I need help. My staff seems to hate me, and for the life of me I can't understand why. I think I've been rather generous to my illiterate, illegible, ill-mannered co-workers. Did I say co-workers? I meant subjects. All I try to do is run an orderly hospital with absolutely no help that rule-breaking Kerry Weaver. I think she secretly has the hots for me. Same as Lizzie Corday, though she would never admit it. While it's true that she has rejected me more times than Doug Ross had lovers, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife, (as long as Peter isn't holding it). At times like these it's nice to have friends to turn to. Since I don't have any, I'll stick with man's best friend. At least she understands me. Now I have to go, some idiot owes me a brand new pen.........

-- Dr. Robert Romano (insurgery@cook.com), April 10, 2000

Answers

Dr. Romano, I have my own problems to worry about than your questionable love life. One thing I can say is to forget Dr. Corday and Dr. Weaver and go for a tall, leggy blonde. I have found PLENTY of success in that department. A word of advice though, if you do meet someone don't celebrate Valentine's Day in the ER. Oh, and thanks for allowing me to write even more prescriptions. It may come handy in the future.....

-- Carter-no full name necessary (recuper@Gammas.com), April 10, 2000.

{Stone-faced expression}

-- Dr. Cleo Finch (workingout@nicehouse.com), April 10, 2000.

HA! Thats SO cute. You have Romano down perfectly!

-- Anna (azuraine@yahoo.com), April 10, 2000.

Dr Romano, I was probably the only person who made you appear human. Perhaps there is something there for you to build on. But then again, I DID flatline with you in the room after you made that smart remark. Coincidence? I think not. P.S. Thanks Dr. Corday and Dr. Weaver. Be well, Carter.

(**Feel free to contribute...in character, of course!)

-- Lucy Knight (lookingdown@earth.com), April 11, 2000.

Don't tell me! They are a bunch of ungrateful, spoiled brats. After all I have done for them they repay me with a kick in my lower parts. Oh, but I made them regret what they did, just ask Randi where is Jerry. AH AH AH.

-- Amanda Lee (spighic@state.gov), April 11, 2000.

ok rocket, listen up! lizzie is in love with someone else....ok? second you could be a little nicer[ the girl who had a life-long illness] third i thought you did the right thing with his hand writing ordeal. finally how dare you suspend kerry! well thats was fun------lol

-- rachel (thehilfigergirl@aol.com), April 11, 2000.

(Spoken with proper British accent)

Personally, under any other circumstances, I'd consider you an ill-mannered, inconsiderate, sexist, vertically-challenged, condescending little wanker. However, since you did promote me to the position I'm currently holding, I'll merely be content to let you vent your deep-seeded sexual frustrations on me by attempting to belittle my every decision, and keep my opinions to myself.

-- Dr. Elizabeth Corday (mystuffs@marks_house.net), April 11, 2000.

Carter,

I think I'll come back and haunt you.

Regards,

Lucy.

-- Lucy (providence@eircom.net), April 11, 2000.

Hey Rocketman, you think YOU'VE got problems? I can't get a date with anybody around here! Deb is a pretty hot chick, you know what I mean? But she dissed me for nurse Rambo. Me and Randi were hanging out at the Valentine's Day party, but the Chief cut our fun short by turning off the music. I don't know - do you think it's because I've been wearing the same shirt for nearly every episode?

-- call me Dr. Dave (I'm the stud@countygeneral.net), April 11, 2000.

Excuse me Dr. Romano, but I would like to point out several things. First, Dr. Corday is MY girlfriend, as is evidenced by her stuff being at my house, and the fact that we are frequently seen together at my home where I never seem to wear a shirt (my dad keeps the heat up too high).

Secondly, I seem to have the worst life around here. I mean, come on. My wife left me for a weasel of a lawyer, my daughter lives in another state, my mother just died and my father is dying of cancer, and I have been beaten up/mauled/exploded upon, etc. almost every month for the past several years. In addition, just when I thought I could love again (violin music please) Susan left me for her dippy sister in Arizona, and then my best friend ditched me for a job in Portland, or was it Seattle?

Anyway, I think you should consider therapy. It has done wonders for me. However, don't put me in charge of anything else right now. I'm under a lot of stress, OKAY?

-- Dr. Mark Greene (woe is me@beat me down.net), April 11, 2000.

DITCHED you?! You practically showed me the door, you sanctimonious holier-than-thou son of a b@tch! At least you HAVE some time left with your dadmine died without ever saying goodbye. . . and don't even get me started on daughters living in another state!

-- Doug Ross (AloneinSeattle@wherzmygirls.com), April 11, 2000.

I think your karma must be out of whack. That happened to me once, and the way I solved it was by sitting in the MRI machine for a long time. Come to think of it, I haven't been around much since then, but I'm sure the two have nothing to do with each other. Come to my yoga class next Tuesday and we can discuss your relationship difficulties. Peace.

-- E. Ray (eray@yoga.com), April 11, 2000.

Dr. Romano, it isn't always about you, you know? You're in charge here, why don't you tell everyone to get a grip...maybe make a non- dating policy for the hospital? Don't look so shocked; lots of companies have them. Afraid it would be too boring around here? Not enough traumas to keep you excited...er, I mean interested...I mean...hey, get your hand away from there. Elizabeth warned me about you. Don't touch my hair. Okay, I've had enough of this...don't ask me any more stupid questions...Can I go now? Abby

-- Diana (dilynne@juno.com), April 11, 2000.

Hey, folks, don't buy that line about me understanding him. I've lived with him since I was a pup, and I don't have a clue what makes the little weasel tick. Oh, sure, I play up to him and look at him with adoring eyes so he'll feed me and buy me toys--every female knows that trick. But if I could find a person with a personality to take me in, I'd be outta there in a heartbeat. Do you think I WANTED to be dragged into a people's hospital to be operated on by a bunch of people who don't even know dog anatomy? No way! The guy's got such a swelled head about his surgical skills, he won't even take me to a decent vet. Oh, I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Please, I implore you--call the Humane Society!

-- Gretel (gretelr@arfarf.net), April 11, 2000.

To: Robert Ramono

From: Kerry Weaver

Subject: Uplifiting Suspension Robert, do you really think that it was nescisary to suspend me for that central line? You hired me as Chief of Emergency, so I would assume that you would trust me in what I did and back me up. If you did not trust my judgement than why did you hire me in the first place. As well, there has been a rumor going around the hospital saying that you operated on your own dog, yet you will not let me do a simple procedure on an unconfortable dying girl? I would hope that there be some compassion in that small heart of yours.

Now, if you don't mind, I would like to come back to work. I need to have a very important heart to heart with Carter about his physical and emotional pain.

Thank-you

Sincerly Kerry Weaver

-- Kerry Weaver (areinders@hotmail.com), April 11, 2000.

...And by the way, PLEASE stop calling me Lizzie, you evil little troll....

-- Dr. Corday again (mymomis@davidshouse.com), April 11, 2000.

Oh um, Dr. Corday? What's a "wanker?"

-- Abby (I'm new @cook county.org), April 11, 2000.

Oh, come on, Abby, you're divorced. You figure it out. {Bloody Americans....}

-- Dr.Corday (markismad@me.com), April 11, 2000.

Robert, I just happened to see the memo Kerry sent to you. I heard that you called that poor girl her foster mother's "pet". Need I remind you that we operated on YOUR pet a couple of months ago? So surely you can see how the girl's foster mother feels about her. If you have any compassion in you at all you will APOLOGIZE (oh, horrors, imagine apologizing for ANYTHING!) to Kerry, and bring her back!

-- kristal (teetle1@juno.com), April 11, 2000.

Sorry, Robert, I forgot to sign my name on my last comment.

Elizabeth

-- Elizabeth (ElizabethCorday@cg.com), April 11, 2000.

Mark, we are very dear friends so don't take this the wrong way, but YOU have a bad life? I think maybe we could tie in that department.

My father died when I was a small child and my mother refused to let me go see him in the hospital -- he committed suicide. I grew up to become one of the best nurses in the business, yet my personal life is full of one heartbreak after another. I fell head-over-heels for Doug Ross who cheated on me for two years before I woke up and called the relationship off. Then, after feeling my life was so desperate and depressing, I swallowed a sh*t-load of pills to try to end it all -- but a few months later wound up engaged to a pole-up-his-ass doctor named Tag, who left me on our WEDDING DAY because I was still in love with Doug. My next boyfriend, Shep, seemed to be exactly what I was looking for -- until his partner Raul died and he cracked, and I came to discover that just months after we broke up he was dating a BLONDE.

So what's a girl to do next? Give a patient the wrong blood, get suspended from work, and end up in a hold-up, of course. I can say I was happy for the next two years, getting back with Doug and our engagement, and of course our decision to have children. That is, until my life came crashing down on top of me last February when Doug high- tailed it out of Chicago after a major "incident" at work. I resorted to sleeping on his side of the bed, though I was too depressed to sleep. What better a time than that to discover that one is pregnant with the man's child? Ahem...children, though we both know that one came as a shock. Yeah, yeah, so we both figured he'd come back, but for once he actually listened to me and didn't -- but I really wanted him to come back, you see, my insecurities of his love for me are always getting in the way.

