Is cybersex cheating? : LUSENET : like sands : One Thread

If you were in a committed relationship and found out your sig other was having cybersex while supposedly "working late", what would you do? Confront? Bring up the topic in an open discussion? Do you consider cybersex cheating?

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2000


I could see in certain circumstances where it wouldn't be a problem, however, but damn, like playing with fire (heh).

My feeling is, if it bothers you, that's enough that the other person should abstain.

In fact, I wouldn't even argue the merits of its harmlessness, or whether it's cheating if it bothered me. I'd just expect the other person to stop, or take a hike (forever).

There are some (maybe many things) that aren't worth demanding that a person stop doing in a relationship, but I wouldn't count this among them. (that is depending on how I felt about it)

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2000

oh, and looking at your question a bit closer, sounds like this person is already being less than open -- not a good sign.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2000

Hey, are you the same person who started this topic in Lunesse's forum?

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2000

I can't rate cybersex as 'cheating' on some level, since one might as well demand that one's Linked Unit not fantasize about anyone else or not masturbate. But on the other hand... you have to wonder: would one's Linked Unit ever want to meet whoever's on the other side of the screen? What does the Cyber-Partner have that you don't? That alone-- worrying that the Linked Unit sees you as their best choice, that they might replace you --will destroy a relationship.

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2000

This may not be the exact topic description for my posting, but there *is* a connection, and I want to vent a little... I recently joined a members-only board about sex and society, a board for "literate hedonists"... I thought, fine, clever people with some education and hipness, we'll talk about sex and style in films and books and ads, about how sex works in social encounters these days, and maybe I'll pick up some tactical hints from Girl Humans about how to speak to/please other Girl Humans, and maybe I'll even meet someone who'd pursue an e-mail affair away from the boards (since I don't live in 212, 310, or 415, the odds on meeting anyone in the flesh were zero)... It lasted about a month before they simply expelled me. My own experiences with sex and social life these days are largely about exhaustion, depression, and rejection, and apparently noting that social mores are now turning *against* sex, that it's harder and harder to meet anyone, let alone make a first move, that there is always an element of status competition in sex-- apparently noting those things is simply Not Done by 'literate hedonists'... Their own posts (especially by girl humans) tended to be either glowing accounts of how 'sexually supercharged' they'd become at 30 or discussions of how all men want them...with a few sort of New Age/tantric things thrown in. No one wanted to discuss how rejection hurts, how exhausting it is to have to find a way to speak to a potential partner, and how scary it is for a guy to risk not only rejection, but accusations of harassment and the contempt of both his male peers and other girl humans for any failures... Even pointing out that, once past 30 (let alone 35), you're socially barred from dance clubs and most places where music/style happen was considered Poor Form. They expelled me from the board with a kind of rabid fury. Apparently one isn't supposed to mention that one enjoys sex, but that sex/flirtation/courtship can be humiliating, exhausting, and destructive of any belief in one's own value...

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2000

Lohr, it seems that your posts were off-topic for that group, so it doesn't surprise me that they kicked you off the board.

In fact, I, too, find it tiresome that you seem to turn every topic into an excuse to rant about how society is to blame for your failure with "girl humans."

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2000

Yes Jen, I've posted this question to a few bulletin boards. It strikes pretty close to home for me. I found out my boyfriend was doing this while he was supposedly working late. Makes me think there is a lot I don't know about him. And that worries me. I love him and need him to be honest or else that only leaves me in love with an idea of him....not the real him. To me, loving someone means being able to love their imperfections and accept them.

-- Anonymous, April 07, 2000

I would definitely consider that cybersex is cheating. I think the situation is a little different for me because I met my husband online, and for a long time before we met for real and in between meetings, that was all we had. So it's sort of had a lot more meaning to me than to some other people I think, as I know some people just sort of see it as harmless/no-strings fun. But I never viewed it like that and it was very strings attached from the beginning, and I think for that reason I'll always feel that it's something only to be shared with someone you love, like sex in real life.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2000

cyber sex is definetly cheating. i don't care if you never see the person, or if it's just porn your looking at, it's cheating. the worst part is you are cheating with your body and your heart. How do you feel when you catch your man oggling girls at the mall? now whay if he was going on line just to find someone to oggle? it's sick, hurtfull and pathetic for the men who have grat women at home who deserve the attention.

-- Anonymous, September 17, 2001

is masturbation cheating? Cybersex is nothing more than group masturbation. If your partner is having sex on the least you know where he is.

-- Anonymous, September 27, 2001

It's cheating.

But that's from a guy who took the personality exam and came up borderline--everything's black and white to me.

Excepting Ms. Wade's web journal which reflects subtly poignant textured hues of a beautiful intellect.

Thanks for a fun diversion on a too early Saturday morning.

-- Anonymous, July 20, 2002

"Cybersex" is as wrong as seeing someone else. It's not actually having sex, but it is still engaging in sexual conduct with someone other than your significant other. And you consider "engaging in sexual conduct" to be "cheating," then yes, cybersex is cheating.

It's very simple ladies and gentlemen. If your partner is having cybersex with someone other than you, it means they're either a nympho or not satisfied. You need to go and fuck their brains out.

-- Anonymous, September 17, 2002

cybersex is not cheating, your not touching the person who your cybering with its just plain and innocent fun. now when you make plans to meet thats cheating.

-- Anonymous, October 20, 2002

Moderation questions? read the FAQ