Apparently, Vialli offered to send the Chelsea squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

Q: How do you change a Chelsea fans mind? A: Blow in his ear!

Q: How many Chelsea fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One - he holds the bulb and expects the world to revolve around him

Q: How can you tell ET is a Chelsea fan? A: Because he looks like one

A man goes into Heathrow Airport and eventually goes into the departure lounge waiting for his flight home to be called. All around him there are overturned tables, upturned chairs, smashed windows, flight monitors broken and crowd control barriers lying on the floor. "Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew. "Oh yeah", he replies "Bloody hopeless .... we had the Chelsea players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad".

A Chelsea supporter goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him. "Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor. "I'd like a second opinion" responds the man. "OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor.

Four surgeons are having a coffee break. The first one says "I like operating on accountants best because everything inside is numbered." The second one says "Nah, I like librarians. Everything inside them is always in alphabetical order." Third one says "Electricians, they're the best. Everything in them is colour coded." The fourth one says "I prefer Chelsea fans. They're gutless, heartless spineless, and their heads and backsides are interchangeable"

Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will England next win the World Cup?". God Replies, "In the next five years" "But I'll be dead by then", says the man. The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Man Utd next win the European Cup?". I'll The Good Lord answers, "In the next ten years". "But I'll be dead by then", says the man. The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Chelsea win the FA CUP?". God Answers, "I will be dead by then!"

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2000