Match Number 5

13 March 1999, Newton Heath, SJP 1-2. Bumholes. A lovely free kick from Nobby then two easy goals for Cole. Yawn. Paid 'em back this season though, didn't we? :-)

Points Given 1 (crap) Barton 2 Maric 1 (sub) Charvet 2 Dabizas 2 Domi 2 Solano 5 (mf goal!) Hamann 2 Speed 2 Georgiades 1 (booked) Lee 1 (sub) Ketsbaia 2 Saha 5 (Joker!) Shearer 2

Fixtures: Match 5

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Ath B'worth	5-4	T Goons
Bar Samba	0-4	Toon Trag
Brdo Utd	0-1	W'end OB
Bor C'bch	2-1	W'stck Co
Brwry Drp Utd	4-1	Pil Con
HTIN?	3-2	Steph Sup
Mac Mar	1-1	TFNASS
Min Acad	0-1	ITKHWB

BBS Notionless League Division 1

Bax Bas	3-1	Spayne
Bla Rac	0-1	G'gate
Ceptic	0-2	TSW
Che Chop	1-0	Y Yobs
Dud Boys	2-1	PPP
Dunc's D's	0-1	PLU
How Har	0-1	Q Mech
JHP	3-6	Real Z

BBS Premier Corinthian League Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	Goals F	Goals A	Goal Dif	Points
1	Athletico Backworth	5	0	0	16	9	7	15
2	Brewery Droopers United	4	1	0	11	5	6	13
3	Borussia Canwehaveourballbach	4	0	1	9	6	3	12
4	MacBeth's Marauders	3	1	1	9	8	1	10
5	Toon Tragedy	3	0	2	13	3	10	9
6	MinesaS&N Academicals	3	0	2	10	5	5	9
7	Steph's Superstars	3	0	2	11	7	4	9
8	Beardo United	3	0	2	6	6	0	9
9	Barton's Samba	3	0	2	5	6	-1	9
10	Wallsend Old Boys	2	1	2	7	7	0	7
11	The ITK Heaton World Beaters	2	0	3	6	11	-5	6
12	Woodstock County	1	0	4	5	9	-4	3
13	Pilgrim's Converts	1	0	4	7	14	-7	3
14	How Toon is Now?	1	0	4	5	13	-8	3
15	TFKASS	0	1	4	2	8	-6	1
16	Toon Goons	0	0	5	7	12	-5	0

BBS Notionless League Division 1 Table

Position	Team	Won	Drawn	Lost	Goals F	Goals A	Goal Dif	Points
1	Proper Lard Unathletic	5	0	0	12	1	11	15
2	Quantum Mechanicals	4	0	1	8	4	4	12
3	The Stellar Warriors	3	1	1	9	9	0	10
4	Duncan's Disorderlies	3	0	2	9	4	5	9
5	Spayne	3	0	2	6	4	2	9
6	Real Zaragossy	3	0	2	14	13	1	9
7	Dudley Boys	3	0	2	5	6	-1	9
8	Chevy's Choppers	2	1	2	11	8	3	7
9	Yelli's Yobs	2	0	3	11	8	3	6
10	Jessie's High Pants	2	0	3	10	12	-2	6
11	Baxter Basics	2	0	3	9	11	-2	6
12	Pete's Porkie Pies	2	0	3	4	9	-5	6
13	The Gallowgate	2	0	3	3	10	-7	6
14	Ceptic	1	0	4	5	6	-1	3
15	Howdon Harriers	1	0	4	5	10	-5	3
16	Blaydon Racers	1	0	4	4	10	-6	3

Obviously the plight of the Toon Goon's manager, Ciara, dominates the back pages, but many have noticed that whilst Athletico Backworth are beating all comers, Toon Tragedy have the meanest defence in the Premier Division.

In the Notionless League, an incredible performance by Real Zaragossy (25 points out of a maximum 29) catches the eye, whilst Proper Lard Unathletic's magnificent record of 100 percent wins and only a single goal conceded in 5 games is unmatched in the entire football league, and wins Tony Green Junior the Corinthian League Manager of the Month Award.

