I have just splashed my way dejectedly round the corner to buy lunch on a grey and dismal Tyneside Monday. My head is full of the usual snapshots from Saturday - particularly the ball that was heading out of play for a throw-in in the Gallowgate but manged to hit a divot and leap 3 foot the other way for a goal kick...rub of the green? Hah!

Anyway, my painful musings were shattered by a sudden screech by my ear as a Kestrel swooped and took out a starling almost at my shoulder. The victorious shark of the air carried the fluttering, mewling bundle of broken feathers some 30 yards down the street before landing to finish it off.

My day has suddenly brightened. This is a clear indication that the great Geordie in the sky has faith in young Sparrowhawk, and that he will be ripping the guts out of Michael Gray, Denis Irwin and Silvinho next season.

p.s. It might also be a sign that Dunc will need to lock his pigeons up.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Answers

Don't trust the sign softie....

If the great one was truly omnipotent then he'd have sent a Sparrowhawk rather than a Kestrel!

It's more likely Loki messing with your head....

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

I always rated that Loki. I had a big book of Norse legends when I was a nipper and I remember he once went to steal a necklace from a Goddess of exceptional beauty. Anyway, he turned himself into a flea to pull off this trick, and decided to while away the time by 'wandering around her bosom to amuse himself.' It was a few years later that this made sense to me. Top trickster God and no mistaking.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Good old Loki...always my favourite when I wasn't dreaming of being Thor....Thor was always too much of a goody two shoes though and that just didn't fit in with everyone else's image of me as a child....

I calmed down a lot as I grew older.....honest! ;)

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Thor.....you bet he's bliddy thor.....he's been up thagging all night he thud be thor.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

ITK, I was severely repremanded for my Finch and Chimps comments about 2 weeks ago.

I think you should go to the same corner and stand on your own for a while.

Your own what, I will leave up to you. Ooooer missus.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Trust ITK to drag the conversation down to the gutter....anyway now that it's down there, I think I'll join him ;)

ITK, you got a couple of plums stuck in yer mouth?

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Gav......you asked for it.....so I'll provide it..........if you've got two nuts on your chest you have got chestnuts......if you've got two nuts on your wall you have got wallnuts......but what have you got if you've got two nuts on you chin?

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Moi? :-)

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

I don't recall EVER asking for two nuts on my chin......

Are they perchance called ChinNuts? ;)))))

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Softie,
What did "Sparrowhawk" (or is it, "Horse with much wind"?) look like on Saturday? Did he look the part?
Please offer me but one crumb of comfort in my exile in this wet and thundery land of grotesquely large breakfasts and fat Museum attendants!

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

1) Needed to eat pies
2) Needed to drink beer
3) Needed to spend time pumping iron
4) He came into the game when Newcastle were a beaten team. Saturday was not the day to form an opinion.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Ha ha! Thank God we opted for his bird of prey nickname, or the sign I received at lunchtime could well have left me blind in one eye.

Gavilan did just what I expected insofar as whipping one good ball in and making some refreshingly direct runs. Same problem as everyone else, however, in that you can't do it alone. Sadly, when we came to take a corner, he had to knock it short since Elliott had reverted to center half with Marshall on up front, so there was basically Alan against the Himalayas so we opted for guile.

Had he been on at the start, I daresay he'd have found one of our players whilst Nobby was concentrating on either the first man or that invisible 12 foot tall player we have on the back stick in most games.

Like all youngsters he needs to come on when the team are up for it and moving for each other. He was going for one twos where he would lay the ball off and dash off into space, turn looking for the return pass and find the recipient of the original pass still attempting to shield the ball from static Leicester defenders. He had the same problem Gallacher had when he joined in seeming to be the only guy wanting to run. Very dispiriting. I'm sure he is the genuine article, however, but he shares Nobby's reluctance to finish so we still need to get some proper striking options sorted out.

If Robinson isn't good enough and Chopra isn't old enough, then Coppinger needs to be recalled and Dyer sent to 'finishing school'. Gavilan will put in plenty of good quality crosses and passes, but there has to be someone to pass to.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

What does nuts be they on the chest, bum or chin got to do with the price of eggs??

;o)

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Just another of those off the wall comments that I thought.....thought mind you......Gav was leading toward....I was obviously wrong....so I'll keep the answer to myself.

NURSE.....the drugs don't work no more!

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Hey you have to tell me the answer....you can't leave me hanging like this !!! ;o)

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Jay,

Why can't we leave you hanging?

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Oh alright then....just for Jay......and remember, she did ask for the answer....cos she didn't want Gav to hang her......so if you don't like it, blame Jay!

>>>>>>>>if you've got two nuts on your chest you have got chestnuts......if you've got two nuts on your wall you have got wallnuts......but what have you got if you've got two nuts on you chin? <<<<<<<<

A bliddy big d**k in your mouth!