Now I find myself a single mother with two daughters who barbeques with the mysterious Croatian doctor who has become attached to my daughters and latched himself onto me, when all the while my heart aches for Doug...

-- Carol Hathaway (SleeplessInChicago@registerednurses.com), April 11, 2000.

Dear Dr. Weaver - DON'T mess with Dr. Romano. You don't want to know what happens. He sent me off to California to live in a seemingly perfect community, and I was attacked by a large monster made out of soil! I had to hide in the sewer for a week and when I came out, it killed me. That was Romano's way of getting rid of me w/o having to take the blame.

(If you don't watch the X-Files, you'll never get it.)

-- Jerry (roamyn@aol.com), April 11, 2000.

If I was around more, Dr. Romano wouldn't mess with me or any of my friends. I have a prison record remember.

-- call me Randi (cdenisehaze@usa.net), April 11, 2000.

Ah, so Jerry (or shall I say, "Big Mike"), *that's* what happened to you...mystery solved...

-- Arianne (CarolRossSusanGreene@yahoo.com), April 11, 2000.

After my working experience with Romano I moved to Washington, D.C., changed my name, and used my knowledge of law enforcement to earn a position as the President's bodyguard.

-- Maggie Doyle (FormerDoc@fbi.gov), April 11, 2000.

Hi folks it's me again. Just checking up on things from back here in Philly. How's Carter holding up? I hear he hooked up with yet ANOTHER blonde (Abby, Roxanne, Lucy, and of course myself, good ole' Anna). And let Romano know he can shoe his scapel where te sun don't shine. His disgusting personality is one of the reasons why I asked Carter to "suck the marrow out of my pelvic thrust." ~Anna Del Amico

-- chris (lilsbgem01@aol.com), April 11, 2000.

Hi folks it's me again. Just checking up on things from back here in Philly. How's Carter holding up? I hear he hooked up with yet ANOTHER blonde (Abby, Roxanne, Lucy, and of course myself, good ole' Anna). And let Romano know he can shoe his scapel where the sun don't shine. His disgusting personality is one of the reasons why I asked Carter to "suck the marrow out of my pelvic thrust" and not him. ~Anna Del Amico

-- chris (lilsbgem01@aol.com), April 11, 2000.

I should have went to Mercy.You guys are so busy pointing out each others flaws,you can't even keep track of your patients.Also,why is that music so loud in here,it's no wonder I have a headache.Oh......I get it,you're all talking in some secret code.You're planning on stealing my internal organs.I'd watch my back if I were you...........

-- Paul Sobricki (Have to feed my dog@looneybin.com), April 12, 2000.

Dear Mr. Sobriski,

I'd watch my back IF I WERE YOU..... I should have taken your internal organs when I had the chance.

p.s. Carter - I miss you - WHY DON'T YOU MISS ME!!

Love & kisses,

Lucy (we could have had great sex, John-but its too late now) Kinght.

-- lucy (lucy@greatbeyond.com), April 12, 2000.

Well folks, I just wanted everyone to know that life wasn't always a bowl of cherries when Dr. Romano wasn't around, either. Take my life for instance! My drugged out sister reappears on my doorstep pregnant, and after I deliver the baby and she promises to shape up she splits. Did I mention that my parents weren't always the biggest help?

Okay, I could deal with that as long as I had friends to hang out with, although it was hard to fit all the baby stuff in my VW Bug, and in my tiny little apartment, but Baby Susie and I bonded. Then Chloe actually has to clean herself up and come back and take her away and ruin my life again.

Why did I go to Arizona to be close to her? Maybe I'm a sado- masochist. Who knows. Anyway, now I am happy and don't miss you messed up group of folks in the slightest. Therapy does wonders for a girl.

And as for Mark, well, we could have been great, but you actually have to TALK to a girl and let her know how you feel rather than leaving it till the last minute, but we know you've never been good at that. Bye guys! Glad its you and not me!

-- Dr. Susan Lewis (soaking up the rays@chloe's house.com), April 12, 2000.

Carol, Latched onto you? I've latched onto you? You make it seem like you haven't returned my longing gazes or been all to happy to have me dote over your little girls. If you don't want me to come over and bbq for you or "latch" with you anymore than I will be all to happy to latch onto someone else...abby is very cute and she's not preoccupied with a nonexsistent relationship halfway across the country!!

-- Dr. Luka (lonely_croatia@usa.net), April 12, 2000.

I knew you'd haunt me Lucy!

Sorry I've been very distracted trying not to miss you. I have been busy lying to my friends about the immense pain I am in and not to mention lying about doctoring charts for my patients who don't hold their end of the bargain. That's okay, Romano is letting me sign off perscriptions so I am good to go with painkillers very soon! (Don't tell anyone Lucy alright?) I've been too nice for my own good. Sorry I was such an a**hole to just you but I've just never had to deal with such sexual tension before after we made out in that exam room! And now everyone wants to diagnose me with bipolar disease, what's a guy to do? DOn't worry, I'm guessing pretty soon I'll be in the middle of a nervous breakdown with images of you lying on the floor, unable to save you.

And on a personal note, you were only a few months away from graduation, but in my eyes you were already a doctor to me.

Don't stop haunting me (although that won't keep me too far away from receiving that bipolar diagnosis...but I think I'm going to freak out about another patient this week so it doesn't matter!)

-- John Carter (idontwanttobebipolar@lucyshauntingme.org), April 12, 2000.

Hey Mark, sorry I called you a son of a b*tch, I need you to spy on that guy Luka for me now okay? Come on, you know we're soul mates, so if he starts getting all clingy with my daughters or comes over for BBQs and gives her longing looks while she's obviously thinking of ME, let me know and I'll come swoop Carol and those babies right off their feet. And let Carol think about it for awhile so that I have to come back to County (and visit YOU TOO buddy!) and convince her, because I really want to see everyone, esp. Carter 'cause I heard he got stabbed in the back, what's up with that?

-- Dr. Doug Ross (Carol's man, LUKA!) (whoskeepingmywomancompany?@spy.net), April 12, 2000.

Yes, Doug, I know you two are soulmates, but maybe you wouldn't have to worry about Dr. Kovac if you got your ass BACK to Chicago to show Carol you love her...we both know how she is about that. But I'm already acting like a second mother to Carol, at least before I had to start taking care of my dying father! I've got my own problems, you're going to have to get back here for Carol pronto!...after she makes you squirm.

-- Mark Greene (Tragedy_Finds_Me@pensive.com), April 12, 2000.

To: Kerry Weaver From: Dr. Robert "Rocket" Romano Re: Response to your memo of April 11, 2000

Kerry, you know very well why I suspended you. And you know very well why I hired you as Chief of Emergency Medicine at County: you kissed up to me better than anyone I've ever met. That meeting when I was appointed--you remember, the one where you held Mark Greene out to dry--was all I needed to see to know that you could and would handle things the way I wished. Then you had to go and disappoint me by disobeying my direct order. I trusted your judgement because I thought we were kindred souls. Obviously I was wrong. I'd advise you to consider your sentimental vices and come to your senses so I can release you from suspension as soon as possible. Until then I guess these morons in the ER are stuck with me. I really can't trust any one of them to do what's right. Please, Kerry, revert to your insensitive ways at once. I know you can do it...remember kicking Carter out on his behind, remember dumping Lucy as her mentor, remember stabbing Mark in the back (not literally of course). Come back to the dark side, Kerry.

By the way, what dog? I don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps you can share with me who would be spreading rumors such as this on your first day back.

Your Rocket Man

P. S. Thought you might like to know...Greene and Lizzie are having a few problems these days. I think it's only a matter of time now. Don't want to donate too many of my sperm. Lizzie might be ready to carry our child anytime. Now there's a woman who could almost match what I bring to the genetic table.

-- Dr. Robert "Rocket" Romano (dilynne@juno.com), April 12, 2000.

Hey, Romano, you arrogant, sexist, mean-spirited little bullet head. (And yes, I SAID BULLET HEAD! INVESTIGATE ME!) You think I am stupid enough to fall for your stupid advances??? And keep the hell away from Elizabeth Corday. I would rather see her with Dr. Malucci than you, so that's saying a lot. When I get back, I am going to stop your short little dog-loving skank !@# all over MY ER. And don't think I won't. Remember, I had a farm in Africa. I'm not afraid of little empty-headed baboons like you! Bring it on, Mighty Midget!

-- Dr. Kerry Weaver (killerwithacrutch@cookcounty.com), April 12, 2000.

{soft, gentle voice}

Yes, you have all had a bad run of luck, but everybody has problems. I'm HIV+ (thanks to my ex-husband) and I am a perfectly happy married foster mother. Let's put things into perspective here, shall we? You look at what life has thrown at you and make of it the best you can.