Fixtures: Match 6

BBS Premier Corinthian League

Toon Trag	Vs	Ath B'worth
W'end OB	Vs	Bar Samba
W'stck Co	Vs	Brdo Utd
Pil Con	Vs	Bor C'bch
Steph Sup	Vs	Brwry Drp Utd
TFNASS	Vs	HTIN?
ITKHWB	Vs	Mac Mar
T Goons	Vs	Min Acad

BBS Notionless League Division 1

G'gate	Vs	Bax Bas
TSW	Vs	Bla Rac
Y Yobs	Vs	Ceptic
PPP	Vs	Che Chop
PLU	Vs	Dud Boys
Q Mech	Vs	Dunc's D's
Real Z	Vs	How Har
Spayne	Vs	JHP

So, with the Manager of the Month Award still smelling of polish, best get a bet on the Dudley Boys pulling off an upset at the Jerry Garcia Memorial Ground. MinesaS&N Academicals need to watch out for a do-or-die effort from the Toon Goons as well.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2000

Answers

Not sure the akkies can bounce back so soon after the loss to the world beaters. The goons are a handy side so we have to try and lift the players for a big one .....

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2000

If Petes Porkie Pies lose the next two, I,m going to resign as manager (with a multi million pound package) and hire a wise older manager with a knack for getting the best out of the lads. Sound familiar??

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2000

*sigh* We put in a lot of effort today and were oh so close, but when you're down the bottom of the table you just don't get any breaks. No worries though, a long season ahead, we'll move up the table to safety, stick with me.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2000

Softie writes:- >>>>Toon Tragedy have the meanest defence in the Premier Division.

I'd like to point out Softie that there was more than a hint of offside about all 9 of the goals Athletico have conceded...

On a different note, my plucky Backworth lads are exhausted after these 5 straight wins. I am very concerned about fixture congestion with the Cup coming up soon. Athletico would like to withdraw from the Cup. Can you please arrange some alternative and more lucrative fixtures for us in (say) South America?

Surely something can be sorted out. After all we shall be representing the BBSCPL and the whole nation should be united (or should that be Athletico'd) behind us.

-- Anonymous, April 22, 2000

"Our fans appreciate entertaining football more than wins", claimed Real Zaragossy manager Ron "Dodgy" Giza yesterday. "With the second highest goals for total in the league, and the second highest goals against, nobody can accuse us of being dull. My aim is to have more fans still in the ground after the final whistle, crying at another 4- 3 reverse".

Real's share price dropped another 10p after Mr Giza's comments, while bookies refused to take any more bets on the next game ending as a 0-0 draw.

Meanwhile, plans to move into an all-new larger stadium at Gossy Park for next season's Premier campaign have been put on hold "indefinitely".

-- Anonymous, April 22, 2000

A record number of riot police and crowd control measures will fill Parthenon Park for the clash with leaders Athletico backworth. Manager of TT PeteT insists this is a 50-50 affair, predicting the outcome of 1-0 to the winning team- "We will have the people of NewAthens behind us but AB are in great form. The odds are 50-50 which means we will win this match 1-0."

-- Anonymous, April 22, 2000

Weh-hey!!!!!! Look out! Here I come! (:o)

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2000

GEORDIE OUT!
The first managerial casualty of the season as Geordie is dismissed as manager of the Blaydon Racers. With only one win in five starts and bottom of the Notionless League the Racer's Chairman has acted swiftly in an attempt to curb a growing rebellion from Parc de Pints die hards.

Chairman Freddie Farmer claims that Geordie had offered to resign but this is disputed by Geordie who claims he was sacked. This looks certain to end up in the courts in a battle over compensation.

It is unclear who will be in charge of team affairs for tonight's match but rumours abound that a new high profile foreign manager will be appointed in the next few days.
Geordie refused to comment on the rumours that he may be taking over as manager of Celtic in the Scots Porridge Oats Premier League.

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2000

bold off!

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2000

Whilst it is always sad when a manager loses his job I think that the boards decision was understandable when you consider that The Gallowgate had conceded 9 goals in their previous two games. I can't believe we kept a clean sheet :)

Sorry Geordie, best of luck in the Porridge Oats League and don't forget to take all your old players with you!

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2000

Rude Bullet to take over at Blaydon

Chairman Freddie Farmer has announced the appointment of former "World 's Best Player" Rude Bullet as manager of Blaydon Racers. He will take over after tonight's game away to The Stellar Warriors. The deal was struck after Mr. Farmer entertained Mr. Bullet in a dockside Pizza restaurant. Speaking to the press afterwards Rude said: "I'm looking forward to getting stuck in there". He went on to comment on the football club: "This is a great club and for sure we can turn things around. These are the best fans in the world and the stadium is very impressive. I'm sure we can start to play Shagadellic Soccer at the Parc de Pints"

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2000