This post is submitted to aid everyone frequenting this forum, especially those serious bods who continue the droll dissertation about wordly sorrows.

Friday 24 March
A New Zealand man faces charges after eating a meal with chopsticks while steering his car with his knees along a busy city road in Wellington. When he finished he put his hands behind his head and drove on with his knees before police stopped him.

Thursday 23 March
US students committing minor infractions at Eastern Connecticut State University now face punishment by Puccini. About 50 students will be force-fed Tosca performances for offences including violating a campus ban on alcohol.

Wednesday 22 March
A researcher at a Berlin university has developed a genetically modified beer that does not go flat and keeps an excellent head. The new beer maintains its frothing properties and its taste, thanks to a genetically modified yeast used in its production.

Tuesday 21 March
Police in southern Albania seized five million contraband condoms worth of $A1.15 million. The truck driver claimed they were exempt from Customs duty as they were a gift from humanitarian groups to encourage safe sex in the Balkans.

Sunday 19 March
Police are hunting for thieves who stole a two-metre tall Ronald McDonald statue from Russia's only McDonald's restaurant.

Saturday 18 March
A group of women stormed a Kenyan police station to demand officers either make love to them, or close illegal drinking dens that they said made their husbands impotent.

Friday 17 March
Argentina's notoriously uncivil public servants should be wearing a smile and racing to answer queries after President Fernando de la Rua signed a decree making surly service illegal. The decree did not specify how unruly public servants would be punished.

Thursday 16 March
A bike-mad British dad has given his children a kick-start in life by naming them all after motorbikes. His first son is called Harley-Davidson, his first daughter Suzuki and his second daughter Bonnie Val, after the Triumph Bonneville.

Wednesday 15 March
Prisoners in Switzerland's Thorberg jail are on strike for better conditions. Their main grievances are the limited choice of TV channels - 45 - and the frequent appearance of Swiss Bircher muesli on the breakfast menu. They also want lower prices at the shop.

Friday 10 March
The search is on for Miss Jumbo 2000, Thailand's best-known beauty contest for large women and a major source of funding for elephant conservation. Contestants must weigh more than 80 kilograms to be eligible for the 1 May Jumbo Queen pageant.

Wednesday 8 March
A group of eight Kenyan prisoners became hopelessly drunk after police used them to help raid an illegal brewing den that specialised in making "chang'aa", a potent white spirit. Some of the prisoners had to be carried back to the jail

Tuesday 7 March
The BBC has sold an Indian cable channel, Broadcast Worldwide, a cookery program on how to make curry. Millions of Indian viewers will be able to tune in to cookery lessons by Madhur Jaffrey in her show Flavors of India.

Monday 6 March
A Florida man who said he suffered a 13,000-volt shock after climbing a transformer in a "drunken stupor" has sued six bars and stores, which allegedly sold him alcohol, and the electricity company for not doing enough to keep him out of the substation.

Sunday 5 March
Experts on hand at New York's International Cat Show this weekend include the author of a book on calisthenics for cats (Kitty Krunches) and a cat psychiatrist ($150 a session) who claims to cure feline neurosis by playing the moggies tapes of new-age music.

Saturday 4 March
A death threat to a store manager has persuaded an Austrian clothing chain to end a promotion offering shoppers $637 in free clothing for entering its stores naked. The offer had prompted complaints.

Friday 3 March
A French supermarket chain is offering its 20,000 employees an unusual bonus as part of a new publicity campaign - a plot of land on the moon. Staff have been sent "title deeds" along with the lunar coordinates and advice on how to find their hectare with a telescope.

Thursday 2 March
Convenience food has entered a new era with the launch of TV dinners for pets in England. Cat and dog owners can now buy ready-prepared meals in bowls from supermarket Tesco's chilled cabinet to serve in front of their favorite soap operas.

Comment:
There is no truth in the rumour that German scientists are now looking for GM people to assist them in the quest for the perfect head on a glass of beer. Neither is there any truth in the sighting of Ronald McDonnald in connection with the Albanian missing condom intrigue, a problem that may well bring about the next Balkan conflict!

Regards from OZ

-- Pieter (zaadz@icisp.net.au), March 23, 2000

Answers

I wonder if one can really give away plots on the moon? If so, I would like to have one. Might be worth something someday, eh?

From a promotion on a cereal box, each of my children own a 1 sq foot piece of RainForest, with a certificate with the locations. Also, they each have a star named after them, with a certificate with the locations. Weird things you can get from cereal!!

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), March 23, 2000.