for younger men (although this probably has something to do with the fact that most of the men I meet happen to be younger than I am). Have you ever been in a younger man/older woman relationship? Was it an issue for you?
-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000
I am three years older than my boyfriend, Ben.
Well, two years and ten months, but who's counting?). It _was_ an issue for me, made me a bit uncomfortable at first, but in the main, I've gotten over it. Well, except for the little things, like tonight when Genesis' Three Sides Live was on the radio, and he had never heard it before.
Our age difference amuses him. He calls me "Mrs. Robinson." I don't find that quite as funny as he does.
-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000
I had an older girlfriend for a couple of years. It wasn't a problem. She was about four years older than me but only our close friends knew. No one noticed, and no one seemed to care.
-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000
i usually date younger girls-- my current inamorata is 20 --but... at 19 I did date a 43-year old... Elegant, sexy, moneyed...and married. her husband owned an exclusive men's boutique... We'd have sex in his office at night and she gave me suits and shirts... All in all, not a bad six weeks!
-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000
Never been in that situation, but as far as Jen Wade goes, she may talk about her being older, but she doesn't seem older. She worries about that too much. As long as you have a nice time, it shouldn't matter!
-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000
Thanks, David, but I do kind of worry about the fact that I seem younger than I am.
I guess it's not so bad to be 28 and be dating a 23-year-old and have everyone I meet assume that I'm also fresh out of college, but I do worry that one of these days I'll turn into one of those 50-year-olds who still thinks she's 23.
-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000
While I was living in the states (I'm british) I went out with an older woman for a while - 6 years older. It wasn't much of a problem, except that she was 33 and so there was a certain pressure on the are-we-serious-because-i-may-want-kids kind of front. But really it didn't make any difference - it didn't work and that's why it ended (after 18 months). Age wasn't a problem. At some point I realised that if it was going to work I was ready to adjust my timetable for it, as it were, but that wasn't required in the end. So... we're great friends now. I definitely don't have any regrets and I don't think she does either.
There really isn't any different advice to offer than there would be the other way around - and I don't really feel qualified to offer relationship advice, so...
-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000
I just ended a four month relationship with a 22 year old girl.. I'm 30. To echo an experience related by the British guy, the main thing that caused problems and that eventually made it fail is that I realized that at this point I'm looking for a potential life long mate, while she's just out of college and wanted a casual relationship. That was the ONLY problem.. other than that, age made no difference.. this problem can happen at any age.. a 23 year old may feel like they are ready to find 'the one' and get married.. it has nothing to do with age. More important is what 'stage' of life a person is in.. are they ready to settle down, are they interested in a wild singles life with no commitments, have they just gotten out of a long relationship and need to reassert their individuality, yadda yadda yadda. I've been on both ends of it... I dated a 32 year old when i was 26... she was still in her wild adolescence phase.. wanted to drink and party and be out till 5 am.. I was looking for a more 'settled' lifestyle... i wanted to work on my career, etc. So.. the end result of this long winded answer is that i don't think age means a damn thing!
-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000
The older you get, the less it matters.
I love going out with older women; as a rule, they tend to know what they want better than younger women - which, since I often don't (know what I want, that is), makes for better communication in the relationship. However, my level of comfort with a woman who's older than me drops sharply after the 5-years-older mark. Differences in cultural references, life experience, etc. seem to get magnified disproportionately beyond that point.
My current amour is 10 years younger, so this is all academic at this point anyway. But there's a certain mystique about the "older woman" - when I was 26, the prospect of going out with a 32-year-old was very exciting.
Plus, they're great in bed. ;)
-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000
My husband is 3.5 years younger than I am. I'm 35 right now and he's 31. No problem at all. In fact I like having a husband who is 30ish when I have girlfriends whose husbands are well into their 40's. We got married when he was 23 and I was 26 ... I timed it so it wouldn't be 22 and 26. Anyhow the only draw back has been that I didn't start having kids soon enough because I thought he was too young (which he wasn't). So now I am pregnant with baby #2 but I feel like I am running out of time .. (for 6 anyhow ;) )
-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000
I'm 33 and she is 41. For quite a while it didn't seem like the age difference was that important, but it seems to be coming up more and more recently. The form that it usually takes is about where the relationship is in terms of wanting children. I'm not at a point where I think I want to have children this year, or next, or probably the year after. She is not set on having children, but reminds me regularly that if I want to have a child with someone five or more years down the road then she probably will not be the mother.
So the age difference is causing some issues that I had not experienced before. I haven't thought too much about being a father beyond a vague something-I-want-to-do-at-some-undetermined-point-in-the-future-under- the-right-circumstances way. Now I feel compelled to examine the relationship differently (Is this the person I want to have children with?) and formulate opinions about things like adoption, putting eggs on lay-away, etc.
In most ways though, dating an older woman has been very good. Confident women who know what they like and aren't afraid to ask for it are great. I think those characteristics are more common with age.
-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000
I once dated a woman 10 years older; everything worked pretty well, and there were no big cultural faux pas there. This subject reminds me of John Travolta quote: back when he made Saturday Night Fever, he was often seen in the company of older women. Somebody asked him why he was attracted to older women, and he said, "At my age, that's what most of the women are." Kinda pragmatic. Which also goes to explain Tony Randall and Jack Nicholson...
-- Anonymous, May 10, 2000
My wife is 11 years older than me.
She's toally fly.
End of story...
-- Anonymous, August 22, 2000
I'm nine years old...
-- Anonymous, August 22, 2000
I don't have an answer, but I'm looking to examine this question in depth. My name is Stacy Bloom and I am a graduate student in documentary film and video at Stanford University. I am currently working on my thesis film project which is on the topic of relationships between older women and younger men.
I am inspired to this subject matter by the fact that both my oldest brother and my oldest sister are in relationships with people who are 18-20 years younger. Though my sister has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for 10 years, my parents are still not accepting. Meanwhile, my parents allow my brother and his girlfriend of 2 years to live in their house.
After seeing the struggles and pain that my sister and her boyfriend have had to endure in order to maintain their love for each other, I feel that a strong message to put a stop to this ugly combination of ageism and sexism is long overdue. I intend on making my film serve as that message.
I am looking for other couples that might be interested in participating in this project. If you and your partner have been in a relationship for 10 years or more, please contact me. If you know of a couple who you think might be interested and does not have access to e-mail, please send me an e-mail with their phone number or I can write you back privately with mine.
If you are a writer, therapist, or in any way consider yourself a specialist in this topic and believe you would have something informative to say to me, I welcome your response as well.
-- Anonymous, November 10, 2000
I don't know why.. But older women just got it man... NOt too old!!! but around the younger 30's.. they are stable and loving as hell.. If you want someone to hold you all the time and stuff like that older women is the answer
-- Anonymous, December 11, 2000
Jennifer, I am 46 and in a relationship with a 29 year old. He is wonderful and exciting. I went through a divorce three years aga after a 25 year marriage. I never thought I would want to be interested in a man again but this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is happy and I am happy. However, my family is not at all happy about the situation. So that does cause some conflicts. I don't know how this will all end but for now I have never been happier and have no regrets at all. Cathie
-- Anonymous, December 14, 2000
I agree...it's been not only very unique, but very healthy for me and my girlfriend of 8 months, she's now 50 and I'm 26...yes there is quite the age gap. I must add that she look's 40 and has the body of 30...but there is definitly mutual attraction through our minds, she shares her experience and I share my youthful energy. We are very happy...peoples' heads really turn when they see us together...but that only adds to it:)
-- Anonymous, December 18, 2000
My wife of 5yrs is 9yrs older than me. We have a child and the age difference is never a current problem, but I always think of the future. 51-60...? Knock my head on straight, she is great.
-- Anonymous, December 19, 2000
I am 20 years older than he is. We have been living together with both my kids for over a year now. We are very much in love and inseparable. I work in education and he is finishing up University. He has his own money. In fact, I am living in HIS home. Not the other way around in case you are thinking.....What can I help you with? Any questions? Liz
-- Anonymous, December 26, 2000
1st - Sexually. Will she meet my needs ten, fifteen yrs from now? 2nd - I don't see too mant 65 yr old men walking around with 74 yr old ladies...why? At what point does it end
-- Anonymous, January 08, 2001
I am a 53 year-old woman in a serious relationship with a 27 year old man. We met on the net and became friends first. After a few months of having a wonderful time writing and talking on the phone we realized it was more. We took it very slowly and met. It was incredible. But we still took it slowly.
A year later he finally moved across country and we got our own apartment. We are doing wonderfully and have a terrific relationship. His parents approve and have encouraged us to get married because he is obviously so happy with me. His mother even wondered about a match between his older brother and my younger sister (age gap of 16 years).
These few words can't come close to explaining the tears, the fears, the joy and the hours of talking we did working this through. You can't leap into a realtionship like this...not and expect it to last. And we do expect it to last.
We are compatable in every way and we are equals in our relationship. He is the partner, friend and lover I've always dreamed of and never thought could exist. He appears to feel the same.
-- Anonymous, January 09, 2001
I, too have been involved with a much younger man (20 year age difference) and continue to be amazed at how I have, after all of the heartaches and disappointments, found someone who is everything I ever wanted and hoped to find before I married and had children and began to think that "he" was not really out there for me. We, too met on the internet and have taken things very slowly. After 6 months of corresponding via email, messenger services and phone, I agreed to meet him in person. It has been a year now, and I'm often surprised at how comfortable and "sure" he is about us. I admit that there are many issues surrounding "going public", but we both know that that has so much to do with conditioning and neither of us seems to feel obligated to act on what anyone else might feel or think. There are days when I don't understand how I can be so unbelievably lucky to have found someone who loves me and is so in love with me. And before things became "serious" for us, I had shared with him my dissatisfaction with dating because so many men I met weren't interested in anything more than having a good time - regardless of their ages. I think I have even (though I hate to admit it to myself) TRIED to find something "wrong" with him; I still have difficulty at times accepting that it's possible to be happy and in love and that it CAN work out. But I CAN'T find anything! He is the most beautiful thing in my life. And he treats me as if he feels the same way about me. I am 38 and the mother of 4 children. We have no plans to live together until, at the earliest, he has finished college. I had also shared with him my lack of interest in having any more children early in our "non-romantic" relationship, at which point he shared with me that he really does not want children of his own. I'm prepared for the possibility for that to change for him at some point in the future, but the future isn't here yet - and I am thoroughly enjoying the NOW....
