What constitutes being "fast" or "easy"? Are you a slut if you sleep with someone after knowing them less than 2 hours? What if this is completely out of character for you - does that make a difference?

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Answers

My dictionary defines a slut as a sexually promiscuous woman. Promiscuous is defined as lacking standards or selection, indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.

So, having sex with someone you have known only two hours? Is that discriminating? It takes me longer than that to pick out a pair of shoes. Choosing who to share my body with would take considerably longer.

Now, I understand the human sex drive is pretty strong and lust and passion and chemistry and all that can take over and your mind knows you don't usually *do* things like this, but your body says "WHO CARES?". If you come to your senses afterwards and say, "Gee, that was really stupid and dangerous, I'm not doing THAT again", then I don't think that's really slutty bahavior. Just unwise. In my opinion.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

What does it matter how somebody else defines your sexual behavior? You're the only one who has to live your life. Screw the labels other people try to put on you. If you're enjoying yourself and not hurting anybody else, go for it. Having sex with someone you just met doesn't make you a bad person. Whether it makes you a "slut" or not is up to you. Most of the people I know, both male and female, proudly call themselves sluts. Now, if you're having sex with people you've just met and then you regret it or feel bad about it later, that's when you need to think about what's going on. You need to either decide that that kind of behavior really isn't for you and stop having sex with people you don't really know, or decide that that kind of guilt isn't for you and learn how to stop feeling bad!

I personally am a horny girl and don't tend to pass up opportunities to jump into bed with those I am attracted to. In some cases this has led me to never speak to those people again, and in other cases has led to relationships and frienships. My most beautiful long-term relationship grew out of sleeping with a boy the day after I met him.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Stephanie, I wouldn't let anybody force you to define these roles. If you are comfortable with your behaviour, and you behave responsibly, then all power to you. So I can't offer any definitions at all, although girls who do everything but actual intercourse and somehow think they're pure and you're a slapper are, in my opinion, prickteases.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

there's no fixed definition - i completely agree with the other jessica. it's up to you - if you feel guilty about your actions then you shouldn't do them. if it feels ok (and isn't going to hurt anyone), then don't let anyone else's definitions restrict your behaviour.

i had a year of being a slapper after coming out of a rather dodgy relationship. it was a hell of a lot of fun. when it stopped being fun, i stopped behaving that way, and ended up in an incredibly happy long-term relationship. none of my friends ever judged me for my behaviour - they recognised that i was adult enough to make decisions about my behaviour, and i wasn't hurting anyone by my actions.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

Joy, I'm offended! The fact that I'm a man in no way inhibits my ability to be a slut. As you can tell, I don't buy into the whole double standard philosophy.

Steph, here's a guy's take on it; though admittedly, I tend to think a little differently than your average guy. I believe everyone should go through a slut phase, as long as it doesn't last too long. It's liberating and aside from the fun, it makes you appreciate it more when you can actually make love to someone you care about deeply. But like everyone else has said, don't do it if you're going to regret it.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

While I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't stick to society's definition of these things, you do LIVE in society. And the problem is that if you do this once, other guys may hear about it and expect you to do it again. On some levels this is unfair, but on the other hand, what else are they going to judge you by but your actions?

If it is out of character for you, then you'll find one of two things: you really liked it, and wouldn't mind doing it again; or you'll find you FEEL like a big whore, and don't want to do it again. If the first then just listen to the above posters and go with the flow, otherwise, well don't do it again.

Personally I think a slut (male or female) is someone who uses other people for sex, or primarily relates to people on that level. And it's all fun and games until someone gets emotionally involved... this is why a one-night stand is on some levels safer than a "fuck buddy."

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

A slut is what people call you when you indulge in behaviour they themselves have indulged in but regretted, or want to indulge in, but can't find any takers.

Fast and easy? When did sex with another consenting adult become anyone else's business to judge?

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Kristin Thomas, you said just what I was thinking. The people who call others 'sluts' are usually the type that couldn't score in a brothel.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

"Slut" is a word used in *high school* and has no place in an adult vocabulary. Neither do "fast" or "easy". Puh-leaze.

Do you feel you've done something that made you feel bad? Do you feel plain icky? Well then, you know for next time how it makes YOU feel - go by that. And remember to be careful - always use condoms along with some good judgement.

I've lived by the "no regrets" philosophy for a few years now, and as a result, not only do I do things I never would have tried before (ie asking out a complete stranger) but I've also made better choices.

It sounds to me like you just went with what you were feeling and now you're worried about what other people (including the one you slept with) might say. If you're in highschool, and the other person is a complete jerk, you may have to put up with some comments. It's a little late to worry about it now.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

My definition of a slut is a girl who has sex with every other guy but me. I think this pretty much covers it all for every guy.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Slut? I dunno, it's probably similar to the definition of nymphomania... simply where a woman want to get it on one time more than the guy is capable of... *grin*

As far as jumping somebody within two hours... assuming you didn't force him at gun point (and I don't recall you mentioning that you were packing a gun), this was a mutual thing, so he has no basis to call you anything... And as for yourself... if it felt good... fine... and if it didn't feel good, well, you thought it would, so you learned something... Given mutually consenting adults, then the only thing that applies is don't do it in the road and scare the horses.

Please note, however, that this analysis is from somebody whose experience of a state of non-marriage is from prior to the outbreak of AIDS... so I should add that medical concerns might be more to the point than moral or ethical ones...

Jim

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000