I am pleased to announce that the free email service on The Gallowgate is up and running. Get a 6MB email account here No more numbers, no more bouncing emails there's only one user (me) so there are billions of user names waiting to be taken!

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Answers

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, respect her, honour her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, listen to >her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked. Bring beer.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Congrats, e-mail maestro. I have wilfully taken up your kind offer and am now the proud owner of my first Toon-related e-mail address. Excellent.

Bud - isn't it time for your lie-down ?

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Nice one Kegsy - that's put paid to Simon Oftie's little game...

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Is that the real "Loony", or some cheeky b@r$teward imposter? If you're fair dinkum, you should understand this cr@p aussie joke?

;-)

A jackeroo in Australia was out checking farm fences in his ute when he hit something. He radioed the homestead for advice.

"There's a pig stuck in the bullbars and is still alive but he's kicking and squealing so much I can't get him free" he said.

"Okay," said the boss. "In the back of the ute there's a .303. Put it up to the pig's head and shoot it. When its body goes all limp you'll be able to get it off the bullbars and throw it into the bush." About 45 minutes later the jackeroo called in again, "I did what you said boss. I shot the pig in the head, he went all limp and I got him out of the bullbars, no problem. But I still can't go on."

"Why not?" asked the boss. "What's the problem?"

"Well it's his motorbike ... the flashing blue light is jammed under the wheel-arch."

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Bud,

That's ancient mate :)) but still vaguely amusing :))

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Gav, you have to flush hard for it to reach down under (it must be that U-bend!) :7)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Excellent - I'm back to 'chevy' again in my e-mail address. Who the hell was 'kration' anyway?

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

You're right Bud - thatw a s indeed a cr@p Aussie joke ;o))

You got any tenants in yet ? (and I'm not referring to large cans of weak lager either).

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000