Life is Good, Kathy
-- Anonymous, January 27, 2001
The ONLY women I've ever had serious relationships with were all older than me (18 yrs older, 9 yrs older, 8 yrs older, 3 yrs older - and I've now been married for 3 years to a woman 10 years older than I am). The parenting thing isnt an issue (she's 47, I'm 37), primarily because her fertile years are now past, and I'm watching all my friends who have babies go without so much (sleep, travel, lifestyle, flexibility), that I can't honestly say I envy any of them.
Certainly there were issues about dating older women when I was in my teens (I was young & stupid, though still kind & loving,.......while the women I dated were past drinking themselves into a stupor every weekend, and painting the town red). Ergo, there was often a conflict between letting me live through my youth, and wanting me to "grow up". In my 30s these issues dont exist.
-- Anonymous, February 02, 2001
i am currently in a relationship with a 19 year old and i am 42. i have only been dating him for 2 months and went into this situation fully aware of the fact that i have already lived and done things that he needs to experience. i cannot have anymore children( i have a 13 year old and a 20 year old)and i know he wants children and will make a wonderful father some day. after many hours and days of tormenting myself,i came to the conclusion that we will take our relationship one day at a time and deal with situations as they occur.i must add that he is the kindest,most compassionate and loving man i have ever been with. he is far older inside than he appears on the outside. his parents are fine with me and continue to want what makes him happy,and it appears to be me.you cannot judge a relationship on how it looks, as there are many circumstances that determain the maturity of both people involved in the relationship.. i just hope that what i have continues as i feel i have met the most optomistic, charming, loveable,intelligent,wonderful,kind and caring human being,and that age should not change the respect i have for him. jody,ohio
-- Anonymous, February 11, 2001
I've been in a relationship with a man 20 years my junior. I'm 41. We found each other on the internet, and met after a month or so. Then we fell madly in love ;-) We were very much in love for two years ... the attraction between us was incredible. Then he moved to the east coast to go to the University., when he broke up with me. Actually that didn't really surprise me, I mean, he was in college! So I didn't protest ... and now, a few months have gone, and he wants us to get back together, which is making me very confused. He said he tries to avoid the thought of me, but he ends up thinking of me every day ... I don't really know what to do ... Thankfull for your advice!
-- Anonymous, February 18, 2001
For the record, I am a 26 year old male. Recently I have struck up the most incredible barrage of conversations and emails with a woman who is 10 years older than me. I am well travelled and well educated as she is too and I find it phenomenal that I have more in common with her than I think I ever would have with a contemporary. She's just a cosmic girl. I really feel that for all my worldliness she gives me something more, which comes with a youthful wisdom and that is what I appreciate most in her. I may be talking prematurely here; although I do not believe so. The point of my comments, other than to express that which most probably everyone experiences something of, is that with all things thrown together and all things considered, I, as a man and she as a woman can experience a depth and range of feeling and indeed love --- like anyone else can, regardless of age as a consideration. Naturally there are practicalities in the event that things would ever turn serious and children enter the dynamic. The thought of this though, whilst I imagined would be something I would shy away from, does not hold true in the face of possibility. It's amazing how someone can change your perceptions or help you seperate what's illusion and what's your reality. Even moreso when they don't need to say anything at all.
In closing this. Many men for most of their lives want to 'love' women in a style and manner that serves them and keeps their male machismo safe and secure. Shallow? No. They are being honest. You don't need to share your time or your heart with them though. Share it those that you love and those that love you; and then age truly is ... relative like time.
ama et fac quod vis -love and do what you like-
-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001
I am a 15 year old male and recently became involved with my piano teacher, who is a 37 year old woman.
It was a little weird at first, but now that I am used to it I'll never go back to girls my age again. She is 10 times better in bed than any girl I've ever been with.
Plus, she can buy booze and drive us places. I'm in heaven.
-- Anonymous, February 20, 2001
I think Rick Smith is probably the 37 year old piano teacher...just reliving his boy-hood fantasy. Sorry...but that's not a 15 year old writing there...
-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001
I was late coming to the arena of romance. As the youngest child of older parents I was expected to stay at home and care for them....which I gladly did. I was able to attend collage and care for my very ill Father for a number of years. I then found myself helping to care for the children of my older siblings ( I sound very put-upon- ---not the case!). I am a loving person with many friends, but because of the demands of family I had never had a serious boyfriend. Last year, shortly after my 37th birthday my parents died within months of each other. After settling the family "estate" I decided to get a job. I went to work for a law office in the small town in which I live........and I met him. At first I did not take his interest seriously. I knew I was 10 years older. I also knew that he had a very young daughter (he is a widower). I was terrified. I did everything under the sun to direct his interest away from me. He would not let up!!!! One night while working late we had an opportunity to talk and he really poured his heart out. He had been through a very difficult time with his wife's illness, and then trying to raise a daughter on his own seemed to have produced this incredible maturity. Anyway, that evening I felt that if he were older I would gladly go out with him......I was very hung up on his age! And, being so inexperienced with romance, and believing him to be very experienced, scared me. I was torn between my fear and his sophistication. I finally broke down and shared with one of my sisters and she said....."you have sacrificed so much, and lost so much time, why can't you take a risk....what do you have to lose?" Well, I realized that I could go the rest of my life without a loving relationship or I could take a risk. I picked up the phone and called him.......we have been together for 7 months. He is 28. I am 38. I never thought I would be the type to break with convention. I have received tremendous support and encouragement. His daughter loves me and after we are married, next month, we plan 1 child of our own. I can only say that love may come in an unexpected package so don't let your fear keep you from opening it.
-- Anonymous, April 07, 2001
I have had several relationships with older women anywhere from 6 to 12 years older than myself, from the time Iwas in my early twenties to present. I'm currently 38.I have found though, that in some cases, age does not always equal maturity. I have known a few women who were in their early twenties that were more mature than some women in their forties.One older partner I had actually made the comment to me that you grew up [me], I just got older. I guess maybe there is just a better chance of finding someone who is mature simply because they have had more time on the planet to experience a larger variety of things. Trouble is finding one. There is still the societal stigma that goes with the May-September romance thing and I have talked with a lot of older women and one of their first questions to me is " don't you feel uncomfortable about going out with someone who is significantly older than you?" Well, I don't, and if I meet the right one someday, it will be great.
-- Anonymous, April 14, 2001
I needed to read some of these responses. Thanks especially to Liz Robinson who wrote in December, 2000. It's always comforting to realize that "you are not alone". Stories and images of "Mrs. Robinson" are ingrained, negative sterotypes. To each his own. To quote reggae icon Bob Marley "life is one big road..."
-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001
My girlfriend (30) was recently dumped by her boyfriend (21) because he wanted to get married and she didn't. You really can't generalise about what makes a relationship work, and what doesn't. I too have been in a relationship with a much younger person, and that really only ended because we were at different stages in our lives and wanted different things.
It really seems to make little difference what age people are in terms of how they relate to eachother - it can definitely work out. The problems I experienced could have happened in any relationship, though I realise that they are more likely to occur when there is a significant age gap.
I certainly wouldn't refuse to go out with someone because there was an age gap, either older or younger than myself, but I guess you have to recognize that there may be some issues that come up more frequently - basically most people tend to want different things at different stages of their lives. If you and your partner are happy with whatever situation you are in stick with it - happiness is worth pursuing. My friends did make fun of me when I first got involved, but when they realised it was a serious relationship, they totally came on board.
-- Anonymous, April 27, 2001
I've always dated older women (throughout my 20's). My current relationship is no different. It just happened that way. When I was in my 20's I found older women to be more attractive- not just physical beauty, but sophistication and intellect. It seemed that women in their 20's were too much into playing games or were more unsure of themselves. Maybe women in their 30's are more attractive to me. It seemed that older women were much more sure of themselve sexually, knew what they liked, and had less inhibitions. It's just how things have worked out for me, and I'm not worried about it at all.
-- Anonymous, June 07, 2001
Well, I am currently in a 13 month relationship with a 26 year old woman. I am 18. At first, there was no problem with the age thing, it was only strange. I decided not to hide it, she did the same. After all, what else could we do? However, as time goes on, I have felt pressure to get more serious. I just graduated high school, but last year her Younger Sister got married. Needless to say, she has felt similar pressure from firends and family because obviously *we* are a dead end relationship. After all, in three months I am going away to college. The reason I became involved with her is simple: I am in high school and was finding the girls I knew frivolous and shallow. Immature, and they couldnt really discuss things on a more adult level, more worried about a cute boy then life, or thought. I am more of a thinker. I couldnt tell you why she got involved except that she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, and I (as a work- related friend) was there for her a few nights she drank too much, and one thing led to another several weeks later (when she wasnt drunk). I guess I am kinda long winded here, yes it is an issue whitch we are just now working through it (or trying to) if anyone has similar problems, I'd love to hear em and/or discuss them, e-mail me, but please put something related in the subject line because I get lots of Junk mail. -Charlie
-- Anonymous, June 07, 2001
High School and College years was the only time I dated men my own age...in my twenties it was guys 2-5 years younger...in my 30's and 40's more like 5-10 younger...The gap got wider later I think because I have kept my shape and have a very healthy lifestyle and great genes (and jeans) and I'm not OPPOSED to being with someone my age (50) or older but I just can't seem to find any AVAILABLE men who aren't impotent alcholic drug-using bloated wrecks...(by available I mean single...not "available" only when they sneak away from the wife or girlfriend for a little extra something)....I may even meet a very mature sounding almost 30 year-old -- through the internet...I always felt that if the 2 people involved are happy then everyone should be happy for them, they sure get my blessing. I think that people (mostly men) who have something negative to say don't have happy lives themselves and are envious or threatened or insecure, etc...and, after all, men have dated younger women throughout all recordable history....and have been applauded for it..
So everyone, if you are happy, don't worry about what anyone else says..
-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001
wow! there are alot out there. I am currently with a man 26..I am 39. He is truly the best man that has ever entered my life. He is everything I ever dreamed of. Our problem is that he is like a yoyo. He loves me and he wants me in his life however, he goes back and forth, telling me he can't get over the age difference and we can't be together. Then a couple days later we are together. I love him very much and if I can't have him then I don't want anyone. I know I sound anal but if you were hear to see the relationship you would be just as confused as me. He can't stay away. He says its over, we are just friends, but yet we are always together. help!!
-- Anonymous, August 11, 2001
My name is Tim, I'm 27. I'm in a relationship w/ an 42 lady. The only issue we have with the age difference is finding other age difference couples to talk with. It just depends on each others maturity level.
