Has someone given you change for the bus? Let you take the last space in an elevator ahead of them because you were in a hurry?

We all like to gripe about strangers and rudeness, but surely someone has done something nice for you. Tell us about it.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Answers

The two very nicest things strangers ever did for me that will make me cringe with gratitude for the rest of my natural life are the same sort of thing that happened to you. They didn't give me money; they just assumed I was completely nonfunctional. During a period of profound depression, once in September and once the following winter, I was walking on campus with tears running down my cheeks and hiccuping with sobs because I was just beyond caring what anyone thought of me. Whatever it was had overcome me right then, and I was crying right then, but I still had to get to wherever I was going, so I went, crying. Anyway, on these two occasions, two strangers wanted to make sure I was okay, not suicidal, did I need to talk, could they buy me a coffee, etc. It was terrible, the guilt of their kindness. I am ever grateful, but I hate myself for having ever behaved so.

At the end of my freshling year, going out--way off campus--for pizza with a bunch of people after exams, everyone wanted a couple of pitchers of beer but there was only one person over 21 at the table. Everyone got really pissy at the waitress and couldn't understand why, since only Kerry was buying and she was 21, the pitchers were inaccessible. I knew the state law and I told it, which was-- probably correctly--construed as my being a nondrinking goody-goody, and I was told off but good by one fellow in particular. A woman at the next table probably thought this was my boyfriend and he was haranguing me in public and abusing me in private, and she approached the table and offered me a ride home or anywhere else I might care to go, and did I need anything at all. While the mean fellow couldn't close his jaw, I assured the woman that this other person was my ride and another was my friend and thank you very much but I was fine.

And then there was the man who offered to take my picture with Captain Kangaroo when the Cap'n was signing his book at the bookstore. He wrote down my address and sent me the picture and I treasure it and ever afterwards I have taken pictures for strangers when I have a camera and they have not, karmically to pay that man back.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I was hiking in the Rocky Mountains with three friends. They were all in better shape and way more experienced hikers than I was, and it became obvious after awhile that I was slowing them down, so I told them to go on ahead. We were on a trail, it wasn't like I was going to get lost, and frankly I thought I'd have more fun if I weren't so worried about keeping up.

So they went on ahead, and I had a really spectacular time hiking the trail by myself.. until it started to rain. Downpour. I mean, we are talking serious wetness. So I took cover under this cave-like overhang of rocks, and maybe a few minutes later this other guy came along and took cover with me.

He was the nicest guy in the world. He shared his trail mix with me and told me stories about his hiking exploits, and then I took a picture of him with his camera and he thanked me profusely. It was just a wonderful moment, sitting there in the Rocky Mountains in the rain sharing trail mix with a guy I'd never met before.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I had a similar incident to yours, Beth, but in my case the woman at the pizza place I was at gave me dinner for free because, after ordering, I discovered that one of my lovely coworkers had gotten at my wallet while I was working, and had stolen all my money. It really was bad, because I was in college at the time and had 20 bucks to my name until payday. It was awfully nice of the woman -- she gave me an extra slice and a free soda, too.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I was having a particularly bad night. I had just run in to my dad (who I hadn't spoken to in a few years) and his new wife. My dad was very cold to me which really hurt my feelings. I was suppose to be spending the evening with my boyfriend that night but he canceled. I had specifically asked for this particular Sat. night off so we could celebrate our aniversary. I was waitressing at the time so it wasn't an easy task getting a Sat. night off. He canceled without much explanation, so my feelings were pretty much crushed. I decided to drive to a friends house. She was always good for a few margaritas and advice. On the way to the friends house I passed by my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's house. Guess who's car was in the driveway? Bastard.

Anyway I got really upset. I had been having a bad year. Finances, Family, Bullshit, etc. I started crying and it was one of those emotional fits that contort your face and make weird sounds come out of you that you have never heard before. The main problem with this was I was still driving. I was going about 50mph screaming and crying and hitting areas of my car that I could reach. Finally I whipped my car in to this church parking lot hopped in to my backseat and laid down. I was still kicking and crying and basically fucking up my car when I heard the knock on my window. It was a police officer. A big tall handsome police officer. I crawled across my car and opened my door. He started asking me what I was doing and telling me that I was swerving and speeding. I got out of the car. Suddenly he just stopped and stared at me. I imagine I was a sight to see. In my hysteria I had managed to completely loose most of the buttons on my shirt. So my shirt was just hanging open. My mascara was running down my face and my hair was sticking up like crazy. He was just staring at me. I started babbling about mental breakdowns and my dad and my boyfriend. He just kept staring at me. Finally he asked me if I needed his help in anyway. I said no. He asked me where I needed to go and if I needed a ride. I said home and no. He told me to get back in my car. He said he was going to wait behind me until I felt I was calm enough to drive. He told me just to leave when I was ready, and if I changed my mind and would like him to help me just to let him know. He stayed there with me for about twenty minutes. Finally I felt bad so I left. He followed me home waited until I got inside and drove away. He was so nice and actually really concerned for my safety. He could have been a real ass and written me a ticket.

