I, Troll

I am a troll, and I inhabit internet news groups and bulletin boards.

I am not like most people. I do not find groups that speak to subjects with which I agree and people with whom I share a common concern. No I, troll, find subjects with which I do *not* share concern and live there instead. Why, you ask? Simple. My main purpose in life is not to discuss and have reasonable, intelligent conversation with like-minded people. My purpose is simply to tell those with whom I *disagree* just how stupid they really are. And they deserve every bit of it! After all, they have a viewpoint that differs from mine. A concern I do not share. Isn't that enough? It certainly is for me!

I exist solely to stifle debate. To end discussion of topics I don't agree with. To stop people from even *talking* about a subject that I don't personally approve of, and if you think I am exaggerating just watch me cheer every time I manage to ridicule or harass someone out of a group! Good! One down! They shouldn't be speaking about this topic anyway - nobody should, and I will do everything in my power to bring it to a halt once and for all. Indeed, if this wasn't my goal, I would simply ignore the group altogether and move along. But I don't. I am a troll, and the discussion must end.

You may think this makes me anti-free-speech, but that is not the case at all, I assure you. I agree with *all* free speech - as long as it is the same as mine. Anyone else doesn't *deserve* to speak, and must be berated, ridiculed and demonized until they realize that fact - until they realize that I am right and they have no *business* thinking differently or discussing a topic that doesn't concern me in the least. Who do they think they are, anyway?

If you only knew me, you would know that I am a truly kind, compassionate person who tolerates even the most bizarre, dishonest, unethical and immoral behavior the world has to offer and I am the first person to say so to everyone I meet. The only thing I don't tolerate is opposition to my "tolerant" point of view. That is the one, single case where tolerance is intolerable.

People (the ignorant, stupid ones) believe that thoughts should not be controlled, but they have no idea just how dangerous opposing thoughts are! What if others listen to them and begin to think for themselves? They then may even decide someday to (gasp) *speak* those thoughts, and that is completely unacceptable. No, there must be no opposition to my point of view - none. People must think as I do or they have to be destroyed, and destroyed by any means necessary. Since I am right, I don't see the problem with this, and I wish they would just quit this "thinking" business and succumb to that fact.

You may wonder why I believe that an opposing viewpoint is dangerous. Well, I'm not quite sure myself. It could be that my position is so weak that it (and I) can't stand up even to the slightest criticism. All I do know is that it frightens me terribly, and if I am afraid of anything in this world, I am afraid of being frightened. Fear must be conquered at all costs - even if that cost is the truth. Truth is highly over-rated anyway, don't you think? For, if I am always right and yet the truth tells me otherwise, well, the only logical conclusion is that the truth is wrong. That this particular so-called "truth" is actually false, and because it had the audacity to oppose me - even telling *me* that I am in error (can you believe it?) - then it, too must be annihilated, for I am never wrong.

I don't know, maybe it is because I never really grew up. Or maybe I was raised by someone who was just as frightened as I am now and who never really understood this whole "free speech hang-up" to begin with. Or maybe it is just because I feel small, insecure and inferior and the only way I can feel like "somebody" is by making others look smaller in their associate's eyes. Or perhaps it is a combination of all of them. It doesn't matter anyway. Trolls don't worry about such things. We just are.

I have many means at my disposal to accomplish my "holy" task - and it *is* holy, by the way. It just has little or nothing to do with that dratted "religion stuff". Basically, I rely on those more honest and honorable than I - my opponents - to actually post with (get this) *real* information about themselves. HAHAHA! If they are *stupid* enough to do that, well then, they deserve everything they get. I can flood their e-mail with spam, hack their web sites if they have them, and even track them down personally and contact their employer and destroy them that way - in real life. In essence, I am a juvenile, hood-wearing, snivelling vandal - simple as that. If it weren't for the internet, I would likely be out turning over mailboxes, spray-painting cars or hanging cats from tall trees. But you can be *caught* doing that! Here, you can't. Oh, what unadulterated *fun* this is!