-- Anonymous, August 12, 2001
Yes. I have been for two years and a month, living together for a little over year. I'm 37 and he's 21. It's actually going great. While I didn't really think this had much of a future (Does anyone get involved with someone a month short of their 20th birthday and THINK it has a future?) - But taking it one day at a time, we've gotten closer and closer, and I feel incredibly lucky to be involved with such a special person, who is such a wonderful friend and partner and soulmate. So far, we haven't hit too many of the usual hurdles as no one is in a rush for marriage, and we both lean towards the childfree-by-choice position. Just moments of pop-culture trivia gone wrong and alot of worrying on my part. So I have no idea if I'm setting myself up for a fall or if we will live happily ever after. But I've so enjoyed the last two years that I wouldn't give them back, even if he suddenly develops a desire for 2.3 children. It was worth it!
-- Anonymous, August 22, 2001
I'm 64 years old grandmother and have recently met a 25 year old online who is very interested in pursuing a relationship. He says he has always been in relationships with older women and enjoys them. In my 14 years of being single, I have had 3 major relationships with younger men, however, there were usually only 20 years difference. We have not met, however, we have exchanged photos. Even though 39 years seems like alot of years, I think I'll follow wherever it goes -- I've always been a risk taker!!!
I have to keep reminding myself to be in the present -- and accept the gift.
-- Anonymous, September 04, 2001
I have been in a relationship for 2.5 years. My boyfriend is 22 and I am 27. It has been the best relationship I have ever had. I have grown up with him emotionally and intellectually. We party together as much as we like to stay home and relax. I never notice an age difference unless someone (and there are many) makes a snide remark, which only pulls us closer together. It was very difficult for me at first (my one previous relationship of eight years had a 9 year gap-- me being the younger one). Dating my current boyfriend has made me realize that maturity doesn't have to do with age and that society still has archaic double standards that don't match our social advancements. Older women and younger men is as prevalent as older men dating younger women, only people don't like to talk about it or acknowledge it as "normal". I think it's because for the first time older men are feeling threatened by their younger counterparts as competition in the same way that they have made women feel for centuries about getting older and being replaced by a younger version. What I've learned is that you need to follow your heart and not how people will judge you because, remember, 50% of the population has an IQ below 100 (that means there's just a lot of stupid people out there!).
-- Anonymous, September 07, 2001
As I read through most of the responses/replies, I was amazed at how many referred to women 3-5 years older as "older women". I'm 27 and I don't consider it a true May/December romance until the woman is AT LEAST 10 years older than I. Age within three years (plus or minus) is insignificant, with the possible exceptions being those that would arise out of legal implications (statutory rape). Anyway, I find older women (35-45) to be more alluring and seductive, less prone to hystrionics, and generally easier to please. I see no problems with older women and younger and in fact would encourage it! In fact nature would agree. . .think about the respective ages men and women reach their sexual peaks. The ideal pairing, biologically, would be an 18 year old man and 35 year old woman. But beyond the obvious social standards that tend to discourage such unions, the major problem is that women are too damned hasty to get married. So, only when a women is worn, tired, bitter, bored, and sagging does she begin to investigate the possibility of dating a man many years her junior (I realize I've begun a new tirade that is off the original point. . .I digress).
-- Anonymous, September 07, 2001
I met a woman 17 years older than I when I was 43. During the courtship and living together for two years, it was good enjoyable to me and I think to her. After a while, a couple of her girlfriends started asking about us getting married. There were a few things that I was concerned about, one thing being that both of her previous marriages had been abusive. However, I did agree and we got married. There began the problem, now she started being jealous about any friend of mine, including a dear person now departed, who I considered a younger brother. My work, going to school, just about anything could get her started. And then she had a couple of medical incidents, somewhat serious while she was working. I became a monster or at least an "ex-husband" to her. Did I like the relationship, YES. Could I cope with the marriage baggage. I am sorry, but no. I wish it could have been different.
-- Anonymous, September 09, 2001
I am 38 and my honey is 24. I did not believe that two people could be so compatible...he is actually my sisters ex boyfriend of three years and I swore I would never go there...for four months before anything happened between us my family would make little comments...infering that we were sleeping together. In fact my sister strted a rumour that I tried to hit on him and he turned me down! I didnt even think of him as a love interest at the time...he was off limits, (not because of his age...) We started to spend a lot of time together, I thought he was spending too much time hanging around and pining for my sister, (she is 21) I tried to take him out places where he could meet girls...we were both bitter and broken hearted. When we finally did go out He Kissed me! I was sshocked...but being a pretty spontaneous girl went with it. We are now living together, we have never had a real fight, but I am a little dissapointed in differences between our sex drives...I would think that he would be trying to throw me down every chance he gets, ( I have made it perfectly clear that i am willing ANYTIME)...we have sex maybe once or twice a week...THIS IS NOT ENOUGH and I feel rejected because of it. I am secure with him, and feel that he was meant for me, but I dont know how do deal with the additude I get when I offer him sex and he turns me down...he has only been with two castrating bitches and for the first time in his life he is able to " be the MAN" What do i say to him and how do I resign myself to the fact that sex to him just isnt that important? Our relationship is too good to break up with him over this...but will this contribute to the end? Karen
-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001
I am 46 and currently living with a man who is 28. We've had some ups and downs in the year we've been together but for the most part its been great. Emotionally, I have problems sometimes knowing where I stand with him. He loves me, but sometimes the least little difference of opinion used to cause him to want to break up. I've never been too concerned about what society thinks, but I feel that he was for a long time until we sat down and talked it all out. He felt there must be some problem with himself because he was attracted to me...He seemed to feel like because society labels us as whatever, he should feel that way, too. Honest communication has been the key for us. When I am feeling a little insecure about him being around college girls all the time we talk about it, all the little issues that become major problems are better dealt with when they pop up. We've had some rocky roads getting to where we are, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. I feel like I've re-experienced that age in my life by being able to see the world through his eyes. And the sex is off the charts. I have become so adventurous and open to try new things. We have a good life for the most part and we've kind of unofficially decided to just experience this for what it is, and when it isn't good for one of us anymore, when one of us isn't happy, we will end it. Even if or when that happens I know he will still be a great friend to me, because that is the foundation we were built on.
-- Anonymous, October 16, 2001
Wow! This is very interesting. I recently have had a 20 year old asking to see me and thought it would be just too weird - even though I have actually been very attracted to him since meeting him when he was 16. I always thought that he was looking at me in that way but thought I just couldn't go there. This has made me look at everything in a new light - THANK YOU!
-- Anonymous, October 28, 2001
Where's all the older guys for these "older" women?
Owwww, my heart. I mean, ouch, I think someone's standing on my chest.
They must be out there! My left arm hurts. I just wonder where they are.
I'm sweating, I guess I'll go take a shower.
-- Anonymous, October 28, 2001
I have been in a very close relationship with a woman 15 years older than me. She is 46 and I am 31. We have been living together for almost seven years and age has never really been an issue. My family and her's are good liberal folks and are very supportive of us. I had lots of relationships with women younger and similar aged to me and was never really satisfied. The sex is incredible, she knows what she wants and how to please me. We do talk about the future and worry a bit where we will be when she is say 65, but no matter who you're with, the fututre is always an unknown. We love each other very much and we hope to spend the rest of our lives together. BTW, I find it interesting that some folks here think that having someone 2-4 years older or younger is a big deal. To me, age difference is irrelevant until the difference is at LEAST 7 years, but that's just me.
-- Anonymous, November 03, 2001
I met my dream man who is 7 years younger than me. When we first met, we did not know how old each of us is. I thought he is closed to my age. And, he thought that I was closed to his age. He is 36 and I'm 43 years old. We were so much attracted to each other, we clicked and connected so well. We had so much harmony and we communicated very well. I trusted him to a great extent. We both thought that we were in heaven when we were together. None of us could believe the way we felt. I was totally overwhelmed with the way I felt. when we met physically, it was like we were melting together because we had so much harmony and connection.
However, when we talked about the age, we found out that there is 7 years difference. I'm not concerned about that at all. He is concerned about it. As a matter of fact, he broke up with me for that. I got sick for a couple of days because I could not believe that he broke up and gave up that easily the heaven we had together for 7 years difference, especially that I look younger than him and I may be even more fit than him. Many people look for such happiness and such heaven we had. And, he got it but he is rejecting it. Many people know how difficult - almost impossible - to find such happiness and heaven with any body.
I emailed him this website to see what other people's experience with older women is. I still hope and pray that he would come back and let our relationship grow and developed. I'm sure it would be even more wonderful when it grows. what do you think ?
-- Anonymous, November 07, 2001
I am 25 years old, but from 21-24 was in a relationship with a woman who was 15 years my senior. Before I had only dated girls my own age, but have always found older women (30-35+) to be especially attrative both sexually and intellectually. Maybe it's because as women age they fill out more (breasts, hips etc?) but older women also take on an air of sophistication that younger women in their twenties do not possess. That and older women are also more centered and not as crazy ;)
-- Anonymous, November 08, 2001
I'm almost 29 years old and just recently within the past 2 months I have fallen for this 20 year old actor. All of a sudden, I am like younger guys. When I was 20 years old, I dated a man 17 years my senior and in my early twenties, I dates men at least 10 years older than myself. The tables are turning, it's becoming the complete opposite. I use to think that older men were better in bed, wiser and more sophisticated and I learned the hard way. Age is just a number and the level of maturity varies from person to person.
-- Anonymous, November 26, 2001
From someone who is fairly new to this phenom (I am a woman, 44; he is 30), a couple of thoughts. First of all, I agree completely that for the "older woman, younger man" label to attach, there should be at least a half-dozen years' age difference between them. It's society's label, after all, and as a rule, society doesn't think twice about a few years here and there, assuming the individuals involved are of legal age. Once you push up into the double-digit difference, though, the age difference tends to be the first (and sometimes the only) thing that friends and relatives focus on, and ask about...and it seems to me that it is the response of the outside world, more than the couple's private relationship, that's the most challenging part of the thing.
For me, and I'll bet for quite a few other women over 35, the attraction to younger men really boils down to similar interests and outlooks. I have found that very few available/straight men over 35 share my interest in new music, or in comtemporary popular culture in general: they are sort of trapped in a cultural time warp. As a successful professional, I have also been discouraged to find that my financial independence is a subtle but sure turnoff to many older men. And there is a major baggage factor with some men that only gets worse over time.
I wasn't looking for a relationship with a younger man, necessarily, but I have always traveled in a younger crowd, and when I met this guy, things just clicked. The age thing hasn't defined our relationship, and I don't see that it will any time soon. One of the things I like most about him, though, is that the difference in our ages doesn't scare him--in fact, he seems to like it. Our respective social circles are all pretty cool about it, too. What's not to like?
I would be lying if I said that I don't have my little extra anxieties about how my ass looks in a bathing suit (not bad, but still), and about whether he secretly lusts after the sweet young things that throw themselves at him. But hey, it's not all that different.
