Weight - do scales go that heavy? Fags smoked in terrified contemplation of Sunday - 25 (Very good considering the looming crisis). Paranoid thoughts about how good Chelsea are and about whether my mother will see me on the telly and demand to know why I had the time to go to the game but not to go to see her - 37. Imaginary units of alcohol consumed to calm my nerves - 65. Amount of work done - none (hardly surprising in circumstances). Oh, have just 'phoned Jude and Shazza. Apparently I support Chelsea. Gaaaaaah!!!! I could have saved myself so many wasted hours of sleep.

Woke up with my duvet wrapped around me as though I'd been fighting with it. I remember falling asleep with Chelsea's first half against Barca running like Linford on acid through my mind. Shazza's kind words of comfort before I went to bed didn't help. "Sorry, Hon, they'll hammer you. No debate". She told me when I woke up that she was only joking and that I support Chelsea. Glad she reminded me.

Got into the office at an absurd hour to give myself time to read all the papers. "Awesome", "Inspired", "Beguiling", "Among the best in Europe". Phoned Mark Darcy to find out whether they were talking about Chelsea. He was out. Muse that the Chelsea strip is revolting. What do they think they look like in such accoutrements? And black and white stripes are so last year. Gaaaaaah! Shazza just phoned to remind me that I should remember to buy a Chelsea shirt for Sunday to show how passionate I am. Will pop around to Harvey Nick's at lunch time to procure said item. I wonder what colour they are. I wanted ideally to wear my new Prada Capri pants.

Considered doing some work and did in fact read an e mail from my boss but all efforts at concentration were as nought as an e mail arrived from the POSTROOM mailing list containing some new songs for Sunday. "We'll stick stick your blue flag up your a..e". N.B must memorise this before Sunday. Repeated this to myself several hundred times, then went to get some Espresso from the restaurant at work. The postie was singing "We'll stick your blue flag up your a..e" again. I told him that I hadn't realised that he was a Chelsea supporter. He smiled and said "Oh, aye, hinny. Ah love, them, me, leyk". Not entirely sure what nationality the postie is. Must find out in spirit of New Labour and make real effort at communication.

Lunchtime came round. I went to Harvey Nick's and asked for a Chelsea shirt in the designer casuals department. I was directed to a shopping mall I've never heard of called Chelsea Village. From the map, it looks like it is very close to the Harbour Club so I'll pop in there on my way to the gym. Very exciting to learn of new shopping opportunities so close to work.

In the afternoon arranged to meet the others at Fulham Broadway for some drinks at All Bar One before travelling to the match on Sunday. I asked whether they were wearing a Chelsea shirt. They said that this wasn't necessary in the director's box but that I might like to as a symbol of post-modern irony. Think I will.

Gaaaaah!! Chelsea Village clearly an exclusive place. The crest-shaped desinger motifs on the clothing is very witty and the baby blue is so now. I bought a shirt and a hat and a scarf as the man in the superstore told me that that is what most people would be wearing. Surprised the things are blue. I wonder who wears black and white, then?

Bumped into Mark Darcy and we decided to have supper in the Village Restaurant. The witty designer crests were all over the cutlery and plates. I had three leaf salad with salt water and rosehip dressing. Delicious. Very reasonable, too. Only #35. Mark had a more manly portion of cured ciabatta with blue cheese and radicchio dressing. Had lots of lovely wine too.

GJHghjksgheuyqudh111 OOoopps. Where are the stairs? UYUIYUIIUUUUI.

OOh. Am now very excited for the match on Sunday. NB. Must memorise that song. Mark says that Chelsea will be playing Newcastle on Sunday. Tired now. Will write more tomorrow.

-- Anonymous, April 06, 2000

Answers

Nice one Bridget.....keep them coming.....the diaries I meant you dozy mare!

-- Anonymous, April 06, 2000

A seriously funny piece of writing! (:o)

-- Anonymous, April 07, 2000

Cute! Whoever you are.

-- Anonymous, April 07, 2000