Is there a branch of the Samaritans in Greece ? There's some sad Honduran midget currently playing there who's in such a depressed state, he's thinking of signing for the makkums.

Doesn't it make the tears run down your legs to hear about such misfortune ? How does a person end up reduced to such desperation ? Life really is a bitch, isn't it ?

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2000

Answers

Actually Bill, just the thought of a black midget, weighing 15 stone, and wearing a barbers-pole shirt, is all it takes to make the tears run down my legs.

I suppose the sooner Mr. Heed wastes all his transfer kitty the better, then we all get back to resuming normal service with the makems once again playing in their natural habitat - the Nationwide League.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2000

I couldn't cope with being responsible for the astronomically vast transfer fee involved. How can one simian get his head round numbers like 2,500,000 ? This monkey heed guy must be a real wheeler dealer.

Maybe he should get involved with third world debt once the novelty wears off of being the envy of we mere mortals. His arrogance knows no bounds. Just last week he was thinking in figures of 1,000,000. Good grief, where will it end ? At this rate, he'll end up ruler of the universe.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2000