This story for educational and research purposes only, and dedicated to Pieter ......

Flatulent Irish Cows are Anything But Great Gas

By Kevin O'Sullivan, Environmental and Food Science Correspondent

The extent of flatulence among Irish cows, not to mention their belching, will soon force farmers to change the way they do business, it has been predicted. This factor is a major contriubtor to Ireland's growing greenhouse gas emissions problem.

Prof Frank COnvery of UCD Environmental Institute told a conference in Dublin yestereday that farmers faced new quotas relating to such emissions because farming was responsible for more than a third of Irish greenhouse gas emissions (which are being linked to climate change).

Quotas could be as penal as the current EU milk quota regime.

Cutbacks are likely in the short temr in an attempt to reduce the problem, Prof COnvery said. But farmers would have apportunities to participate in "carbon trading" as a global emissions market emerges within 10 years.

Much of the problem in farming derives to a large extent from a process known as "enteric fermentation" in ruminant enaimlas, which account for a fifth of Ireland's greenhouse gas emissions. Methane gas is the inevitable byproduct of this gut process, manifested in flatulence and bleching.

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http://www.ireland.com/newspaper/ireland/2000/0301/hom33.htm

-- Squirrel Hunter (nuts@upina.cellrelaytower), March 08, 2000

Answers

Previous story called;

A flatulent cow tax moo-ed when mooted

"But farmers would have apportunities to participate in "carbon trading" as a global emissions market emerges within 10 years."Now, I see a new service industry coming, a quango of rare talent, that of fart emission measuring. A three year minimum training would be essential due to the various beasties one must learn to measure. Measuring a fart does make demand on ones timing and deft collection apparatus. Indeed, a fart compliance officer need to pledge total abstinence from smoking and be swift at foot. Application forms for the position of fart collections specialist will shortly be available in triplicate from your nearby bureau for farts. If in doubt where to locate such a department just phone any BS office in Canberra where stale old farts dwell.

Glad to be advisory to this explosive issue, Yours with truly suspect pong,

-- Pieter (zaadz@icisp.net.au), March 08, 2000.

KIND FRIESIAN OZ:

Could you add to my lexicon? Give me an earthly translation for "quango" and "pong."

If you be nice I might trade you some yankisms, in particular nooyawkisms, if you care.

Billy Bold

-- William J. Schenker, MD (wjs@linkfast.net), March 09, 2000.

Squirrel Nobbler,
I had meant to suggest that I think you ought to apply for the position. It may even be more attractive to you in Ireland. Only an idea from a wayward odd thinker, mind.

Esquire Bill MD,
A quango is a real acronym for "quazi autonomous non-government organisation" that thrive by the truckload in OZ. Quite often governments get elected to erase quangos, like in Western Australia some years ago, when they found over 800 non-performing ones on the public purse. Needless to say it struck our collective imagination, and once governments get elected they very often are tardy in the erasure department. Lotsa votes to leave things well enough alone.

A pong is OZ slang for a suspicious odour or smell, especially like the one attached to this thread from the Squirrel bandicooter.

Trust that shines a refreshing illumination onto your ancient grey confusion...

Regards from Down Under

-- Pieter (zaadz@icisp.net.au), March 09, 2000.

If they can tax an Irish cow fart,what could we do with Butt Nuggetts ?

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), March 09, 2000.

Sounds like alternate energy to me. Now all we have to do is devise a sack on the back of each cow to retrive the methane. Probabily be worth more than milk and we could give OPEC a run for their money.

Tommy

-- Tommy Rogers (Been there@Just a Thought.com), March 09, 2000.