From the Holy Book of the Church of What's Happening Now---

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.

Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me, either.

Just leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it

4. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

11. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

12. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

13. Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

14. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

15. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

16. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. (Gary North's favorite)

21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

23. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

24. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

25. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), April 13, 2000

Answers

LOL. Thanks Lars. A good dosage of humor is always welcome!!!!!

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), April 13, 2000.

Lars, thanks for these pearls of wisdom and a good laugh.

-- Sifting (through@the.rubble), April 13, 2000.

Lars,

Thanks a lot. Needed a bit of humor, and this is it.

-- Richard (Astral-Acres@webtv.net), April 13, 2000.

Those who go to bed with itchy but, wake up with smelly fingers.

I'm sorry, I couldnt resist.....This was too cute. thanks Lars

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 20, 2000.