I knew you wouldn't like it.....or perhaps you did.....we need to know!

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

ITK - would that be Bliddy big Roast Duck with Walnut Stuffing by chance? Or have I missed something??

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Awwwwwwww that is sick ITK I am sorry I asked now!!!!

From this moment I will keep may mouth shout and refrain from asking such questions.

Okay the moment is up everything including my dirty mind back to normal. Well what I pass as normal anyway

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

So you would leave me hanging eh??? Thanks Gave ya all heart

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Hey Jay,

You wrote: >>>>>>From this moment I will keep may mouth shout and refrain from asking such questions<<<<<<<

That just about spoils the joke doesn't it!

Sorry......I'll get my coat and leave in disgrace. ;0)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Screacher.......you asked above if you were missing something......

yes....I think it is called hair! ;0)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

ITK

Anyluck with Leeds tickets ?? I hope to get to that game too. I should find out tomorrow if I am to make the trip to the hallowed turf.

Jay

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

No Jay....none yet, but as always I will remain hopeful to the end.

Ticket or not, I will be up there anyway as we are staying in Whitley Bay for a week,(I hope it warms up, we are in a bliddy caravan) so if all else fails I will try and make it to the Strawberry for a 'drink with the team' anyway. ;0)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

ITK,

How'd you persuade Dougal to spend a weekend with you in a caravan? I wouldn't have thought she'd be up for that...

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Now now Gav....you are on very dodgy ground old son......I'll come and push you down that bliddy mountain if you're not carefull. ;0)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

And I'll set Heidi's goat onto you ;)

Sorry baby....it's getting more than a bit old that one, we need some new dirt on you really :))

How about we have a big end of season piss up in London? I'm certain Sue would organise it (cos she's a bird and like's doing things like that!) if we asked her.....

Any takers?

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

What do you mean she is a bird???? Hey you sexist pig..she is a female, a women a lady....Ahhh you are young you will learn not to call we women 'birds' around me the Strawberry did !!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Yawn....

So many women threaten to teach me and yet here I am....Sidney Smut in all my glory!!

Anyone else finding this child amusing?

It's a known fact that women (also known as birds, bints or anything else that I choose!) have a pleasure zone attached to organising things for other people.....I was only suggesting doing Sue a favour by letting her organise it :)))

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

So I am a child now am I thanks very much like....your a real charmer you are !!!!

:o(

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Yes, lots of people keep telling me I'm a charmer....I've never noticed it myself so it must be an inate ability cos I've certainly never done any work on it....

Usually the same people who call me a W****R....they must really analyse my every move!!

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Jay.......do you know (or want to know) why Gav calls young ladies 'birds'

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Jay,

If you've got any sense then you'll have learnt from yesterdays lesson not to ask ITK to continue!

Friendly advice :))

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

What can I say I have had meny a conversations with ITK and trust him ?!?!

Go on then give me the answer, but try to keep it clean eh???

;o)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Jay is a bird isn't it? as well as being Homer's middle name.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Coz the 'birds' pick up worms like Gav............and you though it was going to be as bad as yesterday's......oh ye of little faith.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Yes its a bird but I am not one. Its my family nickname and Homers (not off the Strawberry) middle name.

I couldn't think of another to pick that I would respond to apart from Jan that is :o)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

So Gav's a worm eh??? Mmmmmm that explains a lot :o))))))))

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Oh no, my fragile little ego is lying tattered and torn...

How will I recover?.....goodbye cruel world....

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Hey Gav.....you pick on me and I'll hit back matey

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Now now children no fighting in the playground. Kiss or shake hands (if you prefer) and make up :o)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

ITK,

Sorry did I miss something :))

Could you re-post the bit where you hit back cos I must've missed it....

Jay, YOU kiss him!!

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Cyber smacker to Gav......there teacher Jay......is that better Miss?

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Pack it in Ken....you're turning her on!!

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Eh, who, what, where????

Gav ya minds in the gutter again !!!!

I don't know try to keep a conversation sensible !!

;o)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Hey Gav..........I couldn't be that lucky.....especially as we may both be in Newcastle this weekend.

You have to remember, I've seen Jay's photo......whoooooooooooooooHHHHHHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Why thank you ITK that's very kind :o)

Nice talking to you both I am off home and out for a meal

See ya

(:o]

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Jay,

How can you leave him hanging on like that? he all but proposed woman!!!

My mind NEVER gets out of the gutter....and that's exactly the way I like it :))

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

I am at home now...ah the joy of living a mile from where you work

I think ITK is already married and as I have said before I don't share ;o)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Is it still sharing if he promises not to sleep with his wife?

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Hah are you mad? You think I would trust a man on that score.