-- Anonymous, December 03, 2001
I'm 43, in the process of going through a divorce after 10 years of marriage, and I am still wrestling with my feelings about age-difference relationships. I realize that I've allowed myself to internalize many of the negative messages about aging in the US media, I've judged myself and my age too harshly. I assumed that as a mid-life woman, a man really wants a fantastic looking partner who is at least 5 years younger than he is. Slowly, I come to realize that this is crap. If some men want this, it is their choice. But there are many other men who probably don't feel this way. I'm learning to be proud of my age and all the positive things about my life experiences.
My ex and I moved to Paris two years ago and I've noticed that the French don't seem to share my American hang-ups about age in the same way. I went on a date with a 33-year old man but I was still too uptight about the age issue to really let a relationship develop and I backed off from him. Recently I went out with a man (31) who I find myself connecting with -- we really relax and laugh a lot, like to discuss many of the same topics and take walks. Wish me well -- we have another date next week and I am trying to keep my mind, and heart, open!
-- Anonymous, December 09, 2001
Hi, not entirely sure how I found this messageboard, but think it is nice. I am a 28 year old male, who for the past 4 years or so have dated primarily women who are 10-12 years older. I think between the combination of working in an environment where people in general are older, being burned alot in my early twenties to bar flies my age, and the so called mystique of an older gal have me that way. I have never felt funny going out with someone my senior, although the one relationship I was in, she had some hesitation which is normal I suppose. I also feel though, that no matter what age, someone can be as immature as 15 year olds too. Anyway I wanted to share a site which is for people in age-gap relationships and that is agelesslove.com. People share there stories there too, so for some it might be worth a look. Happy Holidays!
-- Anonymous, December 26, 2001
I think you're a big fat liar Aaron. I think you DO know how you came across this site. I think you were sitting in your LaZboy, drinking a diet pepsi and stroking your Elizabeth Taylor inspired hard on through the fibers of your white cotton underwear when you tried to google up a few senior citizen porn sites and this page happened to be in an index that satisfied some of your search criteria. You see, we're not that different, you and me.
-- Anonymous, December 26, 2001
I'm so glad I came across this website! Here are real voices real people talking about it. It--what has been a fact of my life for 10, 12 years. I've been in 3 relationships with men younger than I in that time, the first two 7-8 years, and this one now, that seems more serious, 9 years younger. (I'm 47, he's 38--goin' on 39). People are really surprised to hear I am that old...so maybe the age difference won't come up as much socially, but that is my age, and to prove it to me, my body is beginning to pass through The Change. In the meantime his folks retired early, and he's beginning to think he should be retired too.
What I'm seeing on this board is that maybe psychic ages matter more than actual ages; the woman whose first romance was at 37 was maybe romantically more attuned to a 27 year old. I missed some time because of depression (it takes three times longer to accomplish things when you're chronically depressed)(treated now with medication)--and he's maybe feeling older because he had major back surgery for scoliosis when he was 18 or 19.
And if the man is confident and willing, and the woman is not too insecure...in other words, if the relationship is viable...enjoy!
-- Anonymous, January 02, 2002
~Hello, My current fiance/boyfriend just had a B/D in Dec.. He is 25 and I turned 30 this past June. Sometimes the age thing really does bother me. But I have to remember that we fell in love with each other no matter what the age.
-- Anonymous, January 02, 2002
Hi I am 27 and dating a 43 year old I think she is hot , and age to me doesnt matter, we get along great better then any other person I have gone out with , my age, I'd take an older woman from ages 40-60 as long as they treated me right , I almost wish she was in her 50's cause I think olderwoman look sexy!!!!
-- Anonymous, January 12, 2002
I want to date and marry a woman my own age or up to 15 years older than me. It is a good thing for older women to date younger men. Ruth Gordon said, "women should marry younger men because men age faster." it is not an issue as long as you get along with each other. guy ritchie married a woman 10 years his senior. age is just a number. age is not the requirement for maturity. period.
-- Anonymous, January 16, 2002
Oh, yeah. I've been in a May/Dec. relationship. It was absolutely the best relationship I ever had! He was going on 18 and I was 36 at the time...I loved him right away. He was my dream guy. Our age difference was sort of a problem for him until he turned 18 because our backgrounds were different. I had a supportive family and he did not. Therefore, his parents tried to put a stop to it and they even succeeded for a while but we ended up seeing each other "on accident" quite often. It was no accident. Love knows no boundaries!
-- Anonymous, January 18, 2002
I(28)am in a relationship with an older woman allready for 5 years. She is 16 years older and a Sweetheart. There are now rules for Love. A real Love means that you love the person for who the person is. The small things like a smile, or the way the person looks at you. You can marry a younger woman and it can work or not. Or you marry a person the same age and it works or not. As I said there are no rules. This is the best relation I ever had. And for my Sweetheart too.
And for all women out there: Donīt be affraid of ageing... You are at the best time of your life. 40, 50 or more so what.... Accept yourself. Because you are beautiful at any Age.
-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002
I have been in a 7 month relationship with a woman who is 6 years older than me. She is 36 and I am 30. The night I first saw her, I thought she looked younger than me. Had I known she was 6 years older, I might not have approched her. Once we got to talking and had been on our second date, the age difference was irrelevant, I was hooked. Things have been beautiful between us. I appreciate her natural curiosity into my world and younger interests (music, fashion, social life, etc.), and I appreciate her wisdom from having lived 6 more years than I have. I think she is the most beautiful woman I've ever met, inside and out, and her age is just a number to me, not an indication of how compatible we are or aren't. The only trouble I've encountered has been from all the baggage that she amassed from a 9-year relationship that ended shortly before we met. Even though she was the one who left the relationship, she still struggles with letting go of the emotions and memories they shared. It's difficult for me to understand why she struggles so much with letting go when we are so happy together, and when she was the one who left. I am younger, with less emotional baggage, and I long for the day when our relationship will be free from the wounds of her past. Overall, I can say that ever since I've been seeing this older woman, I've begun to notice that younger women don't turn my head as often as they used to. They seem so unsure of themselves, yet full of themselves at the same time. The woman I am seeing is beyond all that. She knows who she is and is comfortable in her skin. Sexually, things are incredible..when we met, she said it was like an awakening for her. Anyway, I digress...
-- Anonymous, February 02, 2002
When i was 21 i was going with a 41 year old women and after that i felt much more confortable emotionaly and sexually. Now i am 41, divorced after 12 years of marriage to a "younger" women by 2 years. I have a wonderful friend who is 54 and we spend a lot of time together but we have not yet taken it further. She was married to a man 10 years younger but has been divorced for 10 years. I feel very content with older women.
-- Anonymous, February 07, 2002
My husband of 10 years is 17 years younger than me. We have a wonderful relationship. It's sad that so many people can't overcome the social anxiety about dating someone much younger or older. When the relationship is right, age is just a number. I am 51, my husband is 34. There is never a guarantee that any relationship will last forever regardless of the ages of each person. We followed our hearts instead of what everyone else thought or said and we have never regretted it.
-- Anonymous, February 15, 2002
I'm in a serious relationship with a woman who is 11 years older than me (She just turned 44, I'll be 33 in 8 days). We've been together for 3 years now and I proposed marriage to her a year ago, which she happily accepted. Being with her has, in a sense, helped me mature and become wiser. Our vast age difference continues to bother her every now and then but not much. And it doesn't bother me at all. To be honest, I actually prefer older women to younger women. Older women tend to be more mature and knowledgeable of life. And my lady certainly is. She has taught me much.
-- Anonymous, February 18, 2002
Nancy, I'd also like to go more into what you said about society. I think it's unfair that people look unto older men/younger women couples as a norm while looking upon older women/younger men couples with shock. I feel that if it's acceptable to see a man 2 or 3 times his partner's age, then a woman should also be allowed to date younger men. I honestly like being women with who are older than I am....they tend to be more elegant and well-mannered.
-- Anonymous, February 18, 2002
What I've been reading is incredibly encouraging. I have been seperated from my husband for almost 2 years now and am in the process of filing for divorce. I recently met a younger man I am incredibly attracted to - I have not been able to get him out of my mind since I first saw him. He works for a contracting company that had come in to my place of employment to do some work, and left me his cell phone number in case I found some paint that matched the wall they were repairing. I called him later asking if he did residential jobs, mainly because I wanted an excuse to see him again. I had a feeling he was younger than me, but had no idea just how much younger until I talked to him the other night - 14 years. At first I was crushed, but after reading the responses here I realize all may not be lost. I know he's responsible for a 23 year old because he called me back exactly when he said he would, and based on our brief conversation I know he doesn't drink much, if ever. He's also very mindful of his manners and almost painfully polite. He said he remembered me and having only seen me once I took that as a good sign. From what I've heard from one of my co-workers who worked closely with them on the construction job they did for us, he said he works so much he hasn't had time meet anyone. He's supposed to come by here in the next couple of nights to give me an estimate on something and I hope to get to know him better at that time. But I'm afraid if I tell him my age it'll scare him off any romantic notions that may have been there. I won't lie about my age though - that is no way to start off. What do you younger men out there say? Is it flattering for an older woman to put the make on you? What's the best way to handle approaching him? Should I just try to be friends with him first?
By the way, my soon-to-be-ex husband was also younger than me, but only by about 5 years, so it never was an issue. To me, a measly 5 years isn't even enough to be considered a May-December romance.
-- Anonymous, February 18, 2002
Wendy, If he's anything like I was at 23, he'll drop to your feet if you show a sign of interest in him. Even at that young age, I always liked older women but I gave up on trying to meet one because I felt that an older woman would consider me not responsible and mature enough for her. I settled for a woman who was 2 years younger than me but throughout that marriage, I kept my interest in older women and when I divorced at age 29 I felt mature enough and knowledgeable enough on life to renew my search for an older woman. I met my fiancee when I was 30 and she was 41. Although I approached her first. I think my heart would've melted if it had been the other way around. I'd say take a chance with this guy....show him you're interested. He may be just like I was and melt into your hands. If you need further inspiration....one of my younger brothers was 24 when he married a woman 15 years older than him. She already had a daughter who's just 5 years younger than him. They're still married. So give it a go....it might make his day. And good luck!!
-- Anonymous, February 19, 2002
The first thing you should do is shave your pussy. Then, when he comes over, let him see it. Men just love shaved pussies. He will be unable to resist you.
-- Anonymous, February 19, 2002
I hope that you have the maturity and intelligence not to believe a word of what that sicko just said.
-- Anonymous, February 19, 2002
Well, as a young man who has, on several occassions fallen for older women, perhaps I have something to contribute to this discussion. Age, I think, doesn't really bother most people except in the context that society makes it 'improper'. This leads people to manufacture feelings for themselves regarding that sort of relationship, which are not born of their own true thoughts but rather their fear of the resulting retaliations of the social paradigm.
