To improve my boring DIY ridden exsitence.

Any funny stories to cheer me up as I hit my late 20's crisis.

Clean or dirty I don't care, just cheer me up!!! ;o(

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2000

Answers

Sorry pet. Late 20s crisis? Can't remember what one of those is. I presume it's less severe than a late 30s crisis and nowhere near as bad as a late 40s crisis. At least you're not going bald (like Rik).

-- Anonymous, May 01, 2000

Late 40's !!! I am trying not to think that far ahead.

Cheers for cheering me up mate and highlighting all the things I have to look forward too !

;o(

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Have you managed to get that kitchen floor up yet?

I've got a great DIY tip for all you folks out there....DON'T BOTHER DOING IT!....life's too short to be making things :))

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Floor up and new one down. Christ it was woodworm city (though all long dead thank god) and we managed to bust a water pipe in the process.

Upstairs room also done, woodworm up there to and as we pulled out the floorboards the hallway ceiling fell in. The ceiling also fell in here too so I have had to re-plaster it and it took four coats of emulsion to cover it!

Then I dropped me mobile into the sink.

All in all a good Easter Monday !

But I can at least laugh about it now. I wasnt amused at the time though let me tell you!

;o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

You prove my point....you spent the bank holiday up to your eyes in muck, woodworm, re-plastering and stress whereas I sat outside bars/restaurants all day and took the piss out of the locals for their dress sense :))

Why do something yourself when you could pay for someone else to do it is my motto...

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Hey I never said I didn't go out and get plastered! I did on several occasions and even managed to fit in a couple of dates.

It's all down to effective time management ;o). I even fitted in a trip to see the Toon play Leeds

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Dates do nothing for my bowels....boom boom!! ;)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Oh lord you get worse mate. Tell me do any of your chant up line work? If they are as bad as your jokes you are without a doubt a lost cause :o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Jay, How very astute of you. As far as I know, you have never met Gav (not for want of trying on his behalf I'll warrant) but you have him sussed. A real lost cause if ever there was one.

Canny lad tho.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

I don't have any chat up lines...I play everything by ear and actually speak to people rather than coming out with bolloxy pre-planned platitudes or crap lines.....

A hello usually does to start.....any more info and you'll just have to buy my book entitled "My battle against Anorexia Cerveza!"....

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Will no-one just to my defence against these vile slanders? Jay the least you could do is defend my good name by telling these people that I have never tried it on with you!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

So whats wrong we me then???? Am I not worthy of a chat up?

Defend you after that blow to my ego, you know nothing about women mate ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Is every female on the planet paranoid and therefore have to read between non-existant lines?

I'd give up if it was in my nature!!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Having said that now that I have had time to cogitate you did chat me up when I first posted on here.

So I can't defend you anyway. Sorry and all that ;o)

PS Gav I am joking mate ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Did I?

Dear me.....so many women, so little time....

I'm getting forgetful in my dotage....

Nurse, more beer please!!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Nah mate age had nothing to do with it you are just fickle ;o) thus is the nature of a number of men. No staying power.

Hey I am enjoying this !!! ;o))))

Gav did you enjouy your trip back to England?

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Great it's pick on Gav day is it....

Well bring it on sister and give it your best shot!

Fickle moi? absolutely! unless of course I say otherwise :) I never make promises that I don't intend to honour....that's why I don't make promises....

My trip back to England eh?.....was fine....you want more specific information? about any particular part of it?

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Pick on Gav eh? Sounds okay to me ;o)

Mind you are welcome to pick on me if you like, I can take it :o) Sob!

No just general info weren't youin Watford??

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Hahaha you're picking on the wrong person...I bite back! ;))

Visit back was ok...and yup I was in Watford...mostly...

Friday went out with my Russian friend to Titanic in London, got absolutely trollied before going home alone...Saturday went out with my mates and saw my Russian friend in the evening before sending her home alone, Sunday don't recall what I did so it couldn't been eventful, Monday went for a nice long train ride and read my book, Tuesday I accidentally missed my flight and spent the whole day with my Russian friend...went to bed early so that I didn't miss getting up for my flight at 5am the next morning...

