I've just heard the latest piece of government research from the Scientific community on the radio. Apparently they have disovered that men with the same surname often have similar DNA patterns. Amazing, eh? Startlingly enough, all the men I know with my surname have a strong physical resemblance to one-another as well, do you think I should call up and let them know? This could be the next major breakthrough!

Maybe I'm being a tad uncharitable, but isn't this a bit of a waste of time, effort and money? Either that, or they are using this bogus research project to cover up massive spending on human cloning experiments. Oh my God, who's that at the door. An unmarked car. Nooooooooo......

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000

Answers

Have they managed to link the Barton and Wimbush genes yet? Again, so obvious to all and sundry but difficult to prove ;-)

Actually with the above, I heard it slightly different, in that they may be able to derive your surname from your genes, which is slightly more impressive and has obvious forensic possibilities.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000

Dear Sir,

Where do I apply for a grant to research my theory that the majority of residents in the North-East of England support a football team playing in black and white stripes?

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000

WAHEY!! the HTML worked!!

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000

Nice!

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000

&O]
Sorry very very very bored

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000

On a slightly more serious note, what about the research they've done on grain seed that germinates to produce a sterile plant ? One result being that farmers (probably third world) would be forced to buy fresh grain seed each year instead of being able to keep back some of the current year's crop for next year.

And there's a type of grain that needs to be sprayed with something to make it germinate - and the somethibg isn't water. This is justified using the argument that they can store it for however long without the grain germinating in storage.

Doesn't it make you proud to be human, eh?

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000

Aren't these scientists wonderful.

I remember years ago there was a multi million pound survey done at London University to find out why a mans dingle dongle had a bell shaped end and why there was a slightly raised edge all round it....they came to the conclusion that it was simply shaped thus to give the woman heightened pleasure and enjoyment.

A similar survey, which also ran into millions was carried out at Newcastle University, and they returned the theory that it was shaped that way to give the man heightened pleasure and enjoyement.

A third survey, carried out in Sunderland, which cost 75 quid worked out it was to stop Makem's hand sliding off the end.

;0)

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000

Ooh you are wicked! (:o)

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2000

" - A third survey, carried out in Sunderland, which cost 75 quid worked out it was to stop Makem's hand sliding off the end - "

I was going to advance the theory that it was a hangover ( no pun intended ) from the early days, being just what's left of the original barbed version after millions of years of evolution.

Just imagine coming up to the vinegar stroke and a bliddy great sabre toothed tiger leaps out of the undergrowth. You'd suffer irreparable emotional damage if there wasn't some way you could stay just a little bit longer (I feel a song coming on), while you and your intended get the flock out of there.

But I won't, cos the picture of a makkem trying to get hold of it in the first place is funny enough.

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2000