Here's the deal, guys: my high school reunion is coming up this summer, and I'm ambivalent about it. I've kept in touch with all the people I've wanted to (one girl) and I've lived a happy life without seeing most of these folks for ten years. The Wife and my friend James are facing down similar situations. Should I go? Should I go and make fun? Should I stay far away? Your experiences and opinions would be invaluable.

Though I'll still do whatever I want.

Harold wonderland2 http://home.midsouth.rr.com/wonderland2/

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2000

Answers

My ten year re-union is this summer. And even though I'm only an hour and a half away from my hometown, I doubt I'll go.

Most of my friends were either a few years ahead of me or a year younger. The friends that did graduate with me are scattered far and wide, and are the sort that wouldn't trek back at the chance to check out the aging cheerleaders.

So. I'll pass. I may feel different in another ten years. We'll see.

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2000

I went to my ten-year reunion last Thanksgiving and had a great time. However, I grew up in a small town, so I was pretty close with all of my classmates, and because the town was pretty socioeconomically and politically homogeneous, I still found that I had a lot in common with most of my classmates despite having not seen most of them since graduation. I just thought it was kind of fun to see how people had changed and what they had ended up doing.

But I think the best part for me was being able to revisit my high school years with my current level of life experience. I'm a LOT more self-confident now, and in a way, attending my reunion gave me the opportunity to be the person I wanted to be in high school.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I'd pass as well. Like you, I stayed in contact with the people I really cared about from school, and I couldn't really give a damn what happened to the rest of them ... losers. No, that's not true, I'd happily pass the time of day with them if I'd had a couple of drinks and saw them at the bar, but any event that encourages forced 'do you remember when ...' is a big no-no in my book.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

Most of my classmates -- from Mt. Blue High, class of 1984, in Farmington, Maine -- stayed close to home, so we have been having reunions every five years. It's the only time I see most of these folks, and it's better than Christmas cards for keeping in touch. But the nice thing about rural Maine is, not many of us are focused on status symbols. We've only had one or two folks show up dressed to the nines with a movie-star spouse and a Jaguar XJS for any of these gatherings. In fact, we found that the $50 dinner price kept some of our classmates out of the 15th reunion. Three of us have designated ourselves the "20th Reunion Committee," and next time we're renting the American Legion Hall for a potluck dinner so everyone with the price of a pot of macaroni and cheese can come. And y'all thought I was crazy for being proud to grow up in Maine.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I've passed on all of mine. I'm mildly curious about a few folks, but my friends at that time were people I knew outside of school and generally I'm just not that interested. I haven't regretted it.

I might have actually gone to the 10 year one except that it was like $150 at some fancy hotel and it just didn't sound like the kind of event I like to go to.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

The night of my tenth year reunion, as I was getting dressed and trying desperately to look beautiful and perfect and successful, I broke down into a sobbing fit, completely with clutching at Jeremy and screaming, "Please, don't make me see those people." It was dreadful. We almost didn't go. Jeremy thought I had lost my mind.

We went anyway, albeit about two hours late since I had to wash the snot off my face and wait for the swelling to go down around my eyes. I had a great time. Jeremy, however, was bored senseless, and wound up calling a friend who lived nearby and hanging out at a local bar while I caught up with my classmates. So for the fifteen year reunion (next year), I'll probably leave him home.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

You guys are making me paranoid. I am currently in the process of planning my 10 year reunion for this summer and I am terrified that no one will come and I will be out the deposit I just put down on a place this morning.

I'm trying to keep it fairly simple because I figure most people just want to catch up, but if they're going to pay money, they expect food. We're having a buffet dinner (because it's cheaper), a DJ and running a bar tab until we run out of money. I'm really, really, really nervous about it and it is causing me insomnia.

For those of you who didn't go, is there anything that could have caused you to go? Or was it just that you really hated your high school experience and didn't want to relive it?

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

I went to high school in the late seventies, and I liked punk rock instead of disco. That made me something of an outcast. So much so that at the reunion five years ago they refused to let me in, even though I was supposed to play there with my band (which does not play punk, btw).

