As Frank S. reckons I have lost my humour, may I be so bold as to submit the following 'Odd Spot' stuph to confirm that I have taken my daily idiot pill.

Monday 10 April A Japanese toymaker is offering cash to its women employees to have more children. Bandai Co says it will give women $A15,000 for each baby after their second child, to expand the company's client base and reverse Japan's declining population.

Sunday 9 April Relatives hijacked a bus after a funeral company refused to allow its hearse to enter a rough neighbourhood in the Argentine town of Santa Fe.

Saturday 8 April A trip to a Texas bank landed a woman in handcuffs after she drove off at the same time as a bank robber fleeing on foot. A Fort Worth teller had noted her licence plate number thinking it was the robber escaping.

Friday 7 April A German mother locked inside a child-proof nursery had to gesture through a hermetically sealed window for help. She became trapped when her two-year-old son threw a tantrum and slammed the nursery door, which automatically locked from the outside.

Thursday 6 April A New Mexico couple are being prosecuted under a 37-year-old law that bans cohabitation outside of marriage. They face six months' jail after the man's ex-wife protested. The state does not enforce the law unless they get a complaint from the public.

Wednesday 5 April All towns and natural landmarks in the US state of Maine containing the word squaw - considered offensive to women and American Indians - are to be renamed. More than two dozen mountains, waterways and towns, such as Little Squaw township, are affected.

Tuesday 4 April A Dutch insurance company mistakenly supplied pornographic videos to agents instead of a film on pensions. "Painful, very painful," a spokesman for Nationale Nederlanden said, "We jumped into our cars and got them all back."

Monday 3 April Canada will consider scrapping an old provincial law that offers hunters a bounty for Indian scalps, after complaints from native groups. The Nova Scotia Government has asked Ottawa to confirm that the 1756 law is no longer in effect.

Saturday 1 April After complaints by native groups, Canada has agreed to consider scrapping a 244-year-old Nova Scotia law that offers hunters a bounty for Indian scalps.

Friday 31 March A police dog took a bite out of crime after sniffing out a package of cocaine and got a buzz for his trouble. Blitz got a mouth full of the drug after biting into a bag at a bus station in Virginia, USA. He had an accelerated heart rate and dilated pupils, but was otherwise okay.

Thursday 30 March Thieves in northern Serbia have a new way of stealing the washing...they throw cats in the air to grab it. The thieves select clothes hanging from a window and toss up a cat, which instinctively grabs the garments with its claws.

Wednesday 29 March After taking delivery of his new car, which had been driven 650 kilometres from a Glasgow dealer to his home in Buckinghamshire, Richard Peathey-Johns found a young cat curled up next to the engine. The cat is well and needs a new home.

Tuesday 28 March A hospitality union in Sweden wants all of the country's hotel chambermaids to be given hand-held personal alarms to use in case of attack by amorous male guests, who become "over-excited" after watching in-house pornographic videos on television.

Monday 27 March A councillor will carry on delivering party leaflets to voters' homes despite losing part of her finger. Birmingham city councillor Margaret Wells lost the top section of her right index finder to a dog lurking behind a door as she pushed a leaflet through a letterbox.

Monday 27 March The Immigration Minister's arguments to the UN last week were far from convincing.

Sunday 26 March A Norwegian fire chief watched helplessly as his home burnt down, unable to act because his fire engines use seas water and it was low time. "I never thought this could happen to my own home," he said.

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I get an accelerated heart rate and dilated pupils without bothering about coke. All I need do is think about the local branch of the Liberal Party and go rabid. What I need is a hotel chambermaid, minus hand-held personal alarm - of course. I've never actually known an obliging hotel chambermaid in OZ. Shuckz!

Regards from Down Under

-- Pieter (zaadz@icisp.net.au), April 10, 2000

Answers

Tuesday 4 April A Dutch insurance company mistakenly supplied pornographic videos to agents instead of a film on pensions. "Painful, very painful," a spokesman for Nationale Nederlanden said, "We jumped into our cars and got them all back."

LOL

I guess the fact that they had porno videos on hand to mistakenly give to the agents isn't that big of a deal!

-- abc (123@456.789), April 10, 2000.

As an Insurance Agent,

I can attest to the fact, they probably only got 50% back.....lol..

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), April 10, 2000.