Anyway, kind of long winded but that is the nicest thing a stranger has ever done.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I'd just sent my boyfriend back to the other side of the country, and I was crying on the subway, going home. This old man came and sat next to me and gave me his handkerchief. He told me to keep it. He was really old, and I felt awful about it and tried to give it back, but he kept saying, "No, it's okay, my daughter buys me new ones all the time." I still have it; it's white linen, with these really pretty embroidered edges. And initials monogrammed on one corner: RJP. It was especially nice -- and surprising -- because I just expect people here (New York City) to be too busy to do nice things for strangers. I don't expect those small kindnesses.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Some years ago in the 80's, my wife, my daughter and I going to return from some time in Puerto Vallarta we had spent all our money on tourist stuff at the last minute before departure time neared. We had our tickets but hadn't been told of the departure tax by our travel agent. So we showed up at the airport, dead broke with tickets in hand only to be devastated when told of the tax and that we could not depart until the tax was paid. We had no time to call or wire for money from home. If we missed our flight we had no money or visa to buy new tickets. A couple, seeing the expression on our faces asked if there was some kind of trouble that they possibly could help with. We explained our plight expecting maybe an expression of sympathy. But the blessed couple advanced us the money to the tax and we departed on time. Later we repaid them and sent them a nice flower arrangement. They gave no appearance of being well off, but dug into their emergency funds to help us. How courteous and concerned they were, we visited back and forth until de-planeing and they continued on to their destination. That was some number of years ago. Now, I will be 79 in April, walk with a cane but am not feeble by any means, and most every one nearing door waits and holds it for me. People from all walks of life are so courteous and good natured. It is easy to tell that they were well raised and well taught by their parents or whoever raised them. This cannot be taught in school, school can reinforce the lessons learned at mother's knee but can't begin from scratch. I am grateful to see how many people really care and are smiling as they perform these small acts of kindness.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I had to go to traffic school earlier this week and the instructor spent some time talking about road rage and just general unkindness when people are behind the wheel of a car. The last few days I've been noticing more kindness than unkindness, like someone who stops a line of cars to let me come out of a driveway. And a lot of people give you that little thank you wave after you've let them merge or whatever.

After reading other peoples' answers, I remembered another kindness that happened a couple of summers ago. I was traveling with two friends and we stopped at the Grand Canyon. Ellen doesn't care for heights, so I left my camera with her and Sylvia and I scrambled up a rather large rock, then Ellen took our picture. Sylvia and I sat up there admiring the view for quite awhile, then I decided that I wanted a picture of us looking down into the canyon. Unfortunately, Ellen had gone back down the trail. A young woman, college-aged, had climbed up the rock too and she offered to take our picture with her camera and mail it to me when she got home. We said no, it would be too much trouble, but she insisted. I gave her my business card and thought no more about it, but lo and behold, a month or so later I got that picture in the mail. It's one of my favorite vacation shots and reminds me of the nice people in the world.

Years ago my husband and I were traveling around Israel by bus, with one backpack, staying in hostels or whatever other cheap lodgings we could find. We took the last bus to Masada, arriving late in the afternoon, and discovered that a group had arrived and all the rooms were occupied. We planned to spend a very cold night sleeping outside, wearing as many layers of clothing as we could put on, when one of the men who worked there came to us, with another man who spoke a little English, and gave us his room for the night while he slept in the other man's room. He wouldn't take any money for it either. The only thing he asked was that we send him a postcard of where we lived when we got home. He did this all the time -- the walls of his tiny room were covered with postcards and letters from around the world. I hadn't thought of him for years. Thank you for the memory!

Remember the bumper sticker that says something like, "Practice Random Acts of Kindness" ?

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

You guys just reminded me of two other stories.

I used to live on a really busy street (H Street in East Sacramento), and backing out of my very narrow driveway every morning was a nightmare. There was a homeless man who used to occasionally step into the street to stop traffic for me so I could back out, or at least tell me when it was clear. It was always a lifesaver when he showed up, because that driveway gave me panic attacks.