P.S. Carol, how are your babies? Carter, if you ever need an open ear, I'm here. Kerry, I believed in what Doug Ross did and I believe in what you did.

-- Jeannie Boulet (JBoulet@cheerful.com), April 12, 2000.

Hey, who is Jeanie Boulet? Did she leave a guidewire in someone's chest, too? Oh, who cares? Has anybody seen Frank? You know, the really good looking nurse guy from the ICU?????? ***YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM DR. MALUCCI! JEALOUSY IS UNATTRACTIVE! not that you were that attractive, anyway.)

-- Jing-Mei Chen, M.D. (immakingbreakfast@baconshouse.net), April 12, 2000.

Romano, I don't have time for this. Here I am trying to keep Reece out of the clutches of Carla, my family doesn't understand me, you're working my last nerve up here in the OR, Carter's in denial, and all the time I'm trying to get my groove on with Cleo in spite of that whole prescription mess, which was mostly her fault anyway.

All I know for sure is, it says in my contract that my love interest must have curly hair in order for me to get my bonus, so I'm off to Cleo's fabulous crib to work her over with my weak-a$$ rap.

...And if any of you are waiting around for me to apologize about anything, FORGET IT...OK, maybe you Carter. But don't get cocky over it or anything.

-- Peter Benton, MD (ImPlayingDR@CleosHouse.net), April 13, 2000.

Hey how about having me around a little more, huh? Maybe then I could start up another relationship with one of our sweet doctors, suffering from a recent traumatic event everyone seemed to forget about? Yeah, I love his hair, and I think I could fall in love with HIM! There are surprises everywhere aren't there!? Sure I've fixed him up a few times (even tried to get him with our beloved Lucy, may she rest in peace) but I think he needs a little womanly support these days, huh?

-- Nurse Chuney (gossipingnurse@theheartofER.com), April 13, 2000.

You're an angel Jeannie. I am delighted to hear of your happiness. If you run into Carol around town tell her I'll be with her and our daughters soon.

-- Doug (missingcarol@seattle.com), April 13, 2000.

Jeanne? Who's Jeanne, is she hot?! What, she's married? Man! Jealousy is very unattractive indeed Dr. Chen. By the way...Randi thinks I'm a piece of work so how do you like that? She's not a bad dancer either. Pretty tough woman, think I could handle her? I heard she did time, anyone know what for? While I'm asking questions, what DID happen to Kerry's leg? And who really got Carol knocked up? It wasn't Dr. Luka was it? And WHAT about Carter and Lucy last year in exam six? Man, she was hot too, why'd she have to die? Hey Carter, after you're over your bipolar thing, how about some tips on getting it on with the blondes?

-- Dr. Dave (everyone'sgotawomanbutme@county.org), April 13, 2000.

Hey Chuney , keep away from my man or, let me just say that strange accidents can happen in the ER, I should know and I kinda liked you so just stay away from John.

Carter, I know that deep deep deep deep deep.. down you really did care for me (after all I was a BLOND sorta - I touched up my roots regularly just for you) and I know just because you NEVER mention me does not mean that you have forgotten. Of course I won't tell anybody about your little painkiller habit. It would have been SO great if you had been able to sign off on prescriptions when I was around - RITALIN is hard to get sometimes!!! Also I blame Rocket Romano for my demise, you know I kicked the bucket ON PURPOSE just after he cracked some lame joke about not letting me die because of money spent on my training - ha THAT SHOWED HIM. Any way, it's not so bad here in the great beyond by the way Gant says hello.

Love always,

Lucy xxxxxxxxx.

-- Lucy (lucy@greatbeyond.com), April 13, 2000.

Side note: Guys, thanks for taking this and running with it, I wasn't sure if anyone was going to respond. I have had a lot of fun with this, I have laughed my head off at some of your responses. I think we've covered just about everyone, except maybe Dr. Anspaugh. Thanks again! (I hope you Carter fans feel better after getting Lucy and Carter to say what they might have really felt!)

-- Jane (lc19@swt.edu), April 13, 2000.

Kate, Thanks for starting it! So fun! Start another one in June or July...we'll need it then!

-- Diana (dilynne@juno.com), April 13, 2000.

Just to comment on all this nonsense. I know I have written anything so far but I'm very busy with Dr. Daraad, we have discussed pysch leaves for the entire ER department. We thought it just might be Carter who would "go nuts" after the Valentines incident but it seems as if each and every one of you has, pardon the expression, lost your marbles. Surgeons,Doctors,Med students,nurses...you've just lost it. You are screwing up, running out of tramuas, fighting with each other and "shacking" up with each other. I have talked to a few other hospitals and they agree, you guys need a break..maybe a whole summer off. Probably after May..it's our busiest time. Most likely your last day will be fairly dramatic and when we all come back some of us will be gone, others will have different lives and significant others. Hopefully everybody will be well rested and ready for another year at CCGH.

-- Dr. Anspaugh (concerned_leader@cookcounty.com), April 13, 2000.

Dave, what's it your business who got me "knocked up"? We were engaged at the time and now he lives 1000 miles away. You know that Pedes ER? He started it. I'm surprised you haven't heard about this through the gossip mill...oh wait, Doug was a big contributor to that.

-- Carol Hathaway (MissingDoug@TakeMeToSeattle.com), April 13, 2000.

I was wondering what happened to Dr. Ross! Dr. Lewis, too...So wait, Carol had Doug's babies? Wow, things sure have changed around here, except for me. I still seem to agrivate people, and I just don't know why.

-- Jing-Mei Chen (Annoying@Doctor.net), April 13, 2000.

I just want to say that all you folks do a top notch job there in the ER. After my nearly fatal MI I appreciate the little things in life now. So my recommendation is to breathe deeply, savor the quiet moments and be at peace with yourself and your coworkers. I think Jeannie has also found this "higher plain" in life. Carter, Mark, all of you really-feel free to call me and we'll work things through together. P.S. to Romano--grow up!

-- Dr. David Morgenstren (Morgenstern@smellintheroses.com), April 13, 2000.

Lucy, I'll see you in about a month! I plan on killing myself on May 18th! Tell Gant I said hi. I hope he's still not mad at me!

-- Carter (pickUPpills@3pm.com), April 13, 2000.

Hey Ramono-- Leave Kerry(that is her name, right?)alone! She is a marvelous doctor and a wonderful human! And if I could remember well enough, I would tell you all the wonderful things she's done over the years! And if I could remember several months ago, I would mention all the stupid things you've done. I may be old and have that neurological disorder, whatever it's called, but I am still smarter than you. At least I don't manipulate and harrass my co-workers! I learned a lot in the past many, many years about how to get along with people, and you know absolutely nothing! If I could, I would come back there and run that hospital and save those poor souls from a pompous jackass like you. Sincerely, Gabriel Lawrence

-- Dr. Gabe Lawrence (I THINK!!!!!!!!!) (dementedandindiapers@somenursinghome.org), April 13, 2000.

Carter, Lucy says hello. Try not to let Benton get to you. I did and look where I ended up. I had to jump in front of the train to get anyone to notice me. At least Benton showed up at my funeral, that was something.

-- Dennis Gant (cdenisehaze@usa.net), April 13, 2000.

It looks like my evil plan has worked and my nastiness has rubbed off on some of you. This has been quite evident when I've read some of your inconsiderate (mad laughter) responses on other questions requesting consideration on spoilers. Nasty, nasty, nasty. Keep up the great work! I'll be watching. Nastiness rules!

-- Dr. Robert Romano (NastinessLives@RomanoRules.com), April 13, 2000.

Hey Doug! Thanks for your concern, you're not even here and you're the only one who's bothered to mention that I'm in traumatic turmoil...well except Lucy, but she's a ghost so that can't be good for my mental state either. Anyways, even though Mark has been an ignorant friend to my obvious wordless cries for help, I agree that you need to get your ass back here and get Carol out here before she runs off with your daughters in Luka's arms (I mean he's a nice guy, he helped save my life and all, but he's in for a huge letdown when Carol inevitably runs to you)

-- Dr. Carter (traumatized@wherzmyfriends?.com), April 13, 2000.

By the way Dr. Dave, when you thought you were so eloquently impressing our badass desk clerk Randi, she was watching you drink MY breast milk from a puke basin!!!! HA HA. I couldn't wait to tell you that!

-- the "knocked up" Carol (annoyed@malucchi.com), April 13, 2000.

Uh, Elizabeth, are you still my girlfriend?

-- Dr. Mark Greene (justcurious@myhospiceapartment.com), April 14, 2000.

Hey Benton! While you're sitting around making out with Dr Finch, I am sitting up at 2am waiting for my bipolar disorder to form (though it's not really possible at this point, I am a doctor and I know this, but I guess no one else does) I thought you were my friend, we had a little heart to heart about Cleo, and now every time I see you your face is attached to hers! I need help here, these are the days we are supposed to be bonding. Do you have to be making out EVERY time I see you?