Remember age is just a number, and does not truly reflect a person's maturity (mental and even physical).
Just a number.
-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002
I was married for 15 years to a man 4 years older than me. He's a good guy, but we had numerous problems which we worked on for years, but failed to solve. Then I fell in love with a man who happened to be 16 years younger, a guy I'd been working with for a few years, and had become great friends with. He fell in love with me, too (thank goodness!) and we could not be more compatible. We share the same level of intellect, the same sense of humor, so many of the same interests and preferences. We like each other as well as love each other. And once we realized later that the physical chemistry is amazing -- well, we were so happy to find a relationship where it ALL works. I mean, even our stupid stuff is compatible! He thinks I'm beautiful and smart and sexy, and waited a long time to tell me, because I was married. Once I admitted how unhappy I'd been in my marriage, I left. So my love and I happily pursued our relationship, for almost three years. (Trust me, I wouldn't have left if my husband and I had what my love and I have.) But now, due to circumstances that have nothing to do with our age difference (I won't go into that), we have had to part. We are miserable without each other. We can't even talk to each other. You can imagine how horrible it is to find "the one" and not be able to fully have the best relationship either of us ever had. Of course, I'm hoping that he works out his situation so that we can be together again. I haven't dated much since we broke up (although there have been a number of men interested in me), and it hasn't been because of the men's ages. It's about who we are as human beings -- that's what determines the personal connection, not chronology. I will be shocked if I find another man I'm so compatible with. I'm fully prepared not to. But IF I do, I won't be surprised if he's a younger man.
-- Anonymous, February 21, 2002
I was with a partner 8 years younger than myself for 12 years. When I ended the relationship, I was celebate for 2 years. Men of my own age simply don't appeal to me. I recently had a brief affair with a musician 18 (yes 18) years younger than myself (I will be 50 next month). This was absolutely wonderful - passionate and mutually satisfying. However it can't go on, as I don't believe it is fair on him e.g. he may want to have children and that's not really possible for me... Nevertheless, while I still remain reasonably attractive for my age, I simply do not fancy any man unless he is at least 6 or 7 years younger than me. It's a real dilemma
-- Anonymous, February 22, 2002
You people are as sick as Bill Clinton. Putting a 25 year old penis into a 45 year of vagina is a crime against nature. It's sick and disgusting and should never happen. Where is your common decency? Where are your morals? It's only slightly less squicky than pedophelia.
-- Anonymous, February 23, 2002
Jessie, It seems to me that you're the sick one. Who do you think you are, imposing your so-called "morals" & "decency" on us? Who are you to decide for the rest of us what is moral or decent? Are you God? Or are you trying to be One? Someone's messed up your mind by planting these prejudices & contempt there. Poor you! With your narrow- mindedness & disdain for your fellow-human beings, you must be living a miserable life.
People, Wherever we can find happiness & love in this world, I say go for it! We only have one life, but thankfully, most of us have more than one chance at happiness. So grab it when it comes. What does it matter how old 2 people are, for goodness' sake, if they love & care for each other & want to be together. Sadly, there are plenty of moralizing preachers, like Jessie, around. Well, also thankfully, we don't have to listen to them. There are so many heartwarming stories in here, I had a wonderful time reading all of them. Good luck to those who went for it, or are going for it!
-- Anonymous, February 24, 2002
I agree 100% with Patricia. Like she said, age doesn't matter. I mean, check out the pictures of this chick who had sex with a 13 year boy and had his children:
I'd love to have sex with that hotty and apparently so did the boy. So what does age matter? People like Simon with their moralizing make me sick. It's just great we have people like Patricia willing to stand up for people who want to have a relationship regardless of their ages. Patricia wrote, "What does it matter how old 2 people are, for goodness' sake..." and she is right on the money.
-- Anonymous, February 25, 2002
Hurray for Patricia! The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) has been saying the same thing for years. Age doesn't matter. Yet men are being thrown in prison for the "crime" of being involved in a loving, consensual relationship. When will this ageism end?
-- Anonymous, February 28, 2002
Simon, Why don't you shave your entire body since you are obviously a p***y yourself? I really shouldn't even give you the satisfaction of acknowledging you but I felt that was a pretty good response if I do say so myself.
Jessie, grow up! No one bats an eye when a 40 year old man beds a 20 year old girl. You appear to be the sick person here. As long as both parties of of legal consenting age, it doesn't matter which of the sexes is older - or by how much.
Sammy, Thank you for your support. The object of my affection does know I like him. I'm not sure where it will go from here but I intend to pursue the relationship first on the basis of a friendship that will hopefully grow into more. It turns out we like a lot of the same things. Unfortunately we met under contractor/customer circumstances and I think anything personal happening between us didn't even cross his mind. There's so much I want to tell him but I'm afraid the intensity of it will scare him away. Feel free to email me privately on this subject if you wish. Again, thanks for your words of encouragement!
-- Anonymous, March 01, 2002
My husband and I have a great relationship! He is 24 and I am 44...a 20 year difference. A travesty to some that know us, I'm sure, but we adore one another and have lived together since he was 21. I'm a singer in a band and he was my roadie...I didn't think he was "for real" at first but his maturity was unsual for one his age and he impressed me with his serious nature. He was everything I thought he was...He's been the only man to be able to keep up with me sexaully and be a great friend as well. We have far more in common than we have differences. We are both artistic types and so being " a little to the left" isn't uncharacteristic for either of us. Love is a risk regardless of your ages...it is a leap of faith at best. Life is too short not to find joy in a "twin soul" even if your ages are so different. Our souls don't have ages...do they? We are more than these "mortal coils" are we not? Must society's dogma haunt us always? All I can say is that I have found the greatest joy in his arms than I have in any other's, he feels he has a goddess in me...to qoute him. If that isn't love, then what is??? Thank you for the opportunity to give my experience.
-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002
Thank you everyone for your encouraging honesty (except one or two who perhaps should be on another site!)
I have come out of an emotionally barren, sexless marriage (gay hub), and feel so shut down emotionally that I thought perhaps I was frigid. "Why don't I fancy men?" I've been thinking. Then I noticed that actually I do - but they aren't my age. I have met one guy twice and think he is gorgeous. He is about 12 years younger than me - and there seems to be an attraction, which I have been trying to talk myself out of 'in fairness to him' (WHEN will we ever learn?!) It isn't likely that we'll be meeting again soon, but when we do I shall be open to whatever may happen, having read all these wonderful stories. One question though guys - honesty comples me to admit that though I look facially much younger than my years, I don't have a drop-dead gorgeous body. Truthfully, is it usually the older ladies with the much younger bodies you go for, or are you more spiritually attuned?? ;Ž)
-- Anonymous, March 10, 2002
Please note corrected address.
-- Anonymous, March 10, 2002
Yes, Rosemary has brought up what's been on my mind as well. Some have said that we should hide or disguise our physical imperfections to spare the men the unpleasant sight. But others have not even hinted about it, leading one to wonder if younger men who fall for older women really notice anything at all or, if they do, how do they regard such matters? I would've thought that we older women wouldn't stand a chance compared with smoother, fresher faces and younger, firmer bodies.
-- Anonymous, March 10, 2002
I am in a relationship with a man that is 14 years younger than I. He is 4.5 years older than my oldest son and 9 years older than my youngest. I am very lucky, both my boys think the world of him. He had never been married, and I was getting out of a marriage of 25 years when we met. He loves me for me, he treats me good, and he doesnt see the imperfections or the wrinkles (yet anyway!!). My philosophy is this...it is good for now, but down the road he may have a change of heart, but for me now, I am going to enjoy the ride..give him all my love and get as much in return...life is far too short to worry about age or physical appearance, so worry about love..both giving and receiving!!!
-- Anonymous, March 10, 2002
Patricia and Rosemary, I can't speak for all the guys....I can only speak for myself. Now, being the normal, red-blooded American male that I am, I will say that *ANY* woman, regardless of her age, with a drop-dead gorgeous body does magnify my attention. But that doesn't automatically mean that she'll have me. Gorgeous outside features will get my attention, but a woman must have more than that to get my total interest. When I look at older women, I see the main mental qualities that I look for....namely, maturity and intelligence. I find myself to be far more compatible with older women. Although I still enjoy going to nightclubs and wild parties, I also enjoy going to cocktail parties, fine dining, museums, candlelight dinners, weekend getaways, symphonies, and I like listening to jazz and classical music and having mature discussions....things that most women in say, their 20's and early 30's, aren't too particularly interested in. Also, when you say "drop-dead gorgeous body", well....everyone has certain qualities which they consider beautiful. All I require is a decent-looking body but when *I* say decent....once again, I can't speak for all men....anywhere between not too skinny and not too flabby will do. An hour-glass figure with wash-board abs isn't neccesary....besides, it's the soul that occupying the body that I'm more interested in. But even then, what I consider "not too flabby" and "not too skinny" can be different from what other men might consider it. Perhaps the most important thing to me is that the woman ages gracefully. But I do understand your worries about being with a younger man who might run astray with something that's younger and fresher. But if he's mature and appreciates the interior qualities of a woman, you have nothing to worry about. My girlfriend (who's 44 and I'm 33) expresses the same worry but I always assure her that younger and dumber women can't do anything for me. In all honesty, another thing I like best older women is that they tend to be far more experienced in life and love and already know what the deal on life is. So in short, I go for the mind, not the body. I'm attracted more to the manners she's displaying rather than the figure she's sporting.
-- Anonymous, March 11, 2002
I'm telling ya, just shave your pussy. No man can resist a shaved pussy. Just shave it, wear a high cut dress with no panties, and "accidentally" flash him. He will be yours.
And Sammy, what the heck are you talking about, saying not to believe me? Take a look at today's porn. It's 100% shaved. Why? Because men just love shaved pussy. It's a fact.
-- Anonymous, March 15, 2002
But has it occurred to you, m'dear, that actually a lot of ladies - younger AND older - don't want to be equated with porn?
Doesn't offend me if you want to do what a guy does to pretty pictures.. but I sure as hell want to be thought of slightly differently.
Anyway - I think all this shaved pussy stuff is a little too near to guys wanting pre-pubescent girls. Maybe it's a Brit thang... just seems a little odd (though I know it's popular here too come to think of it...) When you've had your pubes shaved for surgery, it loses the sex-appeal, is all I can say!
-- Anonymous, March 15, 2002
My name is Matt, I am 19 years old, a college student, and have been having the best sex with a woman who is much, much older than me, she is 54. Huge age difference, she is extremely sexy and awesome in bed and has taught me alot about sex. the strange thing is i'm 10 years younger than her oldest son.