The other one is just a small thing, but I thought it was really cool. Once after making an Ebay purchase, I forgot to include the postage in my payment. I caught my own error and wrote to the seller to let him know I was sending a second check, but he told me to forget it and just send him a postcard from my hometown instead, because he collected them. He was really nice about it. Most Ebay sellers are pretty nice, in fact, but he was an antique dealer off the web, as well, and those folks aren't always so nice about stuff like that. And of course I sent him the postage AND the postcard.

I really love it when people surprise me with niceness. It's catching; it makes me want to do nice things, too.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

One day, about 3 years ago now, I was driving along the road and my lane was ending up ahead so I needed to merge into the left lane. I put on my signal light and a beat up, dark blue Impala left me a little room so I could pull in without cutting anybody off or honking my horn or any of the usual messiness.

I learned a lesson that blustery day, one I shall carry with me always. You can't tell how nice a person is by their car.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I learned the same lesson in the opposite direction, Dave, when someone in a new Mercedes (one of the small, sportier versions) missed his shot at a green light to wave me ahead of him in heavy traffic.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Usually when somebody misses their shot at a green light it's just to piss of the person behind them.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Last year I took my son to the Secretary of State to take his drivers license test and the place was full of teenagers taking the test so we had a longish wait. I was sitting next to a woman who was waiting for her daughter and she started talking about the recent death and funeral of her father. While I was listening sympathetically, my son's number was called and he went out with the tester to have an inspection of the car before he drove it. The woman's daughter came up to us just then and was excited because she had passed the test and we were joking about it when my son came back and said he couldn't test in my car because there was no license plate in front. It's a requirement in Illinois, where we live now, but not in Michigan, where we bought the car. He was looking pretty sad and the woman next to me held up her keys and said he could take her car! So he took his drivers license test in her car and while we were waiting for him to come back she mentioned that it was a new car! That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me! (He passed the test.)

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Two nice things stand out for me. First, at a school dance once I started to get a headache and went out into the quad area (which was dark) to get away from the strobe lights. I sat down in a corner because I was a little tired, and I must have looked upset because a girl I didn't know came up and asked me if I was okay, and did I need to talk about whatever was upsetting me, or just need a ride anywhere? I thought that was terribly sweet.

The other one was when I had my only car accident, in a bad snowstorm, when I hit a patch of ice and went off the road. The front driver's side wheel was bashed in, so the car was very wobbly, so I pulled off at the next available exit and parked in a mall parking lot. I thought I'd have to walk home (about a half-hour walk, and this in a howling windstorm). I passed by a guy in civilian clothes getting out of a police car in a driveway, and asked if he was a police officer, and he said yes, so I asked if it was okay to leave the car on the mall property (I wasn't sure if the car would be towed). He offered me a drive home.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Two kind-hearted stories:

1) I got on the bus and I thought I had change, but I only had 18 cents and a 20 dollar bill. The guy next to me gave me a dollar for the bus.

2) When I lost my coat on the Metro 2 years ago, right before it got cold for the winter, and we were really short on money, some kind soul who either reads my journal, or is on one of the boards that I'm on, sent me a replacement for it, anonymously.

I have no idea who sent me the coat, but I've been using it as my winter coat ever since and every time I put it on, I think of the kind person who saved me from the cold that winter.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Funny, I was just thinking this morning how much I truly hate people... and whenever I get to hating people, I force myself to remember some of the kindnesses I've been lucky enough to receive.

The Sunday of Labor Day weekend, 1993:

My at-the-time boyfriend and I were camping around a tourist-town kind of area. We'd gone out for a drive onto a pretty deserted peninsula, when his radiator overheated. We were walking back toward town, fighting over what we should do next, when a seriously beat-up Chevy pulled up alongside us.

Inside the car were a man, a woman, and three kids. They asked us what the problem was, so we explained. To make a very, very long story shorter, they picked us up, took us twenty-five minutes into town only to find out that the store needed our radiator hose in order to try to match it up. They took us all the way back out onto the peninsula, and back into town *again.* They ended up driving us to three different auto parts stores before we found one compatible, and then drove us all the way back to our car for the final time.

The man helped us put the hose on, and fill the radiator, and then insisted that we go to his house and meet the rest of his family.

They were a simple, migrant family from Mexico, living with about 20 of their relatives in a small house... and they tried to refuse taking any money from us for helping.