-- Carter (fumblingtowardspsychotic@good'oleER.com), April 14, 2000.

Oh Carter, it's so ironic, if you hadn't been so careless and left me with the psycho - I'd probably still be alive right now to take up my psyche internship and stay at County to look after the other psychos, and you wouldn't be going a little psycho yourself, and even if you did I could have helped you out, because I'm good with psychos (except for Paul, obviously). I think I'm going psycho too!!

-- Lucy (lucy@greatbeyond.com), April 14, 2000.

I told my grandson that becoming a doctor would be a big mistake. He should have gone into his grandfather's business. Now he's frightening the help and guzzling milk at 2:14 a.m. What has gotten into him? Look at his hair! Any help for a rich old lady?

-- Gamma (myhouseisbetterthancleos@richgammas.com), April 15, 2000.

Lucy, Lucy Lucy,

Maybe you should have stayed on the Ritalin! Because that last thing you told me, you said it all in one sentence. I know you're living in the great beyond and all, but you still need to calm down. And the good thing is now I can't criticize you now, since apparently I'm about to become hooked on pain-killers. Maybe you can help me with this, since you obviously know about being hooked on drugs. --Carter

-- Dr. Carter (writingscrippsforme@theendofitall.net), April 15, 2000.

I won't be able to come to work tonight, I'm sick.(shh shh shh!)

-- Romano (BITEmeDOUGim@CAROLShouse.com), April 15, 2000.

WHAT! you were supposed to come to MY house!! oh.., ah.., just kidding!(shi*, why did I just say that out loud?)

-- Kerry (comeONover@CrutchesAnoymonous.com), April 15, 2000.

WHAT? you were supposed to come to my house toinght! To help me with my, um.., YOU KNOW!! :)!

-- John, Call me Johnny Boy, Carter (SeeYaTonight@MYplace.com), April 15, 2000.

I'll see you guys there!

-- Randi (buymyclothesordie@myknees.com), April 15, 2000.

Hey Randi! How 'bout I come over and we pick up where we left off on Valentine's Day????? Hell, I'll even buy your clothes!

-- Dr. Dave (hitting_on_randi_@yourhouseormine.com), April 15, 2000.

Oh, go eat your cereal, you piece of work. No :)

-- Randi (ilookcheap@but all the guys love me.com), April 16, 2000.

Ummm, could everyone please pee in a cup? That is what I live for.

--Malik

-- Malik (overlookednurses@theer.com), April 16, 2000.

Hey Malik! I'll pee in a cup for you anytime! I'm not really into men, but I haven't had a woman in so long, WHY NOT??????????? I'm really gettin' desperate here.

-- Dr. Dave (desperate_dr@switchingover.org), April 16, 2000.

Will you guys knock it the h%ll off! I'm trying to concentrate on being an a$$hole to my dying father, ruining my relationship with the only person who has brought me happiness in years, and figure out if my best friend has visited me and his daughters and their mother or not!!!!!

-- Dr. Greene (AlwaysSomethingSh#ttyHappening@myhouse.net), April 16, 2000.

Excuse me, I've just botched another patient's case and turned it into a low-key disaster that has gone unnoticed by everyone in the ER and I'm down here in the basement looking for the body so I can practice my doctorly procedures. Does anyone have a hairbrush I can borrow?

-- Abby Lockhart (medstudent@morgue.ccgh.il.us), April 16, 2000.

Maybe it's like wheres Waldo! He's there we just can't see him. I'm getting some behind the desk!

-- Randi (wheres jerry@not behind the desk.org), April 16, 2000.

Dear John, I'm sorry about what happened to you, but who's this Lucy chick? My replacement? Did you forget about me? You go off to Texas, and the Air Force, and look what happens. It's like I never even existed!

-- Harper Tracy--NOT Tracy Harper! (1_of_carters_leggy_blondes@nobodycareswhereiam.net), April 16, 2000.

Hey Abby, You should have stayed a nurse, cause you will SUCK as a doctor. And even if I am still in love with Doug, I have to hang all over Luka for some unknown reason, so stay the h*ll away from him! Go back to OB. You can't handle it down here. This is MY ER. Go deliever some babies so you can't screw up and kill anymore people. AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYBODY WEAR YOUR FREAKIN' HAIR UP!!!!!!!!!! NOBODY WANTS TO LOOK AT THAT STRINGY MOP ALL DAY. Get lost.

-- Carol Hathaway, R.N. (ihateabby@icouldhavebeenadoctortoo.com), April 16, 2000.

Hey Carol, I was hoping this milk in Gamma's fridge would get me some much-needed sleep, but it doesn't seem to be working. Care to pump me some of yours?

-- John Carter, M.D. (drjohn@gammaskitchen.net), April 16, 2000.

Carter- Sure! Cause, you know, my life has changed a lot, too. Even though its NOTHING like yours, I am going to tell you about it and try to make you feel better. In fact, maybe you can come over for that milk and we can have a heart to heart and I can tell you what I am really feeling cuz nobody knows. I just never tell anybody anything. And maybe I'll bore you so badly, you'll fall asleep!

-- Carol Hathaway (breast_milk_is_best@iamthemilkwoman.net), April 16, 2000.

*zzzzzzzzzz*

-- Dr. Carter (carter@psychward.ccghs.il.us), April 16, 2000.

Awwww... isn't he precious when he's all asleep and vulnerable like that? I MUST HAVE HIM!

-- Kerry (bigbossbitch@countygeneral.com), April 16, 2000.

All this talk about sleep makes me tired. Maybe I'll go find Dr. Benton and pull him away from emergency surgery so we can lie next to each other in the supply closet. Who cares that we spent years studying medicine? I'd much rather study him.

-- Cleo Finch (nofacialexpressions@country.com), April 16, 2000.

Kerry Kerry Kerry, I know we are bonding and stuff right now, but *what* are you doing watching me sleep, you didn't do that while I was staying in your basement did you? Because, really, I can't deal with that right now; I never would have thought Kerry! I thought you were lonely so I invited you over to meet the butler! He's very polite, and takes orders from women really well! Isn't that great!

Hey Carol! Your milk did wonders, sorry I fell asleep while you were telling me about Doug's *fifth* visit back here and how you couldn't decide whether to beg him to stay or to go to Portland, but I think he really *is* serious this time, so you should go...how come we never knew?!...anyways, I am going to miss you lots when you leave, I love you!...as a friend of course, I wouldn't want Doug to get the wrong idea, even though he slept with my girlfriend when I was seeing her but oh well, that's all over and can you blame him, she was a hottie. OH I see she says hi, a little LATE isn't it Harper?!

-- Dr. Carter (don'ttakeadvantageofme@gammasplace.com), April 16, 2000.

Carol, I will be back to get you and the girls. Luka stay away from my woman!

-- Doug Ross (I'll be back!@county.com), April 16, 2000.

Carter--wasn't Carol's milk yummy? I thought there was something different with that Captain Crunch!

-- Dr. Dave (carolsmilk@doesabodygood.org), April 16, 2000.

Oh GOD, Malucchi!

-- Carol (stillannoyed@malucchi.com), April 16, 2000.

Okay Dr. Dave, Malucchi, whatever, I have enough problems with this Luka guy, I do not need you feeding off my woman, you either Carter, though I guess if is theraputic for you I shouldn't object, since I owe you after Harper. Hey, if you do decide to disappear one of these days, you could always come to Portland for awhile, because it's really nice here! (and you could escape the clutches of Weaver!) We (me and Carol and our LOVE BABIES) wouldn't tell anyone.

-- Doug Ross (Wait I'mcoming@portland.com), April 17, 2000.

WHAT!? Who drank MY woman's breast milk!?!? That's it, where are my damn car keys, I'm coming home!! Damn...sometimes I'm such a 3-year- old, I can't do ANYTHING without Carol!!!!

-- Doug Ross (Everybody Keep Away From MY Woman@gettingnervous.com), April 17, 2000.

Um, I don't know who was pretending to be me up there, but please stop. I have the best hair EVER but I don't realize it, so I definately wouldn't say anything about anybody else's!!

Doug...when will you get here?

-- Carol Hathaway (My Breast Milk Is Popular@missingdoug.com), April 17, 2000.

Carter, my dear, I know you think I'm a pushy, money-loving bitch, but I heard you needed some blonde-lovin' and I'm the only ex- girlfriend who hasn't moved at least 1000 miles away, or for that matter, to another continent, so since Lucy's out of the picture, I thought I'd come heal your wounds. How'd you like that!?

-- Roxanne (pushyb*tch@stillhere.com), April 17, 2000.

Is *that* supposed to turn me on Malucchi!?

-- Randi (malucchiwantsme@CCHfrontdesk.com), April 17, 2000.

Roxanne!?!?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

-- Carter (lonelyandtraumatized@not kerry,not roxanne!.com), April 17, 2000.

Carter, there is something suspitious about that woman Roxanne; I'm a ghost, I'll watch her and haunt her for awhile!