That's about all the detail I'm going into....

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

So you got drunk alot?

Sounds like a good weekend to me ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Actually no....

I was only really out of it on the friday evening...everything else was very very tame for me....

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Ah well as long as you enjoyed it thats all right then.

Me I plan to spend this weekend quiet, (apart from a trip to Derby) as next weekend is going to be rather hectic ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Well I didn't actually enjoy it that much.....YOU ASKED!!

The problem was that I'd cancelled plans to go to New York (or Thailand) for the weekend to come back to England to see this girl and then didn't really enjoy seeing her that much....

Never mind eh...life is full of such disappointments and I'll just have to pick myself up and get on with it ;))

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Tell me about it. I went out on a 2nd date (1st date was a quick lunch) on Saturday night, with a guy who it turns out prefers rugby to footie and he supports Leeds Rugby team and believes that rugby is by far the superior game. Needless to say it only took me about 30 mins to realise there wasn't going to be a third date.

But thems the breakes

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Don't get me wrong....it wasn't BAD...bad.....it was more just a case of that I couldn't be arsed to be there but I'd committed to it...

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

I thought you didn't make promises?? ;o)

Meeting up with a lady and no motivation? Maybe you are geeting to old after all ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Sorry what promise did I make that you think I might've broken?

Seriously....you can question absolutely anything about me, I'm far from perfect (very far!)....but I never break my word...regardless of the consequences!

Hahaha now your questioning my libido....that's just plain stupid!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Your libido? A touchy subject ? Errrr no pun intended ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

My libido is fine...trust me...

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Errr yes I will just have to take your word on that score.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

You certainly will....or I could provide character witnesses if you'd prefer?

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Oh yeah who???

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

I'll see if I can dig up a corpse or two...I'm a necrophiliac don't ya know....

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Could be worse you could be zoophillic ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Shit...that's the one I meant...

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Dead humans I could live with but animals ?!?! Sad very sad indeed ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Gav only pulls canines

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

But not ones from Newcastle I hope!!! ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

He cant pull those ones , thats why he moved to switzerland , the supply in the North east has been exhausted .

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

`scuse me! I object to the dogs one on the grounds of cruelty to animals! (;o) Sorry Gav - that was really bitchy wasn`t it!

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Sting,

I can only recall you ever seeing me pull one girl (the russian) and I happen to think she's very attractive???

I on the other hand have never seen you pull...in fact I don't recall you ever having the balls to talk to a girl!

I'd bet that the quality of my women is much better than the quality of yours......you want to take up the challenge?

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

And that your intended too! Shame on you Galaxy !!! ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Hey they are not your women we are indivduals !!!

Men today no tact ;o). Sure you are not from Hull Gav??

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Hahaha....you guys! ;)

Jay, The Galaxy deal is still subject to approval of her husband once he receives the updated contract from my solicitor....I might just see if I can add a new clause exempting her from being bitchy though!

Sting, suck on my chocolate salty balls.....

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Jay,

Don't be such a touchy bra burner....

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Gav its perfectly obvious you work on the uality not quantity theory , or the more i ask the greater chance ill pull ratio theory . Not me mate , i only try and make a fool of meself when i know its worth it , those values will get you a long way in life ;- ) ( but might well keep the shag average down ) And by the way i agree all women are individuals , all different shapes and sizes on the same theme .

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I would never burn my bra they are to bloody expensive !

Lighten up ghav I was on the wind up, looks like it worked too !! ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Jay, you obviously haven't got the slightest clue about whether I'm wound up or not.....you really just haven't even slightly figured me out....I don't get wound up over what anyone says to me (unless they question my word!)....

Sting, I'll concede that I do indeed use the scattergun approach (ask 10 and 1 will reply positively) but I still hold that I only target quality women....anyway, the scattergun is doing nothing for me at the moment apart from filling my phone book up :((

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Don't worry its not my intention to try to figure you or anyone else out.