I tried writing to them later, but they'd already moved on to their next crop. That experience is what saves my faith in the humyn race, time after time.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

It's interesting that the vast majority of responses to this thread have been from women. I wonder if people are more likely to go out of their way to help women, or if it's just that women are more accepting of the kindness of strangers (you know, like how men don't like to ask for directions...) I'd guess it's probably some of both.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I think a female is far more likely to get help than a man. Let's face it, when a man's car is broken down by the side of the road he's not in as much danger, right? I think men enjoy helping women, and assume a man can take care of themselves. They want to be heros. (And I'm not kidding this time.)

I searched my memory for any tales of strangers' kindness and couldn't really think of any, aside from a few times where somebody has let me go ahead of them in the grocery store line-up when I had an item or two and they had many.

My wife, on the other hand, has experienced many incidents like those given here. She's been let off on tickets, has been told to come back and pay when she has the money, etc.

I do have some tales of kindness, however, from the giving end:

We used to live beside a freeway, and when people broke down they would inevitably come to our house to use the phone, since it was closest to the freeway. If they needed water we'd give them water. The trouble was they would often not bother to return our bucket. We had to start charging a deposit, and even then they often never bothered to bring the bucket back. The same went for gas cans. We had gas on the farm, but eventually took to driving people to the nearest gas station and back when they came knocking. It was just easier that way.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

Paris, France, summer 1983 - the best vacation of my life

At 19, I had gone to France along with my parents. They had traveled on to the south and I was going to spend a few days alone in Paris, visiting museums and just taking in the city.

Maybe I should have known better than to take the subway on my own that late in the evening, but I did have to get back to my hotel and cabs were just too expensive for me at the time. Besides, I didn't figure that a guy dressed like me (I was in my Jimmy Dean phase at the time) would attract any muggers.

BOY WAS I WRONG!

I did arrive back at my hotel in the end, after being beaten up by a bunch of thugs and robbed of everything of any value I was carrying: money, passport, jacket, photo-equipment, I was lucky they didn't take my shoes. The police weren't much help either, thanks to the language barrier. They did check if I needed medical help (I didn't, just a few bumps and bruises) and they did drop me off at the hotel, but that was about the extent of their helpfulness. I couldn't even contact my parents to tell them what happened because I had no idea where they were.

The next day I just walked around in a daze, not knowing what to do with myself. I had four more days to go until my folks would pick me up again and no way to get my hands on any money or food. In the end I just sat down on some bench somewhere and had a good cry. A few minutes later, I was interrupted by this lady who inquired what was wrong. In my best French I told her about my predicament.

To cut a long story short, I spent the next few days as a guest of her family and they took me in as if I was their long lost son. Fourteen years on, they're still among my dearest friends.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2000

To answer the comment about how more women than men are responding to this topic, could that be because more women than men read this journal? Just a thought.

These stories reminded me of one other time in my life when people went out of their way to help. Last winter, Keith and I drove from Seattle to Portland to visit friends, and on the way back, about halfway between the two cities (i.e., in the middle of nowhere), the car broke down. It just ...quit. We managed to coast it down an off-ramp and into the parking lot of a BP station. The car was in terrible shape.. the radiator was steaming and there was smoke coming from somewhere, and obviously we were going to need a tow.

Well, first of all, the lady who ran the BP station actually let us stay there after she closed for the night, and gave us free coffee and snacks, which I thought was REALLY nice. I mean, she could have made us wait outside, but no, she stayed late just for us and even gave us free stuff.

And second, when we called AAA, Keith was talking to the guy on the phone, and I guess the guy must have liked him, because the guy let us upgrade to a Plus membership *OVER THE PHONE*. This saved us probably $150 or more for the tow truck.

Oh, and the tow truck driver, too! He was really great, and was incredibly nice to us and told us stories about his carpentry business and even waited in the street when he finally dropped us off, to make sure we got in the house OK.

I swear to God, if it weren't for those people, it would have been one of the worst nights ever, stranded out in Nowhere Washington with a broken-down car, but instead it turned out to be one of the best. (OK, schmaltz mode off now).

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2000

I do think you're right, Jan, that more women than men visit Beth's site, and I would also say that more women than men post to her forum, but look at the representation here: 11 women posted their stories of kindness from strangers (12 if you count Beth) and only 2 men, and one of those was Dave's rather pathetic story about someone letting him cut in to traffic! (No offense, Dave, but if that's the nicest thing a stranger has ever done for you, it doesn't bode well for humanity).

In contrast, go over to the "What Animal Were You?" thread, and there are 8 responses from men, 11 from women, and 2 from people whose genders I wasn't sure of.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

Here's the nicest thing that a stranger ever did for me. It was awful nice.

One summer I was home from college and I was out riding my bike. This was, oh, 1980 or so.