Yeah Roxanne, I made out with your boyfriend last February because you weren't pleasing him! Carter and I had a meaningful relationship, even if we weren't together, that's why we fought so much, we are both SO passionate. You are NOT.

-- Lucy (guardianangel@looming over Gamma's.com), April 17, 2000.

Wow, my son works with the most tragedy-filled coworkers! I'm dying here and everyone is talking about their hair and relationship problems. Well, my goodness, if you want to get with someone, just get with them! I wanted to shack up with Elizabeth's mother, so I did! It's that simple. Years ago we believed life's too short to waste time with hidden passion. Dr. Carter, I sympathize with you, it's a shame, this world is too violent!...maybe you should have just had sex with that young lady, if her grandparents were still having great sex, maybe it continues through generations! Dr. Ross, my son's been telling you to get the hell out here and take care of your woman and children! What's the matter with you! You should all be more like that surgeon guy and the pediatrician. I came in and they were making out on the front desk, now THAT'S the way you do it! (but is that allowed while you're working?) You people need to express yourselves! And for goodness sakes, Son, Elizabeth's far more exciting than that whiny Cynthia you brought along home last time, get your ass in gear and take the woman out once!

-- David Greene (live like the olden days@mark's house.com), April 17, 2000.

Hello Carter, old friend! I am definelty picking up some vibes from your ex, Roxanne. Through channeling, I found that Lucy picked up on something and I decided to check it out, down here on earth. Roxanne is very mysterious, she had a major effect on your mood last year, I believe she was compromising with your negative energy and kinetically aiming it all towards Lucy. Your cosmic senses were only able to escape her evil grasps when you directed your positive energy towards Lucy, but after you escaped and went to the inner loveliness of Lucy, Roxanne's jealousy took over and she focused all of her energy into making you irritable and moody. Good thing you broke up with her, man, you're vulnerable now, don't let her into your inner being again! Beware!

-- E-ray (greetings@thedesert.com), April 17, 2000.

Who the he** are you E-ray? and why are you talking to Carter? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!!

-- Carol (MyHairLooksEvenBetter@yourHouse.com), April 17, 2000.

What is going on!?!? I am in SERIOUS mental turmoil right now and NO BODY has bothered to have a heart to heart with me, besides Carol, but she's leaving to be with Doug, and Kerry, okay, I know you're going to talk to me soon, which is fine, just don't get all lovey dovey and stuff. But MAN. Mark, since when do you not care about me? I thought we'd bond and compare attacks. And Deb, we go way back to med school, what's going on? Are you THAT preoccupied by passing out ICU nurses that you can't ask me how I've been? And Benton...you're the worst! Pretending you cared while I was in the hospital and now it's like, Carter who? Come on people, I'm calling out for help here. Gees, at least LUCY'S listening, maybe I'll just go JOIN her.

-- Carter (anybody listening?@I need a hug.com), April 17, 2000.

Hey, who drank our milk?

-- Tess and Kate (hungry@thenursery.com), April 17, 2000.

Tess and Kate, you really don't want to know where your milk went. Just go ask Mom for some more. Carol, in case you didn't notice, your "go to work" philosophy stinks in my case! Hello! Do you not realize that my "life changing event" happened AT WORK?! How the crap am I supposed to benefit by being at work? I appreciate you trying to talk with me and all, but I just don't see the comparisons!

-- Dr. Carter (sadandscared@county.com), April 17, 2000.

These are great, guys! I hope people keep adding to it even though it has been around for awhile. I love it!

-- kristal (teetle1@juno.com), April 18, 2000.

Hey Carol, You better get your sanctimonious, holier-than thou-a** to Seattle soon, cuz when and if I ever get out of jail, I want to "thank" you for EVERYTHING you did for me, including getting me arrested and getting my son taken away. Since neither one of us is pregnant anymore, you don't have to try to take care of me and I don't have to worry about "innocent victims."

Heed this warning, Carol. Heed this warning and get outta here.

By the way, has anybody seen my drugs? My son?

-- Meg Corwin,aka the Pregnant Junkie (jailedjunkie@carolsgoingdown.org), April 19, 2000.

Yes Meg, I know where they are. I have them both! Meet me at the clinic. I'm the one Carol left in charge and I hate her too!

-- No one knows my name (Forgotten@carolsClinic.com), April 19, 2000.

Why doesn't anyone (with the exception of Peter) like me? could it be because I love to show off by running 2 thousand miles to and from work every day? my lovely personality at work and my angelic way with children (brats)? my "discussions" in the supply closet with Peter (hope you get some discussion soon, yosh)? or the fact that I can afford this awesome place to live even though I'm just a second year resident? or the fact that I can get my boyfriend to do what ever I wish without regard to policies? or is it just that I can't act worth a **** and I don't know how is the world I even got this job? Someone please tell me!

-- cleo (whydoesn'tanyone likeme@ccgh.com), April 20, 2000.

I'll tell you... right after I beat your a**!

-- Deb(I have three names!)Chen (whywontanyoneletMEdoAcentralLine@ccgh.com), April 20, 2000.

Iiii h hope y ou gget bipolar Carter

-- Chase Carter (toomanyDrugs@myhouse.com), April 20, 2000.

Umm... does anyone know where Susan is??

-- Dr.Kaysen (wheresMyValentine@now.com), April 20, 2000.

We, the nurses of the ER, are here to nominate a new head nurse after Carol leaves. We have all agreed on one person!

Abby Lockhart. After reviewing her patients(the ones that are still alive) she seems the most honest, loyal, and has the cleanest hair ever!

We hope you all agree.

-- Conni, Chuny, Haleh, Lily, Lydia, Malik & Yosh (nursesrock@ccgh.com), April 20, 2000.

This message is for Peter.

I dumped your kid in LA with Jackie. If you want to see me again(and I know you do) I'll be at Ally McBeal's house. See ya Later.

-- Carla (mySonsNameisMyLastname@lastImFree.com), April 20, 2000.

Does anyone know where I am?!

-- Dr. Angela Hicks (heresyourhat@whatsyourhurry.com), April 20, 2000.

This message is for Mark.

I dumped your kid in LA with a stranger. If you want to see ME again(you probably don't) I'll be at Ally's house with that hoochie mama slu* of Peters.

-- Jennifer Greene (iLeftRachel@theAirport.com), April 20, 2000.

I'm new to this country. Would someone please tell me what "shampoo" is?

-- Luka (secondbest@I'llneverbeDoug.com), April 20, 2000.

He He, don't tell anyone, but I've got Susan shacked up with me! Yeah, she came back to help me out, because SHE heard what happened to me and SHE understands that I've been STABBED, my med student DIED and she's haunting me (woo hoo, two women hovering over me!) and SUSAN knows I need a little help here!!! Yeah I tried to kiss her years ago but I was too young for her but now she came back and she really WANTS me. Don't tell Mark, we don't think he could handle this right now :(

-- Dr. Carter (seekingcomfort@elsewhere.com), April 20, 2000.

Who wants to be my family ?

-- Luka (Searching@familyman.com), April 21, 2000.

Hey, Carter What`s this crap about going to Lucy ?? I don`t want to attend two funerals in a row !!

-- Mark Greene (Spareme@desaster.net), April 21, 2000.

Cleo, you wonder why I like you? First, you're a gorgeous still picture. Second, when we're having a discussion (the kind we have after the jazz club), if you suddenly have a facial expression, I know you're not acting. Elizabeth and Carla and Jeanne could have been acting (especially Carla, never know what's going on with her) but you never act.

-- Peter Benton (theicemancometh@yeehoo.com), April 21, 2000.

Sorry Luka, I wish I could help you on that question. If you find out what the answer is, let me know.

-- Abby (medstudent@cluelessnewbie.org), April 21, 2000.

Hey Jenn, guess what, I don't care. Now that I have a gorgeous babe like Liz Corday who actually respects my work, why would I ever care about an ugly, constantly scowling bitch like you. You're out of my life... out of my life... and I don't know whether to laugh or cry... hmmm. THINK I'LL LAUGH!

-- Mark Greene (drgreene@muchbetteroff.com), April 21, 2000.

Why isn't anyone else happy that Im gonna be the new head nurse!

-- Abby (myhairISthebomb@greaseRus.com), April 21, 2000.

Pole-up-my-ass doctor? ExcuuuUUUUuuuuse ME, Ms. Self-Righteous, Self-Centered, F*cked-Up-in-the-Head B*tch. I was the best thing that ever happened to your sorry *ss, Nurse Hathaway. You wouldn't see ME cheating on you or knocking you up and then leaving you half way across the country like ol' Dougie-poo. Or freakin' out on you like that poor ol' Shep. But nooOOOoooo you didn't *love* me enough. Hah, look what *love* got you. A beat-up house, an empty bed, two crying brats, a cr*ppy car, and some Croatin who barely speaks English following you around like a puppy dog. Quit your whining. All of your problems are YOUR fault. You're the one who keeps deciding to go out with LOOSERS.