I have yet to figure out who the hell I am let alone worry about other people.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I don't worry or do regrets either ;)

Joint equal in the most pointless of all human emotions stakes :))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Nah I must admit, I would change a couple of the more stupid things I have done. But for the most part I would keep my life the same. I am happy with myself for the most part.

Okay enough of this serious stuff on with the funnies.

Gav you address book how many pages 2/3 including family :o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

How many pages 2/3 family?

I don't understand that statement at all?!?!

I very rarely ring them unless they've particularly peeked my interest....only two girls currently fit that description...I haven't rang any of the 6 numbers that I got over the weekend...

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

how many numbers on the mobile is probably a more telling sign these days .. do you hve secret codes for secret people , or am i just a sad get : - )

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I don't give my number out. I will take a number from a fella, and say I will ring him. What can I say its a control thing. I was stalked by a guy I used to work with am I never going through that again.

I ment 2 or 3 pages to your address book including all your family numbers ! ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

My mobile took an a trip into the sink, so its knacked and I have to go out a buy a new one ! I did have a lot of numbers on there mind ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Sting, I don't need the codes thing not being in a full time relationship and all that :)) still it'd make sense some times cos people keep nicking my phone these days and trying to send messages from it :((

Jay, If I'm interested in a girl then I'll insist that she takes my number instead of getting hers....

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Best way to operate Gav ;o). Ah the modern man, in a round about way

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Yeah but if I really really like them then I insist that I have theirs cos I don't wanna take the chance that they won't ring ;)

I don't like being called a Modern Man....please stop....

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Then if it was me I would probably give you the number of the local taxi firm :o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I've had some great numbers given to me....on of my favourites that I didn't pick up on straight away was :-

0898 696969

Some waitress in Planet Hollywood (Dublin) gave me that...I was well chuffed and started bragging to my mates and one of them noticed it :))

I've also had some other bizarre numbers where I've started arguing with the girl that she's taking the piss only for them to turn out to be real :))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Okay now I am feeling guilty for not calling the guy I went out with on Saturday night.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Why are you feeling guilty?

You sounded like you didn't get on with him so there's no reason to ring him.....all you would do is have a polite conversation which he might find misleading....nah better to just not bother ringing and avoid and possible mis-interpretations....

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Looking at it from that aspect true. Okjay you have persuaded me to give the phone call and him a miss.

Ahhh he was an egg chaser anyway ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I was gonna call him an egg chaser yesterday but didn't want to upset any of our antipodean mates.....they've a habit of chasing eggs as well :))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I watch Formula 1, but I just can't get away with rugby or even worse cricket, or tennis for that matter, boring summer sports

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Gav,

About your libido, which model is I was going to buy the V6 coupe but might get a Mondeo instead

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Gus,

I think my libido is affecting my eyesight cos that's the second posting today I haven't been able to make head nor tail of!!

;))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Just in case you are not "playing dumb", I think that the names of cars these days are OTT. The word libido reminds me of things like the Renault Clio, Nissan Primera etc.

I foolishly used your opening, (said in the spirit of some of your earlier postings) fnar fnar

To engage in a word game utilizing Libido and Ford Mondeo.

Doctor, my brain hurts.................

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Gus,

Why "Play Dumb" when I can be the real thing ;)

Ahh I see what you were getting at now but it kinda pre-supposed that I knew that you attached the word Libido with makes of cars...also you missed the word "it?" out of your sentence which threw me as well...

To be honest I was just being lazy and pedantic and wanted you to explain better....that way I get two postings in for the price of one ;))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Don'y worry Gus

I knew what you ment ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

This numbers game is quite a funny one .. when i was a bit younger i foolishly used to give my business card out , bigggggg mistake . Then i tried the company mobile number until that backfired when a moose rang my boss on it ( he was out on biz for the day ) and i got stitched right up . I think everyone these days is so scared of getting hurt evryone gives out a false number .. Now come on admit it , who has gone back to the place they met someone just in case they turned up there again I certainly have and made a prize Tit of meself ... its also backfired on me when 6 months after a slightly controversial incident with a lass from Blackburn i thought itd be safe to go back to the club id met her , cos theres no way shed still be coming here ; aye youve guessed there she was on the dancefloor as i was doing the dirty with another lass . The moral here is divvent give your number out , and nivvor go back to the scene of a crime ... howay everyone mustve had one of these little incidents , names and places would be canny but im not starting it you never know who's lurking eh ? ; - ))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Scene of the crime??