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Stijn, I am dying to know the whole story on being shut out of your high school reunion -- sounds like a WB original movie . . .

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Instead of going to the reunion, check out http://www.highschoolalumni.com. There you can check up on your former classmates, without worrying about all the meet and greet! I like going there from time to time and seeing what people are up to.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

I don't understand why someone would go to their partner's reunion, or why you'd want your partner to go with you. I mean the whole evening is about seeing a bunch of people from years ago, who the partner doesn't know. I guess if they've been hearing stories about them over the years...

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

I went to the 5-year reunion with high hopes. I don't know what I had expected, since I went with the group of friends that I had remained in close contact with after graduation. There was really no one that I longed to see after 5 years, but I guess I was curious to see if the girls who were mean to me ended up with shitty lives, and if the guys I'd had crushes on had turned out to be worth a damn. I realized too late that most of the guys I had been hot for were actually in classes that graduated before ours, except for Charlie, who had been my sweetheart senior year, and we were still together. So much for mystery.

I found when I got there that for the most part: The snobby people were still snobby. A lot of girls had become strippers (I mean a lot, like, 8 just from our senior class!) and they had gotten breast implants. One had even gotten ass implants. They hung out in their own group and didn't talk to to anyone else that I saw. They just stood around in their Mariah Carey dresses, comparing fake tans and rhinestone-studded manicures.

Some people had gotten married and had kids already. I had a hard time talking to them, because they all wanted to know when Charlie and I would have kids. We weren't even married yet at the time, and in fact we were fighting, which is why he hadn't gone with me - we did go to the same high school after all. I got tired of explaning that I didn't want kids, and why. That was 7 years ago, and I still don't want kids. Think I'm looking forward to the next reunion so I can try to explain why we are the only couple that don't have any? Not really.

The brainy people all seemed to be successful. The football players were generally still obnoxious. The cheerleaders were still really stuck up and defensive about their weight. I heard one of them wore her sash from the 1987 Miss SMHS Pageant to the 10 yer reunion. Let it go, people.

I had skipped the 10 year because it really didn't hold much interest for me after the 5 year turned out to be such a dud. I did order the photo book, and when I saw it, I knew exactly what I had missed, nothing. Charlie wants to go to the next one, and I don't. We'll see what happens. It should be in about 2 years. I just can't imagine caring about these people any more in 2 years than I do now.

Kim, I'm sure you will do a great job of planning the reunion. I figure people will show or not show for their own angsty reasons, but hopefully more of them will decide to come than not. The best thing I can suggest is, keep the cost per person relatively low - in the $20-30 range. Everybody bitched a lot at the five year because it was $45 each, for a cash bar, a fruit-and-bread buffet, and a really shitty deejay. The 10 year cost was around $50 per person, more if you paid at the door, and I'll admit, that was the clincher for me in making the decision to skip it. Ours was in a ritzy hotel, and to be honest, I think it would have been a lot more fun if we'd just gone to our old high school instead. Cheaper too.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

My ten-year would have been a couple of years ago but no one planned a reunion. I had several dreams about the hypothetical event before the summer of the non-reunion and have had several since then, including a really strange one just this morning. Anyone else had strange high school reunion dreams?

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

I wasn't planning on going to my five-year reunion -- I figured that I still kept in touch with the people I wanted to keep in touch with, and it wasn't like anyone would have changed all that much since graduation. Most of the people were still in college, or had just graduated.

I wound up going, however, because our reunion planners did a great job of making the event low-key. It was at Buffalo Billiards (one of those upscale pool hall/yuppie bars in D.C.) over Thanksgiving break, and wasn't that expensive. People wound up just hanging out, which was a bit more fun than I had expected. If it had been more upscale, I probably wouldn't have bothered.

