Go here to find out what your arguing style is, and report back.

I scored an 82, 0 being the least effective arguer, and 100 being most effective. I think that's pretty good. I think that if I'd taken the test last year, I would have scored MUCH lower too -- gee, that Interpersonal Communication I had to take for my education degree must have actually done some good! Either that or I just got older and more "mature".

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2000

Answers

I scored a "61," but I honestly had a lot of trouble answering the questions.

In my previous relationship, I fought all the time, for no reason (other than perhaps to get a reaction out of my boyfriend, who was generally more laid-back and quiet than I am...it drove me nuts sometimes). And when I say "fought," I don't mean "a disagreement," I mean I'd be screaming and crying and literally throwing things. It was horrifically destructive, to myself, to him, to people around us.

In my current relationship, none of that happens. I still fly off the handle sometimes, but it's generally for some sort of reason, so we can handle it better and more constructively. I don't pick fights, and we tend to have "discussions" or "debates" or even "disagreements" rather than "arguements" or "fights." I'm infinitely happier, and things are just plain healthier.

However (yes! there's a point!), when I was taking the quiz, I found myself having problems answering some of the questions. Since Peter and I don't "argue" about problems we're having, it was really hard for me to answer honestly about whether I bring up old grudges, say. Or attack his character. So I instinctively thought back to the times when I *did* argue/fight, and answered the question as if I were in that old situation again.

I guess what I'm saying is that, because of the above, I don't feel that my score is representative at all of my current "arguing style," but it does really indicate how I've changed my viewpoint on the matter over the past 3 years. Hrm.

(BTW, if none of that made sense, don't worry about it. Blame the lack of coffee. Dammit, is it almost lunchtime yet?....)

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2000

OK, I totally see where you're coming from. The only previous relationship that I was in where I was constantly arguing was not an actual "relationship." It was my ex-housemate Danny. We fought a lot even before we moved in with each other, but after we moved in -- my God, it was like Armageddon.

I mean, seriously, I'd pick fights just to provoke him, and he'd deliberately punch my buttons while we were arguing, and it was just a huge nightmare. I'd react emotionally and get irate and demand to talk it out RIGHT THERE RIGHT NOW, and Danny, who is way less confrontational, would retreat to his room, which would only infuriate me more ("he's just running away to avoid talking to me!"). God, it was awful. If I'd taken that personality test while all THAT was going on, I think I would have scored zero.

Things with Keith are not like that AT ALL, in any way, shape or form. I was actually sort of scared when I moved in that I would start picking on him like I had Danny, and that horrific nuclear-warfare- style arguments were the only ones I could have, but that hasn't been the case. I think that Danny and I just had personalities that didn't mesh in a live-in environment.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2000

I scored a 67% on this test, and I'd probably agree with that. In my current relationship, I'm alot less destructive than I was in previous ones, probably cause I'm actually happy in this one. ;) Go figure. I don't think I liked the online words of encouragement and wisdom given to me like some psychic friend.. but hey, I can deal. I hate confrontation, and usually avoid it until I can't any longer and then you get this massive tidal wave of arguement from me.. so I think the score is fine. Interesting test.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2000