You should know better than to even suggest such a thing :o)))))

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

I don't think he'll be married after a week on WB caravan site. Especially if the weather doesn't improve. What's the score, Clarky??

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Why WB for the Lords sake ?????

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Why WB?

Spanish City of course!!! woo hoo.....

Oh we're off to sunny sunny spain(ish city), Viva la Whitley Bay...

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Is that place still up and running?

I am sure its classed as a health hazzard now !!

;o)

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

>>>>>>>Why WB for the Lords sake ????? <<<<<<<

Since we sold the family home a couple of years back, (I'll tell you, the council were bliddy furious) I have lost my permanant North East digs.......with wife, two kids and (now) a dog, hotels become expensive, and short of staying south of the river (hockle spit bahh) in South Shields or up toward Creswell/Amble, Whitley Bay is the best place within fairly easy distance of the Toon and all the aunts, uncle, cousins, brothers etc.

Nessecity(sp) rather that choice, but its not bad either. ;0)

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Hey nowt wrong with South Shields I was born and lived there for 23 years....not that I am saying I would move back mind.

Still no word on my ticket for Leeds ;o(

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

SOUTH SHIELDS OK TILL WHITE MAN COME

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Eh?

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

There's nothing wrong with South Shields.......that a nuclear bomb wouldn't put right! Joking.....honestly, joking......

I must learn to be careful what I say, espcially as I will probably be there sometime next week. ;0)

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Have a drink in the Marsden Grotto for me...I used to work there

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Marsden Grotto - eh? I built it.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

I knew the Centre Parting was spreading out into Holidays, but "retirement" homes in Whitley Bay?

Entreprenuer or what?

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

I must be getting old cos I keep reminiscing....Screach is that what happens when you get old mate?

Anyway, I used to climb up the cliffs near the Grotto.....managed to get stuck and my mates had to call the fire brigade once :)) as you can see, my stupidity is not a new thing....

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

As the lift was always breaking down, we were forced to walk up the stairs and after a 12 hour shift that was no mean feat.

Sandancer where abouts in Shields are you from??

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Born in the shadow of the town hall - Broughton Road. Then moved to Richmond Road and Stanhope school. Then to Wood's Terrace just along from the cricket ground. Quite a nomadic existence in the search for sand to dance upon.

Left Shields in 1962 in search of success and never went back except to see me mam.

And you? And what's the name of that stuff which you drink? I recall thinking that it sounded tasty and potent but couldn't trace it over here.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

What stuff is that then ??? Mule ??

I born just off Westcot Road spent most of me life in Harton Village. When to Harton comp, old grammer school and then South Tyneside college. I used to work in a restaurant on Woods Terrace, just behind the County Pub

Jay

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Mule. That's the one. Sounded good. I'll continue my re-education of Italian Off-License proprietors: first it was dog, which some of them now stock; then Hooegarten for the summer; tomorrow Mule.

Me mam lives in Harton. Its the house surrounded by broken bottles of broon.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Mule is alcoholic ginger beer.

Where in Harton, I used to live off Marsden Rd, down Harton House Road about 5 minutes from the College, right next to Harton Cemetery

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Gav said: I must be getting old cos I keep reminiscing....Screach is that what happens when you get old mate?

Divvent knaa mate. Can't remember. Just like things, my memory's not what it used to be. Mind, aah forget what it used to be. Norse.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Have a good weekend, ITK, and say hello to Whitley Bay for me - that`s my old stomping ground you know (:o)

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

You not coming to the game then Galaxy??

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

She'd better not be going to the game!!, I'm supposed to be going round her place on Saturday night to watch The Matrix ;))

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Ohhhh hall of a drive from Switzerland Gav and the film not that good anyway ;o)

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Don't tell her cos she might feel bad! but I'm flying back this weekend anyway ;))

And I like that film! :)))

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

So your not going to the game then either ????

Nah it was okay but nowt special...but I only watched it on video, like The Mummy and the Titanic it would have been better on the big screen

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Can't make it up for the game.....well it's very unlikely and I won't even know if I could get up north until tomorrow afternoon....then I'd have to try and scrounge tickets :((

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Awwww poor Gav.

How lonf you here for then ??

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

UK (well Watford!)Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and back in Switzerland very early on Tuesday morning....

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Hi Jay - no I won`t be up for the match. Bathing and trimming dogs all day tomorrow - back up to the NEC in Bimingham AGAIN on Saturday - lazy day Sunday - birthday Monday! (:o)

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

Galaxy,

Just in case I'm not on before....have a GREAT birthday on Monday!

P.S. Can't you train the dogs to bath themselves?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000

My birthday on the last day of the season.

I have had enough of this work lark for this week, I am off to do a bit shopping.

Good luck with the dog show

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2000