Our ten-year's scheduled for next year sometime, and I'll probably wind up going if enough people I know show up as well.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

for me, the point of bringing a partner to my high school reunion would be to have backup in case the event really sucked. i'd enjoy introducing him to the people, and, well, if i felt the urge to gossip about anyone my hubby would be the safest one to gossip to! is that wrong? ;)

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

My 20-year reunion was truly exhausting... I had to explain that being unmarried didn't mean I was gay...that's always fun. There was the thing of explaining to solid business types with families why I had actually taken a doctorate in History and spent time hanging out and teaching in Eastern Europe rather than having "a real job"... There was the nightmare of aging jocks trying to be macho... there was 70s music (not punk, alas! my own musical tastes are for 80s synthpop and industrial-dance)...and the girl who'd been the major bitch-queen of the school at 16 was there with Rich M.D. Husband Number 3 (yes-- a cosmetic surgeon!!)... still snotty and cruel (at 16 she'd seen me looking at her in tiny shorts and sneered, "People who look like you don't get to look at people who look like me...")... she managed in the course of the evening to drunkenly show everyone her new nose, new cheekbones, and, yes, new boobs... And I,of course, keyed her Lexus as I left the party...

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Obviously not near any reunion any time soon, but I'm pretty eh on the idea of going. At least, I don't care that much about the people in my own class, since I was closer to people above and below me (can I go to their reunions?), and all but a few people sure as hell don't care about me and if I show up or not. (And if those don't show up, why bother going? Do they publish a list of who'll show up?) My feelings about it will probably be different when there is an actual reunion on the horizon, though.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Oh, dear. I am 2 years away from my, gulp, 40th.

We went the thousand miles (and were not the winners of the farthest trophy, either!) to Laramie for my 20th. It was great!!

I buried some hatchets, and not even in the backs of the people who deserved them. The skinny geek gained 100 pounds. Most of the guys were between marriages.

I went to a small school (hey, Wyoming, of COURSE it was small!) and many of the people were with me from 1st grade on. These people are closer than family. Never mind that I haven't seen them in 38 years, they're still part of my life.

My kids have enjoyed their 10-years-thingies. My theory is, even if you don't like it, or the scary THEY don't approve of you, so what? No harm no foul. And you just might have a good time.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

I went to my 10th reunion last summer. I wanted to go because I was married and I wanted to show my husband some of the faces from my past.

Basically it was an expensive reminder of how glad I was to leave high school and the fact that a lot of people who leave high school -- never really leave. I had women I did not even talk to come up to hug me. I had to say overall it was silly.

If you really have a hankering, there is no harm in going anf getting out of your system. I have found it's better to do something and decide you don't care to do it again rather than not doing something and then wonder...

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

I would skip all reunions until the 20th. I went to my 10th and nothing much had changed - oh, yea, there was the story about the nerdy guy in high school who showed up in a gold Porsche with a woman who could have appeared in a ZZ Top video - all boobs and electric blue leather. It was wild - this guy had "bulked" up, done some print work and it appeared to me had been planning this triumphant return since the day we left high school. Pretty weird.

Last summer I attended my 20th, and I took my husband (he was not from that state) and we had a blast. People had begun to be real. There was still some snobbery, but for the most part, it was great. It was a 3 day affair. Friday night - casual get together at a local watering hole with a cash bar. Saturday night - (I think it was $45 per couple) dinner(buffet) and a dj. Sunday afternoon - a potluck barbeque (the $45 included this - the reunion committee supplied the meat and drinks, etc. and class mates supplied salads and desserts.) Again, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. However, there were some instances where the people I wanted most to see, had once been close to, didn't do anything for me anymore. And there were wonderful surprises, people that I was not close to- hell, turns out I like them a lot as adults. Who knew. Caveat: I am a shy person by nature, but I went with the rule that I would be outgoing - the first to speak. The strategy served me very well.

Simple

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

Well, since I'm skipping JournalCon to go to my reunion, my answer is obvious!

I went to my tenth and to my eleventh (my class isn't that crazy, we were just invited to the reunion of the class after ours) and had a swell time. This year is my eighteenth, but my school has started having cluster reunions of four years together and this year is '79, '80, '81 and '82, which exactly covers my high school career and I can't wait. When I was a freshman, all of my friends were juniors and seniors, so I'm hoping to see people that I haven't seen for centuries.

Not to mention the fact that it will be in October in the woods in Michigan by the lake--nothing's more beautiful than autumn in Michigan. Long as you get out before winter!

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000