Am I afraid of retribution? Don't be silly! Being a troll, I almost always post anonymously. Not because I am offering information valuable to the group that might endanger my professional position, but because being the coward I am, it allows me to attack with absolute impunity. I can hurl rocks at passers-by from high up in my tree where I know they can never see or reach me. Oh, what joy it is to be a troll!

Truth be told, I do this mainly because although I can hurl insult after insult at those with other opinions, taking more and more pleasure each time, I myself am not strong enough emotionally to take even a *fraction* of what I spit out. In essence, I am the quintessential coward. I can send vile, hate-filled e-mail or crash web sites all from the safe position of anonymity. Never do I have to worry about the same happening to me, for if I did I wouldn't dare be so brazen.

And besides, what if *they* actually tracked *me* down? Not only am I not strong enough to defend myself physically, but what would *my* employer think of my behavior? My friends? My family? If they had any *idea* how small, callous, vicious and afraid I am, they would never speak to me again! They would call me pathetic, sad and perhaps even take pity on me. For if one thinks about it, who would want to associate with a troll? With someone who takes *pleasure* in berating others, simply for an opposing point of view? Someone who intentionally causes damage to other's reputations, yet themselves hide behind their mother's skirt? No, no, NO! *Causing* damage is one thing, but it takes a man to open himself up to the same treatment, and a man I am not. I am a child, and nobody must know it but me.

If you are curious as to why I don't participate in discussions in groups with people I *agree* with, and whose subjects I share concern over, then you don't understand my character at all. What fun would that be? Usually, I don't have the intellect or mental capacity to competently argue my points and that leaves me open to ridicule myself. My ignorance would be wide open for everyone to see. If you think I am going to take *that* risk, think again. In fact I spit at anyone who does this, simply because it reminds me only too much of the fact that I don't have the courage to do the same. It reminds me that I am a coward. And again, that I am afraid.

No, it is much easier (and *way* more fun) to hide my shortcomings by insulting others. This solves all my problems. I don't have to expose my ignorance, I can insult others thereby making me feel better about myself and I can do it all behind the coward's cloak of the internet, completely ruling out retaliation. Life just doesn't get any better than this!

My tools are vast and varied, and because you have shown an interest in my "trade" I will tell you of a few of my favorites - a short "Troll Tutorial", if you will. The first thing you must realize, is that because I hardly ever have a rational, logical counter-argument to their position, I can only fall-back on these. Each may be used to different degrees depending on the situation at-hand. I call it the "4-D" strategy, and if you look closely at almost every one of my posts, some or all of them are used in almost every single case:

1. Downplay what they are saying. Simply tell them that their story doesn't mean anything, or that this kind of thing happens all the time. Proof of what you are saying is not necessary, especially since there is almost never any to find. That is not the point. Your goal is to cause others to doubt their story - period. Never forget that.

2. Dismiss their story altogether. You can do this by using phrases like "Urban Myth", "Urban Legend", "Old News", or simply and categorically declaring it as false. Many times, that alone will work just fine, since you will *never* have to actually back-up your claim. How can they make you?

3. Distract those who may be listening. This can be accomplished by painstakingly keeping track of everything the poster has said in the past and then using this against him to discredit both him and his story. In other words, character assassination - and I put the "ass" in assassination - both of them! This many times takes a great deal of lies, exaggeration and outright slander, but if you practice, you could become quite good at it - I have. In essence, you are changing the subject. Since you can not generally offer evidence to counter his claim, you instead bring up a previous post where the person perhaps lost his temper or made a side-comment of a religious nature and quote those words back to the group. This in place, you can then point to those words as "proof" that the person can not and *should* not be believed. Adding a healthy dose of blatant ridicule at this point many times completes the action. Besides, being the pathetic little child I am, ridiculing others always makes me feel better, and you will too.

