I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year. and just recently it has been greating very dificult for us to get along whe we are together, for reasons unknown. So my question is what is everyones advice on making a long distance relationship work?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2000

Answers

In my experience, one important element of a long-distance relationship is that it's essential to have some idea of when the relationship will cease to be long-distance. If you have a specific plan to be together at some point, it gives the relationship a sense of purpose.

You don't give many details of your relationship, so it's hard to give specific advice, but I would say that you should try to see each other as often as possible, and to try not to expect everything to be perfect during your visits. There's a lot of pressure to have everything go wonderfully during those times that you're together, but it's an unreasonable exectation which can lead to a lot of disappointment and frustration.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

Hmm. Staying in contact while apart to keep lines of communication open has been paramount in my experience.

Almost all of my relationships have been long distance at some point or another.

The first time around, virtually no letters/phone calls were exchanged and it tanked horribly.

Second-time around, lots of letters, phone calls almost every night and looking forward to the vacations that did bring us back together made it it work.

Third-time around, with the same person as the second-time, it all went south, again because of an extended period with poor communication. While we were e-mailing every day, talking on the phone once a week (I was in Europe, he was in the States) and sending letters and cards back and forth as often as possible, things were peachy.

But as soon as he started to feel "distanced" from me, not only physically but emotionally/mentally, he turned to someone else for comfort and the whole thing went to hell in a hand basket.

Fourth time around, e-mail, phone calls, endless sessions of talking on a Mush and weekend visits as often as possible kept it alive until he was able to move in with me after I graduated college.

And we're still together:)

Communication, communication, communication. You can be millions of miles apart, yet still be together, if you're still communicating by whatever means are available.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

"So my question is what is everyones advice on making a long distance relationship work?"

Well, drop everything, sel all the big stuff, pack up the small stuff, store the rest, mail 18 boxes through USPS 4 months ahead, say goodbye to your family, friends, job, the beach, get on a plane and move thousands of miles to city you've never been to, never wanted to go to, don't know anyone in, don't have a job in, don't relate to the lifestyle, to be with the absolute, most incredible man you've ever met in your life, instantly fell in love with, respect to no end, love him, marry him, give birth to his beautiful daughter, and treasure him always and forever...

Well, it worked for me! Good luck!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2000