You know, not marrying you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Seriously. I finally realized what a messed-up, self-centered b*tch you really are. Like that excuse of a pep-talk with Carter (poor guy). And that comment about "short one med student and one doctor". And your ridiculous mooning over that jerk Doug Ross. Acutally, I liked Doug, but, face it, he's constantly treated you like cr*p and you just keep going back for more. Don't you have self-respect? Well, I do. You didn't see ME mooning after your sorry self after I dumped you at the altar. No, I moved on with my life, got me a fine-looking, smart, WELL-ADJUSTED wife. I'm happy, and, despite this mini-rant, not even bitter. Well, I am bitter about the year I wasted on you when I could have been going out with someone normal, but that was my choice. And, boy did I learn my lesson! Looser.

Tag

-- Tag (agoodguy@youlostout.com), April 21, 2000.

I'm four years old. I'll be five soon. I'm four years old.

-- Baby Susie (babysue@arizona.net), April 21, 2000.

Daddy, I miss you. Mom and I live in St. Louis and its real boring here. I liked Chicago better. I like Elizabeth alot. You too belong together. I'm happy for you. Tell grandpa that I'm sorry he had to go to the store on Thanksgiving and buy me all those "feminine products". Who knew I would start my period on turkey day? Anyway, I hope I get to come and visit you soon. Maybe we would watch a baseball game. The Cubs are much better than the Cardinals.

-- Rachel Greene (missmydaddy@st.louis.com), April 21, 2000.

Carol, I'm sorry to interfere, but I heard you and Tag and have to say that I think he makes some good points. Maybe he was boring to you because you are a drama addict who needs her fix of chaos everyday. Your family of origin issues would explain this. Before you go running off from your hometown like a woman in the 50's, leaving your whole life behind, probably changing your own last name (for goodness sakes, girl, get real), please consider therapy. You deserve a great life and happiness, but all that stuff with your dad in your childhood tells you that you don't. Carter is headed for some serious couch time soon and I think I can work out a group rate for you and him, and maybe add Mark in because of his dad's eminent death and Peter because he's really acting like a fool lately and Luka because he's so lonely and Robert because of his Napoleon complex. Since I'm the only one here who's doing okay, I might have to come in to organize and lead it. BTW, could we get the writers to bring Tag back for me? I think that would be a match made in heaven. :)

-- Kerry (I'm back@don't anyone mess with this Mama.com), April 22, 2000.

Hey, all you guys need to quit arguing and congratulate me, cuz now that I'm gonna be head nurse, I can't screw up as a med student and kill any more patients!!!!!

-- Abby Lockhart, RN (greatnurse@butisuckasadoc.org), April 22, 2000.

Corday! Come back here, Corday! I'm in jail and it's hell and its all your fault! You should have killed me when you had the chance but you were too f*****g scared about ruining your career. I knew you wouldn't do it! I knew it! I am suffering! Suffering! And it's all your fault. You're a hypocrite, Corday. Watch out.

-- Dean Rollins (ineverforget@imamurderingmaniac.net), April 22, 2000.

What's the matter with you guys? Life is never like this in radiology!

-- Steve Flint (Just_me_and_my_films@i_can't_suture.net), April 22, 2000.

Congrats Abby! I couldn't think of a better candidate to replace me!

-- Carol (Imouttahere@3pm.com), April 22, 2000.

[ with a gentle english accent]

i love you with all my heat and soul,mark. and ummm, im pregnant!

-- elizabeth corday (thehilfigergirl@aol.com), April 22, 2000.

I noticed that that nobody cared where I went...(sniff). Well, for everybody's information, I cut my hair and got a great new job as an investigator, where I can listen to people cry all day. Also, I am married to the most devoted and wonderful man in the world, Taglieri! He never doubts MY devotion! see, Mark....I can do better! Mark?

-- Cynthia Hooper (nanana@booboo.com), April 23, 2000.

Lucy, why are you haunting Carter? He never cared about you! He was a jerk to you, and even when you two made out he said it was a mistake. And you KNOW he will have forgotten about you by the time season 7 starts. Leave him to wallow in his guilt. You should be haunting me! After all, I raised you all by myself. I never got squat from your father, and those Ritalin pills can get expensive. Yes, I sacrificed for you. All the times my parents were having that great sex, I was turning down men because they couldn't handle the fact that I had a child. You owe me, Lucy! You left me alone, now the least you can do is haunt ME!

-- Barbara Knight (lonelymom@nopain.net), April 23, 2000.

What is going on? Lucy, why is your Mom yelling at me? She was so nice to me before...she thanked me and everything...not that I think I deserve it, oh GOD, I am completely guilty, this is not good for my bipolar disorder, I may go into a manic phase. I even lied to her and told her I was in no pain so she would think you were in no pain...now I feel guilty about that too! What's a guy to do? I think I'll get some more morphin while Benton's still having me write his scripts.

-- Carter (confused@lucy'shauntingme.com), April 23, 2000.

I'm sorry Dr. Carter, I seem to be suffering from bipolar disorder myself...that was my erratic, bitter, manic stage. Maybe we should go into therapy together.

-- Barbara Knight (goingnutz@mydaughterwaskilledbyapsychpatient.com), April 23, 2000.

Tag, I'm GLAD you left me at the alter. You were way too old for me and served as a father figure, although a rather immature one at that. Doug was a big part of my life before we met and you could never accept that you weren't the first man in my life and YOU made sure you wouldn't be the last. Yes, I loved Doug then. Your only problem is that you were convinced it's impossible for a person to love more than one person. The point is I was with YOU, I chose YOU. For your information, Tag, Doug was there for me after what you did. So was Susan, Mark, Malik, and all of my other friends. You were a b*stard from the start and I don't know what I ever saw in you.

Kerry, thank you SO much for your offer. Really, I know I should probably seek therapy again, but right now I feel as if I should sort things out for myself. I've got a lonely Croatian who's drawn to me while I can't stop thinking about Doug Ross. Besides, I'm a bit low in the money department ever since the checks from SEATTLE have gotten fewer and father in between.

Carter, I'm sorry you feel our discussion was so useless. I wasn't comparing our situations as they happened, only that both of our lives changed quickly and drastically and anyone who this has happened to needs time to adjust, no matter what the specifics are. *I* deal with my problems by going back to work, so that's the best advice *I* could give you. Guess you'll have to listen since nobody else in this Godforsaken hospital cares!!

-- Carol Hathaway (GoingtoSeattle@DougLovesMe.com), April 23, 2000.

Dear John, It's Lucy. I just wanted you to know that you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened to us. For what happened to me. Please don't feel guilty. I know you feel horrible but you shouldn't. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't blame yourself. And whatever happened between us, our relationship, our conflicts, all that is done now. That last day was a bit tense but I forgive you. Deep down, we both respected and liked eachother, although we were too involved with our own issues to show it. And I'm sorry about that. But Carter, you can't regret anything. You've got to move on. Stop thinking about me already! I wish there was some way (besides this) that I could let you know that I'm okay, that you'll be okay. Looking down at you I can see how much trouble you're having coping. It looks like you're about to crack. I wish I could kiss you and make it all better but sadly those days are over (oh yes I'm sorry I kicked you in the chest that time, it was truly an accident!) Anyway, you do seem like you're going psycho (sorry, bad joke) and I'm worried about all the stuff that might happen to you in the near future. You need help, Carter. If I was still alive and a psych resident I'd love to help you work out your issues. We could have some good talks. But then again if I was alive you wouldn't have these problems in the first place. Go figure. My point, John, is that you have to start living again. I have no idea how you're going to do it, I just hope that somehow you find a way. I should think that all this would teach you that life is not something to be wasted, but it just looks like you're sinking deeper and deeper into depression and anger and sadness. Look around and realize how lucky you were. Survive, Carter. Don't you understand that you have to? Do it for me. Life changes up on you, and you have to deal with it. It is possible to get used to it. I'll never come back, John, but things will get better. Believe me. Just never forget me, okay? I know you won't. I'll always miss you but I know we'll both be fine.

Love always, Lucy Knight

P.S. When (many many years from now) you get up here, call me. I still think we could have great sex.

-- Lucy (lucyknight@toobadidied.com), April 23, 2000.

But Lucy, I'm fine. Really.

-- Carter (carter@everythingscool.com), April 23, 2000.

Memo: To Staff Re: My Resignation

This is a brief note to allay everyone's anxieties about my suspension. I appreciate the concern all of you have expressed at my absence.

However, during this short period of free time, I have been doing some quiet pondering and serious soul-searching. Every time I visit Gabe now, the sight of his lolling head and drooling mouth sends me into a panicked realization that I have never truly considered what I want out of life, not just professionally but emotionally, that, because of my handicap, I have always prevented myself from expecting too much in that department. But now, seeing Gabe like this, I know that I must seize life when it is still fully within my grasp. So, I have decided to resign as Chief of Emergency Medicine and pursue my one chance of happiness in life -- going to Africa to pursue my old love and asking him to marry me!