4. Demonize your opponent. This is one of my favorites, since it takes the least amount of intelligence to pull-off. There are many words you can use that cause an almost involuntary response in others. If you realize that fact, as our current U.S. President does, it can be quite effective. A few examples are "Radical, Bigot, Racist, Extremist, Right-Wing Wacko, Religious Zealot", etc etc. I get goose-bumps just *thinking* about it! You see, if you can convince others that this person shouldn't be believed *period*, then you are almost home-free.

The only defense these idiots have to my attacks are ridiculous things like so-called "logic" or "reason" or "facts". HA! Trolls don't worry about such trivialities! If even truth can not be "trusted" to agree with me, why should I worry about little things like these? Can you answer that?

My goal is not the (spit) truth! My goal is being right. My goal is demeaning others to make them shut-up and myself feel important and noticed. My goal is belittling someone into *not* looking at facts and logic and truth. My goal is deception.

If you think all this is not *extremely* important to me, think again! Who else in their right mind would spend countless hours, day after day, week after week, month after month posting to a news group full of people who he simply doesn't agree with? Who share a concern that he does not. Tell me that! Who else would spend hundreds, if not thousands of hours in the pursuit of nothing more than telling others how stupid they are for their beliefs? I would, that's who.

I am a troll.

------------------- Steve Baxter January 23, 2000

-- Steve Baxter (chicoqh@home.com), January 23, 2000 Repost***repost***repost***repost***still looking for 10 step TB pgm.

-- (link@link.link), March 18, 2000

Answers

I loved this the first time. What an accurate description of Hawk- whoever he/it is.

I miss Steve Baxter. He was always polite and he helped me out personally on some computer issues.

Hope all is well with him and his horses out there in western canada.

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), March 18, 2000.

FutureShock,

Coundn't agree more, a shame he doesn't visit this forum on occasion.

His witty postings were definitely unique.

-- Michael (michaelteever@buffalo.com), March 18, 2000.

thank you for reminding me that when you look up troll in webster's there is this picture of a 240# lard ass bird.

-- lurker finally exposed (hawk-kissmy@ssnow.fuckface), March 19, 2000.

And to think they eat 2x their weight?

{passing Hawk a DOUBLE dose of his own medicine}

(eg)

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), March 19, 2000.

Since today's programming appears to be devoted to reruns, retreads, & recycling - here goes nuthin':

Regarding The "Horrid Things" said on TB2K, Or How to Cultivate Intolerance. greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

Let's see: TimeBomb 2000: 359,380 messages, latest on February 21, 2000

Are you seriously suggesting that the samples of extreme views and comments you and others have been posting recently, are an accurate representation of the discussions at TimeBomb 2000 over the past 2 years? Aren't you simply searching out those tidbits and misquotes to support your beliefs? The very thing you have always accused US of doing?

I suppose it's irrelevant that most of these comments being posted are responses to postings made by people whose only purpose in making the post was to inflame others.

Do you folks go to the zoo on Sunday just to poke the caged tigers with sharp sticks? Clearly some of you have pent more time reading posts around here than most of *us* have.

I'm not angry, but I am well and truly baffled as to why on earth you are here. Can't you exist without us?

Try it sometime. The hours are better.

and for the edification of all:

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way. -Robert Frost (1874-1963) , 1935

Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us. -Justice William O. Douglas

The constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself. -John Ciardi

Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. -Voltaire (1694-1778)

We divided the world into 'us' and 'them. There is no 'them' left on our tiny planet. -Marilyn Rea

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he doesn't become a monster. -Frederick Wilhelm Nietsche

Hey, you can't fight in here! This is the war room! -Dr. Strangelove

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." (N. B.: This quote is commonly attributed to Voltaire, but it is not found in his writing.)-S. G. Tallentyre

-- Lewis (aslanshow@yahoo.com), February 21, 2000

-- flora (***@__._), September 09, 2000.