I was riding on a road with no shoulder and it seemed to me that the cars were taking a special joy in trying to pass as close to me as they could. Finally, I hit a big downhill, pedeled myself up to 30 miles per hour and got in the center of the road. At the bottom of the hill there was a curve and when I got around the curve there was a line of cars waiting at a traffic light. I knew that I couldn't stop in time so I swerved the bike onto the nonexistant shoulder. As soon as iI did, I hit a pothole and went sailing over the handlebars.

The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion. After I hit the ground my momentum dragged me for a couple of years through the gravel, broken glass, etc., by the side of the road. I craned my neck to keep my head from smashing on the ground. (In those days almost nobody wore bike helmets) As soon as inertia let me go I jumped to my feet.

My left shoulder, knee and elbow seemed to be scraped up pretty badly. All the cars waiting at the light witness my accident, and when they light turned green they just cruised on by.

I sat on the guard rail to catch my breath. When I looked up there was this elderly couple pulled over to the side of the road with their car. They wanted to know if I was all right. I said that I was fine, and thet I'd just gotten the wind knocked out of me. Looking a little dubious, they drove away.

Almost as soon as they pulled away I began to feel distinctly NOT all right. I felt nauseous and the world began to spin. I sat down on the guard rail again. It occurred to me that I was about five miles from home, and there were many big hills inbetween here and there.

When I looked up again, the elderly couple was back. The husband was firm: they were going to put my bike in the trunk and drive me home. They wouldn't take no for an answer. Not that I was in any condition to argue.

While they drove me to my house the husband told me that he'd been in a bike accident when he'd been a young man and it had cost him a kidney. I didn't quite understand how that worked. His wife mentioned that the two of them met when they were out bike-riding many years ago.

They dropped me off at my house and helped me get the bike out of the trunk. I went upstairs and spent quite some time cleaning myself up. My shoulder, knee and elbow were a mess.

It is a very good thing that they stopped to help me. I must have been slipping into shock. I only realized this several hours later when I was watching television. The show seemed really hard to watch for some reason, when I finally realized that the problem was it was out of focus because I didn't have my glasses. They'd been knocked off during the accident and I hadn't even realized it until then. I went back the next day and they were right there by the side of the road where I'd left the,

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

Judging by content as well as name, I counted five men and Dave Van several times, but counted just once. I do think more women than men read Beth's column, some of it might be the general content like hair flipping the wrong way and tonights forum on contraception. There was man who preached pre ejaculatory withdrawal which I think is very fallacious and dangerous to the health (HIV) one lady mentioned one thing stating that the little wigglers could stay alive in that climate for a week, I have read one article that said eight days. I guess I shouldn't even be shooting off my mouth here and wouldn't be if it weren't for that very vocal advocate of early withdrawal. Ladies, please check with your gyno about that. Now, that said. I think that here is enough subject matter to keep men interested and from what I can see draws many more comments than the other forums I have seen. And I am not low rating Al Schroeder's Nova Notes. Kudos Beth from Denver Doug

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

When Jamie died, I got hundreds of emails from people I never knew existed, with kind words and offers of help. I don't know if you could call them "strangers"---is someone who's been reading your life for months really a stranger?---but they were strangers to ME. Yet it was an act of kindness when I really needed it.

Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

I get more mail from men than I get from women, for whatever that's worth. More women post on the forum, but more men send me private feedback. And I think most of the women who read me tend to keep journals themselves, whereas the guys are largely programmers or other computer professionals who just read my page while they're screwing around at work and don't necessarily have any other connection to the journaling scene. So the women may be more likely to jump into forum discussions.

(Not that there's anything wrong with screwing around at work!)

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

I don't screw around at work any more, don't have to. Have been retired for ten years in June this year. I am a natural born, nosy, verbose loud mouth who has time for journal reading because of their variety of human thought and human reaction to things. This wordy guy enjoys making comments on items that interest him. I read or check several each day, Beth, Nova Notes, and then I tumbled to the facts of life and got on as many notify lists and alert lists as I could.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

Say what you like about Parisians, but I've met nicer people in Paris than anywhere else in the world. In 1996 during a 3-month backpacking stint, I had my whole life as I knew it stolen: passport, Eurailpass, money, all my ID. I'd paid for my hostel room that evening, but that was it. Luckily, a gentleman at the Invalides metro station gave me money, tickets for the train to pick up my friend at the airport later, offered me a place to stay (with his girlfriend too, mind you). He knew nothing about me and yet just acted with pure and beautiful kindness.

Forlaetan Vain Travails

-- Anonymous, March 18, 2000