Should this audacious attempt fail, I will pursue what has always been a secret desire of mine, namely, to shave my head and join a Buddhist monastary in Tibet. Only if they too reject me will I return to CCGH.

Goodbye, all, and may Peace be with you.

-- Kerry Weaver (doing_yoga@my_house.com), April 24, 2000.

To: Carter Re: Addendum to above Memo

Dearest John, I just want to say a special farewell to you. I have always loved you, but in light of your disgust at my confession that I had drooled over you when you lived in my basement, I know now that it cannot be. I have accepted it, and it has in no small part contributed to my decision to resign. Should you, however, change your mind and express the wish for me to stay ... well, I would only be too happy to throw myself at your feet!

Goodbye, and drink more milk.

-- Kerry Weaver (still_doing_yoga@my_house.com), April 24, 2000.

Hey Guys!

Weaver's gone, so I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Malluchi, you don't stand a chance with Randi now that I am back.

-- Jerry (imback@theadmitdesk.org), April 24, 2000.

Dearest Kerry,

I fear that I am too traumatized at this point to make such a life altering decision. Nobody seems to care about me too much at this point. I realize that people have their lives but asking my colleagues who I have worked with for six years now to take out a few minutes of their precious lives in order to lend a helping hand is not too much to ask. If I ever get through this ordeal without joining Lucy in the great beyond I will consider your offer. God knows I have had no luck with blondes so redheads may be the way to go.

-- Carter (Stilltraumatized@cook.com), April 24, 2000.

Carol, come to Seattle to live with me. I can't come back to County and I wouldn't anyway but you should move out here with the girls. I'll commit this time, I promise. I want us to raise our daughters together. I've heard some very disturbing rumours about you and some other doc, Lucky or something like that. Tell him to get his hands off you! I'll beat him up when I come back for you- won't that make Weaver happy! You should buy a car and drive to Seattle to stay. I miss you and I miss making out with you in the hall! Oh and if you leave please tell Kerry before you go that I hate her. Thank you. And say hi to Mark for me, and everyone else. -Doug

-- Dr. Doug Ross MD (DougRoss@I'mcomingback.com), April 24, 2000.

I miss making out with you, too, Doug!! I'd love to go to Seattle, but I have no money, no car, and a house to sell. It would be wonderful for you to come back and help me out with some things, since it's difficult to go to the store with two screaming babies let alone travel halfway across the country. But, if you won't come back, I WILL come to you!!!

-- Carol Hathaway (Mother of Two@IWantDoug.com), April 24, 2000.

Peter! Peter! Get up! Not you, Cleo! Get back on that gurney! Peter, I think you need to talk to Carter. He's been acting weird lately, talking about Lucy and asking Carol for more milk. Get your head out of your pants and go help that boy!

Carol, go to Seattle already! You know you want to make out with Doug, and all you're doing here is hurting poor Dr. Kovac. And if Dr. Dave makes one more crack about you, I'm gonna bust him upside his head.

Besides, I deserve to be head nurse. I've been busting my butt in this place for 20 years. I've seen scut puppies like Mark come and go, and now he's an attending. It's my turn, baby! But right now, I've got a gig at a night club.

Peter, I said get up!

-- Haleh (anurse@I'mtheonlywhoworksaroundhere.com), April 24, 2000.

Where's Carter???? Man, I am always looking for that kid! I heard he's gonna run away in a couple weeks, then what am I gonna do? I'm shacking up with him while he drowns his sorrows in my arms. Anyways, does anyone know where he is? I can't go to the hospital to look for him, Mark is there and I'm in love with both of them! But Mark doesn't know I'm here, because he's sleeping with that frisky British surgeon, and I heard she's really hot! Although I did hear things are rocky with them. Oh GOD. But Carter's so cute. Mark's sweet though. But so is Carter, he's just going through the natural side effects of PSTD. I can't give him up. But Mark's vulnerable now too! What to do! Maybe I'll call Carol. Sure we're best friends, I haven't talked to her in well over 3 years, but that's not the point. I'll see what she thinks.

-- Susan (oldERdoc@always looking for Carter.org), April 24, 2000.

Jerry, you animal, when did you get back!?!?!?!?! We've got A LOT of catching up to do. Now that Kerry's gone I think I'll pull out the old Randi Wear wardrobe, I know how that drives you crazy Jerry.

-- Randi (deskclerk@i'm a hardass.com), April 24, 2000.

Who's this Jerry guy? Man, he must be a piece of work!

-- Dr. Dave (callmeDrDave@women were easier in Grenada.com), April 24, 2000.

Susan! Where've you been, you gotta hurry up and talk because I'm leaving in 3 weeks to live with Doug...yeah, you heard me, Doug Ross. We were a perfectly happy, engaged couple for almost 2 years, then Doug made a HUGE mistake (well maybe it wasn't a mistake, maybe it was actually the right thing, maybe he is right and everyone else is a coward) and Kerry and Mark got so mad at him that he decided to leave me, though him and Mark are okay, unfortunately I got pregnant with his love babies (yep, twins, you know when Doug does it, he REALLY does it). He always had great timing didn't he? Anyways, it's nice to hear from you after THREE years there Sus...KIT.

-- Carol (mysoulmatelives@Seattle.com), April 24, 2000.

Susan, you're back? Don't blame Carol for telling me...she blurted it out when she was talking about Doug and Seattle. I'm helping her pack later today. So, what are you doing with Carter? Don't you know we belong together? I'm a little busy right now, with my dad dying and me shutting out Elizabeth and all. But hey, once that's over, maybe we can make margaritas at my place and talk like we used to. It might be a good time to have that torrid affair that everyone thought we were having five years ago. You don't want Carter, he's a bipolar, drugged up loony. As soon as I see Carol off, I'm gonna come over there and sweep you off your feet. Well, as soon as I figure out where Carter lives! I wouldn't know, since I never talk to him anymore.

-- Mark Greene ((maybelookingforyoulater@myplace.com), April 24, 2000.

Susan, we are both WAY too emotionally distraught to deal with this, so we have decided to both run away in the middle of our shifts and go with Carol to Seattle. Yup, ever since Doug left the lack of commeraderie here has been pathetic. The only people around here to have heart to hearts with are Carol and Kerry, and Kerry is trying to put the moves on me Carter so we believe that the only thing to do is take a little vacation; screw what the hospital or Romano thinks...if Romano can suspend Kerry for putting a central line in a legitimate patient despite Mark's approval, SCREW HIM. You can come too if you want, but since Carter is being haunted by Lucy, and Mark is dating the sexy British surgeon (at least he thinks he still is!) we need to put this love triangle on hold okay?

-- Carter and Mark (two traumatized docs@taking a holiday.org), April 24, 2000.

Wow, Mark, are you okay? You seem to be a bit confused. Did you have a talk with Carter (if you did, it's about time!), you changed your mind about him awfully quickly. Maybe YOU have multiple personality disorder. Yeah, how do YOU like it? Mark, Carter is VERY upset that everyone believes he is bipolar, we are DOCTORS, you know he can't be diagnosed with that yet, however, he is suffering from Post traumatic stress syndrome, and if anyone bothered with him, they would KNOW that. But anyways, I would LOVE to go on your little vacation with the old ERers...Carol, Doug (I cannot BELIEVE they have children!), and Carter. I'm sure Kerry wouldn't suspend you for too long for disappearing out of nowhere.

-- Susan Lewis (oldERdoc@I've missed too much.com), April 24, 2000.

Alright, party! We've got to keep it light though, our love babies have a curfew, and don't worry Carter, we won't play the music too loud, I know that freaks you out these days. Forget Kerry, she's a hypocrit, let her run the place by herself for awhile, it'll make her happy to have no one arguing with her, come on out here, I didn't want Carol, Tess, and Kate to travel by themselves anyways.

-- Doug Ross (No longer sleepless in Seattle@Doug's place.com), April 24, 2000.

Ummm...Susan? Since we're all being platonic for now, can we swing by and pick up your sister Chloe? J/K. (Is she clean now, because I'm not, maybe she can give me some advice!)

-- John (I mean Carter) (runaway doc@CCGH.org), April 24, 2000.

Oh MAN! Where's Carter? Damn, Cleo, you HAVE to get off me, Haleh says Carter's missing, and we've been too busy getting it on in empty exam rooms to notice. We need a search party.

-- Benton (distracted surgeon@cleo's.com), April 25, 2000.

Well at least you didn't disappoint Carter after the JAZZ CLUB...uhh, cup of coffee!

-- Cleo (hot pediatrician@i can't sleep alone.com), April 25, 2000.

Cleo, get off of me, here comes Peter!

-- Malik (bodyguard@cleosdemand.com), April 25, 2000.

Moving?? Carol, why am I always the last to know?! You'll never learn, will you? You leave me no choice. From now on, find another car to borrow. And don't think Javier will help you find one either. Ask someone else!