-- Anonymous, March 16, 2002
Right on, Rosemary! I really didn't want to say anything about this idiot's remark but I'm with you all the way. I don't want to get too deep into this porn topic but I will say this....a shaved vagina turns me completely off!!!! But this is the last time acknowledge anything that idiot says.
-- Anonymous, March 16, 2002
Right on, Rosemary! I really didn't want to say anything about this idiot's remark but I'm with you all the way. I don't want to get too deep into this porn topic but I will say this....a shaved vagina turns me completely off!!!! But this is the last time I'll acknowledge anything that idiot says.
-- Anonymous, March 16, 2002
I'm 29.. and several years ago i met this girl.. she's 38 now. She looks much younger I'm attracted to her but I haven't asked her out...... yet. I do know that her last boyfriend was 8 years younger than she is, and her last last boyfriend was 5 years younger than her, and her last last last boyfriend was around the same age as her (but I don't think he was older than her).
So her boyfriends are getting younger and younger. Now, could it be possible that she is INTO younger men? If she is, then I'm going to give this a shot! Can someone tell me?
-- Anonymous, March 17, 2002
Enjoyed reading the many scenarios here. I'm currently involved with a man 12 years my junior, I'm 42 - he just turned 30. However, there is another hurdle to our relationship: he is black and I am white. We have been extremely happy for the past 10 months and are considering marriage, but I can't dismiss the differences as easily as he can. On one hand I feel he is the person I was put on this earth to share my life with, on the other - is it a mid-life crisis of enormous proportions which will fizzle when the exploration is complete? Physically, intellectually, emotionally, we could not be more compatible. Yet I'm frightened. Que sera sera?
-- Anonymous, March 17, 2002
Well, Perri....try this: I'm a 33-year-old Black/Native American, my fiancee is a 44-year-old Japanese woman. The cultural differences are easy to get back but she's still having a minor problem with the age gap. But I think her main gripe with the age gap is that although I'm 33, I'm constantly mistaken for being much, much younger. She would have no problem if people think I'm about 28 but many think I'm only about 21, making our age gap seem much wider than it really is. I always tell her that she only looks about 30 but, being a woman, she doesn't buy it. But other than that, we're both convinced that we're soulmates and that is what matters.
-- Anonymous, March 17, 2002
And on top of that....I know another black guy, same age as me, who is married to a Japanese 3 years older than my fiancee.
-- Anonymous, March 18, 2002
Tony, WHY haven't you asked her out yet??? What are you waiting for? As you can tell from the letters here, we ladies are full of apprehension about dating younger men, even if we're attracted to them. So it just has to be you guys that have to take the lead here, at least in the beginning, to let her know you'd like to go out with her. Otherwise, in most cases, she's just going to hold back. Take my case. There's someone younger that I'm really interested in & it does seem like he's interested too. But although he still keeps coming by to visit my place of work (almost 2 yrs now) & dropping hints & I've made suggestions for drinks, he's never actually taken that step to make a date, except in the very beginning.....when I turned him down! Then there was this other someone very much younger, intelligent & oh, so good-looking. He also asked me out the first time we met & said straight out to me that he'd always only dated older women. That floored me, didn't know how to react or reply. But him saying that only made him even more attractive than he already was. Unfortunately we didn't have the chance to go out then, but we're still in touch. Now if only I knew what to do with the other shy(?) one.......
-- Anonymous, March 19, 2002
My mom and stepdad are about the closest thing to soulmates you'll find. She is 13 yrs older than him and they have been married 20 yrs. I love my stepdad to death.
After divorcing a tall blonde pretty boy who at 37 is now 2 years older than me, the last thing I want is a relationship. This guy put me through so much emotionally and financially I was sure I'd be no fun to date for anyone....
Recently, I met a 29 year old guy - we are having so much fun together. We both love music, are smart as whips, and in general just felt incredibly comfortable together from the get go. And the sex - well, it's just incredible. He is more sensitive, intuitive, passionate and energetic than anyone I've ever been with. And he makes me feel so sexy and so good about myself - this is the best. I may never go back to older guys.....
-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002
Patricia, I have to somewhat disagree with you concerning who should make the first move. Although many of us guys are interested in older women, making the first move can be hard on us as well. As I pointed out earlier, I was kind of nervous as to what the older woman might think if I were walk up to her. I was afraid of being told I'm too young. I was 23 when I entered my first marriage to a woman who was 2 years younger. At the time, I really wanted a serious relationship with an older woman, like at least 35, but I was afraid that a woman that old would consider me too young. So, I spent 6 years in an unhappy marriage. The question of who should make the first move is really a difficult one to answer.
-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002
But then, Sammy, if the younger men are not going to make the first move because they feel they might not be taken seriously, & the older women are also not going to do so because they don't want to appear abnormal/desperate, then we're all in stalemate & nothing'll ever happen. We'd just be looking at each other & longing for each other, forever. Or doing things which are "right" but which leaves us miserable.
I think each side has to at least make it known to the other side that he/she is interested, & then I also think that it's best if the man makes the first move. Of course, the lady would have to drop rather heavy hints & make it quite obvious that she likes him, so it'll make it easier on him to ask her out. The man just has to take that extra risk of being rejected. This might be more of a male- female thing rather than a younger man/older woman thing.
But even being rejected at first might not be the end of the story, as some of the letters here report, there's always another chance. Younger men have to understand that being turned down at first may not be because she doesn't like you. It could be other reasons like she's nervous, apprehensive, doubtful, confused, even scared.
Well, Tony, have you asked her out yet?
Anyway, Sammy, I would like to say that all your words of encouragement here I have found to be very inspiring. They give me a lot of hope. Thanks.
-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002
But Patricia, there is still one more issue....why does the man have to make the first move? What's wrong with the woman taking the initiative if she's interested in a younger guy? True, someone has to take the initiative to get things started but it's not fair to say it's up to the man or up to the woman to make the first move. Isn't this whole thing about breaking down old-fashioned barriers?
-- Anonymous, March 24, 2002
I am a 43 year old mother of 2 teenage boys, and my Love is 27. He is 15.5 years younger than me, and 11 years older than my older son. The relationship is about 5 months old. It took me so long to believe he was really interested in me, but over the past few months I have really become secure about it. He has reassured me many times that our age difference is meaningless to him, and that he dearly loves me. We are still both somewhat nervous about our families' acceptance of the relationship. Family for both of us is in other states, so real introductions haven't happened yet. We are talking about marriage in about a year.
We have such a good time together. The depth and sweetness of emotional and physical intimacy between us is everything I have ever wanted, and had really given up on finding this kind of relationship before I met him. We seem to complement each other very well. I am more stable and take a very broad view, having been through a lot (esp. with difficult relationships), and he has the idealism, energy and playfulness that has been so rejuvenating for me. I enjoy watching him go into experiences with intensity and learn from them, and I can also be there for him if he becomes discouraged. We have the same basic values in life, and when we find we have different interests or approaches to things, we still seem to tolerate it quite well. Neither one of us wants to own the other or needs to be together at all times.
People warn me that the relationship must be shallow, that he is at a different phase of his life than me, and he will leave me for a younger woman. But I find him incredibly loyal, loving, sincere and with a good deal of insight into himself and life. He says he loves my steaks of white hair and finds me very sexy. He has consistently told me he wants this relationship to be a life-long one. The relationship has been beautiful so far and has given me a new perspective on "age". We often act like two kids together, horsing around outrageously. Other times I feel so content, and also excited about a future with my love that is wide open for both of us. We can create what we want, and provide support for each other.
As many of you have said, society has a double standard for women in relationships with younger men. This has isolated me somewhat from my friends. There is just a vibe, like people can't really relax around it. You end up feeling like you are somehow slightly dysfunctional, or fooling yourself, even though between the two of you, everything is very sweet, stable and like any other good relationship.
-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002
I was in a wonderful 2 year relationship with a man 21 years younger (I was 49 and he was 28 at the beginning). It was a blind date set up by a male childhood friend of mine. I was getting out of a 12 year abusive marriage and my friend thought this would help me feel loved again...Well, it was love at first sight. We clicked and when we went to have dinner at a restaurant we nearly got kicked out because we couldnt stop kissing and touching each other. I learned how to hike and enjoy the great outdoors.....even conquered my fear of heights. My childhood friend and I thought the relationship would last 6 months but it lasted 2 years....I chose to end it when I realized someday he would want children and I already had 2. We had a great 2 years and are still friends who talk from time to time.
It has been 6 years since we broke up, my kids are out of the house and lo and behold I met someone 20 years younger on the internet who wanted to be my mentor in my new career of acting and singing. We talked on the phone (I only wanted to be friends and he said let's be openminded......). We met and were attracted to each other. We sang duets at a karaoke bar and several days later took it to another level. I had to pull back because I sensed that we really didnt give each other enough time to be friends first. It isnt the age difference but rather the timing.....I was so glad to find someone who shared my love of the creative arts...singing, dancing and acting and who was pursuing their passion.....and who wasnt gay! that I just went into it with total abandon. We have now agreed to be "just" friends and I feel more comfortable. Younger men are always attracted to me and I am grateful that I do not look my age...in fact, while I was writing this, another gentleman that I had met on the internet IM'd me (13 years younger) and I decided to follow up on him. The drawback was the fact that he has a young child (10) and I had said I didnt want to date anyone with a minor child.....well, there I go throwing caution to the wind..after reading everything on this site I AM TAKING THE RISK!!No door will be closed....I feel very empowered now... Thanks for your site...good luck to everyone. Love rules at ANY age.
-- Anonymous, March 30, 2002
hi patricia. no, i still haven't asked her out yet. how can i be sure that she likes younger men? ok... as i've mentioned earlier, her last 2 boyfriends were 6 to 8 years younger than her (i'm about 10 years younger than her). i don't know if sh'es INTO younger men or maybe it's a coincidence than her last 2 ex's were younger.
what do stats show... can anyone tell me?
-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002
Tony, you do seem to be overly agonising about WHETHER she's into younger men or not. If she is, you've got a chance that you might miss if you don't do something. And if she isn't, well, you'll know when you do do something. I say the sooner you know, one way or another, the better, because you can then start a new relationship with her or move on to meeting other people, which might also lead to new relationships. Just do it. Ask her out.
Sammy, maybe I'm a little old-fashioned about who should be doing the asking. It just feels more romantic if the man asks the lady first. Although, granted, we're living in the 21st century, & sometimes the lady has to take the initiative. But the man asking the lady out first makes her feel special & wanted & desired, & that's a state we'd all like to be in, don't we? I think it also makes the man feel that he's taking command of the situation & in charge.