Me I never do anything like that ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I scene a crime once,

Thats it I'm off. Where is me hat and coat.

I quit as your straight man Gav, Reopened the Yelli door for you, gave you the opportunity for a few more "posts", what do I get for me troubles...........grief.

One word, well several actually, of advice. If you are trying to "out Post" someone, (Galaxy) dont invite them into the conversation!!

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Sting,

I can honestly, hand on heart say that nothing like that has ever happened to me (that I can remember)....and it's not very often I can say something like that!

I don't really know why it hasn't happened either....maybe I just don't give a shit who I bump into or who rings me...I seriously can't see a situation where this could/would affect me....

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Gus,

Please stay!! I didn't mean to offend you!

I knew I'd overtake Galaxy....Softie and Ciara are the real competition....Softie I reckon I've got in my pocket ;) but Ciara's trouble cos as I said, she gets real prolific on match days :))

I don't even know who this Yelli girl is that you keep mentioning....the name seems vaguely familiar but I've got the memory of a goldfish :))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Roll on Saturday!!! >:-)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Hahaha get back to bed you unemployed dosser ;)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Why apart from the game whats going on on Saturday?

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Jay, It's Ciara's chance to knock me back by about 50 postings...I've managed to narrow the gap from this mornings 70 down to about 35 now...I'm closing and she's running scared :)))

Pathetic isn't it :))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Won't you be posting on Saturday too then? Me I am going to the match ;o)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Very unlikely I'll be anywhere near a computer this saturday....I very rarely go online on saturdays....I do enough of it through the week!

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Gav , first of all have you never been slapped / abused / drink poured over you or the such from any of your behavior with al lass . You have got to be lying there is nae way you are that charming , you are either lying heavily or are a geet smarmy bugger . Ciara has the ability to beat you hands down on the postings thing , unless of course there is further femalke intervention for you to chat up . Personally Softie is the only winner for me .. mebys there should be a gauntlet set down ?

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I have never had any of the above done to me. And have I never slapped, or poured a drink over any fella.

Though I did have a slight altercation with some fella in a pub and the bouncers had to pull me off him! But that was my one and only argument while out drinking. Please note he started it!

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Bliddy hell you'se lot are right bunch of do gooders arent ya .. ive got me coat and im leaving , im obviously seriously in the minority here and my silver tongue is not as silver as i thought , byeeeee ;-)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Now why would I want to pour a drink over a fella?

I mean its a waste of good alcohol!

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Sting,

Don't be silly...of course I've been slapped, punched, kicked and had boyfriends set on me (especially the last one!) more times than I care to count...none of these incidents relate to me causing problems with phone numbers or going back to places where there are girls I've seen before....

They're usually to do with the fact that I've got this really bad habit of propositioning girls that are out with their blokes.....plus I've got this really nasty tongue that cuts arrogant people to pieces....arrogant being defined as someone who is uneccessarily rude to one of my propositions :)))

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Hee hee..see, I'm not the least bit fussed what my posting rate is, but having quite a giggle watching Gav try to keep up. heheh. :-)

And forget going back to bed...I'm enjoying being able to go to the gym when it's not crowded! And doing all those other errand thingies in the middle of the day. :-D

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Keep up hinny?

I'm almost past you....I reckon I'll have caught you by friday but that I'll lose ground over the weekend before sweeping back into the lead for all time after the last match of the season...

Let's see if my posting predictions are as accurate as my football ones :((

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Jay,

I've rethought my prior advice that I gave you yesterday, I think you should ring the egg chaser and then marry him....

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Errrrr why?

I have a nice set up here you think I am going to give it all up for a egg chaser, no I think not, especially not after all the time and effort I have put into this place lately

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Hey Gav

You never did answer why should I marry the egg chaser???

inquiring minds want to know

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000