Babies : LUSENET : I'd Rather Eat Glass : One Thread

Sigh. I was starting to think that I was the only journaler who was on a baby kick but didn't have one...I guess that I now know that I'm not.

Sash, are we the only ones? I mean, I'm sure that there have to be other people who, for one reason or another, can't have one, right? I've been pregnant twice and miscarried both times - I was told a long time ago that I might not be able to have kids - And I'm starting to be afraid that they were right. Not that I really need a baby at this point in my life, but...Let's just say that I was reading Bliss's journal earlier today, and she was talking about Little E...

I bawled.

I still love you.


-- Anonymous, April 22, 2000


What can I say? I have the most darling boy in the world but he might as well be in the next galaxy. I left all behind to be a part of something bigger but of course I miss my son. He's the most important thing in my life and I try to talk to him as much as I can but it isn't a substitute for holding him and seeing his smile. I know that what I did will be the best for both of us in the long run but right now it hurts so bad to be apart. I came to the realization a long time ago that you can't please everyone but right now I just want to be able to please two people. Sasha and Chris. I want to give Sasha a baby and I want to hold mine again. Some how I've started to feel inadequate. Maybe I'm not man enough to live up to my responsibilities both as a father and a future husband. I love both of them with all my heart but right now that just doesn't feel enough.

-- Anonymous, April 22, 2000

I've only been writing online for a month (today as a matter of fact). Y'all aren't the only ones. No babies here, and more likely than not there never will be. We've been trying to conceive for a long time, and are classified as infertile. Hell, I was joking with my hubby tonight that I should start a burb for journallers with no kids. There have to be many of us. The Mutterings of A Fool

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2000

Travis, In no way should you feel inadequate. You are trying to make a life for your son. You love Sasha, right? That is what matters in the long run. The love for your child and your soon to be wife. Nothing else. ~The Mutterings of A Fool

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2000

I usedto be a nanny. For my best friend, whowas/is like a brother to me. He married a woman no one could stand or understand. Ultimately, inevitably, they divorced. After nearly three years of daily nurturing the first child (the love of my life) and being there from the first hours of the life of the second, I was abruptly kicked out of their lives.

The mom moved them three states away. I am not allowed to know their address. I hear about them (the elder, at 7, is reading chapter books; the younger is in day care still & already reporting being "sad" in school).

It took me a long time to accept this, and longer still to figure out how to heal it for myself...not sure if I have yet. For a while I thought the only answer was to have one of my own, something I've always wanted.

I have neither time, partner, money, home, etc, any way at all to do this now.

And I may not, ever. I live alone & love that. I work hard & strive to have an hour of my own to write, still (I'm a poet). Lately I question why I might have a baby....beyond how.

Sasha, I feel your pain, your love for Claire....chreish your connection, this time. But prepare to let go, and know it will not be easy. It is not just a job.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

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