Your Ma Helen

-- Helen Hathaway (maknowsbest@Itoldyouso.com), April 25, 2000.

Hey Malucchi-

Now that Jerry's back, you don't stand a chance. I'm sorry, there's just always been something about Jerry that I found irresistible.

Come on, Jerry, let's go to my place. I have some RandiWear lingerie, never before seen.

-- Randi (all_over_jerry@thefrontdesk.com), April 25, 2000.

Hey Carter, I heard you're writing prescriptions for Benton now! Too bad you weren't doing that when I was alive because I really needed that Ritalin. Here's some advice from another pill popper (at least I was one before I died): do it as often and as much as possible. That's why I went into medicine in the first place, so I could get as much drugs as I wanted. Go painkillers! Hey, are you really bipolar? How do you know? I guess the reason is because I keep on haunting you . . . but I just can't stop! I always drove you crazy when I was alive - you said it yourself - and now that I'm dead I can't stop. But this time you're going really CRAZY! I could arrange a welcome back party for you, complete with loud music, blue cake, and of course, a butcher cleaver to cut it with! I'm sure that would make returning to work lots of fun. Nah, I think I'll just leave you alone and watch you go crazy. I gotta go now- Gant and your brother and all the patients you've killed say hi.

-- Lucy (Lucy@iwaskilledbyapsychowithaknife.nowimdead), April 27, 2000.

Hey guys, I'm buying a car soon and I need to know how many seats I should have. So how many is it? Me, Tess, Kate, Susan, Mark, Doug if he gets his ass back here to show me that I can trust him before I give up my entire life to be with him, and Carter. What about Chloe? Little Susie? This will be fun, we can all sit around and dis Weaver and Romano!!

-- Carol Hathaway (HangingOut@DougsHouse.com), April 27, 2000.

Aren't you forgetting about me, Carol? Shouldn't I get a seat, too? Or are you just using me to help you buy a car, then kiss me and pretend that you don't feel something for me? I'm gonna tell Herb about this, and then he's gonna change some wires, baby! Try driving to Seattle then!

-- Luka Kovac (piningforyou@youkissedme.com), April 27, 2000.

Um, Luka, here's the thing. I think my fiance (or boyfriend, or whatever he is -- we never officially called anything off) would have a liking problem with you. In that he wouldn't. Didn't you notice our lack of chemistry when we kissed? I kiss men when I'm emotional, confused, and insecure, so sue me! And don't worry about sending "Herb" after my car, you helped me buy a piece of sh*t car that broke down two seconds after I bought it. Since Ma forbade me to drive her clunker, looks like it's back to the El with the lovebabies. If only Doug hadn't wrecked his Jeep and disappeared with it!!

-- Carol Hathaway (IAmConfused@LonelyandMissingDoug.com), April 28, 2000.

Hey, Gamma, I still can't sleep. Wanna make some beef jerky?

-- John Carter (upallnight@gamma's.com), April 28, 2000.

Hey, since you're offering Carol, maybe you should've gotten that minivan, because Elizabeth and I are talking again and maybe she could come along too...do you think her and Susan would get along, hmmm. Oh and I thought we'd bring Rachel too, because now that my Dad's gone, I've been inspired to spend more time with her. Don't worry, she'll love watching Tess, Kate, and little Susie for us!

-- Mark (I've got two women now@on vacation.com), April 28, 2000.

Hmm...I wonder how big Doug's house in Seattle is? So I've decided to buy a bus. It's going to be me, Tess, Kate, Mark, Susan, Chloe, Little Susie, Rachel, Elizabeth, Carter, and maybe Doug.

Mark, I've spoken to Susan and she doesn't mind if Elizabeth comes. Carter will be there to keep Suz company. ;-)

-- Carol Hathaway (BuyingABus@ButNotWithLuka.com), April 28, 2000.

YEAH...I'll keep Susan company!

Hey thanks Carol, Mark, everyone, I'm so glad I don't have to freak out and run away alone! Hey, Lucy's coming too Carol, but uh...you don't have to worry about room. (Oh man, did I say that out loud? Great, Lucy, now they're really gonna think I'm nutz! Oh well, that's why I'm running away!)

-- Carter (finally feeling the love@I'm still traumatized.com), April 28, 2000.

What about me and my friends, Latoya, Jirome, Lafon?

-- Randi (imthecoolone@ccgh.com), April 28, 2000.

(spoken in proper "gangster language")

WHAT!? Jiron is mine bitc*!! Oh, I know you two didn't do nuttin! Latoya will tell me evraythang. Lafond, Lacretacious, Lahondra! Let's go!

-- gangsta be-och! (theycallmegangstabitch@thestreet.com), April 28, 2000.

Uh, Randi, I think my bus is full, next time 'kay?

-- Carol (I'm drivin' a bus@going to Doug's.com), April 28, 2000.

Wow, well so much for an intimate little reunion. Not that I'm complaining. Mark, bud, I'm glad you're coming, and Susan, it's been awhile huh, how could you handle little Susie without me looking at her every morning at 6 am?...and Carter, I'm glad we can talk about all this now. So Lucy's haunting you huh (sorry, Carol told me, we're soul mates, we have to tell each other everything), hey, I don't want to see you go nutz or anything, but having a cute young lady haunt you isn't too bad, huh? You, me, and Mark can all play basketball and bond like the old days. Elizabeth, you and Mark huh? Well, I'm glad to see him with someone normal, not that crazy Amanda Lee, or the clingy Cynthia. Carol, are you sure you can drive a bus? See you all soon!

-- Doug Ross (my girls R coming@with a bus full of people.com), April 28, 2000.

Luka,

I regret to leave you after we have had such meaningful talks. You have been an amazing friend through my first months as a mother, and I hope that you will find true happiness someday, because you are a wonderful man. Knowing your kindness and compassion, I know that you will understand that I need to be with Doug. We have a history more than anyone else I have ever known, and you helped me to realize that families do need to be together. Your stories about your family have touched my heart; I will never forget you and I hope to return someday so that you can see my grown children and meet Doug.

-- Carol (nurse@giving a farewell.com), April 29, 2000.

Doug, do you have room for one more person? See, we've had Jerry stuffed into a locker for a long time now, and he told me if I let him out he'll drive the bus to Seattle so I can tend to our daughters during the ride. About that intimate reunion, I'm sure we'll find a way. ;-)

-- Carol Hathaway (GoingToDougsWithAllMyFriends@NowTheBusIsFull.com), April 29, 2000.

YES! Thank you, Hathaway! This locker is getting so very crowded...please, Doug?

-- Jerry (GaspingForAir@FinallySomeSpace.com), April 29, 2000.

Hey, yeah, anything for you Carol. The more the merrier. Hurry up and get here alright?

-- Doug (waiting for the bus@Seattle.org), April 29, 2000.

Hey sorry Doug, but we can't leave because I'm not running away 'til May 18. I've got to leave a week after Carol does, then they won't suspect a thing, they'll just think I went mad! They won't be so hard on me then when I come back.

-- Carter (runaway doc@I've gone crazy.com), April 29, 2000.

Carter, sorry, but...you ARE going mad. It's a good thing you're coming with us, we need to have another heart to heart, my last one just didn't do justice I guess.

Doug, you've got to be patient, unless YOU want to come out here and make sure we get out on time (that's a subtle hint Dougie!)

-- Carol (leaving Chicago@all my friends are coming too.com), April 29, 2000.

Hmmmm...(maybe Carol, just maybe.)

-- Doug (waiting patiently for my girls@Seattle.com), April 29, 2000.

A bus to see Doug, huh Carol? I've missed being smarmy, sacastic and generally pulling smug faces at him (although he probably never saw them, I was never in his field of view! Heck! I'm never in any ones field of view!). You better save a seat for me, or I'll fire all you're asses and put sugar in the gas tank! "Rocket" (the name says it all really!) P.s Is there room for Gretel in the bus? She's about the size of a elephant. Hell, you were to when you were pregnant! P.p.s It would be a good idea to pack some fresh milk to!

-- Rocket (ineedpolish@thetopofmyhead.com), April 29, 2000.

Excuse me, Ramono, but you help to make my life a living hell and call my girlfriend an elephant, and you expect me to let you into my home!? If I were in Chicago I'd give you the same treatment that abusive father got! Be warned, "Rocket," I may just show up in Chicago to make sure my girls get to Seattle on time.

-- Doug Ross (Waiting For A Busload Of People@MyHouseInSeattle.com), April 29, 2000.

Please excuse.........the..spelling mistakes and any......other errors in the last post "hic"......I'm vay vay very drunk........and I am sitting here with my wonderful dog Gretel...the only woman who loves me.....who isn't blood related......"hic"........Why am I mistaken for Captin Jean Luc Picard all the time......? "hic"......it''s only the balding head that relates us........"hic"............

-- Romano aka "Rocket" (iamtheONLYsexgod@countygeneral.period.com), April 29, 2000.

ROFLMAO!

-- Lilith (Trillian226@aol.com), May 04, 2001.