Looking at it from the other side, how do men feel if a lady they're not interested in romantically came to them & asked them out? How would an older man feel? And would a younger man feel differently? Or would a better tack be to just let the man know that she's interested & let him do the asking? But, yes, sometimes we women wait forever & he still doesn't ask. Then perhaps it's time to move on. I for one would hesitate & hang back & never ask him, tho' I might drop some heavy hints but that would be it.
-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002
i email her... but i usually get one-liner replies. i know english isn't her first language.... that might be it. i know many asians don't like typing/writing english if they don't have to. (i HOPE that's the reason!). she's friendly and relatively talkative when we're with friends. (we're all asian and we speak the same dialect).
sev. weeks ago i offered to treat her and our friends to a late supper (after work) .. she was like "yeah sure!". she was totally into it. but the other two friends declined though (they had other commitments for the evening) and i was hoping she would still go with me anyway... but she said something like "oh... you two can't go? then i won't go either".
this was after we had a casual conversation (earlier that evening) on age.. ie: she asked me how old i am! i told her i'll be turning 29 this year and jkingly added that i'm no longer a kid; i'm a grown-up! (she's around 38-40 now.. dunno for sure). she had guessed 27... i hope i didn't disappoint her?
maybe i'm too young for her? if she was interested she would have said yes and gone out with me even if our other two friends said no right?
patricia, (or anyone!) pls. tell me... because i don't know how women think, and i'm not relatively good at "guessing" what/how women think/feel judging from their actions.
and at the moment, i'm trying to figure out a reason to call her and ask her out...
-- Anonymous, April 13, 2002
It's been more than a year since my first post here (January 2001). I've received several emails from readers/posters and thought that this might be a good time to give you all an update, since it seems the questions about younger men/older women relationships are still causing so much turmoil in many hearts and minds. Just to give you all some inspiration and encouragement...my beloved moved in with me in July last year (2001). Things are wonderful between us. Every now and then he says something about how we have so much fun together! There are days when I still can't believe it's really happening - that he really is here. Without a doubt he brings out the best in me - the playful, energetic, inquisitive parts of me that I like best about myself. And as for smoother, firmer bodies versus older, "softer" ones - well, all I can go by is my own experience - they are not factors at all in whether or not we are happy or compatible together. Not that I'm not still "pretty hot" for my age! But so much of that comes from my attitude and how I see myself, not how others MIGHT see me. Sure there are things I wish were a little different - most people do. But one of the blessings of being older is that I have figured out that the parts of me that I don't necessarily like are NOT the "sum" of ME. I am much more than the size of my breasts or hips,whether or not I have wrinkles or stretch marks here and there, or how much gray may have started to peak through my hair (God bless L'Oreal!). Anyone who doesn't see more than those outward things would be missing out on so much good in me - regardless of his or her age - OR gender. My life has been made so much richer, exciting and satisfying by having "allowed" myself to be open enough to explore a relationship that was so "off limits" in the past. None of us was put here on earth to make everyone else happy or have everyone else love or approve of us - in the end we are answerable only for ourselves - and only ABOUT ourselves. It's not my place - or "job" to make judgments about other peoples' lives and relationships - I can make choices about who I have in my life, and I can base those choices on anything I like - the same goes for others who may choose to make choices about having me in their lives. There are times when it's awkward to explain or define our relationship to others, and I know that for every person who does ask direct questions about how we met, our age difference, the nature of our relationship, etc, there are probably MANY who don't ask! I appreciate the ones who ask so very much! And so far none of those who have asked have fallen over or passed out when we answer! So, bottom line - you don't know until you try - and the two questions I ALWAYS ask myself when I'm facing a tough decision: 1) What is the WORST thing that can happen? If I can live with the answer - and I have a very good imagination, I usually dream up the absolute WORST possible thing - then I decide to do what I need to do to have what I want or believe I need. (because even if the worst thing happens as a result, I can live with it!) and 2) Will this matter 10, 20 years from now? (If it won't matter anyway then what I'm wanting is not really all that important - If it will matter even that far off, then I better do what I can to make it turn out the way I want it to turn out) So see, if the answer to either of the questions is one that would not be good for my life then I know to act accordingly. And, in closing, here is my favorite quote and one that I think you could all benefit from by taking it to heart (really think about it and how you can apply it to ALL situations in life) "You can ACT yourself into a better way of FEELING quicker than you can FEEL yourself into a better way of ACTING". Good luck to you all and please don't waste this precious time we have all been given by missing out on what life has to offer us. Feel free to send more emails if you like.
Life is STILL GOOD! Kathy
-- Anonymous, April 13, 2002
Well, Tony, my guess is that she seems to be interested but is apprehensive about something. There might be something holding her back, like "what will people think?", or she might already be in a relationship or other family commitment, or she doesn't want a commitment at this time, or she simply needs a lot of time to size you up. Older women aren't going to jump into a relationship just because the man's younger. Even if, based on past statistics, she prefers younger men. There are other factors to consider.
It looks like, at the moment, she's more comfortable socialising with you in a group, which is perhaps a better course of action. She needs to know you better, & vice versa. Try to show an interest in her and in what she does, but without coming on too strong. Women in general like to see maturity and quiet confidence in men.
It may take a while before she lets you know if she's interested in you or not, but you should be able to sense it after some time. If she is, do ask her out, maybe for coffee or lunch or tea (something light would be good for the beginning), or offer to send her home or fetch her for one of your group outings.
(Gosh, who am I, giving lessons on love & romance?! I hope I'm not getting Tony lost down some jungle path!) Chin up, Tony! You sound like a nice young man. I'm sure once she really knows you, she'll appreciate your good qualities.
Good luck! Hope this turns out happily for you.
-- Anonymous, April 14, 2002
I've been wondering for a while what's happened with the lady whose predilection started this whole discussion 2 years ago.
Jennifer, where are you? What've you been up to, as regards ym/ow relationships? Do tell us.
Hope you're keeping well.
-- Anonymous, April 14, 2002
I had my first serious boyfriend when I was 18, he was 16; I didn't experience an age-gap, probably because of my inmaturity because my parents kept me very sheltered. We were together for several years. Fast-forward to age 24 -- both my parents deceased, and I lived with a man who was 33. I look very young for my age, and he looked his age, so I know he got "cradle-robber" stares. We didn't care. The only age-gap I experienced in that relationship was around music. No big deal. He was killed in a car accident when I was 27. My next relationship was also with a man older than me. When I was 31 I married a man age 40. This time, I started to feel the age difference; most of our friends were his age, and I couldn't relate. They had stories around what was happening politically, and in the art and music worlds when they were teenagers, for which I had no point of reference. On the other hand, I knew we shared a commitment and ideals. Now, I'm 43 and am dating a man who is 33. My only concerns are 1) that if he is interested in starting a family, I'm not the woman for him; and 2) sure I'm attractive NOW -- I have the face and body of a 30 year old; but what about 10 years from now when he's in his prime and gravity has taken it's toll on me? We've only been seeing each other a month, so it's a bit premature to talk about this, although I feel the time is nearing if we are to deepen the bond. All in all, I agree with what people have stated earlier: ultimately, it's not age that matters, but life-stage.
-- Anonymous, April 15, 2002
Hello people, I heard that ewan mcgregor married to a woman 5 years his senior. his wife's name is eve mavrakis. she is a french- production designer. age is just a number. maturity depends on the person not the culture and age. I heard that hugh jackman married a womann 8 years his senior. his wife's name is deborrah lee furness.
-- Anonymous, April 16, 2002
Hi, Just wanted to contribute. I rarely hear theses types of discussion Im am 45 and married to a Man 7 years my younger. We met when I was 30 and he was 24. I had two children from a previous marriage to a man 7 years older then I. Together my current husband and myself have two beautiful daughters age 11 & 14, as well as my older children he helped raise ages 20 & 22 we have been together since we met. He and I haven never had any problems with the age difference (per se) I have at time though it would be nice to have an older man more learned than I, and In the beginning we were both insecure with each other. He though I would wake up one day and want a man my age and want to throw the young guy out, and also thought he would someday wish he had a young girl to wake up to. But we have worked it all out and there are no longer those feelings what so ever. There doesn't seem to be an age gap at all anymore if there ever was one. I have been at stay at home Mom for over 12 years now, he has worked hard to support out family. Together we have raised some great open minded kids and the sex has always been Great the best I have ever had.
Also just an interesting twist to this all. My son who is 22 now, when he was 17 about to turn 18 met an older girl who was 24 and fell in love, I was not too happy thinking she would someday dump him and find an older man for herself. But instead there still together and planing on getting married in two years as soon as he's finishes up his Marine Corp duties. There Madly in love and perfect for each other she is almost 28 now. He claims he would never be able to be with a girl his own age again..
-- Anonymous, April 21, 2002
i've heard many of you say that the sex is great (younger men, older women).
why is that? can someone go into a bit more detail? (don't mean to intrude....!)
-- Anonymous, May 14, 2002
Well, Tony....for me, it's making love with a woman who's already well-experienced and isn't afraid to tell me how she wants it. I've found that older and more experienced women are less inhibited about sex and that's always been a total turn-on for me. Also, I think the primary reason why sex between an older woman and a younger man is fantastic is that, take in account that in the typical older woman/younger man relationship, the woman is in her late-30's to early 40's while the man is in his mid- to late 20's, when both are at their sexual peaks and still desire intimacy. After sex, we men tend to be more tired and worn-out than women. If a 28-yr-old guy is making love to a 28-yr-old woman, typically....the woman is going to want more right away while the guy wants to sleep. The woman will be disappointed. A more mature woman in her late 30's to early 40's will more than likely be just as tired afterwards so I think it makes for better pairing for a older woman/younger man relationship. I would be nice to hear thoughts from some of the women on this, though.
-- Anonymous, June 08, 2002
I am 25..and I have to say that age, at least chronological age, matters little or none, unless it is someone under 18. I have traditionally dated older women..usually 2-7 years older. When I was 22 I dated someone 20 years older than myself..and though it wasn't meant to be a long term relationship, we had a lot of fun (and not just sex, if that's what everyone is thinking). She was incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and witty..and we are still great friends. I've been married..my ex was about my age..and our marriage only lasted a year (I don't think age played any part in the break-up). I also have been seriously involved with a woman about 7 years older then I (the only 2 "serious" relationships in my life)..and people often thought I was older than her..both appearance and I guess mentally. Again, age played little part in how good or bad this relationship was. I've dated a few women younger than myself, and though they were not bad experiences, I didn't feel as if I had a lot in common with them..or better said, I felt out of place hanging around 18 and 19 year-olds at 25..I felt more comfortable with 25-30ish. Though, ike I said, unless under 18 or over anything realistic (like 88), age plays little role in who I date or have dated. Age is just a couple numbers :-)
-- Anonymous, June 25, 2002
i haven't made any moves yet. i saw her today.. among other friends; we had dinner. she had her car, and after dinner, i casually asked if she was going to pass by my area on her way home. she said no. (oh well...). don't get me wong.. she was still very nice to me during dinner... it's just that she had no intentions of driving me home. she knew that another guy in the group could drive me home. (he lives closer to me).
i guess she's not interested in me? advice or comments from anyone...? any women like to say something?
