Marisleysis Gonzalez, the Cuban woman who confused custody with motherhood of six year old Elian Gonzalez, was seriously injured today as she attempted to scale the WHITE HOUSE fence in a failed attempt to meet with President Clinton.

Marisleysis, who was screaming that Jesus ordered her to go to President Clinton and demand that he issue an executive order proclaiming her Elian's mother apparently slipped as she was about to scale the top of the fence surrounding the WHITE HOUSE and impaled herself on one of the steel bars which penetrated her vagina and ripped out her womb. As the screaming hysterical Cuban peasant girl lay stuck on the steel bar blood began pouring out and formed what appeared to be an image of the Blessed Virgin Mary on the ground beneath her twitching feet. A crowd of anti-Castro, pro-dictator Batista supporters lead by a very drunk Lazaro Gonzalez immediately surrounded the screaming Marisleysis and began to touch the blood crying: "MIRACLE, it's a Miracle." Uniformed Secret Service guards managed to pry the ranting Marisleysis off the steel bar and send her to the hospital. Doctors report that her condition is serious, but they expect her to recover. However, she will never be able to bear children.

Meanwhile, a large crowd of Cubans has declared the blood stained spot which they say shows the smiling face of the Blessed Virgin Mary to be a Cuban Holy Place. Lazaro and a close family friend, the fisherman called Donato, immediately began collecting pieces of the blood which they say will be offer to their many Cuban and republican supporters for a price yet to be determined. "God has spoken to us through Marisleysis," proclaimed Lazaro, in a heavily slurred Spanish yell. "She is a Saint, the whole world now knows that she is in touch with The Blessed Virgin Mary." Donato, the fisherman, current on leave from his fishing, said that in spite of what the doctors say that Marisleysis will have children, through the power and glory of GOD and his Mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary. "I know that God will now use his full power to bring Elian back to us by changing the evil mind of President Clinton, I just know it in my heart," lamented a tearful Donato as tears poured from his eyes onto his heavily ....... tattooed arms.

More to come on this fast breaking story.

-- (HotNews@HotNews.com), April 26, 2000

Answers

Onion?

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), April 26, 2000.

Future:

I'd say either Onion or "audition" for Onion.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 26, 2000.

Oh my, this one sure is a grinner,

For you sir I will buy a dinner.

Cant you see the drunk Pop,

Selling blood by the drop,

Man, this ditty by Hot News is a winner!

-- Ra (tion@l.1), April 26, 2000.

I don't think this is funny. It's sick.

-- happy (happy@here.yes), April 26, 2000.

New movie to come out soon from the Gonzalez bedroom videotapes...

"Donato does Marisleysis"

-- Hawk (flyin@high.again), April 26, 2000.

It's interesting how much better she looks with her makeup on in the picture with Elian where she's sucking on something. The rest of the real life photos aren't so complimentary.

-- Photographer (fotoman@fotos.rus), April 26, 2000.

I think it's the sucking on something part that helps.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), April 26, 2000.

HAWK:

Get it RIGHT, Donato was on the COUCH sleeping. With Marleyesesss?

(hope this didnt post 2x cuz i dont know what happened to the other one..)

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 26, 2000.

Though possibly in bad taste, this "breaking news" nonetheless contains more than a corpuscle of truth.

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), April 26, 2000.

The big question is when will the press put the following people in the limelight?:

(1). Lazaros Brother who also lives in Miami and will have nothing to do with his Brothers activities as relates to Elian. WHY?

(2). Maris Brother who also lives in Miami and is being kept out of the limelight. Heard a rumor that he is a well-known homosexual in the Little Havana community and TPTB do not want him prancing around for the cameras. WHY?

(3). Donatos fisherman partner who will have nothing to do with Lazaros group and has distanced himself from his ex-buddy. Donato has proclaimed, I like Tuna better than Marlin anyway. WHY?

This Gonzales crew will learn how fickle the press can be when they find out their 15 minutes has expired. Elian is the story and they are now removed from the day-to-day. Their so-called friends in the Miami Cuban community will abandon them had send them back to living as the low-lifes that they are. The fisherman will be sorry he ever aligned himself with that bunch.

-- Sifting (through@the.rubble), April 26, 2000.

Sifting:

The Miami family has already grown tired of the Washington media. They refused to speak to the press after Elian was removed to the farm in Maryland. The family is off their turf. They can no longer videotape every move Elian makes day and night and offer themselves to the press outside their home amongst the cheers of supporting spectators. The press conference they demanded in Washington wasn't even attended by ABC, NBC, CBS, and the other mainstream reporters. Only the cable networks showed up. It's over. The limelight is now on Elian's relationship with his dad, psychiatric determinations of whether he's been damaged by his experiences, and how best to put all this behind him.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 26, 2000.

Anita, Agreed.

Sifting, it HAS expired for the m/family. No mo limelite.

Anita, thanks though cuz I was wondering where the hell the m/family went to. Didnt know only 'cable stations' did the interview.

For the conspiracy folks....Perhaps clinton PAID the newsfolks to stay away?

---kicking the anthill, this should be posted over at ???????

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 26, 2000.

Anita.

I doubt that the anti-Castro money brokers will keep the Gonzales family in Washington D.C. much longer. Last time I checked the hotel rooms in D.C. were around $180.00 and up per day for a single. But they probrably have all of them shoehorned into a big suite at $1500.00 per. I heard this morning that a psychiatrist has recommended that Elian not be allowed to see the Miami relatives until his Dad has made peace with them, which may never happen. Dont you know that the Gonzales group is choking on the same treatment they were handing out just a few days ago. Gotta love it.

Oh Donato, put down the room service menu and step away from the phone.

-- Sifting (through@the.rubble), April 26, 2000.

Sifting

Agreed. BTW, KARMA? Yep.. Also bible whatsoever a man sows that shall he also reap.

Yep, looks to me like they be getting what they 'dished out'

Sometimes it doesnt taste well at all.....

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 26, 2000.

I did a poll...everyone I polled thinks this is funny therefore it is funny...so there

-- Uncle Bob (unclb0b@aol.com), April 26, 2000.

Sifting:

Yes. The Miami Herald ran a number of articles this morning on how the father was not ANGRY with the Miami family. He was HURT. They made MANY disparaging remarks against him. Those same articles stated that the Miami family has been encouraged to forget about hoping for custody and concentrate on how best Elian will be served upon his return to Cuba.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), April 26, 2000.

Did anyone see Donato's statement on CNN the other day? Something like "I feel like I gave birth to him, pulling him from the sea". I tell ya, I nearly puked.

-- Gia (laureltree7@hotmail.com), April 27, 2000.