-- Anonymous, July 26, 2002
I am 26 y/o male. I am also very attracted to mature older ladies. Althiugh I am very handsome and sexy, I am aslo a virgin. I came to the States two years ago. Now, I have decided to only lose my virginity to a mature sexy oler lady. Certainly no one under 40. Preferable mid or late fouties to upper fifties. That's what I am looking for.
-- Anonymous, August 04, 2002
HA HA HAAHAHAHA!!!!!
-- Anonymous, September 03, 2002
hey there...so reading all this has made me feel better although my age gap is not quite as much...only 2 years (I'm 21 and he's 19), but I have experienced much ridicule and teasing from my friends...they say I am "robbing the cradle." My friends only go out with older men and I feel like they look down upon me because of the age gap. I have only been with him for 2 months now but we have so much fun together and he is honestly one of the best relationships I've had in a long time...I'm happier now than I've been in years. The age difference is beginning to bother me though because people keep criticizing me over it, my parents as well, and I am also afraid that in the long run he may want someone younger or he will not be ready or mature enough to stay in a commited relationship (because I can see myself being with him for a long time), so I don't know if this is all worth it. I've generally dated slightly older guys who tended to be more commited that me. I feel like I should give him time to be alone and "sow his wild oats" as they call it, so that we wont experience problems later, but it is not gauranteed that he is not going to find someone else on this hiatus and I really want to be with him. I'm not quite sure what to do....it seems that in the end this is just going to end in disaster but I am too indecisive right now to make decisions on issues that I know are going to haunt me later.
-- Anonymous, September 23, 2002
Well, for me being a 26 year old male, I've had my share of women my age, let alone any a tad younger than I. In the past, I remember a time dating a 26 year old when I was 19. I thought the world couldn't get any better. Never a time passed, where I felt akward or strange about our situation. Time passed, and at 22 I date a 34 year old. This situation was extremely relaxing. There wasn't anything more comforting than knowing you do not have to worry about pety comments or cheap shots in the relationship. As of now, I'm out of a poor relationship with an ex a year younger than me, and all I can think about is all of the nonsence I had to put up with. Its not that I'm am no longer use to the young adult garbage, I just would rather have a warm older individual to share my time with. Unfortunately, its not that easy to meet someone older than you when you are 26.
-- Anonymous, September 24, 2002
I meet a young man about three years ago who is 11 years younger than I am. I was always the person wondering how anybody could date someone only 2 years younger than they are until I met this man who is now my husband. I have five boys, I am 30 years old and my husband is now nineteen. We have been happily married for a year. I have learned to never say never. My husband is the sweetest, smartest, most mature and most responsible man that I've ever been in a relationship with.I had a problem with it at first and tried to deny what I was feeling, but he wouldnt let me. I gave in and that was the best decision I have ever made. It really depends on the individual because all young men are not the same. He is not an American, so he tells me that where he is from people don't really think as Americans do about certain things. They are not as judgemental. All I know is that my husband provides for me and my children very well. He is active duty Air Force and currently enrolled in college working on his degree. I am also a full time student/mother/wife working on a degree in law to become an attorney. He is an awesome father to my children and he treats me like the precious little angel that he calls me. At this point in our lives we could care less about what anyone else thinks because no one can live our lives for us. We have only to answer to God and we know that God is pleased with our marraige, as long as we keep him first in our lives. What He has put together no man can tear apart. We are truly Blessed to have each other because I have never met anyone who knows me as well as my husband. It seems as though we were just ment to be together.
-- Anonymous, September 25, 2002
Well, my story is this...met a cool guy via the net thru a mutual friend who had given him my SN, he imed me one night and we began chatting, he asked for pics and my web cam and sent me his as well...INSTANT ATTRACTION!!! He is 19 and I am 27...he lives in another state...he asked me if he could come and visit, I said yes...had a awsome weekend with him and a month later I flew to see him...again really good time spend together. I am planning to go see him again in a few months and he will be flying here in December to visit me...all is well...BUT lol I do wonder is it just a physical thing for him???? The chemistry between us was instant on the net and for real in person...I do really care about him and didnt expect to...I just wonder if something like this can actually work out or if I should step back and see where he wants to go with it...what do ya'll think???
-- Anonymous, September 26, 2002
I posted a year ago and wanted to respond to some of the recent postings. My boyfriend is five years younger than me (he was two months shy of 20 and I was 25 when we met). We've been together for three years with our various ups and downs (as in any relationship no matter the age difference). But I do think dating someone younger (male or female) means recognizing that they are still developing in many ways and that it is important to give them the space to. So, it's a compromise that needs to be worked out in terms of where you are and where he is as far as life stages go. This is what it comes down to: age matters and makes a difference, but it doesn't have to be an obstacle to a happy, healthy, mature relationship.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that has a double standard for men and women. Older men who date younger women is an accepted given whereas older women (only two years older as these postings have testified!) feel ridiculed by people for dating younger men. Ladies, if we listened to society's gender roles we'd still be barefoot in the kitchen waiting for our older husband's to come home. SCREW THAT! Women's roles in western society have advanced, but unfortunately, our perceptions have not.
-- Anonymous, September 27, 2002
I'm currently 29 and would like to contribute the following. Relationships with older women can be so fulfilling, even if they don't last long-term. The initial attraction for most guys is the sexual thrill that results from the historically taboo nature of such a relationship. The same is often true for a woman. As many have previously stated, the sex is absolutely amazing especially if your looking for quantity. Quality is more dependent upon the individual. You may have to teach and guide him if he isn't experienced, which is rewarding and mutually beneficial for both parties isn't it? I have personally been attracted to women who are anywhere from a few years to many years older ever since my early teens. To avoid any confusion, I am NOT advocating statutory rape, incest or anything else that is sick and/or illegal. I'm simply pointing out that the vast majority of men (at any age) find it thrilling to contemplate a relationship or even just sleeping with an older woman. My advice to women who are worried that they will be rejected by a younger man is this. You may in fact be rejected occasionally, but the odds of success are greatly in your favor for the very reasons that I've already mentioned. Guys are into it. They're interested. But, with the exception of a few very confident (sometimes borderline arrogant and cocky) younger men, you will nearly always have to make the first move. Most men are either ignorant that older women would be responsive to a relationship and/or sexual play, or they are likewise afraid of the possibility of rejection. You are the more mature ones in the scenario and any guy who's interested will accept your advance if you make your intentions clear. Just flirt the same way you would want him to flirt with you and he will likely respond just as you desire. I'm not a genius, nor a psychologist, but you can tell from my post that I'm not an uneducated idiot either. We're out there and waiting. GO FOR IT !!!
-- Anonymous, October 05, 2002
My husband is a 19 y/o U.S. Marine. I'm 38, a college graduate, mother of 5. People look at us like we're nuts, but that doesn't bother me too much. Sometimes when we're in public, I wear a t-shirt that says 'NOT THE MOMMA!' just to mess with those who stare. We have a really great relationship (and a newborn daughter). Because he's a Marine, he catches hell from some of his colleagues. One Marine even physically attacked my husband for being married to an older woman. I know that my husband loves me dearly; however, I still worry that his USMC buddies will cause a permanent rift in our relationship. Ordinarily I wouldn't worry about it, but with a baby involved now, I AM concerned. I am also confused. I want my husband to be happy and I don't want him to be put thru hell by outsiders' opinions. I could leave...maybe I should leave. But I don't want to walk away from this relationship. I just don't know what to do!!!! The only thing certain right now is our love for each other, and I sincerely hope it will be enough to pull us thru these hard times.
-- Anonymous, October 06, 2002
Mary, your story reminds me of something similar I've heard: a 19 y/o Marine, a woman about his age, and the woman's mother (who was in her early 40's) were at the Housing Office on base. While talking, the counselor who was taking care of them kept directing her attention only at the Marine and the younger woman. Finally, the woman's mother became a little irate and said, "Why do you keep talking to her? *I'm* his wife, not her!!". As for the trouble your husband is having with his colleagues, he should report them to his commander. I'm former Navy and I know that he has many steps he can take to ensure he doesn't have to tolerate any further harassment. Since he's young he probably doesn't know how to get these punks off his back but there are many steps he can take. He can go to his immediate supervisor. If that doesn't work, he can go to his Command Sergearnt Major. He can go all the way up to the Commandant of the Marine Corp. All he has to do is use his chain of command.
-- Anonymous, October 07, 2002
I just want to say a big THANK YOU to Jason Andrews for the wonderful encouragement you gave! From the stories here, it is clear that these relationships still hold a stigma in our modern society. And many such couples are facing uncomfortable & difficult situations because of society's mores, regardless of whether the relationship is good or not, which is actually the more important factor, if not THE most important one.
Hi, Sammy. How are you & your girlfriend? Hope you're both well. Thanks to you too, for your many words of encouragement & support.
Actually, most of the men in this discussion deserve our thanks & gratefulness, for being brave enough to express their true thoughts on older women. If not for this discussion, most of us women would still be wandering in the dark & coldness of ignorance & prejudice.
Tony? How have things been going? Did it work out?
-- Anonymous, October 08, 2002
Hi Patricia....we're doing just fine. How's your life? Everything's going well....I still stand my belief that older woman/younger man relationships are actually better than any other relationship type. Not only is she everything I've always wanted in a lady....but being with her has also helped me mature more and become more openminded.
You're right, though....relationships like ours still face a big stigma. It's strange that, despite being in the 21st century, people still think with 16th century mindsets. My aunt would be a perfect example....she's married to a man who is 8 years older than she is, yet, she also voiced outraged over me dating a woman who is 11 years older than me. When I reminded her that she's married to someone significantly older than she is, her response, not so surprising, was, "Well, he's a man!".
I think that it takes bravery and guts on the older woman's part as well as the younger man's part. I also commend women who are willing to challenge society's twisted morals instead of considering themselves useless and undesirable to conform with society.
-- Anonymous, October 09, 2002
Thank you for your advice, Sammy. I'll be sure to let my husband know.
-- Anonymous, October 18, 2002